Girlfriend causing me to sin?

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I have been close to my girlfriend for probably three years or so now and we are both 17. She is a really kind and caring person and I trust her very much. We’ve gone out for a month and a half. What attracted me to her in the first place was not her looks, but her personality. As I got to know her better, I realized that she looks good, but I wouldn’t call her “hot”. However, I’ve noticed lately that she “turns me on” very easily. A few nights ago, she texted me a heart emoticon, and I “wet” myself. I don’t think of her undressed very often or anything, so I don’t think I am sinning. But am I?

Thanks for any comments.
 
At your age sexual attraction is very strong and very normal. As Christians we recognize that we must discipline ourselves to overcome the many temptations that prompt us to sin. If you entertain lustful thoughts of your girlfriend then that would be sinful. You seem to be very aware of what God expects and you should be commended since most boys your age could care less. God’s grace is really at work in you. DO NOT become discouraged when these thoughts pop up or even if you have sexual desires when you are around her. With prayer and proper discipline you can overcome these temptations.

This is what I would do in your situation. I would seek a confessor that you feel comfortable with and confess what you have mentioned here. He will have a better idea of where you are spiritually and can guide you accordingly. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is a beautiful way to get closer to God and to have Him know how much you live Him. Make use of this sacrament regularly and I guarantee that you will find that you can get a hold on these temptations.

I must remind you not to beat yourself up over this everytime it happens. It takes time to take hold of our feelings in this area. God loves you and wants to see you prosper in that love. Keep up the good work and may God bless you… teachccd 🙂
 
I was actually seriously considering confession. I’m glad that someone reaffirmed what I was thinking. Thanks for the support and kind words. 🙂
 
teachccd said:
At your age sexual attraction is very strong and very normal. As Christians we recognize that we must discipline ourselves to overcome the many temptations that prompt us to sin. If you entertain lustful thoughts of your girlfriend then that would be sinful. You seem to be very aware of what God expects and you should be commended since most boys your age could care less. God’s grace is really at work in you. DO NOT become discouraged when these thoughts pop up or even if you have sexual desires when you are around her. With prayer and proper discipline you can overcome these temptations.

This is what I would do in your situation. I would seek a confessor that you feel comfortable with and confess what you have mentioned here. He will have a better idea of where you are spiritually and can guide you accordingly. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is a beautiful way to get closer to God and to have Him know how much you live Him. Make use of this sacrament regularly and I guarantee that you will find that you can get a hold on these temptations.

I must remind you not to beat yourself up over this everytime it happens. It takes time to take hold of our feelings in this area. God loves you and wants to see you prosper in that love. Keep up the good work and may God bless you… teachccd 🙂
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Hi teachccd,

Great advice. I am so glad you spoke up. I had written something that was too detailed and I wanted him to have a clear consicience, but was also concerned about “I don’t think of her undressed very often”. So anyway, I think you covered it without using terms like “morose delectation” and the distinctions between voluntary. indirectly voluntary, and involuntary. I am glad I decided against my own post. Anyway, thanks a bunch for your caring and discreet post which I most heartily endorse, and may God bless our young friend.

Rory
 
The best part of your post was that you like her as a person, and the fact that she “isn’t that good looking” but now you like the way she looks are signs of real emotional maturity for a 17 year old.
So many young people fall for the “looks” and then find the person is nothing like what they want as a person.
Keep respecting her. Keep praying. You may have a future with her.
 
Curlblon said:
I have been close to my girlfriend for probably three years or so now and we are both 17. She is a really kind and caring person and I trust her very much. We’ve gone out for a month and a half. What attracted me to her in the first place was not her looks, but her personality. As I got to know her better, I realized that she looks good, but I wouldn’t call her “hot”. However, I’ve noticed lately that she “turns me on” very easily. A few nights ago, she texted me a heart emoticon, and I “wet” myself. I don’t think of her undressed very often or anything, so I don’t think I am sinning. But am I?

Thanks for any comments.
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Could be so be careful. You may want to avoid some thoughts.

