Grounds for Annulment?

[Job2007]

I was married in the Catholic Church many years ago. At the time, my wife and I were not aware of the Church’s teachings about artificial contraception or conjugal obligation to each other (that’s right - neither were taught in our pre-cana course).

We have since learned about them and I would like to follow the Church’s teaching. My wife strongly disagrees. She insists that I wear a condom and that, even under those conditions, conjugal relations are limited to less than once per week - often less frequently than that. Her reasoning is that she just doesn’t enjoy it anymore. In spite of over a year of prayer and consultations with priests and theologans, she is not budging on the issues. She is quite content to go on without conjugal relations, whereas I feel very empty without them (both for the marriage and me personally).

I feel like our marriage is slowly dying over this. In my view neither of us knew about the church’s teachings on these matters, so we did not get into the marriage properly understanding the commitment to each other and God. Although I now understand them and want to live them, she does not and thus never did nor intended to properly commit to the relationship.

Is this situation grounds for an annulment?

 

[1ke]

No one here can tell you that. It certainly *could *be, but you would have to complete divorce proceedings and petition the tribunal to obtain a definite ruling. These types of situations must be examined carefully. And there are no guarantees that the marriage will be found null.

You, of course, cannot participate in the sin of contraception, but do not sin by having relations if she contracepts against your wishes.

You really need to seek counsel from your priest and pray for the strength to bear this cross.

 

[LeahInancsi]

How is it that you were married in the Catholic church? Who was the Catholic, you or your wife?

How is it that you didn’t know the Church is opposed to artifical birth control?

I’m very confused on this point.

 

[Job2007]

Both of us were Catholic at the time. The fact that contraception is a sin was never taught to either of us. Sadly, many Catholics in my generation were never taught this.

 

[OnlineHarvest]

I was married in the Catholic Church many years ago. At the time, my wife and I were not aware of the Church’s teachings about artificial contraception or conjugal obligation to each other (that’s right - neither were taught in our pre-cana course).

We have since learned about them and I would like to follow the Church’s teaching. My wife strongly disagrees. She insists that I wear a condom and that, even under those conditions, conjugal relations are limited to less than once per week - often less frequently than that. Her reasoning is that she just doesn’t enjoy it anymore. In spite of over a year of prayer and consultations with priests and theologans, she is not budging on the issues. She is quite content to go on without conjugal relations, whereas I feel very empty without them (both for the marriage and me personally).

I feel like our marriage is slowly dying over this. In my view neither of us knew about the church’s teachings on these matters, so we did not get into the marriage properly understanding the commitment to each other and God. Although I now understand them and want to live them, she does not and thus never did nor intended to properly commit to the relationship.

Is this situation grounds for an annulment?

Does it matter what Scripture says about separating a married couple? The only grounds Scripture says, is if the partner committed adultery or the partner leaves you because they no longer want to be with a Christian (because of your faith).

Careful. If you get separated for the wrong reason, Scripture says you’d be committing adultery if you had another partner. And this is true no matter what any priest would declare about an annulment.

 

[puzzleannie]

I
Is this situation grounds for an annulment?

grounds for annulment does not even arise until a marriage has irretreivably broken down, and the tribunal would not even accept a case until after a civil divorce. there are many avenues still to explore in trying to save your marriage, one of the best is Retrouvaille. the issues at hand are amenable to medical, psychological and marital counselling and intervention as well.

 

[puzzleannie]

Both of us were Catholic at the time. The fact that contraception is a sin was never taught to either of us. Sadly, many Catholics in my generation were never taught this.

I am not buying this.
since Catholic teaching in this area has been debated loud and long by dissenters, who have done even more to propagate this teaching through their attacks than orthodox clergy have done in promoting it, it is hard for me to believe a Catholic who has received standard RE and attends Mass regularly never heard this. also the proper forum for discussing matrimony and other sacraments is liturgy and sacraments. this is the forum for discussing the morality of contraception.

 

[bobzills]

I am not buying this.
since Catholic teaching in this area has been debated loud and long by dissenters, who have done even more to propagate this teaching through their attacks than orthodox clergy have done in promoting it, it is hard for me to believe a Catholic who has received standard RE and attends Mass regularly never heard this…

You might want to take a look at the percentage of Catholic couples who beleive that it is all right to use ABC. If Catholics are taught that it is wrong to use ABC, why do so many Catholic couples use ABC and feel good about themselves?

 

[Job2007]

I am not buying this.

I am not lying. It was not taught at my RCIA class. It was not brought up in our pre-cana . I have never heard it in a homily during weekly mass in the last 10 years, nor during daily mass in the last 18 months. I have gone back to my pastor and the priest that officiated our marriage to ask them about why I was left out of this teaching. They both apologized on behalf of the Church for this and said that, at the time of my RCIA and marriage, this teaching was kept quiet out of fear of driving young people away.

As a result of this approach, anyone who simply went to Church (at least in my parish), but did not dive deeper into his/her faith beyond that, was in the dark. I have many Catholic friends my age that have also never heard about this teaching. I am not alone by any stretch.

