Giving Up Homosexuality

[BerenCamlost]

True.

What if I want to change and be able to be attracted to women? It seems that changing my sexuality is impossible although I know with God it isn’t.

I am not going to argue with you on that one. It has always been my thought that homosexuality was something that could be healed. I think it is simplistic to say that homosexuality is a choice. I believe it is something transmitted or taken in somehow- based on how other desires and things I feel compelled to do that I KNOW were transmitted/absorbed behaviors, but now feel like things that are natural, impulsive, automatic and are not the result of a direct mental choice- in fact they seem hard or impossible to resist.
If your sexuality was healed then you could marry, but you couldn’t and shouldn’t fake like it is healed I think, though that doesn’t mean that I think you should not try or should not use your will over your compulsion in the matter.

 

[stacybks]

I am not going to argue with you on that one. It has always been my thought that homosexuality was something that could be healed. I think it is simplistic to say that homosexuality is a choice. I believe it is something transmitted or taken in somehow- based on how other desires and things I feel compelled to do that I KNOW were transmitted/absorbed behaviors, but now feel like things that are natural, impulsive, automatic and are not the result of a direct mental choice- in fact they seem hard or impossible to resist.
If your sexuality was healed then you could marry, but you couldn’t and shouldn’t fake like it is healed I think, though that doesn’t mean that I think you should not try or should not use your will over your compulsion in the matter.

Beren,

I cannot disagree with you… but I can state that the cause is unknown and that none of us should even try to figure it out… it’s a form of sin that is a cause of original sin. Some have the tendency to sin by being alcoholics, some by drug addicts… but those we know (except those that are born with that addiction) is a choice. Sexual attraction isn’t always a given choice.

If I could choose to rid myself of it, I would. However, only God can deal with it from this point on… It’s my desire and my will to follow Christ as wholeheartedly as possible and to stand back up and dust myself off when I do fall.

Now as for faking or even the slight thought, “Well maybe I can be attracted to women now,” does occur… but then I realize I need to stay focused… on Jesus!

I’ve had enough of relationships that come and go (concerning SSA and friends who endorsed me and told me that I couldn’t change so may as well give up) that I’m at a point where it’s Jesus I look to, Mary I cling to, and St. Philomena I follow.

Those days of fighting against myself and God are over… The battle is in God’s hands… I’m just His vessel for Him to begin molding and creating into the new creature that I am and will be at the end of the process.

"If then any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: the former things have passed away; behold, they are made new!" 2 Cor. 5:17 (Douay-Confraternity)

 

[BerenCamlost]

Beren,

I cannot disagree with you… but I can state that the cause is unknown and that none of us should even try to figure it out… it’s a form of sin that is a cause of original sin. Some have the tendency to sin by being alcoholics, some by drug addicts… but those we know (except those that are born with that addiction) is a choice. Sexual attraction isn’t always a given choice.

If I could choose to rid myself of it, I would. However, only God can deal with it from this point on… It’s my desire and my will to follow Christ as wholeheartedly as possible and to stand back up and dust myself off when I do fall.

Now as for faking or even the slight thought, “Well maybe I can be attracted to women now,” does occur… but then I realize I need to stay focused… on Jesus!

I’ve had enough of relationships that come and go (concerning SSA and friends who endorsed me and told me that I couldn’t change so may as well give up) that I’m at a point where it’s Jesus I look to, Mary I cling to, and St. Philomena I follow.

Those days of fighting against myself and God are over… The battle is in God’s hands… I’m just His vessel for Him to begin molding and creating into the new creature that I am and will be at the end of the process.

"If then any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: the former things have passed away; behold, they are made new!" 2 Cor. 5:17 (Douay-Confraternity)

That’s great. I didn’t mean to make light of it or act like it is such a simple thing that you just make a choice at some point and everything is different. God bless you!

 

[whatevergirl]

I wonder if there are any saints who struggled with SSA, and overcame it, for lack of a better word?

 

[stacybks]

That’s great. I didn’t mean to make light of it or act like it is such a simple thing that you just make a choice at some point and everything is different. God bless you!

Definitely didn’t take it that way…

Just wanted to clarify points in case someone took it that way.

Benedicitus Deus!

 

[stacybks]

I wonder if there are any saints who struggled with SSA, and overcame it, for lack of a better word?

I looked and did not find any…

All I know is that the ones that helped me come to this decision and make a choice about how I want to live were the Blessed Mother, St. Philomena, and St. Jude.

