Going to Confession When One Doesn't "Feel" Sorry

[Scout]

Should a person go to Confession even if they don’t “feel” sorry for their sins, perhaps in the hopes that their heart will change by going to Confession?

Is the Act of Contrition, as a prayer, more powerful than a person’s emotions? Is it wrong to make an Act of Contrition when one isn’t really sorry for their sins? Is it wrong to go to Confession only to be able to receive Holy Communion?

I know there are a lot of questions here, but I’m just curious as to what others think about these issues.

Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[Karl_M]

If I understand you correctly, you’re asking about going to Confession when you don’t feel “sorry,” you just don’t want to go to Hell, the question being “Should I still go?”

The answer is YES-GO TO CONFESSION. This is called imperfect contrition.

You should tell the priest the situation. If memory serves me correctly, you can obtain absolution through imperfect contrition, but only through Sacramental Confession.

Imperfect contrition is not grounds for refusing absolution-but not having a firm purpose of ammendment is.

 

[LilyM]

Feelings are the worst possible guide as to whether you are truly sorry - or truly in love or anything else, for that matter.

If you recognise the offense your sins have caused to God and have the intent to apologise and amend your life, then you’re fine. Even if you’re just scared of Hell that’s good enough for confession.

 

[Scout]

If I understand you correctly, you’re asking about going to Confession when you don’t feel “sorry,” you just don’t want to go to Hell, the question being “Should I still go?”

The answer is YES-GO TO CONFESSION. This is called imperfect contrition.

You should tell the priest the situation. If memory serves me correctly, you can obtain absolution through imperfect contrition, but only through Sacramental Confession.

Imperfect contrition is not grounds for refusing absolution-but not having a firm purpose of ammendment is.

I understand what you’re saying. However, isn’t it just sinning more by making the Act of Contrition, because you’re lying when you say you’re sorry when you’re not. Plus, you’re making a vow to amend your life, when you probably have no intention of doing so.

So, by making an imperfect contrition, you’re receiving absolution at the same time you’re sinning for lying?

I’m not trying to be arguementative. I’m just having trouble understanding some of these issues that are running around in my head.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[cecilia97]

I understand what you’re saying. However, isn’t it just sinning more by making the Act of Contrition, because you’re lying when you say you’re sorry when you’re not. Plus, you’re making a vow to amend your life, when you probably have no intention of doing so.

So, by making an imperfect contrition, you’re receiving absolution at the same time you’re sinning for lying?

I’m not trying to be arguementative. I’m just having trouble understanding some of these issues that are running around in my head.

Scout :tiphat:

If you do intend to try to avoid sinning in the future, and you are sorry in any way, even just to save your own skin from hell, that is enough. It’s not ideal, which is why it’s called imperfect contrition. But none of us are perfect.

 

[Scout]

If you do intend to try to avoid sinning in the future, and you are sorry in any way, even just to save your own skin from hell, that is enough. It’s not ideal, which is why it’s called imperfect contrition. But none of us are perfect.

What if you don’t intent to try to avoid sinning in the future? What if you’re perfectly comfortable with your life, including whatever sin you happen to be in, and don’t want to change? That doesn’t mean that that may change in the future, but right now you’re perfectly fine with where you are spiritually. Is Confession, at this point, purely for selfsh reasons-just so you can receive Holy Communion-basically so you won’t be embarressed at Mass by not receiving?

Scout :tiphat:

 

[Tantum_ergo]

There is a difference, Scout, as the others noted, between somebody who is sorrowful for sin yet is having a difficult time ‘feeling sorry’ – and somebody who is NOT sorrowful but it just trying to pay lip service to ‘get something.’ Think of St. Augustine. He spent years begging for chastity --but not yet! He had trouble ‘feeling sorry’ because he struggled with the sin of lust–sexual sin ‘felt’ good but in his mind and heart he KNEW it was wrong and offended God which made him sorry for the pain he caused God–but for a long time not ‘sorry enough’ to give up the sin completely.

Now if St. Augustine had just said, “Well, I’ll tell Father X I’m sorry about the lust so that I can receive communion and be a bishop, even though I still don’t feel sorry because the sin feels so GOOD and I’m gonna keep on sinning”–then it’s not at all about hurting GOD–it’s about getting what ‘I’ WANT at any cost, even lying and stealing.

 

[turtle18]

Hi, I am in my mid 30s. I recently moved and was unpacking. The other day I found a book my grandfather gave me when I made my first communion when I was 8. So it is over 28 years old. There is a question in it. (aimed towards little children) “I commited a sin but I’m not sorry for it? Should I confess it anyway?” The answer says “Yes” Even just acknowledging it is wrong in Confession is enough to be pardoned for it.

I felt like there was a reason for this because I was thumbing through the Cathecism and came across a sin that I had committed that I didn’t realize was a sin. After reading it in the Cathecism and then realizing the Biblical basis for it, I thought, hmmm I could see why this is a sin. So I confessed it at my next confession because I realized I had sinned but I felt no true guilt over it. After confession, I kept wondering about, because I was repentant of all my sins except this one.

Then about a month later I came across this book my grandfather gave me and opened it straight to that question. My 28 year old book that I hadn’t seen or read in 28 years.

 

[LilyM]

What if you don’t intent to try to avoid sinning in the future? What if you’re perfectly comfortable with your life, including whatever sin you happen to be in, and don’t want to change? That doesn’t mean that that may change in the future, but right now you’re perfectly fine with where you are spiritually. Is Confession, at this point, purely for selfsh reasons-just so you can receive Holy Communion-basically so you won’t be embarressed at Mass by not receiving?

