First of all let me apologize: I’m from Sweden and this is certainly an area where my English isn’t sufficient. If I sometimes use the wrong words (does, for example, demons visit?) I’m counting on your forgiveness.
I was away from the church for what seemed like a very long time. After years of secular life i ended up with a group och existensialist communists who read De Sade and Foucault and Marx. I guess every prodigal son out there knows when they hit bottom - I still believe i’m probably the only one who found salvation in Foucault!
John Paul II died and I found myself crying and praying in my studio apartment in the left-wing quarters of my city. And I started going to mass again. Six months later I could not stand anything about my old life anymore. I was struggling to keep the friends I had made. I had a picture of Mary in my apartment but I kept my childhood crucifix in a drawer, since I was afraid my friends would totally turn their backs on me if I’d hang it on the wall. I felt guilty about hiding Jesus in a drawer but I still did.
And so one night I dreamt, - i don’t know what - all I can remember is the face of a demon grinning at me. I woke up terrified and spent a good hour convincing myself it wasn’t for real. I didn’t believe in the existence of the devil, you see, even though I could clearly sense that the demon was standing in my apartment, by my bed. I couldn’t SEE him but I knew him to be there.
I went back to sleep - the dream came back. I was desperate to get some sleep and so while muttering to myself that I was being totally ridiculous I got up and fetched the crucifix, a needle and a hammer and hung it and a rosary above my bed. I said a few hail marys and fell asleep. And slept through the night.
The next night the dream was back. The demon was in his corner by my bed when I woke up and I was so afraid I could hardly move. Somehow I knew what to do. For years, and especially a few weeks before it first happened, God had equipped me. A priest had given me a prayerbook - in it i found St Michaels rosary. I remembered another time when God had made sure i’d treasure chapter twelve in the book of revelations. I read that chapter out loud to the demon - I could tell he didn’t like it. A friend had told me an innocent joke about a monk and the devil that somehow inspired me not to be afraid. Someone had gotten me holy water in a bottle. All of a sudden i found that the completorium i had known since i was a child was full of prayers of deliverence. I don’t know how i never realised that before. It went on like that. I took to torturing this demon most nights. And I always succeeded. Or rather, God always did. After a while I wasn’t afraid of those dreams anymore - just irritated. I’d wake up from the dream muttering “oh would you let me get some sleep already - i’m sick and tired of you and your ghouls!”
A few weeks and perhaps 20-30 dreams later it stopped.
During that time I had never asked a priest for help - I assumed no one would believe me. But I told my sister and she got very upset and told me to get the apartment blessed. So I asked a priest to help me with that, and he did. I told the priest something of what had been happening, and he blessed the crucifix above my bed with some special prayer. Then I emailed another priest and asked for advice. He said he believed me, and that the fact that I was in the process of going back to the Church makes it very believable. Other than that he said I shouldn’t worry. This was not obsession. Or a curse. This was God letting me fight a little (emphasis on little) to set my head straight. It was a bit of a test, I had passed, and there’s no reason to believe I’m in any trouble. And since then nothing has happened. I’ve taken a liking to St Michael and my own guardian angel (I hope he forgives me for not believing in his existence for the first 22 years of my life).
But I can’t help wondering about the devil’s strategy. I mean he is a very intelligent spirit. What did he hope to accomplish? Did he think he could scare me back into sin? He scared me right into the arms of God! Who in their right minds finds his lies attractive when you’ve just been scared senseless by one of his guys? Today as I was browsing the forums I found at least one very similar story - the devil showing his ugliness just as you’re being saved. And the priest i emailed said it is common. And I’ve read about it since. So - does anyone have a story to share? Or an explanation?
) )
