God has let me down

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oikumene

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I am 42 years old and a bachelor. I have dedicated my whole life to God by working all my free time to the Church. I had big problems in my family which were agnostic although my parents gave me a Catholic education. AS I suffer from an anxiety disorder, my whole life was riddled with depressions, mental illnesses and disasters. I always waited on God to help me get out of my depressions but His help never came.

It seems that what Jesus said that we will be joyful never materialised in my life.

My psychiatrist has told me that it is time to get out of my ‘shell’ and start ‘living’. Having friends and get into the world.

I have given so much to God but instead I get depressions and anxiety plus mental disorders.

I have suppressed my sexual desires and have been chaste my whole life however I long for a relationship but my sexual inclinations forbid me to have a relationship. I tried to obey the commandments but the more I have done the will of God the more depressed I became. This is a paradox. I cannot explain it.

So before I embark in abandoning my faith and start ‘living’ I would like to hear from someone what shall I do. In the past I had a relationship with Jesus but it was years ago and although I receive the sacraments I rarely felt any happiness or joy these last 15 years. I cannot take it anymore.

I always cry alone in the dark. I know what is hell.

:o
 
You are living out your faith, gaining graces, by giving of yourself by helping others and by your suffering.

Luke 14:27 - Jesus said, “whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me, cannot be my disciple.” If we reject God because we suffer, we fail to apply the graces that Jesus won for us by His suffering.

Rom. 8:18 - “the sufferings of the present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
We thus have hope that any sufferings we or others endure, no matter how difficult, will pale in comparison to the life of eternal bliss that awaits us

You know life on this earth is short, but eternity is FOREVER. I don’t think it is wise to do our thing and abandon God’s way. I believe in Jesus and his promises for all those who will follow in suffering.

I am so sorry for your suffering. I have suffering too and I ask you to offer up your suffering along with me and others for the Jesus, who suffered such torture, darkness here on earth for our sins. Do we suffer more than Jesus did? I don’t think so.

Blessings to you
 
I am so sorry to hear you are suffering this way. Anxiety and depression are truly a heavy cross to bear.

I’d like to refer you to “God’s Answers” in another thread. Abandoning your faith is not going to make things better.

Perhaps the test you are being given is whether you would remain faithful even when things seem hopeless. Don’t fail the test by giving up on God.

I’ll keep you in my prayers. :signofcross:
 
Let it all go…

I’m in the same spot. I give so much and feel little love in return, but rather I feel joy in giving. I love to love.

Let go your past. You can’t change what happend only learn and move on.

Let go your future. Live for today because you never know what tomorrow brings.

Have patience and trust in God and his Love.

Do what I like to do, find ways to Love more. There is simple equation that helps sacrifice = Love when it is for the good of another.

Love always bares fruit for you and the person you are loving.
Men are made to give so give with all your mind, body and soul. You will find happiness in gving of yourself.

Real pain (IMHO) is when people reject your Love.
Very similar to Loneliness because there is no one around to love but we can change that. Go to the needy, they are everywhere. They need Love just like you need to give it.

Get a spiritual director.

God’s faithful and joyful servant when I get to Love,
John A. H.
 
If “getting out of your shell to start living” means abandoning your faith, then no. By living well for so many years, you have proven that you are capable of dealing with these issues.

If you abandon you faith now, you will regret it for eternity; it isn’t worth it. Have you read The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis? It may help you shed some light on your situation.
 
Fire your psychiatrist and see a good priest.

Seriously, You need to understand what is going on in your spiritual life. There is peace in taking up your daily cross.
 
