Girls parents don't like my clothes

[RazzsMom]

I think in general mens fashions these days are leaning towards more feminine styles, rather than emphasizing a man’s, manly attributes. V necks, slim jeans, tie shirt and pants without a suit jacket, longer hair.

I find it irritating that most of the people here are assuming the father is doing something wrong, or is “old fashioned” in a bad way, or is jealous, or whatever. We don’t know much about the situation, so it would be best to reserve judgement on the people involved, and instead focus on the given information, which basically amounts to a guy wearing a lilac shirt, grey tie and pants for Sunday Mass. IMO, it isn’t appropriate to be wearing business casual to Sunday Mass.

How is a shirt and pants without a jacket leaning toward androgeny??
And why is “business casual” not appropriate Mass attire?? I think it is heads and tails above 90% of the clothing I see young men wearing today.

To “focus on the given information” - I maintain the father is possibly manifesting a normal father’s reluctance to see that his little girl is growing up. It is a basic and instinctual parental emotion.

If the OP adheres to good manners, clean dress and personal appearance, he should be able to pacify the father in time. This is all based upon the OP desire to do so — basically: is the relationship with the girl worth it?

 

[daeve]

Considering the clothing I see at Mass each week, you sound like a breathe of fresh air.

Lilac is fine for men. I don’t understand the too tailored comment at all, unless he meant the shirt was too form-fitting. I think I agree with whoever said he just doesn’t like you. There’s nothing wrong with being stylish, especially if you’re still wearing nice, neat, tailored menswear. You can wear any color you like for a shirt.

I’ll take your lilac shirt over the torn jeans and basketball shorts I see every Sunday.

 

[dixieagle]

I think in general mens fashions these days are leaning towards more feminine styles, rather than emphasizing a man’s, manly attributes. V necks, slim jeans, tie shirt and pants without a suit jacket, longer hair.

I find it irritating that most of the people here are assuming the father is doing something wrong, or is “old fashioned” in a bad way, or is jealous, or whatever. We don’t know much about the situation, so it would be best to reserve judgement on the people involved, and instead focus on the given information, which basically amounts to a guy wearing a lilac shirt, grey tie and pants for Sunday Mass. IMO, it isn’t appropriate to be wearing business casual to Sunday Mass.



I strongly agree. Just because something looks nice, doesn’t mean it’s appropriate.

Passing judgment on the attire of others who do not share your own rigid dress code is not charitable.

He is wearing perfectly appropriate clothing for Mass, and better than 90% of what we see. (His outfit is actually more conservative than “business casual” which generally doesn’t include a tie). In fact, even “business casual” would be fine for Mass (long-sleeved, buttoned shirt, with nice pants).

OP, you can wear your lilac shirt, grey pants and tie to our parish anytime; you will be admired and thought to be showing great respect to the Lord.

 

[CDNowak]

How is a shirt and pants without a jacket leaning toward androgeny??
And why is “business casual” not appropriate Mass attire?? I think it is heads and tails above 90% of the clothing I see young men wearing today.

Depending on where you are, dark suits were de rigueur for Mass less than a generation ago. Lighter colored suits, for men, implied leisure (and that implication is not gone, take a look at politicians, virtually all wear dark suits).

As to androgyny, it is a matter of the color and cut, rather than the lack of a jacket. The color (particularly to northern European cultures) is strongly associated with women and men who chose to where it are seen as more effeminate. The cut, in modern fashion favors a tight fit that, at least on the models, gives them an hourglass figure.

There is also the notion in American culture that over attention to appearance is “metrosexual” and that men who engage in such are, how shall we say, switch-hitting, at least.

To some degree both sides are in the right, we shouldn’t be judging people by how they dress, and we should avoid giving the appearance of vanity or foppery. The political solution for the young man is simply to dress a little more conservatively (ie dark suit, stay away from the pink and purple shirts) when going to Mass with the family. It shows respect for the potential father-in-law and maturity that may impress him.

 

[PaulinVA]

Last Sunday for example I wore a liliac shirt and grey dress pants and grey tie to Mass, afterwards at the house her dad give a fifteen minute speech to me about how my clothes are to tailored and how liliac is a girls color.

Lilac?

What cho talkin’ 'bout, Willis?

Seriously, it’s a feminine color. Can a guy wear it? Yes. Can a girlfriend’s father tease you about it? Yes. Can he tell you not to wear it? No.

 

[willis88]

Thanks everyone for your great feedback, but since a lot of you asked for more info i’m happy to give it, The young lady in question is 19, I’m 22. My shirt…well all my shirts are not tight, at least I don’t think so, you cant see anything through them, but they are all well, just tailored. As for certain color combinations or colors being “feminine” a lot of people forget that until the last 80 years pink and purple were perfectly acceptable male colors and during certain periods those colors were considered inappropriate for female wear. I just think its odd, I consider myself stylish but also rather conservative in my clothing choices. I don’t wear T-shirts or jeans and I wear my pants higher on my waist than a lot of guys my age do. But once again thanks for the feedback everyone. I suppose I should really try to be less vain, I guess I can be a little bit of a Dandy

 

[Em_in_FL]

Lilac?