Scout :tiphat:

Confession without some genuine contrition - perfect or imperfect - isn’t even valid, so you CAN’T attend Confession ‘just so you can receive Holy Communion’. You won’t be able to receive, at least not without sacrilege, since your sins won’t have been absolved.

 

[Scout]

Confession without some genuine contrition - perfect or imperfect - isn’t even valid, so you CAN’T attend Confession ‘just so you can receive Holy Communion’. You won’t be able to receive, at least not without sacrilege, since your sins won’t have been absolved.

I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying here. Could you explain more, please?

Scout :tiphat:

 

[baltobetsy]

Scout, every valid sacrament has two elements, matter and form. For baptism, the matter is the water flowing over the person, and the form is the words, “I baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” For Holy Eucharist, the matter is wheat bread and grape wine, and the form is the words of consecration, “This is My Body” and “This is the cup of My Blood.”

For Confession, the matter (without which there is no sacrament) is the sins of the penitent and the sorrow for the sins. The form is the words of absolution, the most important of which are, “I absolve you from your sins, in the name of the Father, etc.”

So if you go to confession without any sorrow for your sins, the matter of the sacrament is missing, and there is no sacrament. The priest may say the words of the form, but God knows your heart and knows that the matter is missing, and your sins are not forgiven.

Does this help clarify?

Betsy

 

[rayne89]

The act of contrition starts “O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee…”
Are you saying you are not sorry for offending God? I don’t mean this as an accusation -I’m just trying to clarify.

 

[Scout]

The act of contrition starts “O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee…”
Are you saying you are not sorry for offending God? I don’t mean this as an accusation -I’m just trying to clarify.

I think that’s what I’m saying. I mean, you know you’ve offended God by sinning, but you’re not really sorry that you sinned. You know that you sinned in your head, but your heart doesn’t feel anything.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[LilyM]

I think that’s what I’m saying. I mean, you know you’ve offended God by sinning, but you’re not really sorry that you sinned. You know that you sinned in your head, but your heart doesn’t feel anything.

Scout :tiphat:

Saying you AREN’T sorry is different from saying you don’t FEEL sorry. And you can be sorry without especially feeling sorry.

If anything, going to confession simply because you know you’ve offended God sounds to me a lot like making the decision to pray even when you don’t emotionally ‘feel’ very prayerful. It can in fact be a sign of a soul-deep commitment to God that you’d choose not to let your feelings govern your behaviour and avoid confession because you didn’t ‘feel’ sorry.

Like my mother often says ‘I’ll always love you, that doesn’t mean I always have to LIKE you’ Faith and love are similar in this way - there are times when sheer will carries us through when our ‘feelings’ would otherwise get in the way.

Do you at least at any point make a resolution to yourself not to commit those same sins again?

 

[baltobetsy]

A test I sometimes use for myself is to ask whether, given the same circumstances, I would do the same thing again. If the answer is, yes, I have not turned from my sin. If the answer is no, that I would not do the sin again, given the chance, that means that, no matter what feelings I perceive within myself, that I am sorry. And certainly sorry enough to be forgiven by sacramental confession.

Betsy

 

[Corki]

Scout, contrition involves an intent not to commit that sin again.

Now we are not perfect and all of us fail at that committment now and again but in order to validly receive absolution we have to want to succeed and want to stay away from the sin. This is why people in irregular marriages can’t get absolution until their situation is resolved. They may be very sorry for getting married outside the Church but if they know they are going to continue to live as man and wife, they can’t have the intent to avoid the sin.

Sorrow for sin should not be confused with the emotion of sorrow. I heard one of the EWTN priests (maybe Fr. Corapi) talk about this. He said if you know it was wrong in your head but don’t feel it was wrong in your heart you should still go to Confession. The act of humbly admitting your sin and your intent to stay away from the sin is the beginning step to turning your heart back to God.

 

[Scout]

Saying you AREN’T sorry is different from saying you don’t FEEL sorry. Like my mother often says ‘I’ll always love you, that doesn’t mean I always have to LIKE you’

Do you at least at any point have the wish not to commit those same sins again?

It’s like you’re not at the point that you wish not to commit those same sins again, but you also know you should want to not want to commit those sins again (even if you’re not at that point). You know in your head that you should be at that point, but your heart isn’t there.

You want to want to be there…

Does that make sense, or does it just complicate the issue more?

Scout :tiphat:

 

[LilyM]

A test I sometimes use for myself is to ask whether, given the same circumstances, I would do the same thing again. If the answer is, yes, I have not turned from my sin. If the answer is no, that I would not do the sin again, given the chance, that means that, no matter what feelings I perceive within myself, that I am sorry. And certainly sorry enough to be forgiven by sacramental confession.

Betsy

You mean whether in the same circumstances you would WANT to do the same thing again surely? We’re all weak and feeble enough to find ourselves, against our better jugdgement, doing the same thing again in the same situation, since most of us have habitual sins and imperfections.

 

[LilyM]

It’s like you’re not at the point that you wish not to commit those same sins again, but you also know you should want to not want to commit those sins again (even if you’re not at that point). You know in your head that you should be at that point, but your heart isn’t there.

You want to want to be there…

Does that make sense, or does it just complicate the issue more?

Scout :tiphat:

Let’s ask a question - why exactly are you confessing something that you don’t actually NOT wish to do again?

 

[baltobetsy]

You mean whether in the same circumstances you would WANT to do the same thing again surely? We’re all weak and feeble enough to find ourselves, against our better jugdgement, doing the same thing again in the same situation, since most of us have habitual sins and imperfections.

How about “intend?”

Betsy