Girls (or boys) night out if married?

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Situation: Woman is married (Catholic) w/ 2 kids (5 and 3). She works full-time (her choice & husband’s). Husband (Catholic) works full-time too. Several of her friends are unmarried and prone to man-chasing when out on the town.

Should this woman (morally and w/ respect for her husband’s feelings) go out on girls’ nights (bar scene) with her unmarried/man-chasing friends?

If you were the husband, would you be comfortable with this situation?

What alternatives (if any) would be advisable as a compromise if the woman indicates she needs some ‘girl time’ away from her hubby & kids (not just one or the other, but both simultaneously)?
 
*Probably not the best use of a Catholic, married woman’s time, ya know? Water seeks its own level, too…when you’re a Catholic married woman, hanging out in a bar, with friends who are trying to pick up men, it’s natural for other men to think you’re available too, wedding ring on or not. I don’t want that type of attention, and so it’s best to avoid it.

Going out for dinner, movies, the mall, a spa, a girls cruise, etc…these are more appropriate for a married woman. But, hanging out in bars, with women who are intentionally trying to attract men, is probably not the best place for a married woman to be. Just my two cents. 🙂

PS–Now I have gone out for girls night with married friends, and we have gone to bars…this was a while ago, and it was fun, and the way we acted didn’t encourage men to hit on us. Not saying they didn’t, but we gave off a vibe that said we are happily married. But, if you are with women who are purposely trying to draw men over to them, and you’re standing there…are you going to sit there and chat it up with single men at a bar while your husband sits at home? (Not you/your as in you, BB, lol just in general) If so, why? I don’t have a need to sit at bars chatting with single men. It only leads to trouble. :o*
 
BiologyBrain said:
Situation: Woman is married (Catholic) w/ 2 kids (5 and 3). She works full-time (her choice & husband’s). Husband (Catholic) works full-time too. Several of her friends are unmarried and prone to man-chasing when out on the town.

Should this woman (morally and w/ respect for her husband’s feelings) go out on girls’ nights (bar scene) with her unmarried/man-chasing friends?

If you were the husband, would you be comfortable with this situation?

What alternatives (if any) would be advisable as a compromise if the woman indicates she needs some ‘girl time’ away from her hubby & kids (not just one or the other, but both simultaneously)?
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How about girls’ nights out, but not going to bars?

Why not just out to a meal at a nice, girly place or a “chocolate bar” (if there’s one in your city)? Or perhaps try something fun and healthy like rollerblading or ice skating or mini putting or just taking a long walk through a local park? Or…I know it sounds stupid, but it’s fun!–have a Tupperware or Mary Kay or Lingerie or Pampered Chef or some other home sales company party, and everyone bring a treat to pass. Or do a cookie bake together, or can tomatoes, or help out a shut-in with their garden/yard/flowers. And there’s alway the old standby–movies, especially a good tear-jerking chick flick. (Right now, there’s My Sister’s Keeper, which the critics advise bringing a whole box of Kleenex for.) Or do a movie night IN at one of the girl’s houses where there are no children yet.

Do these ideas sound very strange? I’m a teetotaler, you see, from a whole family of teetotalers, and I have never in my life done “girls’ nights out” with women who drink or go to bars. But I’ve had loads of fun with my women friends over the years doing the types of things I mention above. Tell her to give the “alcohol-free” life a chance!
 
*Did you say Cat…‘the chocolate bar?’ Ohhh that sounds so cool! I want to go. 😃 *
 
A nice dinner with friends, start a book club with those friends and eat a meal while you discuss the book.

Take a class together with friends (pottery, French, cooking class…)

Go to a local minor league baseball game, start your own softball team.

Volunteer together with friends…

There are a million ways to have fun with friends and NOT chase men in bars.
 
Why would a married woman want to go to the “bar scene” with man-chasing friends?

No it’s not appropriate.

When my married friends and I have “girl’s night out” that means dinner at a restaurant with the girls, hanging out at someone’s house and maybe watching a DVD or just having a glass of wine and snacks, going to a movie, or something of that nature.

