Girl Problems

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jordanbank
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

Jordanbank

Guest
This is probably the wrong place for this, maybe even the wrong forum, but i need help.

Alright guys, I’m 14 and having girl trouble. There is this girl named Ashlee I really like her and she likes me but her parents are like anti-boys so it really stinks. Then there is Chelsea. She is good looking and i can see my life going alot better with her that Ashlee. Here is my problem, I have already told Ashlee that I like her, and Chelsea knows that, but like I said Ashlee’s parents are anti-boys. Here is the bad part: I am homeschooled… The reason this bad because because when I see Ashlee, I am almost always going to see Chelsea. One more thing, Chelsea, I know, really likes me, Ashlee, likes me, but not that much, IMO.

So please people. I really need help on this matter. I came here because I don’t know where else to go. If you guys have any question about this please ask.

Being homeschooled and in a problem like this is because it doesn’t happen that much. social life’s don’t exist in homeschooling. One more thing, they are both catholic.
 
Heh. Sounds like a good “problem” to have. 😉

Here’s my advice: don’t try to “date” or even “court” either. You’re 14–I think Chelsea’s parents aren’t so much “anti-boy” as “anti-dating-our-barely-teen-daughter.” Lord knows, if I had a 14-year-old daughter and a 14-year-old boy came around, they would never be outside of my and my shotgun’s supervision.

Trust me on this–you have more than enough time for “dating” or “courtship.” Become a man before you try to become a significant other. I discovered girls around that time and let me tell you, it was disasterous for everyone concerned. (Particularly with a girl I dated named “Chelsea.” Shudder…)

I know almost nothing about you, but the one thing I do know leads me to think you’re not ready. You’re basically shopping around right now–looking for the path of least resistance. If you were really in a place to be looking for romantic involvement, you’d have no doubt which girl you wanted to pursue and, if it panned out, marry.

Save yourself a lot of heartache and headache–get yourself fully growed-up first, then introduce women into your life. And by that I mean women, not girls.
 
Jordanbank said:
Being homeschooled and in a problem like this is because it doesn’t happen that much. social life’s don’t exist in homeschooling. One more thing, they are both catholic.
Click to expand...
14 is too young to date. The purpose of dating is to discern marriage, and you are much too far away from being able to get married to justify a dating relationship at this point in your life. Good for Ashley’s parents 👍

Rather concentrate on building friendships both with boys and girls in your age group. Participate in activities for the youth at your Catholic church, and above all build your relationship with God. Coming up on October 5th, Pope Benedict has declared a day of Eucharistic Adoration for the youth. Maybe your homeschool group, as well as Ashley and Chelsea, can pay Jesus a visit in the Blessed Sacrament on that day. 🙂

And if you didn’t have a social life, how do you know/associate with these girls? Maybe you mean that you don’t have alone time with them or see them 7 hours a day like you would if you went to public school together… :hmmm: What do your parents think of this situation?
 
Jordan, be friends with these girls. Continue to grow as a person and develop your interest in sports, hobbies, academics. Begin to discern what things are important to you and what God may be calling you to in a vocation-- single, married, priest/religious.

The purpose of dating/courting is marriage. At 14 that is light years away for you. Dating should come much later.

And, girls at this age are very fickle. They aern’t mature either. So, stick with friendships and group activities.

Also, check out www.pureloveclub.com
 
hiya…from a homeschool graduate! 😛

That’s cool you’re homeschooling 🙂 I loved working at my own pace (usually working ahead :D)

But yeah, don’t stress yet. Just “be friends” first. Don’t even call it a date, just “hanging out”. Takes a lot of stress off of you and the girls in question. And hang out in groups…that’s what I did all the way through highschool, and it was a ton of fun, at home, at the movies, at the mall…That way you don’t have to worry about being with one girl and hurting the other girl’s feelings. Plus, with the pressure off, you can spend more time getting to know them better.

And once you’ve known them for a period of time, and your feelings still haven’t subsided, then you can start dating, say, at 16 or so, depending on both sets of parents’ opinions. It’s a long time I know, but love waits 🙂 I’ve been waiting for a long time, and have never been on a date yet. (And I’m nearly 20).

As for socialization, have you guys considered a HSHS games night? (homeschooling highschool)? That was a more planned gathering of the entire area’s homeschoolers in high school; somebody would volunteer their house, and we’d all bring games and snacks and drinks, meet there, and hang out for 4 hrs or something like that. Sometimes we’d watch a movie or a football game (Super Bowl, anyone?)