Perhpas not necessary to fire your psychiatrist I dont think (I suffer Bipolar Disorder) since to ask you to go out and start living is quite healthy if you are withdrawing from others. Be that as it may I know that when dealing with depression and anxiety to do such can be overwhelmingly difficult, even frightening…but to start to make little steps of your own discerning and making to less withdraw and get yourself mixing with others would be the best of moves for sure in dealing with depression and anxiety. Initially this may seem to increase the anxiety and depression, but if you persevere and in conjunction with your doctor, there will be rewards.
My own experience is that psychiatry is God’s gift to us through medicine to alleviate mental suffering and illness…psychiatrists are not gods and most know it. While there are bad doctors and misdiagnosis etc. in psychiatry, in the main most are quite good…just as in normal type medicine and doctors.
I also agree that you need spiritual direction and I will be praying you will be able to find this with a Catholic director who insights mental illness.
My own condition has totally stabilized through a good psychiatrist and also good sound spiritual direction. It also means that you need to work too and follow advice…this can be very difficult but necessary. As you do begin to work yourself and by trying to less withdraw, give feedback always to your doctor and your director on how things are going with trying to follow their advice.

Never give up hope! And I am relating my own story in part as I think it is one that does present reasons to hope. When I first got ill my doctors stated I would be a cot case for the rest of my life and I was a very sick person, very sick, with major psychosis and withdrawal from reality totally and for a while catatonic (such was the level of depression and anxiety that my whole consious self shut down shutting down too my physical mobility) in a back ward of a large psychiatric hospital. This was 30 years ago. It has now been almost 10 years since I was anything but completely normal and am an APlus student on a college campus for adults. In 2004 I was awarded Outstanding Student and it is a normal campus for normal adults - not any sort of special campus for people disabled in some way. So if I can get better, I think anyone can. The doctors do not understand as to precise reasons why around 10 years ago, I suddenly started out the blue to get well…and regarded as in all probability impossible.
Never ever give up hope in The Lord and no matter how bad and dire things may seem.
But you must work too!

I can recall long years of looking at other people wondering what it was to laugh and be happy…of feeling lonely and totally abandoned by both man and God…and of ***crying in the darkness. ***I have known Hell too!

My heart goes out to you as I know the type of terrible pain you are probably suffering. May The Lord bless you and grant you His Peace and grant your doctor wisdom and insight and send you a good spiritual director who insights mental distress - and do seek one…Barb:)
 
PS…it has just occured to me that a good way to follow your psychiatrist’s advice and also strengthen your spiritual self will be to go to Mass and Holy Communion - perhaps a quiet weekday Mass may be an initial good move for a while. I did this for years as Sunday Mass was too overwhelming for me with all the people. After a while, I got to know some of the people at weekday Mass and this began me being able to go out more and mix with others. I dont mean everyday, but now and then and it will probably be like pushing a barrel uphill with a broken leg and arm…it may be a very hard and difficult thing for you to do and remember I said that initially it may well be very hard and difficult to follow advice and less withdraw. I will be keeping you in daily prayer…Barb:)
 
quote: oikumene
I have given so much to God but instead I get depressions and anxiety plus mental disorders.
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The only thought that I have, oikumene, is that, in depression,
one can keep Jesus company. To be seated, leaning against the foot of His cross.
You don’t even need to say anything to Him. He already knows.
Here is Christ, the Son of God, and God Himself, thinking Himself abandoned by the Father,
as He hung on the cross.

Those who are in great physical distress or outright pain, can lean there, too,
keeping Him silent company. Those who suffer illness of the mind, and/or psychological suffering, can share the emotional pain that Jesus was experiencing.
That dreadful sense of feeling abandoned.

If, for God, all is present - then does He reach across the centuries,
inviting those with profound suffering to keep His Son company in
His agony? I think that He does.

I am praying for you, oikumene. I, too, have some acquaintence with hell, being ill in the way that I am ill. It is said that Mother Teresa experienced darkness, for decades, in that she could not feel the presence of Jesus.Yet she continued to serve her Lord.
It may feel crucifying, to endure depression.

I think that, sometimes, when depression is severe, that God carries us on His shoulders -
knowing how hard it is, sometimes, for an exhausted lamb to walk on his/her own, their being overcome with sadness and a sense of profound loss.

