I don’t want to ramble too much here. Just wondering if others have advice on this. I’ve realized lately how twisted my view of God seems and, frankly, I just don’t trust Him and don’t know how to change that.
This is interesting. When Adam & Eve fell by eating of the fruit our catechism teaches that “They become afraid of the God of whom they have conceived a
distorted image - that of a God jealous of his prerogatives.” CCC 399
This distorted image carries over to all humankind; it’s the way we start out in terms of our concept of God, as I’ve experienced it. It’s an aspect of our
estrangement from God, the chief element in Original Sin. The “knowledge of God” was lost-and this is exactly the knowledge that Jesus came to restore, when the time was ripe, and as we’re ready, in order to reconcile man with God. We’ll never be genuinely reconciled so long as God is a deity strictly to be feared or held in suspicion.
So Jesus reveals the full true face of the Father, His nature being best described perhaps in 1 Cor 13:4-13. That’s the true nature of God. God first of all
exists. And He’s wholly deserving of our trust, something Adam hadn’t yet recognized in Eden. He’s infinitely wise, gentle, patient, merciful, forgiving, and even
humble, amazingly. God is love; enmity and division never came from Him but rather from man. As we come to understand this, with the help of grace, we come to realize something of just how good God is, and as we develop a hunger and thirst for righteousness in an often loveless and wrong and evil world, we develop a hunger and thirst for
Him, the highest Good. We find that God has always had man’s best interest at heart.
This revelation of who God really is can take time to receive; it’s a process involving growth. But visionaries who’ve been given direct glimpses of it cannot describe or convey the depth or profundity in human words and concepts. It might be impossible to keep standing in the “mere” presence of this Goodness. Peace, joy, happiness, the sense of total and absolute acceptance and well-being are experienced automatically. But the main point is to not take for granted that our initial and very common human feelings towards God are correct. No matter how good our teachers may be, no matter how well
they may know God (and not all do know Him so well), until we, ourselves, experience this in some manner or another we tend to default to seeing God as more or less aloof in His superiority, not particularly loving at all, kind of the way
humans play God when we mistreat other people by abusing our power.