Going vegetarian while married?

[Geist]

For some time the horrors of the industrial meat system in the US has weighed on my conscience, and for months I have considered easing myself into a vegetarian (not vegan-cage free eggs are fine by my reasoning) diet.

The health benefits would be a nice perk too.

Religiously speaking, CCC 2415 through 2418 are most relevant here.

I was hoping someone who has been in this situation before can advise me. For you see…

My wife has no interest in this, and she does 80% of the cooking.

I wish to avoid conflict and preserve domestic harmony, how do I broach this subject? Surely someone else has tread this path before?

 

[Trident_H]

For some time the horrors of the industrial meat system in the US has weighed on my conscience, and for months I have considered easing myself into a vegetarian (not vegan-cage free eggs are fine by my reasoning) diet.

The health benefits would be a nice perk too.

Religiously speaking, CCC 2415 through 2418 are most relevant here.

I was hoping someone who has been in this situation before can advise me. For you see…

My wife has no interest in this, and she does 80% of the cooking.

I wish to avoid conflict and preserve domestic harmony, how do I broach this subject? Surely someone else has tread this path before?

I guess you could offer to make your own meals. I don’t know.

 

[styrgwillidar]

For some time the horrors of the industrial meat system in the US has weighed on my conscience, and for months I have considered easing myself into a vegetarian (not vegan-cage free eggs are fine by my reasoning) diet.

The health benefits would be a nice perk too.

Religiously speaking, CCC 2415 through 2418 are most relevant here.

I was hoping someone who has been in this situation before can advise me. For you see…

My wife has no interest in this, and she does 80% of the cooking.

I wish to avoid conflict and preserve domestic harmony, how do I broach this subject? Surely someone else has tread this path before?

If you decide to go vegan/vegetarian/pescatarian it will impose a burden on your wife trying to either make two different meals (a real pain) or choosing to do this with you.

My call would be for you to step up and do at least 50% of the cooking — including making separate meals for you and her. Or… go hunting and get your meat outside the industry.

Vegan/Vegatarian aren’t necessarily healthier. You do need to do a lot of research on what nutrients (fats/vitamins/minerals) you’ll need to replace that you are currently getting from meat. Some of the most chronically sick folks I’ve known have been vegans. Ironic in their lecturing me on how much healthier they were, yet they always had a cold/flu whatever from a malnourished immune system when I haven’t even had a cold in years. (I was a pescatarian for ~5 years to clear the arteries- I don’t see avoiding meat as a moral choice at all). I would recommend reading Dr. Dean Ornish if you can find his first couple of books- ‘Stress, Diet and Your Heart’ is a good start.

 

[bitterhope]

Cage free eggs aren’t really much better in terms of animal care. If you are wanting to keep eating eggs but not aid the industry, buy from a local source or from the farmers market. They will have free range hens instead of cage free–there is a difference. I have free range chickens and have bought some “retired” hens from an organic, cage free poultry farm not far from where I live. The hens are not in good shape and take a lot of TLC to get them well enough to let out of the coop with the other hens. You can also find local resources for meat raised humanely. If your wife is unwilling to go vegetarian with you maybe you could compromise with humane local meat and eggs. Most people aren’t in a position to raise their own but finding a local source might be possible.

I do understand your reservations and I wish you luck in finding a solution both you and your wife can live with.

 

[Sen]

Is it just factory farmed meat that bothers you? Would you be willing to purchase meat from local farmers? The animals have usually been kept in much more humane conditions. It would be more expensive than meat from the grocery store but you’d probably feel more comfortable eating it.

If your wife isn’t willing to go vegetarian or cook two separate meals every night though I guess you could take over more of the cooking. Or eat a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Maybe she’d agree to cutting back on meat in your diets? Maybe you could start by eating meat free 2 or 3 times a week and go from there?

BTW, this blog is one of my favorite sources for vegetarian recipes. Her recipes are yummy and usually don’t have to many exotic ingredients.

cookieandkate.com/

 

[AClaire11]

How often does your family eat meat now? If it’s most days, maybe your wife could cook 3 meatless meals a week and you could make your own meals on other days, or compromise and eat less meat instead of none. I don’t think it’s fair at all to expect her to make two separate meals or change her diet. There are also some meals where you can add meat to some portions but not to others, like stir fry, pizza, and pasta.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Omnivores and vegetarians can and do live together peacefully and happily. I can attest to this. The key is mutual respect. If you are happily married, your wife may be happy to cook vegetarian items for you. What you should not do is try to force your food preferences on her.

 

[crystal_waters]

I’m vegetarian and the way I handle any shared meal situation where I’m eating food others cook for me is that I eat the same meal as them, I just ask them to leave the serving of meat off my plate…you cant expect to change your wife’s mind any more than your wife can expect you to change yours and have you eat meat again…the easiest harmonious non arguementive way to dine together is to eat the same meals and your wife can eat her meat while you just skip the portion of meat

God bless you

Crystal waters

For some time the horrors of the industrial meat system in the US has weighed on my conscience, and for months I have considered easing myself into a vegetarian (not vegan-cage free eggs are fine by my reasoning) diet.