When I go out with my single girlfriends, it means the same thing: dinner at a restaurant, hanging out at one of our houses, meeting for a movie or a play or a cultural festival going on in the city, etc.

It does not mean going to a bar!

I would not feel comfortable doing that regardless of whether my husband would be OK with it or not. I’m not OK with it.

As far as a “compromise” I’m not sure why one would be necessary unless the woman’s friends are so far gone that they won’t do anything but go to bars. If that’s the case, get new friends.
 
I think it’s a trust issue. if he trusts her enough to marry her then why worry, right?

I’ve been there. My hubby was gone overseas and I went out with my friends. to bars and clubs. I always politely declined to dance and never led any guy to think I was single/available. does she wear a ring? that’s a dead giveaway too. I always dressed modestly, jeans and t-shirt,no make-up, and truly just went out to get away, stop worrying, and be with my girlfriends (who were mostly single). I didn’t have kids yet, then, so I don’t know if that would change things but…

I think now, with DH here, and having a daughter, I’d enjoy a carefree night at the bar WITH him more than with the girls. maybe a sitter is the best answer. lots of times the girls brought a boyfriend/hubby along, why would that matter?

Now if the wife is going out in questionable attire, being secretive, or otherwise betraying her husband’s trust, that’s a different story altogether.

should the tables be turned, I’d be ok with him going out with his single buddies, to a bar or wherever. NOT a strip club though! but I trust him and have a nose like a bloodhound… 😉

good luck!
 
just_me said:
I think it’s a trust issue. if he trusts her enough to marry her then why worry, right?
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It’s not a trust issue.

It’s a moral example setting issue. It’s a near occasion of sin issue. It’s a giving scandal issue. It’s a bad example for your kids issue.

It’s a lot of things other than a trust issue.
 
*I agree with 1ke…

My kids are quite blunt …they’d probably think I’m having a midlife crisis if I was going out to a bar with single girlfriends. :eek:😃 That being said, it’s not about trust. It’s about that as a married woman, I don’t even want a single guy asking me to dance…I just don’t. :o*
 
I think we need to start demanding more out of ourselves, as Catholics. Father Corapi says it best…‘if we do as the world does, how will anyone know we’re Catholic?’ Not that hanging out in a bar in and of itself is a horrible thing, but when you’re hanging out as a married woman, with friends who are there with the express purpose to find someone to date, it isn’t putting our best foot forward. I think it can be hard to say no, when secular society sees ‘nothing wrong with it.’ But, we should set the bar higher for ourselves, in how we spend our free time. Just my ramblings for the day. 🙂
 
Yay for the bar! However, I’m not married yet… finance doesn’t mind though… hehe, i tend to bring him along.

Things my girl friends and I do: movies, dinner, shopping!
 
1ke said:
It’s a moral example setting issue. It’s a near occasion of sin issue. It’s a giving scandal issue.
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really?

I guess I never thought about it that way. If you’re going out occasionally for innocent reasons, I mean, and nothing happens.

maybe I’m too trusting or something, but there are alot worse of things a woman (or man) can do that hang out with their friends… but I admit, it’s been years since I went anywhere without DH, maybe I’m just remembering our girls nights with rose colored glasses… I do remember missing him terribly though, while my friends were out dancing and I sat on a stool alone… :rolleyes:

but I do have to say that “chocolate bar” would trump any bar, any club, any time. where do I find one of those?! lol
 
If you are happy in your marriage then why put yourself into a situation where there can be temptation?

I agree with most of the other posts here, find other activities to do with your friends or do what is best for your marriage and find new, married friends. You’ll have more in common with them anyway.

Just ask yourself very seriously how would you feel if your hubby was going out to the bar with a bunch of single guys that were all looking to hook up? Your husband may be the most honorable and loyal guy in the world, but alcohol plus opportunity can often lead to even good guys taking a big fall.

Why not avoid temptation?

NOT JUST STRONG…CATHOLIC STRONG!!!
 