 

[kage_ar]

Prayers!!

I’d like to second the suggestion of looking at the Courage apostolate.

We are told that St. Augusting prayed “Lord make me chaste but not yet”, so, regardless of which struggles of Chastity, I am sure his intercession would be valuable.

Praying for you.

 

[Mark77]

“Being gay sucks”?

You are diminishing the human condition.

As a married heterosexual man, the sexual urges and the inability to deny the selfish urges are common to all of us.

Jesus said, "And he said to all, ’ if any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me’. (LK 9:23)

You are in my prayers!

Love,

Mark

 

[smallcat]

You might also want to check out the work of Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, from NARTH (the National Association for the Research and Therapy of Homosexuality)-- www.narth.com. I know he’s written at least one book and there is a “find a therapist” section on his website that may help you find a therapist in line with Catholic teachings.

Many blessings to you.

 

[Harmony1988]

I will keep you in my prayers Brian. I can’t give any advice, because I simply don’t know what to say relating to this issue. I pray that God will grant you a solemn spirit of fortitude in your battle.

I’d like to add that you are indeed focusing on college, so am I =), and so somehow you feel that feelings for woman, sexual attraction (which you desire) would/should come later, but this shouldn’t be so, pray for it =)

 

[stacybks]

I’d like to add that you are indeed focusing on college, so am I =), and so somehow you feel that feelings for woman, sexual attraction (which you desire) would/should come later, but this shouldn’t be so, pray for it =)

My prayer is that God will reveal His plan during this time. I do not want to focus on anyone but God right now so I do not feel that praying for any type of sexual attraction to happen is necessary.

My love as of now is Jesus, He’s really all that I need at the moment. So only loving someone else or worrying about sexual attraction would put a stumbling block between Him and I.

But yes, when the time comes I will begin focusing on, “Lord, are You going to send me someone or just ask me to be devoted to You and You only?”

Until then, my decision is made…

 

[Magicsilence]

My prayer is that God will reveal His plan during this time. I do not want to focus on anyone but God right now so I do not feel that praying for any type of sexual attraction to happen is necessary.

My love as of now is Jesus, He’s really all that I need at the moment. So only loving someone else or worrying about sexual attraction would put a stumbling block between Him and I.

But yes, when the time comes I will begin focusing on, “Lord, are You going to send me someone or just ask me to be devoted to You and You only?”

Until then, my decision is made…

Hello ‘stacy’

I don’t know how helpful I can be, given that I don’t suffer from SSA, but I’ll give it a shot.

It seems to me, as I grow in faith, that many of my temptations to lust stem(med) from a serious set of misunderstandings that I used to have about sex and its purpose.

These were essentially viewing women as objects, not understanding the purpose of sex, and aligning myself with the secular world view that ‘more is better’.

By the grace of God, he enlightened my mind before it was ‘too late’, but the fact remains that many of my thought processes and emotional responses had formed around this set of lies fed to me by the devil himself

Now, un-forming these emotional and psychological responses has taken a long time (4 years and counting), and indeed, not only with regard to lust. But slowly and surely, as I have learnt more of the truth, I have begun to re-adapt my initial reactions to women and their purpose.

It will probably take a few more years until my view towards women is approaching 100% pure, with plenty more life experience needed, but the point is, I was and am able to reject the attitudes I used to hold, and slowly change the way I emotionally (and physically) respond to women for the better.

Now, I am not saying that you will suddenly wake up and find women attractive as opposed to men, but if you work on eradicating the lust you are being tempted towards, it is a step in the right direction of eradicating the attraction altogether. Moreover, if you learn more about the truth and beauty of sacramental marriage, and the beauty of motherhood, and the true, real purpose of sex, then I have a feeling you might just find women a whole lot more attractive.

And even if you don’t straight away, you will have taken a lot of steps towards eradicating the impulses or reactions that, right now, seem to be part and parcel of the way you are.

Keeping you in my prayers!

 

[kmleo]

I have no idea what it is like to experience what you are going through now, but I am behind you in prayer.

As I would tell anyone who has chosen to give up an addiction or a bad relationship or similar… do not suffer through this alone! I am not sure where a man such as yourself would look for help, but I do hope some of the resources mentioned by PPs are of use to you.

Best wishes and many prayers for you!

 

[mammallama]

Magicslience…what beautiful words of wisdom and support.You truly bless this forum…and congrats all around on graduation