Palatine, you assume too much from my words-- though I can’t blame you too much for it, as I don’t clarify too often.
Maybe this can help.
But it is true, that I ultimately know I don’t know. And if it seems I belittled myself too much, I didn’t mean to imply God doesn’t want only the best for me, love me. Though, that is something I often forget to keep in mind. Thank you for the reminder.
If you think the only way to go Heavenward is to conquer yourself, then you’ll be in for nothing but dissipointments.
If my “selves” are ever conquered, it won’t be my doing: it will be God’s.
The thing to realize is that we can’t maintain humility, chastity, and the other virtues only out of fear of Hell.
I agree. But I also believe the parts of me that wants to be saved for “my” own sake, that selfishly wants to stay alive, to stay away from pain, someday,
will either be in Hell, or be dust. Only that which truly is of God, loves, has real compassion, truly deserves Heaven. We have many "I"s within us, which control us day by day. I say this out of experiencing the contractions, internal conversations, conflicting desires, one minute loving something the next minute hating them, and see the truth of that: that so much that “I” thought I was, was not one mind, but many minds. (But again, perhaps I’m wrong, but, I stand by it, nevertheless, it is what I have experienced.)
Eventually, you get sick of trying to subdue all your natural “urges” and lower the bar.
And that is the fate of many, of most, myself too maybe. The goal is not to subdue the urges, but to understand them, and thus act Consciously and not mechanically (not that I’m there, by any means-- perhaps it is utterly impossible, but… I believe… perhaps it isn’t), without letting those things control our every move. Watching yourself… theres much more to this all, but I am only a beginner, and learning more about my desires, my egos, and how they function in my emotions, in my mind, in my instincts and actions is where I am.
I never said I believed the body to be “bad,” that Christian Gnostic stereotype. Those stereotypes, that Gnosticism thinks the “body bad, the spirit good” are just as applicable as thinking that Catholics are polytheists, via the Saints or even the Trinity. Its taking
one aspect or heresey out of the context of the whole… as I’m sure you’ve suffered many times by you’ve argued with (myself included ;D). You and I both need to fully appreciate each others position-- I’m sure I don’t understand Catholecism as best I can, and I’m also sure you don’t understand my “beliefs” or “Gnosticism.”
Sure,** maybe its not true**, maybe its wrong, wrong, wrong… but is it wrong wrong wrong for the reasons you assume? I understand we’re all limited, we’re not perfect, we’re mortal and flawed-- but… please give others a chance before assuming their wrong for reasons they don’t even hold true in the first place.
I imagine red flags might be going up in your brain upon hearing the words “pranayama,” “transmutation,” “meditation,” “chakra,” or “astral projection.” Is that because of a thorough or decent understanding of these things, or mere heresey, memories of these things being dubbed “Satanic” by someone else? (And I don’t deny, they could be. And I don’t say that out of my cautionary “doubt”-- I believe many, if not most, people who use occult termenology, or do occult practices, aren’t doing so properly, positively, are only doing so to strenthen “themselves” their desires, their “inner demons.”)
Egos aren’t what make us human, from my understanding. They’re what make us UN-human, evil and terrible. One “I” wants to be a good person to get praise, another “I” believes that they are a good person and need no verification… if you’d like to, try watching your own thoughts throughout the day, especially interacting with people-- just see what comes up. Maybe you’ll notice these “little demons” who say “sleep all morning!” “yell at mom!” “post a reply to defend myself and make myself appear smart and great!” And we are not those "I"s, those desires, those egos which we so often identify ourselves with. We are potential souls, (like “buddhatas,” or “potential buddhas”) and have a Father who love us always, and a Mother, too, who want only the best for us (whether that be suffering to make us grow, or a delight to appreciate). Much like God the Father, and Mary, in Catholicism. I’d say, that is exactly true, the same, even if our words aren’ t identical, I imagine the Truth is (and no, I haven’t experienced this for myself entirely, without a doubt in mind, but only have my faith.) and that is where these similarities come from between so many religions: a similar, singular Truth. This is what I “believe,” and I know it needs further explanation and clarification, which I’m willing to elaborate on.
Thanks for your time and your prayers, Palatine.