What cho talkin’ 'bout, Willis?

Seriously, it’s a feminine color. Can a guy wear it? Yes. Can a girlfriend’s father tease you about it? Yes. Can he tell you not to wear it? No.

 

[Alexander_Smith]

How is a shirt and pants without a jacket leaning toward androgeny??
And why is “business casual” not appropriate Mass attire?? I think it is heads and tails above 90% of the clothing I see young men wearing today.

To “focus on the given information” - I maintain the father is possibly manifesting a normal father’s reluctance to see that his little girl is growing up. It is a basic and instinctual parental emotion.

If the OP adheres to good manners, clean dress and personal appearance, he should be able to pacify the father in time. This is all based upon the OP desire to do so — basically: is the relationship with the girl worth it?

I never said it did.
My point was that odd color mixes, and general ignorance of appropriate color combinations are now what is thought to be “stylish” and dressy. This is not the case. The standards for appropriate colors for different situations still stands regardless of whether it looks nice or not.

Passing judgment on the attire of others who do not share your own rigid dress code is not charitable.

He is wearing perfectly appropriate clothing for Mass, and better than 90% of what we see. (His outfit is actually more conservative than “business casual” which generally doesn’t include a tie). In fact, even “business casual” would be fine for Mass (long-sleeved, buttoned shirt, with nice pants).

OP, you can wear your lilac shirt, grey pants and tie to our parish anytime; you will be admired and thought to be showing great respect to the Lord.

It’s not a rigid dress code and I’m not passing judgement or condemning anyone.

For heavens sake, nobody can criticize anything in this forum without being accused of being uncharitable or judgmental.

Thanks everyone for your great feedback, but since a lot of you asked for more info i’m happy to give it, The young lady in question is 19, I’m 22. My shirt…well all my shirts are not tight, at least I don’t think so, you cant see anything through them, but they are all well, just tailored. As for certain color combinations or colors being “feminine” a lot of people forget that until the last 80 years pink and purple were perfectly acceptable male colors and during certain periods those colors were considered inappropriate for female wear. I just think its odd, I consider myself stylish but also rather conservative in my clothing choices. I don’t wear T-shirts or jeans and I wear my pants higher on my waist than a lot of guys my age do. But once again thanks for the feedback everyone. I suppose I should really try to be less vain, I guess I can be a little bit of a Dandy

I don’t think you’re being vain at all. It’s great that you have a desire to dress nicely for Mass. AFAIK a pink shirt is not acceptable for something like job interview, which requires a more respectful attitude of humility if that makes sense. It’s great to dress all snazzy with your color combos outside of Mass, but I think in Mass you may want to consider something less loud.

It’s not a matter of right or wrong, just what I’ve been taught is appropriate and acceptable.

I don’t mean to be critical of you or anything.

 

[Joan_M]

I never said it did.
It’s not a rigid dress code and I’m not passing judgement or condemning anyone.

**You are, however, condemning the colors!! **

I don’t think you’re being vain at all. It’s great that you have a desire to dress nicely for Mass. AFAIK a pink shirt is not acceptable for something like job interview, which requires a more respectful attitude of humility if that makes sense. It’s great to dress all snazzy with your color combos outside of Mass, but I think in Mass you may want to consider something less loud.

**No, what you stated does not make sense! Having been in the business world for 50 years and having spent about 22 of them in management, including H. R. Management, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing a pink shirt for a job interview. Such fuddy duddy attitudes went out of date at least 20 years ago!

Even banks, which were very, very, rigid regarding the shirts worn (used to be they could only be white or pale blue), have relaxed their requirements. My son, who works in a bank has shirts in many different colors, including pale green, burnt orange, bright red, etc. There has been no objection to any of them. In fact, the bank pays for them!!
**
It’s not a matter of right or wrong, just what I’ve been taught is appropriate and acceptable. **How many years ago? **

I don’t mean to be critical of you or anything.

 

[Alexander_Smith]

I’m not condemning the colors either. There’s no objective good or evil when it comes to colors. They’re just…colors.

As for what is now appropriate, that’s interesting that such requirements have become less strict. IMO, it’s a shame that general dress code would slump in response to poor dress by the general population.

 

[Magickman]

At my age, most of the girls no longer have living parents.

To make up for that, the girls, themselves, object to my clothing. I don;t much go for fancy clothing. A simple denim miniskirt is my usual date outfit. Nice heels, of course.

Most of the girls don’t appreciate my style, because I have better legs than they do.

Should I downplay my best asset?

 

[MCGar]

It’s a weird thing to complain about. He’s either intimidated by you or…well, probably intimidated with the idea that his daughter is dating someone older (teen years and young twenties there are big differences in what growing is done between years). Also you look different than what he is used to.

Just remember, our priests wear pink(ish) and purple ROBES. During Advent. Nothing wrong with it.

p.s. I mean intimidated by the ‘newness’ of his daughter dating and leaving the nest and having a boyfriend brings.

