Guidance on leaving the Catholic Church

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This is hard to write. I grew up Catholic but chose not to get Confirmed. When I was in my mid-twenties, I met a man who is now my husband. We both wanted to find a church we felt comfortable in. We tried several including a Catholic Church. We started attending Catholic Church regularly and when we got engaged, we spent dozens of hours in marital counseling with a wonderful priest and I credit those discussions with facilitating what has become a healthy and strong marriage. My husband and I decided to take RCIA and the next Easter, I was confirmed and he received the sacraments of Baptism, First Communion and Confirmation. We have been devout Catholics since it pains me to say that I can no longer remain part of the Catholic religion due to the sexual abuse and cover-up by the Catholic Church. It started bothering me almost 2 years ago and I’ve been waiting for the Catholic Church to make drastic reform and at least cast out all abusers and those involved in the cover up but the number of abusers still receiving payouts and health insurance from the church and then Pope Francis refusing the resignation of Cardinal Barbarin after he was convicted in the cover-up was too much. The fact that the money we contribute to the church goes towards cover-ups and supporting abusers is not ok with me. However, I’m sure that’s been discussed ad nauseam and that’s not what I need guidance on. I need to discuss this decision with my husband tonight and while he knows I’ve struggled with this topic, my decision to leave the church will shock and hurt him. I’m trying to figure out a suggestion for how to move forward from here. I won’t force him to abandon his religion but I need him to respect my stance. I’d like to find another Christian denomination that is similar to Catholicism and I would prefer my husband convert if he’s willing because religion is too important to be divided on. Especially since we have young kids. It breaks my heart that there’s no way to continue being Catholic without the Catholic Institution. Any suggestions for a way forward in this situation are welcome. I’m guessing other people have come to a similar conclusion as me so I’m hoping you have guidance.
 
Your fellow Catholic are going to encourage you to continue to practice your faith, as am I.

Yes, human beings have sinned and failed.

The human beings who walked with Christ on this earth sinned and failed. The glory is that all of them but one repented and returned to become an example for all of us.

For me, reading Chamberlain’s book “The Bad Popes” helps me see how God is always truthful and the gates of hell will not prevail even when there are sinful, evil men in charge.
 
I’m sorry you want to leave the Church. As a devout Catholic, I cannot encourage or support you in such a behavior because I would be supporting your decision to basically commit sin by distancing yourself from Jesus’ Church.

I will pray for you.
 
No one here is going to give you any guidance to leave the One True Church.

Here is my response to a similar question:

The seven Sacraments of the Church are the greatest gifts ever left to mankind.

They are, BY FAR, greater than any homily that has ever been delivered.

They are more valuable than any miracle ever worked.

Do you want to live without these gifts that Jesus gave to you when He walked among us?

“Verily I say unto you, unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood you have no life within you.” Do you want to drift through your life without Christ inside of you? Animating you? Informing you? Guiding you? Saving you?

Don’t refuse to open the gifts our God died on the cross to give you,
Deacon Christopher
 
You shouldn’t chose a church by its people; they will fail you. You should chose the Church Christ founded. You won’t find that except in the Catholic Church.
Yes, these are difficult times for the Church, but the answer is not to abandon it but to help build it up.
Of course the matter to leave the Church is between you and your conscience, but realize your husband also has the right to retain his beliefs. Just be honest with him–what else can you do?
 