God be with you, oikumene. I ask God, in my poor prayers,
to lessen your suffering, and to comfort your heart.

reen12
 
Job, who was a good Hebrew, lost everything – his wealth, his family, his health. His friends tried to persuade him he that deserved all his misfortunes. Job was defensive and impatient. He lost his humility – in fact, he yelled at God. In his grief, discouragement, and anguish he lamented:

“My spirit is broken, my lamp of life extinguished…”

But Job did not stop yearning for God – he did not forget his faith. He said:

“Though I know my complaint is bitter, his hand is heavy upon me in my groanings. Oh, that today I might find him, that I might come to his judgment seat!” (23:2-3)

God sent Elihu to Job, who told Job to stop making God accountable to him – and who reminded Job:

“In great oppression men cry out; they call for help because of the power of the mighty … Remember you should extol his work, which men have praised in song… He it is who changes their rounds, according to his plans, in their task upon the surface of the earth, whether for punishment or mercy, as he commands”
(35:9, 36:24, 37:12-13).

Job finally acknowledged God’s right to give and to take away, and he praised God … he acknowledged that God, and the hope of the afterlife, are the most important treasures.

Read Job’s story (one of the Wisdom books in the Bible) – about suffering and of faith, and about acknowledging God’s power, presence and wisdom.

Please rest in the Lord during this very long trial. Remember this is temporary. God has helped you to endure so far. He will continue to grace you, to help you endure … Keep seeking Him, listening to Him, and perfecting yourself in Him. Look for the good – be mindful of God’s glory in all that is good. Sometimes he will send others to be His instrument, to help you on your journey of faith. He never leaves you.
 
quiet52 said:
Job, who was a good Hebrew, lost everything – his wealth, his family, his health. His friends tried to persuade him he that deserved all his misfortunes. Job was defensive and impatient. He lost his humility – in fact, he yelled at God. In his grief, discouragement, and anguish he lamented:

“My spirit is broken, my lamp of life extinguished…”

But Job did not stop yearning for God – he did not forget his faith. He said:

“Though I know my complaint is bitter, his hand is heavy upon me in my groanings. Oh, that today I might find him, that I might come to his judgment seat!” (23:2-3)

God sent Elihu to Job, who told Job to stop making God accountable to him – and who reminded Job:

“In great oppression men cry out; they call for help because of the power of the mighty … Remember you should extol his work, which men have praised in song… He it is who changes their rounds, according to his plans, in their task upon the surface of the earth, whether for punishment or mercy, as he commands”
(35:9, 36:24, 37:12-13).

Job finally acknowledged God’s right to give and to take away, and he praised God … he acknowledged that God, and the hope of the afterlife, are the most important treasures.

Read Job’s story (one of the Wisdom books in the Bible) – about suffering and of faith, and about acknowledging God’s power, presence and wisdom.

Please rest in the Lord during this very long trial. Remember this is temporary. God has helped you to endure so far. He will continue to grace you, to help you endure … Keep seeking Him, listening to Him, and perfecting yourself in Him. Look for the good – be mindful of God’s glory in all that is good. Sometimes he will send others to be His instrument, to help you on your journey of faith. He never leaves you.
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…excellent advice:thumbsup: …and a great post…To read the story of Job and it is a complete story that can be read from beginning to end almost like a novel, is one of the most affirming and encouraging stories in the Bible of persistence in suffering no matter how bad things get and for poor Job (and wonderful Job) they did get progressively worse to horrific as he lost absolutely everything…
Link to Book of Job - drbo.org/book/20.htm
 
Thank you all for your feedback.

I was a great believer in God but my faith dwindled with every wave of calamity in my life. I think there is a limit how much a person can take.

I have lost faith in God and Jesus and this lack of faith took a process.

Satan has vouched to destroy me with all costs because he knows the good I have done in my life but it seems that God will not allow him.

I thought life was easy to live but unfortunately it is not.

I just hope that God will someday get me out of this ‘pit’ but in the meantime I continue to live as God has His own reasons for me to suffer all this.

