Grave sin of the past

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Kathrin

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More than ten years ago, in my early 20s, I often committed a grave sin. That was mostly before I was even confirmed. I have been to confession a lot since then. I am almost sure I have confessed it, but I am not totally sure. Maybe I haven’t confessed all the important details either. After church teaching, can I go to communion before I go to confession again?

Kathrin
 
Talk about this with your regular confessor who is familiar with your scruples.
 
I can of course mention it next time I go to confession.
But I don’t want to go to confession all the time, I have been a lot lately, so I wonder if I remember something like this and am not sure if I ever confessed it, I have to go extra before I receive communion again. Or if it doesn’t matter because when i forget a sin at confession it is forgiven anyway. Does that count for grave sins too?
 
Kathrin said:
I can of course mention it next time I go to confession.
But I don’t want to go to confession all the time, I have been a lot lately, so I wonder if I remember something like this and am not sure if I ever confessed it, I have to go extra before I receive communion again. Or if it doesn’t matter because when i forget a sin at confession it is forgiven anyway. Does that count for grave sins too?
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I don’t think you need to go extra. Pretty sure you were forgiven already since you genuinely forgot. Just mention it the next time you go.
 
Here, Kathrin, is one instance where having a spiritual director would give you peace. If you had a director who was familiar with your scruples and was working with you to overcome them, you would have guidelines about what to do in a situation like this. He would probably have told you that you should not refrain from Communion or run to Confession unless you were 100 percent certain you were not in a state of grace. And by obeying, you would be sure of pleasing God.

Since you say you are almost sure you have confessed these sins, I’d say you don’t need to confess before receiving Holy Communion. But then, I’m not a priest, and I don’t even play one on TV! 😉 This really does sound like a trick your scrupulous mind is playing on you.

Betsy
 
Kathrin said:
More than ten years ago, in my early 20s, I often committed a grave sin. That was mostly before I was even confirmed. I have been to confession a lot since then. I am almost sure I have confessed it, but I am not totally sure. Maybe I haven’t confessed all the important details either. After church teaching, can I go to communion before I go to confession again?

Kathrin
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Kathrin,

Our confidence and peace come not from our frequency of confession, but rather, the promise of the Lord and His willingness to forgive us. The Scriptures are clear that two things must happen for us to receive forgiveness. 1) We must repent, that is, turn and go the other way from our sin. As one noted teacher said, “Where there is no repentance no forgiveness is required.” 2) 1 John 1:9 is clear, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

All the forgiveness in the world won’t be of benefit to you unless you receive that forgiveness. If God justifies you through forgiveness, acts as if you never sinned, you then should do the same. You will never forget what happened, but it can become a launch pad instead of an anchor if you will embrace God’s forgiveness and go on.

Pat
 
Hi again, Kathrin. 🙂 Hope you’re doing better.

I can only second what everyone else has said; you need a single confident, authoritative, trustworthy source of advice for these issues (spiritual director). Asking us and getting multiple sources of possibly conflicting advice will only lead to more confusion.

As for myself, I would say you’ve only got something to worry about if you deliberately and wilfully withhold a sin or vital information relating to it. You will without a doubt know the difference if the time comes, I promise you.

The hardest but most important thing for you (both of us really!) is to let go and leave it in the hands of God (and in His hands through your regular confessor or spiritual director). I mean, if something serious was left out, or the Lord wanted to get your attention on a matter, wouldn’t He let you know about it? He understands your problems and whats best for you, and how to talk to you in a way you’ll understand clearly. The hardest thing is to let go and trust.
 
Hm.

Thank you. I will go to mass tonight and receive communion.

A priest/monk from a small monastery also told me once that it was not a good idea to ask a lot of different people about spiritual matters. He did say it was ok to go to a different priest if a different one was available. The church in my home town for example doesn’t have scheduled confession times very often. They have the oppoirtunity to talk to somebody every week, but not always the same person, and not always with the priest. The two counselors who work there are really nice though.

Is it bad to have several people to talk to?

