Guide to being a good husband?

[littleone]

Be ready to give her a bunch of flowers and at the same time tell her how nice her hair smells. Give her a hand with the dishes and use this as a chat time listening to her tell you about her day. Agreeing with her if she tells how hard it has been. Cuddle up to her tell her you love her. Vacume the house, take her to the flower gardens.
In all see God in her the same way you would like Him to be in you. Here’s something for you , I asked Jesus how much He loves my wife and let me feel it and I was shocked, try you will have something to work on to love her as much (in a little way) as Jesus does.
I love to get some body oil and massage her back and kneck she loves this.
Every day I try to have time to pray with her. At mass I help my wife with the work she does in the church.

I]**According to St. Teresa of Avila , prayer is “nothing else than an intimate sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with Him who we know loves us.” [2]**God bless
littleone

 

[Bennie_P]

Here is instructions from the scripture:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church and delivered himself up for it: That he might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life:That he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, as also Christ doth the church: …” Ephesians 5:25 -29

Now those instructions listed in Ephesians 5:22 -24, blacken them out of Your Bible, those instructions are for your wife, not to be used by us husbands! nor mentioned by us to our wives! Nor used to judge our wives!

St. Joseph’s Covenant Keepers www.dads.org has a lot material to help you along as mention above by Veritas41. You might see if there is SJCK men’s group in your area and join it.

 

[mariam1976]

Here is instructions from the scripture:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church and delivered himself up for it: That he might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life:That he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, as also Christ doth the church: …” Ephesians 5:25 -29

Now those instructions listed in Ephesians 5:22 -24, blacken them out of Your Bible, those instructions are for your wife, not to be used by us husbands! nor mentioned by us to our wives! Nor used to judge our wives!

St. Joseph’s Covenant Keepers www.dads.org has a lot material to help you along as mention above by Veritas41. You might see if there is SJCK men’s group in your area and join it.

you are the best and you have the best attitude!!!

 

[Black_Jaque]

Now those instructions listed in Ephesians 5:22 -24, blacken them out of Your Bible, those instructions are for your wife, not to be used by us husbands! nor mentioned by us to our wives! Nor used to judge our wives!

Hmmm. I don’t think I agree with this.

If your job is to help your wife get to heaven…and she’s not even coming close to Eph. 5:22-24… then why must we remain mute?

I don’t think a husband’s job is to spoil his wife and let her become totally selfish and irresponsible.

If your wife is doing her best to apply Eph. 5:22-24 then you best let it be. But if duties as a wife don’t even make her “to-do” list then perhaps a husband has some recourse to Eph. 5:22-24.

 

[Bennie_P]

Hmmm. I don’t think I agree with this.

If your job is to help your wife get to heaven…and she’s not even coming close to Eph. 5:22-24… then why must we remain mute?

I don’t think a husband’s job is to spoil his wife and let her become totally selfish and irresponsible.

If your wife is doing her best to apply Eph. 5:22-24 then you best let it be. But if duties as a wife don’t even make her “to-do” list then perhaps a husband has some recourse to Eph. 5:22-24.

Go ahead tell your wife she has to submit to you. Let me know what happens.

 

[mschrank]

Go ahead tell your wife she has to submit to you. Let me know what happens.

From a recent email:

“I am truly blessed to be lead by such a loving and wise man”

Not a problem, we’re Christians, not secular progressives.

 

[chevalier]

Whatever you can read about St. Joseph should be a good guide. He was the real man.

Go ahead tell your wife she has to submit to you. Let me know what happens.

“Get crucified?”

I don’t think a husband’s job is to spoil his wife and let her become totally selfish and irresponsible.

Now, where did I go wrong with my past girlfriends?

 

[KathyA]

Steve Woods ABC’s of Choosing a Good Husband and ABC’s of Choosing a Good Wife (2 separate books).

Kathy

 

[Black_Jaque]

Go ahead tell your wife she has to submit to you

. Let me know what happens.

