Got flamed for telling the truth!

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So I have a male friend who was actually my counter co-star in the last play I acted in, which was a Neil Simon and awesome BTW. Anyway, so, said-friend posts on Facebook that he has asked for a divorce because his wife isn’t keeping her end of the bargain and going out to get a job now that their kids are in school. And he is looking for validation for this decision.
Well, I immediately posted that he needed to get his act together and get his marriage back on track, because his kids would suffer tremendously.
I was the ONLY ONE of all his friends who had this point of view. I was blasted by all sides for not being supportive, not understanding, not this or that…I was really surprised because he is an evangelical protestant and so are most of his friends, and I thought they would take my side, but no. Not one came out and said anything about going back to his wife and working things out.
Weird, huh? Just wanted to share…:eek:
 
Ugh, that’s one of the big downsides of Facebook: things get ugly real fast. Personally, with an issue that sensitive, a PM might have gone better and you wouldn’t have to get the opinions of everyone else.
Though I’m still scratching my head over the “not keeping her end of the bargain” line. Who thinks that way?
 
That’s one of the downsides of facebook. Very personal and sensitive issues get put on display for all to see, and it can lead to some ugly arguments. Posting about a divorce filing falls under one of those things that I wouldn’t give advice on unless my friend asked me specifically about it. But since he posted it, he was essentially opening it up for comments and (name removed by moderator)ut from everyone on his friends list.

I agree with Anna Jane, this is a situation where the PM feature can be useful. You can still tell your friend your concerns that he try to work things out, but you don’t have to open yourself up to getting (name removed by moderator)ut from everyone else.
 
That he wasn’t more private with such affairs to begin with is unfortunate, but regardless of that, your “fraternal correction” would have also been best done in private.

“If thy brother shall offend against thee, go, and rebuke him between thee and him alone. If he shall hear thee, thou shalt gain thy brother” - Matthew 18:15
 
You weren’t wrong but probably should have been done privately.
 
A private talk with your friend concerning a) the sanctity of his marriage in the eyes of God and b) the wisdom of airing family laundry on Facebook would have been a better tack to take. He may have still given your response less than a joyful reception, but that is the way for a discrete friend to offer solicited advice. (Most of the time, friends should refrain from offering unsolicited advice, keeping in mind that giving scandal in voiced opinion or action is a solicitation of rebuke in itself.) It is also in keeping with the Lord’s counsel on how to deal with transgressors in the Church.

Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Luke 17:3

*"If your brother sins (against you), go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ *Matt. 18-15-16
 
joanofarc2008 said:
You weren’t wrong but probably should have been done privately.
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I disagree with this. He put his business out there publicly - the OP needed to respond the say way. All those people now saw true belief in the sanctity of marriage in action — right where they live, on Facebook.

Sad that he’s giving up - but I say YOU GO MUSICIAN for standing up for marriage!!! 👍

~Liza
 
Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. He sounds like he’s in a contract, I give you this, you give me that. Covenant doesn’t work that way.

If he is ready to have her go back to work, is he ready to take on a good share of the laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Ask him, kay? lol

You were a light in the darkness, friend. Good for you. Seems it’s pretty dark out there, huh?
God bless you.
 
Facebook issues aside. that sort of attitude seems prevalent. now. Over the last several months, one of my wife’s friends cheated on her husband, then left him and hooked up with a guy who had cheated on then left his wife to be with her. That relationship ended when they cheated on one another, and now she’s with another divorced guy. Throughout all this, she received nothing but support at each sordid turn. We’ve seen plenty of other friends offer support and sing the praises of their friends who are going through a divorce or actively cheating on their spouse or significant other.
 
lizaanne said:
I disagree with this. He put his business out there publicly - the OP needed to respond the say way. All those people now saw true belief in the sanctity of marriage in action — right where they live, on Facebook.
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Another perspective, you see a friend jump in the mud, does this mean you need to jump in the mud, too?

Besides, true belief very unfortunately is subjective for a lot of people.
 
asia53 said:
Another perspective, you see a friend jump in the mud, does this mean you need to jump in the mud, too?
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If it means witnessing to the Truth to help my friend - show me where to jump!!!

~Liza
 
lizaanne said:
If it means witnessing to the Truth to help my friend - show me where to jump!!!

~Liza
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Ideally you chastise them in private first, to help them avoid scandal. But if this fails, then proceed with public admonition.
 
lizaanne said:
If it means witnessing to the Truth to help my friend - show me where to jump!!!

~Liza
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Sure, but what ended up happening? he didn’t listen to Musician. Musician got ganged up against.

Maybe a phone call, "I saw your facebook post, I’m concerned…and say all the things she said in her post. " He might have had a different reaction when he heard her tone of voice, instead of just reading words.
 
lizaanne said:
I disagree with this. He put his business out there publicly - the OP needed to respond the say way. All those people now saw true belief in the sanctity of marriage in action — right where they live, on Facebook.

Sad that he’s giving up - but I say YOU GO MUSICIAN for standing up for marriage!!! 👍

~Liza
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If you talk to him privately, it gives him the chance to retract his statements himself, and you let him take the credit for his repentance. He can also fill you in on details he did not make public, and save you from making a rash public rebuke when you don’t have all the facts. If you rebuke him in public, OTOH, he is more likely to go on the defensive and dig in to his error in order to save face. Besides, it is never preferable to have an important talk on an emotional subject via e-mail. There are too many avoidable land mines there!

If you talk to him privately and he continues in his scandalous public pronouncements, that is another matter. Provided that your presence in “earshot” of his remarks is also public knowledge, such that silence would be fairly taken as complicity, you have to tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. (You are not duty-bound to rebuke every errant sinner of whom you are aware, because where would that end?)
 
Just wanted to clarify that it didn’t really bother me that I got flamed for telling him to stick with his marriage; in fact, I kind of wanted to be public about it since I am virtually the only Catholic around in the theater circles here where I live.
Don’t you think we should witness out loud? Just asking…?
 
Musician said:
Just wanted to clarify that it didn’t really bother me that I got flamed for telling him to stick with his marriage; in fact, I kind of wanted to be public about it since I am virtually the only Catholic around in the theater circles here where I live.
Don’t you think we should witness out loud? Just asking…?
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Yes but in this case you might have made the Church look unloving as opposed to talking privately may made the Church look loving and pastoral - same message different tone.
 
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