God vs. Sexual immorality

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It has been mentioned yet, and it has to be mentioned for this discussion to be properly rooted.

Chastity is not the same thing as abstinence.
A person can be sexually active and be chaste.
For the sake of the OP’s peace of mind:
Chastity is the successful integration of a person’s sexuality within the whole person, ordered to the state of life that person is in. That includes married folk who are shakin the house several times a week, and single people who exercise a lot. All are called to chastity.
Chastity is not a drudging state of rigorous self denial. Although if chastity means you are called to refrain from sex when you want it, that can be difficult.

And the answer to addressing difficulty is, “keep on living”. (my father would have stated this as “just grow up”.)
The Way is not always accompanied by warm blankets. If you think refraining from sex is hard, try raising yourself from the dead. Chastity will seem like a cakewalk.
 
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I think that they meant “Having sex only one time ever”

Still made me chuckle.
 
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FiveLinden said:
As an unbeliever I can understand why a Catholic would wish to remain celibate before marriage. But is it acceptable to actively seek someone who has also always been celibate? Surely there is an element of judging and of non-forgiveness in that desire? Why should it matter for a moment to a celibate Catholic whether a potential partner has also always been celibate? What business is it of anyone else?
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Neither my wife of I were virgins when married. Both of us had sexual relations with others during our earlier years. So there was room for growth in both of us. And plenty of water to go under the bridge and downstream forever.

God restores lost innocence. God saves his people from the stench of their past. Love does that; it is creative, and restorative. It is a balm.
 
1ke said:
Um. Every person who has ever lived, yes.
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My reply would be, every person who has lived 21 years knows exactly how hard that is. The world and hormones are no different now than they were in any other time, temptation and urges are not some modern invention.

No one ever said that being a Christian was easy.
 
HopkinsReb said:
I always find it quite odd when young people assume that nobody knows what they’re going through. Every single person older than you knows what it is like to be your age. But you don’t know what it’s like to be their age. Believe me, we get it and sympathize.
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I’m pretty sure some young people think that older practicing Catholics just sort of hatched out of the womb as great Catholics and never struggled with sin or fell off the path at any time between age 10 and age 65.

Life is not like that. A number of the older people you see down at church acting holy went through pretty serious and sinful stuff which led to a renewed and more zealous appreciation of Jesus.
 
Great sinners can become even greater saints. The one who falls but is picked up will likely have far greater appreciation for the one who picked them up than those who never fell at all.
 
goout said:
Neither my wife of I were virgins when married. Both of us had sexual relations with others during our earlier years. So there was room for growth in both of us. And plenty of water to go under the bridge and downstream forever.

God restores lost innocence. God saves his people from the stench of their past. Love does that; it is creative, and restorative. It is a balm.
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This is the case for many Catholics, and I wasn’t a virgin when I married either, but I know other people who were Catholic virgins when they married, and it was important to them. The bottom line is that there’s room for all kinds of different couples, and all kinds of different rankings of factors for choosing a spouse.

We just had a thread involving someone who was having serious difficulties accepting that her husband was not a virgin when they met and married, even though whatever he did happened before they even met. Obviously it might have been easier for that person if she had married a virgin. I myself wouldn’t have cared, but that’s me, and I would have had different things as the top priorities.

People don’t all want the exact same things, which is good because it allows more people to find the person who is uniquely suited to be their forever spouse.
 
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ineedofmercy said:
I try to believe sex is overrated
But I also despise how even in marriage you can barely have it
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???

The couple gives themselves to each other in the exchange of vows. There is never even one moment after that valid exchange where the marital act is forbidden (there are times when it is imprudent or inconvenient, for instance, when you are in the middle of Target or when you are hosting a dinner party or when your spouse is down sick with the flu or due to medical issues such as a high risk pregnancy or post natal healing time).
 
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I am also a 20YO male in college and am also a male. It is hard with all the temptations of college life, especially considering the hookup and party cultures. That said, we know that we are made for better. Don’t do something you will regret later.

The biggest motivator I have for myself when I’m feeling down and out on this is to think of whomever my future wife is (if this is my vocation). Would I want to think of my future wife having sex because she wants to feel normal? Absoultely not, id be sad about that. The same goes for her if I was having sex she would be disappointed. Think the same way for yourself.

Believe me I understand your “level the playing field” comment. I often feel like I’m behind the 8 ball and no Catholic girls are out there. But they are, get involved in religious clubs or campus ministry.

Of course this can lead to temptations of pornography and masturbation which I fell into and it’s really a deep pit to climb out of. But ask St. Ann and St. Joseph as well as St. Raphael and St. Valentine to watch over you and your future spouse and if this is the will of God, let you two meet in His time.