I think people get confused between submission and subjection. Why would a woman get all furious at the suggestion that she submit to her husband, but then, in the name of equality, she’ll go out, get a job, and submit to her boss? And I don’t mean hanky-panky, just that if her boss says, “Get the XYZ case in the mail by Friday,” she’ll have the XYZ case out the door by Friday.

A professional football player submits to the head coach. But this submission is one of free will. The football player chooses to submit.

If the football player were to be forced to submit, against his free will, that is known as subjection, or slavery.

 

[mariam1976]

I think people get confused between submission and subjection. Why would a woman get all furious at the suggestion that she submit to her husband, but then, in the name of equality, she’ll go out, get a job, and submit to her boss? And I don’t mean hanky-panky, just that if her boss says, “Get the XYZ case in the mail by Friday,” she’ll have the XYZ case out the door by Friday.

A professional football player submits to the head coach. But this submission is one of free will. The football player chooses to submit.

If the football player were to be forced to submit, against his free will, that is known as subjection, or slavery.

i am sorry i dont think women go out and get a job in the name of equality… at least i didnt… and i am sure majority of the women on this forum didnt…
i got a job to support myself so that i would not be burden to my parents and would be able to support them in their old age…
when i got married, i woudl have loved to have stayed home once i have kids but i realised what a huge drain that is on the husband when he has to shoulder the complete responsibility with nothing to fall back on… so decided to continue working to help him out…
whenever a man talks about submission, he is trying to force it on his wife… if the wife were willing to submit he doesnt have to say it… and if he does and tries to force her to do it then it is subjection …

 

[Black_Jaque]

I am sorry i dont think women go out and get a job in the name of equality… at least i didnt… and i am sure majority of the women on this forum didnt…
i got a job to support myself so that i would not be burden to my parents and would be able to support them in their old age…
when i got married, i woudl have loved to have stayed home once i have kids but i realised what a huge drain that is on the husband when he has to shoulder the complete responsibility with nothing to fall back on… so decided to continue working to help him out…

I don’t think that you or the women on this board constitute a fair sampling of the American public. There was a period in this country’s history when so many women thought they needed a career in order to be “fulfilled”. Not for the sake of their husband’s better interest. Not for the sake of their children’s better interest (although I’ve encountered a host of women who have deceived themselves into thinking that their job is vital to putting food on the table and a roof over their heads).

There are situations where a wife and mother really needs to work outside the home. But I don’t think that has to be the norm.

whenever a man talks about submission, he is trying to force it on his wife… if the wife were willing to submit he doesnt have to say it…

Oh good grief! Whenever a man talks about submission that equates to forcing it on his wife??? Give me a break. I thought communication was a key to good marriage. No one ever told me that you could only communicate those things that the wife enjoys hearing.

and if he does and tries to force her to do it then it is subjection …

I would agree that forcing her would be crossing the line from submission into subjection. But merely talking about it? He would have to use some mighty forceful words.

I think Feminism has done such a good job at brainwashing women into thinking that Patriarchy is evil that women can’t handle the thought of submitting to a man.

 

[frfreddie]

. . . your job is to get each other into heaven.

Really? I’m new to the faith and didn’t know that. I’m not challenging it, I really didn’t know. Where does this come from? The Bible somewhere?

Thanks for helping a newbie!

 

[Black_Jaque]

FrFreddie,

It comes from the theological definition of “love” which was packaged in a nice concise definition by St. Thomas Aquinas.

Love = To will the good of another.

At the alter you make a vow to love the other person. Since you’re in a Catholic Church, you are using the Catholic definition of love. The greatest good for that other person is to get to Heaven, an eternity of goodness.

So if you love another person with a Christian love, you will that they go to heaven.

Willing something is not the same as wanting something or desiring something. When you will something you make a decision based on reason, not just emotions. So when the chips are down, you fall back to that vow you made. And by reason, you can tell that you are still bound to that vow. So regardless of how you “feel” about your spouse at any given moment you might have to suck it up and do whatever is necessary at the moment to get your spouse into Heaven. That’s why I do not advocate that husbands just spoil their wives.

 

[Bennie_P]

That's why I do not advocate that husbands just spoil their wives.