And sometimes it is just too embarrassing to ask the same person too many questions, and it’s less embarrassing online I guess…;).

I thought this one was a pretty staight forward question that somebody who knows about church teaching could just reply to easily…😊 Well, OK, I think in my mind I already knew that my sins are forgiven unless I have purposely withheld them at confession, and I don’t think my conscience would have allowed me to do that, it is just that I don’t have a real memory of confessing that particular sin.

Maybe what is really important is that I have changed since then and left that time behind. :)🙂
I have been to confession so many times since then, God forgiving me all of my sins… I just got a priest’s blessing yesterday.

Right now I have the priest in my home town to talk to, the priests from that small monastery and another priest from another church, and two spiritual counselors in my home town… they all know about my scruples. Plus my Mom, and a friend (who is a Protestant though).
I think my friend thinks I need a therapist more than a spiritual director. ;).

Anyway. I wanted to make it to mass tonight. I got 15 minutes now. I better go.🙂 I think I am ok.
Just think of God’s love…

Kathrin

p.s. I’ll say a prayer for the people on this board who have helped me so much too!
 
I think it depends on your current situation at the time - in that, after a while of scrupulosity, you can sort of know what might bring an ‘attack’ on, or what could make a situation worse. I don’t see anything wrong with discussing whats on your mind about this with multiple people, only if you were seeking that kind of final last word/confirmation to ease your anxiety from a lot of different sources.

For instance, sometimes I feel no anxiety about something at all (and you can just tell its different) and I’m just curious about what to do in a certain situation - maybe thats what you meant here? Anyway, like anything its a good idea to see what situations can make things worse and what doesn’t, and always let someone with legitimate authority, experience and trustworthiness have the final say.

I understand your embarrasment - I barely have any experience at all with the Church yet really, but I’m always available if you have a question or need some reassurance on anything.

I think in this case, unless theres any reason to say otherwise, to me it would be reasonable to give yourself the benefit of the doubt; as in, if at the time this stuff happened you were open to repentance and confession, and if it was something that reasonably sounds like something you’d confess then, odds are you already have and just forgot.

Just keep trying! 🙂 The main thing is, even after everything thats happened, you still trust in God’s Mercy. That has to be a good thing, right?
 
Thank you, Ben.

I think I had a good day today. 🙂

Yes, I trust in the Lord’s mercy, and I thank Him for everything, all the blessings, all the wonders.

Kathrin
 
Glad to hear it went well 😃 and as you trust Him, it sounds like God already has you where He wants you to be.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.”
**John 14:1

**I was having some troubles with scruples earlier and had an urge to look over to my left (I was on bus at the time) and saw a bus ad with that quote on it. God provides!
 
BenM said:
Glad to hear it went well 😃 and as you trust Him, it sounds like God already has you where He wants you to be.
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You mean, spiritually? Or in terms of the people I have to talk to right now?
 
Mainly in that, even though you’re struggling here and there you trust God, which means you’ll see it through in the end!
 
Is there something in the catechisn about what to do if you don’t know if you ever confessed a sin from long ago?

I am not even sure they have the scheduled confessions today at a church where they usually have them on Thursdays. And I kind of didn’t want to go all the way there anyway, it’s in another town. AND because I would be embarrassed to appear there AGAIN 😊, well maybe that all shows that it’s just my scruples speaking?

I do want to go to a Last Supper Mass tonight. In my hometown. I did receive the Eucharist yesterday and it felt ok. Just now that I would have the opportunity to go to confession again, I am struggling again 🤷 I could go to the monastery again and see if somebody is there, or I could go to that church just so that I ahve checked if they have confession.
But something tells me it’s ok, I ahve been to confession so many times since then, I am almost sure I said it, most of it was from before I ever started going to church regularly, I ahve changed my ways since then, long ago… (you probably guessed what kind of sin I am talking about?..)