As to your worry about not meeting a virgin spouse, I don’t understand this. Sure it would be nice to have both spouses be virgins, but don’t forget nobody is perfect and people make mistakes. Anyone can turn their life around with the help of God! So if you find someone that you think shares your faith and interests and everything but isn’t a virgin, don’t just write them off. They might be a changed person or could use your help and mercy to get there!

Please read up on JPII’s Theology of the Body, and watch some YouTube videos from Jason Evert and Matt Fradd. You will enjoy them and will be very helpful.

Keep fighting brother, I’m in the exact same situation as you
 
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Just to get this out there - felt that multiple of your responses were “suggestive” towards this:

NFP is not 100% moral “birth control”, even NFP can be sinful. It has to be used correctly. Marriage has to be aimed towards God and procreation, if someone uses NFP specifically to never have kids or not even be open to the possibility, this is a mortal sin.

As such, all your comments on “being able when you can’t get pregnant” → if that’s the aim of your actions then that is sinful. The sim must be to love each other not to prevent having kids. And if there is never an opportunity for kids, this is mortal sin.

Jason Evert in his talk Green Sex covers this quite well
 
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GospelOfMatthew said:
if someone uses NFP specifically to never have kids or not even be open to the possibility, this is a mortal sin.
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Be careful accusing people of mortal sin when you go beyond the teaching of the Church.

The Church does not teach that a married couple must have children or that they cannot avoid conception for all of their fertile years. The Church leaves that decision up to the couple to discern.
 
CCC. 1660 : “The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the Creator. By its very nature it is ordered to the good of the couple, as well as to the generation and education of children”

Fr. Thomas Urban articulates: “So, if one of these conditions is intentionally left out, then no marriage takes place,” he said. “I’ll marry you but not for the rest of our lives — no marriage. Or, I’ll marry you only if I can continue my bachelor lifestyle — no marriage. Or, I’ll marry you but I will not have any children — no marriage.”

Catholic Wedding Vow often includes: “Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?”

So I am confused on your point here
 
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GospelOfMatthew said:
As to your worry about not meeting a virgin spouse, I don’t understand this. Sure it would be nice to have both spouses be virgins, but don’t forget nobody is perfect and people make mistakes. Anyone can turn their life around with the help of God! So if you find someone that you think shares your faith and interests and everything but isn’t a virgin, don’t just write them off. They might be a changed person or could use your help and mercy to get there!
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I’ve thought about this. I guess what I meant to say is that my fear is not in possibly not finding a virgin, but finding someone who will think of me as inexperienced or too innocent. So like if I find a virgin, then great, this is not an issue. But if I don’t I won’t write them off, but I’d have the fear that they’d, even if they’ve changed, have at the back of their mind the thought of me being inexperienced.
GospelOfMatthew said:
Keep fighting brother, I’m in the exact same situation as you
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You too man, I’ll be praying for you!
 
I don’t seek it out (fighting my addiction to porn but I don’t seek it out in TV or games)
But it can pop up anywhere
Ads usually
I tend to ignore them but because it can start a bad temptation attack it sucks

You can just walk through the city or looks at ads on a bus can still be there
Or be watching safe YouTube and Ad block doesht stop them

Worst thing that can happen on good day away from temptation
 
No I never meant that I personally want to never have kids

I was talking about a good 2 year space between kids
NFP is far from effective but we don’t want it to be contraception
We want it be my wife and I want to share this act but would prefer maybe not another kid right now
Very open to them in the future

Or you feel you probably have enough kids
But still long for your spouse
Sure some will say the very easily said answer of “just don’t have sex if you don’t want anymore kids”
But sex isn’t just for kids
Women aren’t baby factories

The argument of “just don’t do it” always gets on my nerves
There is a better way of saying it
For example “it may be your unfortunate cross to bear that you must for whatever reason restrict your loving desire”

My main point is
It’s not just purely selfish or lustful (though it likely in part) for a person or couple to want to have sex somewhat frequently (especially when younger)
I feel like it’s not wrong for them to hurt and disappointed when they realize they must abstain to avoid certain issues despite their desire. Especially when they see what world does while they patiently wait
Sure our reward will be great , sex is overrated, and it’s not supposed to be easy but I mean
It’s ok to admit that the situation is kinda sad
 
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Walterross said:
I will hang in there, but I do have the fear that I won’t find someone who practices the same as I do.
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Keep, praying about it, as it is said in Sirach 26:23 A godless wife is given as a portion to a lawless man,but a pious wife is given to the man who fears the Lord.

So,don’t worry God will reward you according.
 
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