I would encourage you both to attend Mass often, confession and receiving the Holy Eucharist. Invite God into your relationship and ask for His guidance. Does your parish or her’s have groups for folks your age? If they do it is a great way to have fun together, with others and keep things wholesome at the same time. A group advisor is a great asset at this time of life. They will help you understand relationships and the complexities that go with them.

This is a difficult time in your life and emotions run high. We all need all the spiritual help we can get. Surrounding yourselves with other good company will help you when you have difficult times and questions. It helps tremendously to be able to sit down and talk things through.

God Bless
 
Katrina5 said:
The best part of your post was that you like her as a person, and the fact that she “isn’t that good looking” but now you like the way she looks are signs of real emotional maturity for a 17 year old.
So many young people fall for the “looks” and then find the person is nothing like what they want as a person.
Keep respecting her. Keep praying. You may have a future with her.
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No no. He realized shes nice looking but not ‘hot’. Which is essentially she could be hot but she is more like the girl next door. Which really is worse in some aspects because shes more approachable and likable rather than just an object of desire.

I know its hard but keep compartmentalizing the sexual thoughts. If you dwell on it, it will be become your focus, and focusing on that leads to not just to lust but often a carrying out of the lust. Your hormones are raging right now, but dont give in to it. Control your emotions. Dont let your emotions control you. Discipline, focus, and prayer. The Saints often had trouble with desires of the flesh, and would often resort to extreme measures to counter-act them. St. Augustine for instance striped himself and threw himself into a thorny rosebush naked. He had a history with that sort of thing, and getting out of it is much more difficult then never having being scared by it. Its an addiction, and addictions and their demons dont like to let go. Better never to give them a foot hold.
 
RoryMcKenzie56 said:
Hi teachccd,

Great advice. I am so glad you spoke up. I had written something that was too detailed and I wanted him to have a clear consicience, but was also concerned about “I don’t think of her undressed very often”. So anyway, I think you covered it without using terms like “morose delectation” and the distinctions between voluntary. indirectly voluntary, and involuntary. I am glad I decided against my own post. Anyway, thanks a bunch for your caring and discreet post which I most heartily endorse, and may God bless our young friend.

Rory
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Thank you so much for your kind words… God bless you!
 
Curlblon said:
I was actually seriously considering confession. I’m glad that someone reaffirmed what I was thinking. Thanks for the support and kind words. 🙂
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You are very welcome. If only all 17 year old boys had your insight and faith. You are very blessed… teachccd 🙂
 
teachccd said:
This is what I would do in your situation. I would seek a confessor that you feel comfortable with and confess what you have mentioned here. He will have a better idea of where you are spiritually and can guide you accordingly.
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Why does he need to confess??? He’s done nothing wrong! It’s perfectly normal and good to be sexually attracted to your significant other.
 
You are very welcome. If only all 17 year old boys had your insight and faith. You are very blessed… teachccd
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Agreed. I wish I could’ve said the same for myself at that age.
Why does he need to confess??? He’s done nothing wrong! It’s perfectly normal and good to be sexually attracted to your significant other.
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While I don’t disagree I think teach’s point was that if he wants spirtual guidance a confessor would be better than an online forum… afterall… how can we know him well enough to know if the advice we’re giving is best?
 
Curlblon said:
I don’t think of her undressed very often or anything, so I don’t think I am sinning. But am I?
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In addition to all that’s been said I would add this: once is already too many times to undress your girlfriend in your mind. This could even have been a contributing factor to your wetting incident. Images, whether from internet, television, or our imaginations stay imprinted in our memories much longer than we would think. So I would recommend that you do two things. First, resolve to never undress your girlfriend in your mind again. This will help you to foster a chaste and holy relationship with her and it will allow you to treat her like the lady she is and not as an object for you imagination to run wild with. Second, if you haven’t already, go to confession. Go for any impure thoughts you have had, obviously including the ones of her you have talked of, and for this act of stimulation you had as a result. I say the latter because she is not the one causing you to sin as you have in the title of your thread. The incident you describe sounds like it was more caused by your past impure thoughts mixed with the emotion of being told that she loves you. Either way, the sin came from you and not her, unless she was somehow seducing you which does not sound like the case.

