Got flamed for telling the truth!

[puzzleannie]

Weird, huh? Just wanted to share…

what is weird is that anyone would post such personal information on facebook for tout le monde to see, not to mention publicly cricizing his wife which is cardinal sin #1 in marriage. He has already broken his vows, in my opinion, by airing their difficulties in such a way. I doubt he would welcome my opinion either, but anyone who puts their private life out in public should be able to take whatever comes. He invites comment, criticism and then resents it. What a schnook, she might be better off without him.

 

[SteveGC]

what is weird is that anyone would post such personal information on facebook for tout le monde to see, not to mention publicly cricizing his wife which is cardinal sin #1 in marriage. He has already broken his vows, in my opinion, by airing their difficulties in such a way. I doubt he would welcome my opinion either, but anyone who puts their private life out in public should be able to take whatever comes. He invites comment, criticism and then resents it. What a schnook, she might be better off without him.

I agree. His lack of discretion in publicizing this for justification also exposes that he presupposes the same shallowness of his friends, which I’d likely take as an insult - especially given the criticism that followed. Of course, there’s far more to the whole story, I’m sure, but from what you’ve offered, the man needs a compass and a big wake-up call.

 

[twoangels]

So I have a male friend who was actually my counter co-star in the last play I acted in, which was a Neil Simon and awesome BTW. Anyway, so, said-friend posts on Facebook that he has asked for a divorce because his wife isn’t keeping her end of the bargain and going out to get a job now that their kids are in school. And he is looking for validation for this decision.
Well, I immediately posted that he needed to get his act together and get his marriage back on track, because his kids would suffer tremendously.
I was the ONLY ONE of all his friends who had this point of view. I was blasted by all sides for not being supportive, not understanding, not this or that…I was really surprised because he is an evangelical protestant and so are most of his friends, and I thought they would take my side, but no. Not one came out and said anything about going back to his wife and working things out.
Weird, huh? Just wanted to share…

I’d say what you did was inappropriate. Just because you were flamed does not necessarily mean that they agree that he should be getting a divorce. Admonishing the sinner has to be done carefully out of love and not arrogance. If all you know about his marriage is what he posted on facebook, I’d say the only appropriate comment would be “This makes me so sad.” and to leave it at that.

 

[NSFrame]

If everyone else is allowed to post to say what a great decision it is, I don’t see why Musician should have to resort to PMs to say the opposite.

If no one had commented at all, I agree that it is something that would have best been dealt with privately. But why allow the myth of the “you go girl/guy!” divorce perpetuate?

 

[cmscms]

Yes but in this case you might have made the Church look unloving as opposed to talking privately may made the Church look loving and pastoral - same message different tone.

 

[cmscms]

If all his friends were protesting ‘How dare you tell him to work it out’ that is sad. However, as others have pointed out perhaps they are only trashing you for being so rude about how you pointed it out.

Now, first I am going to go with the assumption you would like to be friends with this guy and have a friendly concern for his well being and that of his wife and kid. In which case I will say ‘Be Careful’. Friendships are a 2 way street and you deserve his support. However anyone who would stoop to trashing his with on Face Book, would never be able to be there for you.

However, if your main concern is the having everyone follow the churches rules… Speak your truth quietly. God gave him free will and you can’t override God

CM

 

[shainski]

Just wanted to clarify that it didn’t really bother me that I got flamed for telling him to stick with his marriage; in fact, I kind of wanted to be public about it since I am virtually the only Catholic around in the theater circles here where I live.
Don’t you think we should witness out loud? Just asking…?

It depends on what you hope to accomplish. If you truly want to have a chance on saving the marriage, i think a private inquiry would go farther.

Even if everyone agreed with you and posted so, i think you likely back the poster into a corner to defend his choice.

I kind of think of facebook as a huge party where everyone i know is invited. There is very little that i would share with everyone at the party at the same time, in the same way. Since i know the individuals, if i approach them as individuals or as small groups, i can craft my message in a way that is more likely to be received as caring and understanding. But if i talk to an individual while he is in a group, then that individual feels the need to respond to everyone - not to me.

Yes, he started the conversation. But i don’t think it serves your purpose to respond in kind.