Totum said:
This is hard to write. I grew up Catholic but chose not to get Confirmed. When I was in my mid-twenties, I met a man who is now my husband. We both wanted to find a church we felt comfortable in. We tried several including a Catholic Church. We started attending Catholic Church regularly and when we got engaged, we spent dozens of hours in marital counseling with a wonderful priest and I credit those discussions with facilitating what has become a healthy and strong marriage. My husband and I decided to take RCIA and the next Easter, I was confirmed and he received the sacraments of Baptism, First Communion and Confirmation. We have been devout Catholics since it pains me to say that I can no longer remain part of the Catholic religion due to the sexual abuse and cover-up by the Catholic Church. It started bothering me almost 2 years ago and I’ve been waiting for the Catholic Church to make drastic reform and at least cast out all abusers and those involved in the cover up but the number of abusers still receiving payouts and health insurance from the church and then Pope Francis refusing the resignation of Cardinal Barbarin after he was convicted in the cover-up was too much. The fact that the money we contribute to the church goes towards cover-ups and supporting abusers is not ok with me. However, I’m sure that’s been discussed ad nauseam and that’s not what I need guidance on. I need to discuss this decision with my husband tonight and while he knows I’ve struggled with this topic, my decision to leave the church will shock and hurt him. I’m trying to figure out a suggestion for how to move forward from here. I won’t force him to abandon his religion but I need him to respect my stance. I’d like to find another Christian denomination that is similar to Catholicism and I would prefer my husband convert if he’s willing because religion is too important to be divided on. Especially since we have young kids. It breaks my heart that there’s no way to continue being Catholic without the Catholic Institution. Any suggestions for a way forward in this situation are welcome. I’m guessing other people have come to a similar conclusion as me so I’m hoping you have guidance.
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The priest could be the most evil person on earth, but sacraments are still valid .
 
OP, please use the search and read the many, many responses available that all said basically the same thing: you should not leave the Catholic Church and all that it is, because of the actions of some people. They are members of the Church as we are, but they are not the Church.

Where else will you go to belong to the church that Jesus began? Where will you receive the Eucharist as body, blood, soul and divinity?

No where.

Please give this some time. Talk to your husband about your feelings, perhaps he can help. But do not leave.
 
Agreed with all of the above. Unfortunately this is exactly what the devil wants- all these sinners in the Church causing people to consider abandoning the church that Christ Himself started. Going to another denomination - you’ll find sinners there too. The secular media is happy to report on these things because “scandal” and “Catholic Church” generates readership and revenue- regardless of whether they know exactly what is happening. And that doesn’t help either.

There is no other denomination similar to the Catholic faith, all of those other denominations are fundamentally defective in matters of faith, in one way or the other.
 
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I edited the OP’s post for anyone to find it easier to read in chunks. I usually find it less appealing when something this long is a single paragraph on a thread.
This is hard to write. I grew up Catholic but chose not to get Confirmed. When I was in my mid-twenties, I met a man who is now my husband. We both wanted to find a church we felt comfortable in. We tried several including a Catholic Church. We started attending Catholic Church regularly and when we got engaged, we spent dozens of hours in marital counseling with a wonderful priest and I credit those discussions with facilitating what has become a healthy and strong marriage. My husband and I decided to take RCIA and the next Easter, I was confirmed and he received the sacraments of Baptism, First Communion and Confirmation.

We have been devout Catholics since it pains me to say that I can no longer remain part of the Catholic religion due to the sexual abuse and cover-up by the Catholic Church. It started bothering me almost 2 years ago and I’ve been waiting for the Catholic Church to make drastic reform and at least cast out all abusers and those involved in the cover up but the number of abusers still receiving payouts and health insurance from the church and then Pope Francis refusing the resignation of Cardinal Barbarin after he was convicted in the cover-up was too much.

The fact that the money we contribute to the church goes towards cover-ups and supporting abusers is not ok with me. However, I’m sure that’s been discussed ad nauseam and that’s not what I need guidance on.

I need to discuss this decision with my husband tonight and while he knows I’ve struggled with this topic, my decision to leave the church will shock and hurt him. I’m trying to figure out a suggestion for how to move forward from here. I won’t force him to abandon his religion but I need him to respect my stance.

I’d like to find another Christian denomination that is similar to Catholicism and I would prefer my husband convert if he’s willing because religion is too important to be divided on. Especially since we have young kids. It breaks my heart that there’s no way to continue being Catholic without the Catholic Institution.

Any suggestions for a way forward in this situation are welcome. I’m guessing other people have come to a similar conclusion as me so I’m hoping you have guidance.
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Do not abandon ship on account of evil crew members. Stay within and fight. Keep your eyes fixed in Christ and eternal life. I will pray for you.
 
I know this is upsetting for a lot of you but I don’t feel the church retains God’s blessings when it continues to be a vehicle for sin and tragedy. I can’t have the relationship I crave with Jesus or God through the church right now. I will reevaluate if things change. This is not a decision I reached easily or quickly. I understand now that I’m not going to get answers for finding a way forward with my husband here. Thank you for taking the time to respond.
 