The health benefits would be a nice perk too.

Religiously speaking, CCC 2415 through 2418 are most relevant here.

I was hoping someone who has been in this situation before can advise me. For you see…

My wife has no interest in this, and she does 80% of the cooking.

I wish to avoid conflict and preserve domestic harmony, how do I broach this subject? Surely someone else has tread this path before?

 

[twf]

Perhaps you could get her interested in the Byzantine tradition and approach it as a matter of fasting rather than just a diet . Eastern Catholics / Orthodox of the Byzantine tradition are called to abstain from all meat, fish, and dairy every Wednesday and Friday throughout the year as well as during four distinct fasting seasons over the course of the year. There’s no reason why we Latins couldn’t adopt a similar discipline - healthy for soul and body.

 

[Xantippe]

For some time the horrors of the industrial meat system in the US has weighed on my conscience, and for months I have considered easing myself into a vegetarian (not vegan-cage free eggs are fine by my reasoning) diet.

The health benefits would be a nice perk too.

Religiously speaking, CCC 2415 through 2418 are most relevant here.

I was hoping someone who has been in this situation before can advise me. For you see…

My wife has no interest in this, and she does 80% of the cooking.

I wish to avoid conflict and preserve domestic harmony, how do I broach this subject? Surely someone else has tread this path before?

I think you get to do 80% of the dinner cooking now.

Also, maybe it doesn’t make sense to go 100% vegetarian when you don’t object to meat-eating per se but to inhumane treatment of animals? As people have mentioned, there are lots of options these days if you are willing to put the time and effort into researching and purchasing meat. You’ll probably wind up with less meat for the same money, but it wouldn’t be a vegetarian diet.

By the way, do you have children?

And also, do you have a tendency to make extreme snap judgments? If you have a history of doing that and dragging your wife along, expect some pushback from your wife.

Also, make sure your doctor is aware of your activities, especially if you go 100% vegetarian.

 

[pensmama87]

Actually, we were able to buy local meat this year for less than the grocery price, but it did take some time researching. But now we have a freezer full.

I would recommend this route as well. Maybe ask if you could do another meatless day/week, and use the savings for a “bulk meat” fund (we set aside a portion of our grocery budget for this reason).

 

[maryjk]

I think you get to do 80% of the dinner cooking now.

Yep. Unless you plan on making a meal out of whatever your wife cooks, you need to step up and do the cooking.

 

[Xantippe]

Actually, we were able to buy local meat this year for less than the grocery price, but it did take some time researching. But now we have a freezer full.

Very nice!

marksdailyapple.com/cowpooling/#axzz3t4xeCRdm

One thing that I would point out to the OP is that there is an enormous amount of fairly humanely raised cattle on the hoof in the US. Just drive out into the country and look around–there are cows grazing everywhere you look.

My extended family does small scale cattle ranching (dozens, rather than hundreds of cattle). The baby calves stay with their mommies until they are around 8 months old and then get shipped out to the feed lot, at which point all the stuff you’ve heard about factory farming undoubtedly kicks in. But up until they get on the truck, it is genuinely pretty bucolic and there’s nothing factory-like going on.

 

[Geist]

Very informative answers, thanks all.

I do not have a history of snap judgements, quite the opposite. I trend towards “plodding” in my decision making.

I’m not averse to cooking, and we do have kids. I have no desire to impose my personal dietary decisions on them.

We do have options for “local” meat and dairy, but the farmers market is pretty bare this time of year. I could also keep chickens myself if I get the necessary permit (yay government!).

The primary driver for this was the horrific treatment of animals in our factory “farms”, but after thinking about it for months (that plodding again), I’m kind of at a “why eat animals at all?” juncture in my thought processes.

 

[ahollars]

You could just do seafood, as virtually all of it is processed the moment they come out of the water, or catch your own when you have the time. Hunting is as skill that everyone should know how to do, even if it’s rare.

As for the meat industry, all brands are different. You can even mail order things nowadays. There are options.

 

[bitterhope]

Very nice!

marksdailyapple.com/cowpooling/#axzz3t4xeCRdm

One thing that I would point out to the OP is that there is an enormous amount of fairly humanely raised cattle on the hoof in the US. Just drive out into the country and look around–there are cows grazing everywhere you look.

My extended family does small scale cattle ranching (dozens, rather than hundreds of cattle). The baby calves stay with their mommies until they are around 8 months old and then get shipped out to the feed lot, at which point all the stuff you’ve heard about factory farming undoubtedly kicks in. But up until they get on the truck, it is genuinely pretty bucolic and there’s nothing factory-like going on.

Yes. And here we have feeders and still they are very well cared for. Not even large operations always mean bad things happen. Chicken farms including cage free are more likely to be horrible. It’s easy for them to get away with things because they are all indoor and out if sight. Cows are large and harder to hide. Most are happy in fields most of their life. The pork in the US is just about the best pork in the world in terms of care and health. It is one of the safest places for both the animal and the consumer. There is lots of bad press for the evils of the industry but in all actuality we are blessed to have such a large and plentiful food supply here.