 

[twoangels]

If everyone else is allowed to post to say what a great decision it is, I don’t see why Musician should have to resort to PMs to say the opposite.

If no one had commented at all, I agree that it is something that would have best been dealt with privately. But why allow the myth of the “you go girl/guy!” divorce perpetuate?

Because it serves no purpose but to make yourself look arrogant. Its a rather ineffective way of getting people to listen to you. If anything, it cements them in their own opinion further and has the opposite effect that you want.

 

[Musician]

what is weird is that anyone would post such personal information on facebook for tout le monde to see, not to mention publicly cricizing his wife which is cardinal sin #1 in marriage. He has already broken his vows, in my opinion, by airing their difficulties in such a way. I doubt he would welcome my opinion either, but anyone who puts their private life out in public should be able to take whatever comes. He invites comment, criticism and then resents it. What a schnook, she might be better off without him.

Seriously, he is being a schmuck. He puts out there on FB that he has been seen with another woman because she’s going through a divorce too and they can relate emotionally and all that garbage.
I was very courteous in my reply: “Whatever it takes, Jeff, get your marriage back in order. Your children deserve a close-knit family with a loving set of parents. Divorce is horrible for children.”
So all these jerks come on and start in with the supportive comments for him. I was absolutely disgusted but didn’t reply to those comments, just left it at that. I am gobsmacked by supposed Christians of any denomination condoning these activities or his divorce under these circumstances.
Anyway, IMHO don’t put it on FB if you don’t want my two cents!

 

[Allegra]

Didn’t you know that the first rule of facebook is that the only kind of comment that is allowed is a validation? The purpose of facebook is to have a support group of people you barely know cheer you through all of your daily endevors.

“I just got out of the shower and now I’m putting on my new socks!” “You go girl!” “That’s so exciting!” “You always pick out the best socks!”

“I’m making soup for dinner! Yummers!” “Oooh! I want some!” “Nothing like soup for a cold day!” “You’re so smart! I could never make soup!”

“My sister’s mad at me because I’m sleeping with her husband.” “You poor thing!” “People are so judgemental!” “Just ignore the h8r!” “She’s just jealous because you’re so hot!”

 

[SteveGC]

Didn’t you know that the first rule of facebook is that the only kind of comment that is allowed is a validation? The purpose of facebook is to have a support group of people you barely know cheer you through all of your daily endevors.

“I just got out of the shower and now I’m putting on my new socks!” “You go girl!” “That’s so exciting!” “You always pick out the best socks!”

“I’m making soup for dinner! Yummers!” “Oooh! I want some!” “Nothing like soup for a cold day!” “You’re so smart! I could never make soup!”

“My sister’s mad at me because I’m sleeping with her husband.” “You poor thing!” “People are so judgemental!” “Just ignore the h8r!” “She’s just jealous because you’re so hot!”

:sad_yes: sad but very true.

And I don’t think it’s a bad idea what the OP did in public response. As long as it’s done charitably, why miss a decent opportunity to witness, why withhold an admonition to do the more righteous thing? St Paul never missed that opportunity, and was often more blunt, and did not always wait for privacy. We’re called to admonish charitably, folks. In the absence of it, what you have, in this case anyway, is not just the validation-seeker left with validation, but all witnesses to the dialogue potentially absorbing that same disordered sense of justification for self-serving acts.

Could privacy also have worked well? Sure. Absolutely necessary? Not in my book. I would bet this guy now has something to think about because the OP made the admonishment public too.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Seriously, he is being a schmuck. He puts out there on FB that he has been seen with another woman because she’s going through a divorce too and they can relate emotionally and all that garbage.
I was very courteous in my reply: "Whatever it takes, Jeff, get your marriage back in order. Your children deserve a close-knit family with a loving set of parents. Divorce is horrible for children."
So all these jerks come on and start in with the supportive comments for him. I was absolutely disgusted but didn’t reply to those comments, just left it at that. I am gobsmacked by supposed Christians of any denomination condoning these activities or his divorce under these circumstances.
Anyway, IMHO don’t put it on FB if you don’t want my two cents!

That sounds charitable—especially charitable for his children. You may have been the only one with courage to mention it on his fb page, but I bet you weren’t the only one thinking it!

Thank you for standing up for marriage.