That was how I met my best friend, whom I’d never would have met otherwise. And that’s another great place to socialize. (P.S., we also have in my area prom and homecoming…it takes some work, but it’s worth it, and it is a lot of fun!)

Good luck 👍
 
Thank to you everyone who gave me advice. I am going to tell Ashlee and Chelsea that we can be good friends and nothing more for now.
 
Jordan,

Let me say how proud I am of you also. I only hope that my son can be as wise as you when he is 14. These people have given you some very good advice.

Live happily and hang with the guys for now… Girls can wait! Thank God for your Home-schooling too! You will be so glad one day! Study hard and you will go so far!!

God Bless you!!!

Pam
 
As the parent of a 15yo girl… I think the responders need to update their definition of “dating”.

Confining dating to only be “the quest of finding a spouse” totally eliminates the fun and experiences of going to a movie, stopping for a burger/ice-cream, or attending a school game with an opposite sex friend!

If you’ve raised your children right, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
 
Hanging around with girls as just friends or doing group activities together should be the main thing, trust me, it was only 5 years ago that I was 14, you really don’t want to start ‘dating’ at that age, it never lasts.
 
CatholicSam said:
14 is too young to date. The purpose of dating is to discern marriage, and you are much too far away from being able to get married to justify a dating relationship at this point in your life. Good for Ashley’s parents 👍
Click to expand...
Ok I totally disagree with the above statement, However dating as in going out is a touchy situation at your age, should definatly be chaparoned,I disagree that dating is strictly to discerm marriage, as a matter of fact I think its something needed in this day and age more it will help to to know what you expect,want in a spouse as well as help you to understand what the other person will want,need, etc it teaches responsibility as well.
BUT as in all things good there are also bad things that can also happen.

you seem to be caught up between 2 different girls, this is something only you can decide which to pursue.

a few things to ask yourself would be whom do you like the best or favor?

dont ask yourself well can she go out with me, thats a selfish type attitude that you dont need to ever get, its not all about you
when pursueing a relationship so this may be a good time for you to relize that as well.

whom do you have the most in common with
whom is more compatible as far as attitudes etc.

as far as them both being Catholic thats fine but should never be strictly looked for, nor should it be assumed that because they are catholic they are “good” the wildest people guys and gals i knew in school were Catholic and guess what the majority of the kids experimenting with sex and having kids when i was in school were Catholic as well so never assume.I actually went the other way when i was in school and stayed away from Catholics because they were so dang wild I labeled them wrongly as a whole, ( I was not Catholic myself but was a pretty good kid)

Just relize a few things, Parents have the right to decide when thier child is mature enough to “date”
and you have a whole life ahead of you, dont be in too big a hurry to be like the "older boys in school and what they claim, remember most are lies anyways…
Code: 
Good luck take everyones advice into careful consideration,
including those I dont agree with as well, Just because I agree or disagree dont make it bad or good advice…
John
 
I was never wanting to date for marriage, do to it because I have feelings for these girls, and to experience dating. But I believe I am going to wait at least another year.
 
johntkd said:
as far as them both being Catholic thats fine but should never be strictly looked for.
Click to expand...
Jordanbank, please note that the user who is giving you this advice lists his religion as “unknown” and states that he “used to think he was Catholic”. For some great insight into why it is a huge advantage to date and/or marry someone of the same faith, check out this discussion:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=186335

The faith of your future spouse is **not **irrelevant as johntkd seems to believe.
 
Jay2 said:
As the parent of a 15yo girl… I think the responders need to update their definition of “dating”.

Confining dating to only be “the quest of finding a spouse” totally eliminates the fun and experiences of going to a movie, stopping for a burger/ice-cream, or attending a school game with an opposite sex friend!

If you’ve raised your children right, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
Click to expand...
Sure, and all those things can be done as a group. Afterall, the more the merrier!
 
At your age, I would suggest to keep savoring your crush for these girls, however, don’t become obsessed. You are too young. Wait atleast another 4 years until you decide to date some girl that will be 18, too.

It’s fun to have a crush at your age! But that’s it. 😉
 
Let it be enough that you like her… listen to these people. I would suggest to wait it out. Being young, our frontal lobes aren’t fully developed, therefore, we’re less prudent. I think the girls would appreciate it if you were more “grown up” (I mean, as a guy).

But if you must date, here’s a question I would like you to ask yourself: “Are you willing to give yourself as a gift for her?” In other words, would you be willing to sacrifice for her and not get under her pants?

Sorry to be harsh but this is what we all are called. Are you willing to give yourself as a gift? Is she willing to do the same?