I don’t necessarily think that it’s going out to the bar that’s the issue. It’s the fact that you’re going out to a bar with friends who are actively seeking out single men. If they’re going to be more likely to bring single men over to talk with and spend time with, I agree that the men will probably just go along and assume you’re single as well.

And if you aren’t a heavy drinker anyways, alcohol can mess with your judgment.

I wouldn’t go. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do something else. Why not plan a nice dinner at a nice restaurant? Go to a girly movie? Or the spa, or shopping. Something not in a scene where there’s active men hunting going on.
 
Another married woman chiming in to say no way would I want to do that or think it is appropriate. My kids are older now, but at 3 and 5, I really didn’t want to be up late and a smoky bar watching friends pick up men! Ugh! How NO FUN!

As Catholics, we really should be setting a higher standard than the world’s idea of ‘acceptable.’ All the suggestions given before–even Cat’s canning tomatoes and especially Cat’s chocolate bar(!) are much better alternatives. And if the girlfriends can’t agree to any one of those reasonable suggestions, then it really is time to find new friends.
 
About three years ago my wife went out with some friends from her work on one of her Girls night out. It turned out one of her “friends” was a disgruntled Catholic, who convinced her to go bar hopping and guy chasing. I never knew anything about it. My wife ended up having an affair, and this past Christmas I discovered it. We separated in January, and today she told me over the phone that she wants to move forward with a divorce. I wish I was smart enought to see the whole thing coming from the beginning. Fifteen plus years of marriage down the hole all because of a Girls night out. Don’t ask me what I think of this idea now.
 
LFV said:
About three years ago my wife went out with some friends from her work on one of her Girls night out. It turned out one of her “friends” was a disgruntled Catholic, who convinced her to go bar hopping and guy chasing. I never knew anything about it. My wife ended up having an affair, and this past Christmas I discovered it. We separated in January, and today she told me over the phone that she wants to move forward with a divorce. I wish I was smart enought to see the whole thing coming from the beginning. Fifteen plus years of marriage down the hole all because of a Girls night out. Don’t ask me what I think of this idea now.
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Oh I’m so sorry. 😦
 
Big difference between going to a bar to have a beer, shoot some pool or play darts and going to a bar to chase men. Heck, a single woman who has moral fiber would not go to a bar to chase men.
 
kage_ar said:
Big difference between going to a bar to have a beer, shoot some pool or play darts and going to a bar to chase men. Heck, a single woman who has moral fiber would not go to a bar to chase men.
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*I agree. For me, it’s not the bar that’s the issue (although I’m not much of a drinker) it’s the fact that the reason for going is to hang out with people who wish ‘to chase men.’

On a side note, I love playing darts…haven’t done that in forever. 🤷*
 
just_me said:
really?

I guess I never thought about it that way. If you’re going out occasionally for innocent reasons, I mean, and nothing happens.

maybe I’m too trusting or something, but there are alot worse of things a woman (or man) can do that hang out with their friends… but I admit, it’s been years since I went anywhere without DH, maybe I’m just remembering our girls nights with rose colored glasses… I do remember missing him terribly though, while my friends were out dancing and I sat on a stool alone… :rolleyes:

but I do have to say that “chocolate bar” would trump any bar, any club, any time. where do I find one of those?! lol
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There’s a Chocolate Bar in St. Louis–the menu is absolutely decadent. OTOH, when you’ve finished your “meal”, you’re done. You don’t have a bag of Hershey kisses in the cupboard or a carton of fudge ripple ice cream in the freezer screaming out your name and begging you to eat the whole thing!

Our city also has a Chocolate Bar offering various chocolate desserts, and the proprietor specializes in making custom shapes of candy. My husband bought me a little chocolate piano (with white chocolate keys). It’s only about an inch across, and it costs $5.00! I’ve never eaten it–can’t bring myself to destroy it, it’s so cute.

Just a thought–for anyone looking to start a business, this might be a possibility. Location the main thing–it needs to be in a place where people are likely to stop for dessert. In our city, it’s downtown in the restaurant/theater district. Not sure how successful financially the chocolate bars are.
 
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