It was not until I read the Catechism of the Catholic Church a year ago that I found out.

 

[Job2007]

grounds for annulment does not even arise until a marriage has irretreivably broken down, and the tribunal would not even accept a case until after a civil divorce. there are many avenues still to explore in trying to save your marriage, one of the best is Retrouvaille. the issues at hand are amenable to medical, psychological and marital counselling and intervention as well.

 

[Job2007]

grounds for annulment does not even arise until a marriage has irretreivably broken down, and the tribunal would not even accept a case until after a civil divorce. there are many avenues still to explore in trying to save your marriage, one of the best is Retrouvaille. the issues at hand are amenable to medical, psychological and marital counselling and intervention as well.

Thanks. My wife is no longer interested in speaking to anyone in the Church about this. We have gone to many priests - even the one that officiated our marriage. She will not budge on these issues and continues to insist that, because she was never told these things, she feels entitled to use ABC and that she has the right to place whatever unreasonable demands she wants on our conjugal relationship. She has also stated that she will abort any baby she conceives.

 

[Job2007]

The only grounds Scripture says, is if the partner committed adultery or the partner leaves you because they no longer want to be with a Christian (because of your faith).

What if she wants to “be with me”, but practices key principles that are in direct opposition to the marriage according to Catholic faith - ABC, denial of conjugal obligation, and plans to have abortion in the event of conception?

 

[Job2007]

also the proper forum for discussing matrimony and other sacraments is liturgy and sacraments. this is the forum for discussing the morality of contraception.

The title of this forum is Apologetics - Moral Theology. I am interested in the views of the apologetics in this forum on a topic related to moral theology. Sounds like the right place for me.

 

[Job2007]

If Catholics are taught that it is wrong to use ABC, why do so many Catholic couples use ABC and feel good about themselves?

You can likely blame “moral relativism” for this. Many Catholics that I know that are aware of teachings on ABC, but use it anyway simply state that “I just dont beleive that. The Church has its opinion and I have mine.” In these cases they view “The Church” as a bunch of irrelevent old men in Rome that are out of touch with them. They fail to see that the Church teachings are inspired by the Holy Spirit and that they bind all of its members. Also, after questioning several priests upon finding out about the teaching, I found that at least one of my parish priests also does not agree with the teaching and tells people confessing to him about ABC that it is really not a sin. Ouch.

 

[1ke]

What if she wants to “be with me”, but practices key principles that are in direct opposition to the marriage according to Catholic faith - ABC, denial of conjugal obligation, and plans to have abortion in the event of conception?

Job,

Be aware that “online harvest” is NOT a Catholic and what he says is NOT in line with Catholic teaching. You clearly desire Catholic counsel on this.

Go to your priest and ask him if there is anyone at the diocese you can talk to, for the purposes of getting guidance on this issue as it relates to a decree of nullity.

And, for goodness sakes, if she is so evil as to say she would abort any conceived child DO NOT have relations with her condom or not!

She sounds mentally unhinged, actually.

Go back to your priest, alone, and seek counsel. If you really feel you cannot stay in the marriage due to her out-right refusal to do anything to mend it, you need to protect yourself financially and civilly through the courts. You would have to make such a decision knowing that if your marriage were found valid you would not be able to remarry. My prayer is that after all the evidence is examined your marriage will be found to be invalid.

Has your wife always expressed such an aversion to children. Is there any chance she informed others before the marriage that she would never have children? Or do you have others and she doesn’t want anymore?

 

[Job2007]

Has your wife always expressed such an aversion to children?

No. We have three. She does not want any more.

 

[LeahInancsi]

No. We have three. She does not want any more.

Have you considered how a divorce/annulment would affect your children?

I think you need to start thinking about them and your responsibility to them before yourself.

 

[1ke]

No. We have three. She does not want any more.

Only you can ultimately decide what you think is best. You certainly need to consider the impact this could have on your children. It’s not just your happiness at stake here, it’s your entire family.

 

[OnlineHarvest]

What if she wants to “be with me”, but practices key principles that are in direct opposition to the marriage according to Catholic faith - ABC, denial of conjugal obligation, and plans to have abortion in the event of conception?

Well, I’m not a Non-Catholic Christian, and I would careful to abrogate a truth from Scripture, regardless of who it comes from. If Scripture tells me the only exception for divorce are A and B, I would stick by that.

And in the case of the abortion, I would not divorce her over what she might do. That’s usually not how it works.

Rememeber that “God hates divorce” and only to be considered as a VERY VERY last resot, and even then, strong disagreements are not grounds for it, according to Scripture.

 

[OnlineHarvest]

Job,

Be aware that “online harvest” is NOT a Catholic and what he says is NOT in line with Catholic teaching. You clearly desire Catholic counsel on this.

Yes, but is it wrong to communicate what God’s word says on this matter? Does your authority carry more or equal weight with the Scripture? Although I disagree with the RC, a truth from Scripture cannot be abrogated by any authority of men, no matter how God ordained they claim to be. Scripture sets very clear parameters on this and I don’t see why any Catholic would take issue with counsel from Scripture.