 

[Xantippe]

Yes. And here we have feeders and still they are very well cared for. Not even large operations always mean bad things happen. Chicken farms including cage free are more likely to be horrible. It’s easy for them to get away with things because they are all indoor and out if sight. Cows are large and harder to hide. Most are happy in fields most of their life. The pork in the US is just about the best pork in the world in terms of care and health. It is one of the safest places for both the animal and the consumer. There is lots of bad press for the evils of the industry but in all actuality we are blessed to have such a large and plentiful food supply here.

Yes. Maybe just drop conventional chicken? It sounds like that would do a lot of good.

OP,

You might want to read up on Temple Grandin’s work. She’s devoted her life to humane animal-handling practices (including at places like slaughter houses) within the livestock industry. The HBO bio pic on her is a nice introduction. She’s been very influential in changing the layout of livestock handling facilities to make them more humane and efficient.

grandin.com/design/blueprint/blueprint.html

There’s a lot of concern in the cattle industry about reducing cattle stress for economic reasons.

nmconline.org/articles/stress.htm

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

…We do have options for “local” meat and dairy, but the farmers market is pretty bare this time of year…

That’s what freezers are for. Buy a side of beef and pork, and you’re set for the year. Much cheaper than buying week after week. I’m assuming there is a way to do that with pastured chickens too - or a localish farm that you could go to once a month to stock up. There is research on these more authentically raised animals having many more health benefits that their factory farmed counterparts.

FYI, your wife may have no interest in going vegetarian, but there’s a good chance that if Dad stops eating meat, at least one of the kids is going to want to follow you eventually. So even if you decide to cook all your food yourself, you may very well be bringing this on your wife indirectly.

Aside from that, it is beneficial to be able to eat meatless meals in a healthful way. In this culture, it doesn’t come as naturally and so often vegetarian food means unhealthy food. If your family doesn’t already do healthful meatless on a regular basis, introducing some to them might be really helpful for your kids in the long term.

So I would suggest
1-get a freezer and get large amounts of humanely raised, more healthful meat to put in it, so that your wife can continue to cook the meals she always cooks, and that you can eat with a clean conscience.
2-Find some healthful vegetarian recipes that the whole family can enjoy and cook them yourself. Introduce it gradually - maybe just on Fridays to start, and then add another day of the week after a while. Let it be normal for them to eat healthfully with and without meat, and make meal prep with your wife a team effort. If she decides after a while that she would like to take over the vegetarian cooking from you, great.
3-Make sure that whatever food choices you make are going to be a good example to your family. As one person said, going vegetarian requires research and care to be done healthfully. This isn’t just about you, but about your kids, who are likely to follow your example, and about your wife, who may not care what you eat, but might care a lot about what nourishes her children or what she has to make for them.

 

[Mintaka]

The basic problem with chickens is that chickens are mean to each other.

It really takes a cruel, cruel chicken farm to be meaner than what chickens do of their own accord, unless humans stop 'em.

 

[Xantippe]

That’s what freezers are for. Buy a side of beef and pork, and you’re set for the year. Much cheaper than buying week after week. I’m assuming there is a way to do that with pastured chickens too - or a localish farm that you could go to once a month to stock up. There is research on these more authentically raised animals having many more health benefits that their factory farmed counterparts.

FYI, your wife may have no interest in going vegetarian, but there’s a good chance that if Dad stops eating meat, at least one of the kids is going to want to follow you eventually. So even if you decide to cook all your food yourself, you may very well be bringing this on your wife indirectly.

Aside from that, it is beneficial to be able to eat meatless meals in a healthful way. In this culture, it doesn’t come as naturally and so often vegetarian food means unhealthy food. If your family doesn’t already do healthful meatless on a regular basis, introducing some to them might be really helpful for your kids in the long term.

So I would suggest
1-get a freezer and get large amounts of humanely raised, more healthful meat to put in it, so that your wife can continue to cook the meals she always cooks, and that you can eat with a clean conscience.
2-Find some healthful vegetarian recipes that the whole family can enjoy and cook them yourself. Introduce it gradually - maybe just on Fridays to start, and then add another day of the week after a while. Let it be normal for them to eat healthfully with and without meat, and make meal prep with your wife a team effort. If she decides after a while that she would like to take over the vegetarian cooking from you, great.
3-Make sure that whatever food choices you make are going to be a good example to your family. As one person said, going vegetarian requires research and care to be done healthfully. This isn’t just about you, but about your kids, who are likely to follow your example, and about your wife, who may not care what you eat, but might care a lot about what nourishes her children or what she has to make for them.

That’s very sensible.

Another possible issue–two sets of meals could generate a ridiculous amount of dirty pots and dishes. So think about that in advance.

It might also be feasible to cook your stuff on the weekend in a large batch (for instance in a slow cooker) and then eat through it during the week, reheating and sharing it with the family if they are interested. (Beans would work particularly well reheated.)

It’s very important to avoid isolating yourself from your family in any way, especially at meals. We have a grandpa in the family who is picky and erratic about food (he is often on a diet or just plain skipping meals) and he frequently totally skips family meals. That’s not OK in my book.