The Catholic Church, which is by its nature a visible, organized institution, is all of us, not just the clergy, and especially not just the bad clergy of today. They did not invent the Catholic faith–it precedes them, it will last after them, and they will be judged by it. You have experienced the fruits of good clergy and the grace of the sacraments they administer–that is why Jesus gave us these offices. The crimes of evil clergy and their protectors are also crimes against Christ in His Body (the Church), of whom the victims were/are His members.

But just because the Church, which is the Body of Christ, has been wounded does not mean the right thing to do is to pass by, like the priest and Levite in the parable of the Good Samaritan.

That doesn’t mean we tolerate the evils. We care for the Church by not tolerating them, by handing on the true faith and morals by word and deed, especially where the clergy have done the opposite. By supporting according to our abilities the good works of the Church in her liturgical worship, evangelization, and acts of charity.

If you can’t in good conscience put money in the collection, there are other ways to help provide the Church what she needs to carry out her true mission, such as providing directly for particular needs of the parish, volunteering one’s skills, teaching catechism, prayer, etc. and especially living a holy life and raising children who will also contribute to the building up of the Body of Christ.

As God said to St. Catherine of Siena during a similar time, “I repeat my promise, that through the long endurance of My servants I will reform My spouse. Wherefore I invite you to endure, Myself lamenting with you over her iniquities.”
 
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Would you consider making a silent retreat at a Catholic Retreat Center before you jump ship? Maybe you will get some guidance in the silence?
 
@Totum Perhaps a way you should look at it is ask yourself this question: Does the Catholic Church depend on any of these individuals for its existence?

Can you imagine a reality where these abusers never existed? Can you imagine the Catholic Church as an entity even if it never had these abusers, evil persons, and imperfect leaders in its church? Would the Church still be around even if such and such a person wasn’t born? Even if Cardinal McCarrick was never a priest?

If you can answer these questions, then you will see that the Catholic Church is quite distinct from any person or group of persons.

The Catholic Church is simply not co-equal to imperfect members or evil actions, for it could just as well be the case that other people would exist instead.

Judas was part of the 12, wasn’t he? Did his existence suggest that Christ’s original church was in error?
 
It could just as well be the case that, due to chance or providence and cause-and-effect, every bishop and priest of the last 100 years would be of the upmost sanctity — even deserving of immediate canonization.

What would that prove?

The existence of people, even evil people, is contingent. They may or may not exist. Unless you can find something intrinsic to the very nature of the Catholic Church that causes evil people to exist, then your basis for leaving is not rational. And I say this was utmost respect.
 
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I absolutely agree that the Catholic church is bigger than the clergy that have sinned but the Catholic Church is a complex hierarchical system and it’s the leadership that’s consistently making decisions that I find abhorrent and unethical and more than anything else, in defiance of God’s will. I just hope something happens and the tides change and I feel comfortable returning.
 
Such has been the case from the beginning.

But again, this is about people, and not the nature of the Church itself, unless you can point to how the existence of the Catholic Church somehow makes people into sexual abusers.

It would be much better for you to stay and reform the Church.
 
As a former Catholic, myself, I’d urge you to reconsider leaving the Church solely based off of them handling the sexual abuse.

Obviously, the fact that it happened is horrific and the church leadership should be ashamed of themselves that it did happen.

However, if you agree with the doctrine of the Church (Eucharistic theology, priestly powers, solely heterosexual marriage, etc.), you should probably stay. It’s the only institution out there that can give you what you believe.

You could stop tithing for a bit if you’re concerned it’s being used to directly protect sinners (I paused tithing twice, after two priests from my hometown Catholic church were accused and convicted).

I ended up converting because of doctrinal disagreements, but that’s another story.
 
Thank you for the ideas for contributing to the church without giving money to the collection. Tithing is very important to my husband and I’ve been anxious about how to support him continuing to do so without feeling like I’m financially supporting something terrible. I think donations to the food pantry or unwed mother’s charity our Church runs are a good compromise to offer.
 
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