For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, as also Christ doth the church: …" Ephesians 5:25 -29

So by doing this do you also think Christ is spoiling the Church?

Myself, I believe if I strive, through His Grace, to live up to the commandments Chirst gives to me, that will do more to influence my wife’s commitment to her faith, then me trying to demand that she do the same.

The discussion is about being a good husband, not how to make a good wife. Hopefully through mschrank’s and his future wife’s marriage preparation they both will have the same commitment to their upcoming vocation.

 

[Brendan]

I’d recommend St. John Chrysostom’s Homily XX on Ephesians

 

[Black_Jaque]

So by doing this do you also think Christ is spoiling the Church?

Myself, I believe if I strive, through His Grace, to live up to the commandments Chirst gives to me. . .

Does Christ “spoil” the Church? Christ, the bridegroom of the Church, gives his bride “commandments”. Yet you, your wife’s bridegroom, are afraid to give “commandments”?

. . . that will do more to influence my wife’s commitment to her faith, then me trying to demand that she do the same.

My American Heritage Dictionary lists both Command and Demand.

Command: 1. To direct with authority; give orders to.

Demand: 1. To ask for urgently or firmly, leaving no chance for refusal or denial.

Christ commands, he does not demand. So also a husband should command, and not demand.

If the husband is the head of the family, he is derelict in his duty if he is not in command. Radical feminism has brainwashed us into thinking that patriarchy is evil. Feminism rose to fight the evil of male chauvinism. Then radical feminism took over and began fighting patriarchy. The problem is patriarchy is not a bad thing.

The discussion is about being a good husband, not how to make a good wife. Hopefully through mschrank’s and his future wife’s marriage preparation they both will have the same commitment to their upcoming vocation.

Right, the discussion IS about being a good husband. And a good husband loves his wife. Which, according to St. Thomas Aquinas should mean that a husband wills that his wife get into heaven.

A wife who commits mortal sin is in danger of going to Hell. A good husband will not stand by passively and watch his wife burn. A good husband will take action, even if that action displeases his wife.

Please note that, in my first response, I posted that if he marries a devout Catholic woman, spoiling his wife “may be all the advice he ever needs.”

 

[mariam1976]

Oh good grief! Whenever a man talks about submission that equates to forcing it on his wife??? Give me a break. I thought communication was a key to good marriage. No one ever told me that you could only communicate those things that the wife enjoys hearing.
I would agree that forcing her would be crossing the line from submission into subjection. But merely talking about it? He would have to use some mighty forceful words.

I dont know about others but my husband (STBX) did talk to make me submit as every argument ended with the talk on submission when he did not have anything else to say.
This is the reason why I mentioned talk instead of force
as i read more and more, i do realise that my husband was an acute case of passive-aggressive syndrome (for those of you who know what i mean) will understand what i am talking about…
Good communication is the basis of marriage… i completely agree with you…

 

[chevalier]

I just hope I won’t end up with those submission arguments. I just don’t feel it would be so great to demand submission because I’m the husband. Okay, sometimes you have to call on some formal status you have, but I don’t think sexual relations with a subordinate are that fun. Christian marriage is one thing, bondage is another. Yes, I know it’s not in that context, but that context is a part of marital life as well and an important one and much is reflected in it.

 

[Black_Jaque]

I just don’t feel it would be so great to demand submission because I’m the husband.

Again. Here is this confusion between demand and command.

 

[littleone]

Again. Here is this confusion between demand and command.

I don’t think that Jesus would wish us to “demand” either in this case. There doesn’t seem to be a place for “unity” in demanding unless as Jesus did to the leaders scribes and Pharisees. Jesus commands us to have “mercy” something that Jesus never got from the leaders, but His message is to all, to love one another having “mercy” at all times leaving the judgment up to God.

For we people of God are called firstly to “love God with all our heart, with all our might and with all our soul and then to love our neighbor as our self”. It seems to me that demanding is for God and is expressed in the passage of the bible where Jesus tells the leaders if God’s people don’t praise God then the “stones” will. What a comparison.
“Love one another as I have loved you”

God bless
littleone