 

[estesbob]

I’m sorta seeing this girl right now, its nothing super serious, we just hang around her house with her family which is all right with me. She has a very strong faith as do her parents (I just recently came back to the Church ) But the thing is I have always been a pretty stylish dresser, that said I’m still modest and I don’t spend a lot of money on clothes, but her parents don’t seem to like the way I dress, Last Sunday for example I wore a liliac shirt and grey dress pants and grey tie to Mass, afterwards at the house her dad give a fifteen minute speech to me about how my clothes are to tailored and how liliac is a girls color. I just don’t think this is fair! My lady friend has always liked the way I dress. Why do her parents even feel this way?

Next time wear baggy shorts hanging halfway down your rear end a baggy fishnet black t- shirt and Oakland Raiders cap on backwards . See if he prefers that the lilac

 

[Irishmom2]

My point was that odd color mixes, and general ignorance of appropriate color combinations are now what is thought to be “stylish” and dressy. This is not the case. The standards for appropriate colors for different situations still stands regardless of whether it looks nice or not.

Who made you the appropriate color Czar? It “is not the case” because YOU say so? Exactly where are you getting these “standards” from?

I don’t think you’re being vain at all. It’s great that you have a desire to dress nicely for Mass. AFAIK a pink shirt is not acceptable for something like job interview, which requires a more respectful attitude of humility if that makes sense. Uh, actually, it makes no sense at all.It’s great to dress all snazzy with your color combos outside of Mass, but I think in Mass you may want to consider something less loud. Are you for real? Lilac in any way shape or form is NOT loud.

It’s not a matter of right or wrong, just what I’ve been taught is appropriate and acceptable. Acceptable to your family only, it would seem. Most people do not have a problem with LILAC and gray as a “respectful” color combination…

 

[Truly_Beloved]

A simple denim miniskirt is my usual date outfit. Nice heels, of course.

Most of the girls don’t appreciate my style, because I have better legs than they do.

Should I downplay my best asset?

 

[Blenderx]

I’ve been trying to get my husband to consider these colors. They look so good on men! Its hard enough to get him to wear a button-up shirt…

 

[coolduude]

There is no such thing as clothes being “too tailored”. It is a sign of good taste to wear tailored clothes.

I don’t see how anyone could think liliac is a girls colour. No one could object sensibly to someone wearing a liliac shirt – although a bright liliac suit would look odd; there is nothing wrong with colourful shirts.

Next time; ask him what he is basing “girliness” of colors on…

Hehe taken from a Londener (well, I’m assuming London, but I could very well be wrong)… I’d trust his advice. The English are always well tailored when they have to be, IMO. They know ‘business fashion’, kind of like the Italians, but maybe not as good (sorry ).

My opinion- The lilac is fine, as long as it’s not too loud. If it’s a deeper shade it should be great. Lilac and gray is a good combo (if it’s done right). I think you did just fine. And, as John Damian pointed out, a person can’t be ‘too tailored’. You did fine, IMO

 

[MtnDwellar]

The girl’s parents don’t like your clothes.

Why do you care? Why do so many people who don’t know either of you also seem to care?

 

[coolduude]

The girl’s parents don’t like your clothes.

Why do you care? Why do so many people who don’t know either of you also seem to care?

Well he just asked why he got a 15 minute lecture about his clothes, which he thinks are perfectly fine.

I suppose the rest of us care because we were asked to give feedback.

Why do you care that we care? ()

 

[Alexander_Smith]

Next time wear baggy shorts hanging halfway down your rear end a baggy fishnet black t- shirt and Oakland Raiders cap on backwards . See if he prefers that the lilac

Lol!

“Um, you know that lilac shirt you wore last week? That sure was a nice shirt!”

At my age, most of the girls no longer have living parents.

To make up for that, the girls, themselves, object to my clothing. I don;t much go for fancy clothing. A simple denim miniskirt is my usual date outfit. Nice heels, of course.

Most of the girls don’t appreciate my style, because I have better legs than they do.

Should I downplay my best asset?

Uh what? Your username is Magickman, and you refer to “the girls” like they are separate from you, but you talk about the clothing as being what you wear. Forgive me if I am confusing your comment somehow.

I don’t think miniskirts are exactly modest.

Who made you the appropriate color Czar? It “is not the case” because YOU say so? Exactly where are you getting these “standards” from?

I am basing my comments on information I have gathered from traditional men’s clothing guides and some modern clothing guides as on places like menswarehouse.com.

The girl’s parents don’t like your clothes.

Why do you care? Why do so many people who don’t know either of you also seem to care?

Don’t reduce it to simple like or dislike. The father believes that this young man’s attire, or at least color is too feminine. That’s different from chiding someone for wearing a weird tie pattern or something. If someone told me that my clothing was too feminine, I would absolutely take notice, and see if there was any merit to the comment. A remark like that is incredibly rare these days because a whole lot of guys just don’t care, and have no proper knowledge of what is or isn’t appropriate.