Today I saw a lot of ants in my garden and they all do their best to live and do not quit against all odds. An ant gave me courage.

Thank you for your prayers and concern. It feels that I am not alone.

😉
 
You are truly heroic in virtue:thumbsup: …God bless you and keep you and sustain you and grant you His Peace and His Joy…if you do feel down go and watch little ants and I hope and I pray that they will always restore to you, courage and strength with hope…and if you start to feel alone again, start another thread and I hope the prayers and support of fellow members will bring you a sense of companionship…
…Barb:)
 
When Jesus uttered those words from the cross, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani” (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me), it was for our benefit not His. Jesus knows what it is to suffer, even the mental anguish of feeling forsaken.
 
I am glad you have saught psychiatric help or therapy. It is really great that you are working on being happier and I have great admiration for you in doing so. Really, good job.

I went through almost the same thing and I got out of it and am now living joyfully.

I hit rock bottom and wanted to kill myself at one point. No antidepressant and no amount of therapy seemed to kick that ache I had and that struggle I had to go about my day. I used to describe it was walking through jello or water. Everything was a struggle, living was a struggle. I started thinking that it was a spiritual issue.

I found a Priest and later a prayer group to work with me. I told them that I felt opressed and asked them all to help me with deliverance. The first time the Priest prayed a prayer of deliverance from evil over me a fog lifted. Things got better for 3 days and then I slipped into worse then ever. But I didn’t give up because I got a glimpse of hope.

Long story short, it has been 2 years. I’ve been prayed over for deliverance, and “cut cords” between me and family members, and the family tree, and had my house blessed. The list goes on and on. NOW I find myself happy. isn’t that interesting?

I think you should try this. Just because you don’t see demons doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Their whole goal is to make you miserable. Could it be possible that some are working on you?

Love,
Sarah
 
I understand perfectly how you feel. I live in hell, I cry all the time, the diference is that I don’t think of leaving my faith because outside there’s nothing for me, so I think of killing myself. I go to daily Mass, pray constantly and the hole is bigger. I don’t have an answer for you, I can only tell you that I understand the hell you live in. Perhaps if I pray for you and you pray for me…
 
tessi said:
I understand perfectly how you feel. I live in hell, I cry all the time, the diference is that I don’t think of leaving my faith because outside there’s nothing for me, so I think of killing myself. I go to daily Mass, pray constantly and the hole is bigger. I don’t have an answer for you, I can only tell you that I understand the hell you live in. Perhaps if I pray for you and you pray for me…
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Again please consider getting prayed over for deliverance. It’s worth a shot isn’t it? And it can’t possibly hurt anything.
 
You shouldn’t have to live with such sadness. Getting out doesn’t necessarily mean abandoning faith. Try to join some religious groups if that is where you have an interest. Seeing new places and meeting new people can make a world of difference. Boredom and stagnancy can also lead to depression as it is the body’s natural way of asking for change.
 
I know it seems trite to recommend a book for such serious conditions, but have any of you heard of Sr. Kathryn James Hermes? She’s a Daughter of St. Paul and writes for Living Faith, so you may have read her there. She has a few books available that many people have found helpful: Surviving Depression, Prayers for Surviving Depression, The Surviving Depression Journal (are we catching onto a theme here? :o ), and Making Peace with Yourself.

Maybe these would be helpful to those of you suffering from depression, bipolar, and anxiety disorders.

Also, I wanted to mention that I certainly wouldn’t fire your psychiatrist for suggesting that you “get out into the world.” It’s good advice. For one thing, you would be wise to continue getting psychological, medical help ALONG WITH spiritual guidance and care.
 
Coreopisis said:
Again please consider getting prayed over for deliverance. It’s worth a shot isn’t it? And it can’t possibly hurt anything.
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I recommend the St. Pio Center for Deliverance Counseling, especially doing the Seven Steps to Self-Deliverance. You can get that information through their Help Page.
 
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