Growing in chastity means to grow in virtue (good habits) which always involves work and effort on our part. So never give up, keep praying for the graces, especially the ones you and her need to keep your relationship as wholesome and holy as possible.
 
Keep on keepin’ on, man. I knew my girlfriend as an acquaintance for around a year before we started going out. I knew she was good-looking before then, but it wasn’t enough to make me pursue her. Then we started talking over the summer, through facebook - so the looks were not part of the equation, it was just us sharing our personalities and values. Then I started to fall in love with her, and then she started looking like the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. 🙂

Granted that, teenage boy hormones, and the fact that she is quite fond of kissing, things can get tough. But we have talked about it a lot and are making a cooperative effort for chastity and purity, and we ask God to guide and bless our relationship everyday. The day after tomorrow will mark five wonderful months 😃

Never forget that these girls are angels and ought to be cherished as such. The only advice I can give is be open, be honest, be holy, and be glad! 👍

EC
 
First of, beware of your language. Your girlfriend doesn’t seem to be causing you to sin, and unless people are very pushy you should never say that someone *is causing *you to any kind of sin. Sin involves consent or its not a sin in the first place. You are almost an adult person and need to take responsibility of your own actions and thoughts.

I recommend you to get hold of the book: I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. Its written by a young Christian guy like yourself and it can help you a lot with sorting out what a healthy relationship is at your age (that means, at the age where you are not ready to get married ). and how to go about practically having a relationship that doesn’t get out of hand.
I read that recently and I wish I had read it when I was precisely at your age.

🙂
 
mdrummer5 said:
While I don’t disagree I think teach’s point was that if he wants spirtual guidance a confessor would be better than an online forum… afterall… how can we know him well enough to know if the advice we’re giving is best?
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Thank you. Well said!! 👍
 
Debora123 said:
Why does he need to confess??? He’s done nothing wrong! It’s perfectly normal and good to be sexually attracted to your significant other.
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You cannot know exactly what is going on in his mind. If you read my post thoroughly you would have seen the emphasis that I put on what is normal at his age. There is a fine line that can be crossed in sexual issues and I just suggested that he seek the spiritual guidance of a priest who deals with this way more than you or I do. Don’t be afraid of the confessional. It is a beautiful Sacrament whereby we can encounter Jesus with our sins as well as our tendency to sin. The graces received there will benefit his soul. Why should he not go???
 
teachccd said:
You cannot know exactly what is going on in his mind. If you read my post thoroughly you would have seen the emphasis that I put on what is normal at his age. There is a fine line that can be crossed in sexual issues and I just suggested that he seek the spiritual guidance of a priest who deals with this way more than you or I do. Don’t be afraid of the confessional. It is a beautiful Sacrament whereby we can encounter Jesus with our sins as well as our tendency to sin. The graces received there will benefit his soul. Why should he not go???
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I understand, but so many young people who are trying to be good Catholics are already very very confused when it comes to sex. I mean, did you see his post?? He was saying that he became sexually aroused around his girlfriend and was asking if that was a sin! Above all else, I think he needs reassurance that this is NOT a bad thing. Of course there’s nothing wrong with going to the confessional, but when you suggest he do that, it just further confuses someone who is clearly already very confused in thinking he did something wrong by having feelings for his gf.

Just my opinion.

(And quite honestly, I think sexual attraction towards a significant other is normal in nearly every age, not just his age.)
 
Ok, so I am a “broad picture” kind of guy, so I want to break this down a little bit.

First, of all, I did immediately regret the title of the thread because this problem is entirely on my end, and my girlfriend has done nothing wrong… in fact a lot of things right 👍

Broad consensus says that it is good to be physically attracted to her, but when sexual thoughts pop into my head, I should block them. Even though a lot of times, it is hard to distinguish between the two. :eek: I should try my best to work up the mental capacity to block out the impure thoughts. I hope I should be able to do this since I have already convinced myself in my mind that premarital sex is nothing but gross.

And I should go to confession to make sure everything is good with God.

This seems like it is going to be hard, but I know God is behind me.

Thanks again for all the advice!
 
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