Also, remember that both you and the girl (who you will be dating someday) are worth more than you might think. Good luck in life and enjoy it, my friend. 👍
 
CatholicSam said:
Jordanbank, please note that the user who is giving you this advice lists his religion as “unknown” and states that he “used to think he was Catholic”. For some great insight into why it is a huge advantage to date and/or marry someone of the same faith, check out this discussion:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=186335

The faith of your future spouse is **not **irrelevant as johntkd seems to believe.
Click to expand...
a whole post I make and you take one sentence from it and try to crucify me why am i not surprised? and then people wonder why I “used to think i was Catholic”
when you become perfect then you can put me up on a cross
Just because i disagree with your “dating is for marriage only” saying dont give you the right to cut people down. get a grip

you know its funny how many people in here say oh 14 is too young yada yada yada yet How old was Mary when she had Jesus, and up until about 1900 it was extremely NORMAL to be married at 12 so get off your high horsesm 14 yrs old has only been to young for marriage in the last 60 yrs or so as a norm in all of HUMAN history
 
johntkd said:
i disagree with your “dating is for marriage only” don’t give you the right to cut people down get a grip

you know its funny how many people in here say oh 14 is too young yada yada yada yet How old was Mary when she had Jesus, and up until about 1900 it was extremely NORMAL to be married at 12 so get off your high horsesm 14 yrs old has only been to young for marriage in the last 60 yrs or so as a norm in all of HUMAN history
Click to expand...
Let’s be calm and polite, please. Take a breath.

Some people use the term “courtship” for discerning marriage with a person and “dating” for a casual “dinner and a movie” companionship relationship, not necessarily with marriage as an end goal, though it could happen. Other people don’t make a distinction in usage of the two terms.

At the age of 14, you’re still figuring out who YOU are; you’re not ready to get deeply into knowledge of another person in a romantic relationship. This time of life is for academics, sports, hobbies, maybe a part-time job, exploring interests that may lead to a career in your adult life. By all means have healthy friendship -type relationships with girls as part of group activities, but don’t pour yourselves into deep emotional relationships that don’t last and can be overwhelming in this stage of life. Yes, you’re naturally attracted to girls and girls are naturally attracted to guys – God knew what he was doing to attract people and at the right time, be willing to make a marriage commitment – but be smart and guard your hearts as well as your bodies.

Johntkd, I’m sure you’re not suggesting that a 14-year-old of OUR country and OUR time period is ready for marriage. Looking over the course of human history, much more was expected of young people in the way of chores around the house and farm, so responsibility and maturity came at a LOT earlier ages. And the idea of marrying “for love” is relatively new, too. Most marriages used to be arranged by the parents. Youth took their parents’ advice on who and when to marry. And before the car, “courtship” took place with visits by the young man to the young woman’s home where they ALL got to know each other, and the young woman was physically protected and helped to discern if the young man was likely to be a good husband and father. Some could argue that this was a lot safer and healthier for all concerned. When the car was invented and young people moved away from their families to cities for jobs, the idea of “dating” for fun and not for marriage discernment arose as a social phenomenon.

If you look around, society has progressed to the point where dinner and a movie plus casual sex, no strings attached, no commitment necessary, is the norm of dating for some people. Yet most people will still agree that they want to marry and have children eventually, someday. Having a series of casual partners with no expectations is an extremely poor way to prepare for a healthy, happy, lifelong marriage, not to mention what God thinks of all this sleeping around, STD’s, abortion, children growing up without fathers, easy divorce, etc.

Life is a LOT more complicated today, so much more preparation is needed in the way of formal education, for example. You’re 18 before you get out of high school, but who wants to struggle forever on minimum wage? You have to learn a marketable skill so you can earn a living. So now you’re 22 before you get out of college. Let’s say you get your first job and start paying off those student loans and saving your $$$. Only when you’re emotionally ready (marriage isn’t all roses and candlelight, it’s hard work) and financially ready to start and support a family are you ready to get married. So I’d say 20 or so is the earliest to start discerning marriage with someone. But like I said, by all means have healthy friendships with girls before then, but don’t “pair off” for intimate conversations until readiness for marriage is on the horizon, let’s say two to three years’ time.
 
you know its funny how many people in here say oh 14 is too young yada yada yada yet How old was Mary when she had Jesus, and up until about 1900 it was extremely NORMAL to be married at 12 so get off your high horsesm
Click to expand...
That may be true, but you’ve neglected to mention that the life expectancy of people in 1900 was around 50! And it went lower as time regressed!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top