Just wanted to ask anyway, just technically speaking: If I did once not say it any don’t remember,t hat in itself would eb a sin, right? But then if at the next confession I didn’t remember that anymore, and didn’t remember to confess the “original” sin either, then I would be forgiven anyway, because at the confession I was sincere, and the priest forgave me ALL of my sins?

And I think I ahve had a lot, a LOT of sincere cofnessions since I ahve changed my ways. 🙂

Maybe I am ok? I’d much rather go home and spend some time with my Dad maybe, maybe work in the garden with him, the weather is so nice, and he’s alone because my Mom is working late shift today. And go to mass tonight and not worry.

Kathrin
 
I would suggest this article:

catholic.com/thisrock/2000/0012fea2.asp

And from here mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupulosity.htm, remember these words:

You shall not repeat a sin in confession when it has been confessed in a previous confession, even when there is a doubt that it was confessed or a doubt that it was confessed in a sufficiently adequate and complete way.
Almost every scrupulous person experiences anxiety and doubt about past sins. Older people have a natural tendency to reflect back on their younger years, and in doing so, often remember something that triggers a doubt. More often than not, such a doubt has to do with impure thoughts, desires, or actions. As a result of the combination of remembering and doubting, it is not unusual that the scrupulous person then experiences great anxiety and is robbed of a sense of peace. This is why this first commandment is so very important: Do not go back over past sins and do not repeat the confession of them! Such an exercise is not at all helpful and must be resisted.
 
BenM said:
Iif at the time this stuff happened you were open to repentance and confession, and if it was something that reasonably sounds like something you’d confess then, odds are you already have and just forgot.
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At the time I wasn’t a regularly practicing catholic, only later I got confirmed and started knowing more about the faith… but I would think that I have confessed that kind of sin, at least generally. I remember saying SOMETHING to that point to a priest.
I think later I have committed that sin again and I am not sure if I confessed each time, but then I would just have forgotten…
 
The information kage_ar provided is great advice. The advice Fr. Serpa gave is great too, but I can see that for a scrupulous person, re-confessing things might be a risk; but if you ever have an honest, non anxious concern (which I’m not sure about, considering the tone of your post, but only you know the answer) about whether it was confessed or not, confess it then forget about it. 🙂

‘Just wanted to ask anyway, just technically speaking: If I did once not say it any don’t remember,t hat in itself would eb a sin, right? But then if at the next confession I didn’t remember that anymore, and didn’t remember to confess the “original” sin either, then I would be forgiven anyway, because at the confession I was sincere, and the priest forgave me ALL of my sins?’

I would also recommend you not dwell on this too much. Forgotten sins are forgiven also - I think one of the problems for us is that we want completely clear cut, yes or no solutions to whats bothering us, but sometimes it just doesn’t work that way (especially after a long time). Again, if theres a doubt about anything in the past you should resolve it in your favour. Unless you remember something that says otherwise, I would assume it wasn’t held back or anything. Only confess this if you’re 100% sure of it occuring and nothing less.
 
Kathrin said:
🙂forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=69901
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😃

Another important thing to remember is your disposition now. For any scrupulous person who is so incredibly careful not to commit a mortal sin, I think your conscience would immediately pick up upon it with no doubt whatsoever. As by the sounds of it you’ve really reformed your life since your past, you would know now straight away whether you were able to receive Communion or not. Again, unless some concrete evidence or memory turns up, I wouldn’t focus on it too much - focus more on your life right now and your future.

‘But something tells me it’s ok, I ahve been to confession so many times since then, I am almost sure I said it, most of it was from before I ever started going to church regularly, I ahve changed my ways since then, long ago’
 
Kathrin said:
I can of course mention it next time I go to confession.
But I don’t want to go to confession all the time, I have been a lot lately, so I wonder if I remember something like this and am not sure if I ever confessed it, I have to go extra before I receive communion again. Or if it doesn’t matter because when i forget a sin at confession it is forgiven anyway. Does that count for grave sins too?
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If You truly forgot, I believe it does go for grave sins too, because the priests says I absolve You of all your sins doesn`t he, I know Mine does, during the absolution
 
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