I
iamrefreshed
Guest
Good post.
His wife will very likely find the second betrayal, continued lying, to be worse than the first, his unfaithfullness.
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His wife will very likely find the second betrayal, continued lying, to be worse than the first, his unfaithfullness.
U
unhalum90
Guest
Hello,
I am new to this forum, stumbled on it trying to answer some of my own questions.
I am 72 hours into finding out about my wife’s infidelity. I knew something was up for about a month and oddly enough was denied the truth two times before when I pressed her on the issue.
Now I know. I know it all, the details of how it started, what they did. It hurts, a lot. We have been married for 17+ years, she has been Catholic her entire life, I came into God’s kingdom 5 years ago. This experience is new, raw and painful. However, I am glad that I know and it is out in the open. the quote a few posts about what happens in the darkness will soon have the light shined on it was perfect. Once I found out and the light of God’s love was shone on their “affair” it disappeared. She confessed it all to me Monday night, called our priest Tuesday and last night she went through confession and received communion(something she had refused for 2 months, the best indication I had that something was awry).
I am not glad that it happened, and I think I will always remember this pain. However, with God’s grace and her willingness to quickly turn to God, expose her sins and ask for forgiveness, I am optimistic that we still have a future together. I still love my wife with all my heart. Obviously, it goes without saying that I wish it did not happen. Since it did, I feel compelled to work harder through God, prayer and counseling to save our marriage. If I did not know that this was going on, or had it gone further, then I think the damage would have been worse or possibly ir-repairable. Far too many people, particularly men, would see this as an easy out, a way to free themselves of their responsibilities, looking at the relationship as disposable.
I am going to fight for my marriage. I am certain that had happened before I was welcomed into the church and understood God’s grace. mercy and power, then the outcome would be very different.
The hardest part of this experience to date is that my wife’s partner in crime is a co-worker and his wife is also my co-worker. She does not know anything about this and that is proving to be the saddest part to date.
I know that none of you know who I am, but I would appreciate any and all prayers you could share for the healing of my marriage.
God Bless.
I am new to this forum, stumbled on it trying to answer some of my own questions.
I am 72 hours into finding out about my wife’s infidelity. I knew something was up for about a month and oddly enough was denied the truth two times before when I pressed her on the issue.
Now I know. I know it all, the details of how it started, what they did. It hurts, a lot. We have been married for 17+ years, she has been Catholic her entire life, I came into God’s kingdom 5 years ago. This experience is new, raw and painful. However, I am glad that I know and it is out in the open. the quote a few posts about what happens in the darkness will soon have the light shined on it was perfect. Once I found out and the light of God’s love was shone on their “affair” it disappeared. She confessed it all to me Monday night, called our priest Tuesday and last night she went through confession and received communion(something she had refused for 2 months, the best indication I had that something was awry).
I am not glad that it happened, and I think I will always remember this pain. However, with God’s grace and her willingness to quickly turn to God, expose her sins and ask for forgiveness, I am optimistic that we still have a future together. I still love my wife with all my heart. Obviously, it goes without saying that I wish it did not happen. Since it did, I feel compelled to work harder through God, prayer and counseling to save our marriage. If I did not know that this was going on, or had it gone further, then I think the damage would have been worse or possibly ir-repairable. Far too many people, particularly men, would see this as an easy out, a way to free themselves of their responsibilities, looking at the relationship as disposable.
I am going to fight for my marriage. I am certain that had happened before I was welcomed into the church and understood God’s grace. mercy and power, then the outcome would be very different.
The hardest part of this experience to date is that my wife’s partner in crime is a co-worker and his wife is also my co-worker. She does not know anything about this and that is proving to be the saddest part to date.
I know that none of you know who I am, but I would appreciate any and all prayers you could share for the healing of my marriage.
God Bless.
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
Could you please copy your message and put it into a new thread? Bumping up an old dead thread just means that your message may not get the attention it deserves. And people may think the OP has brought this thread back to life when it’s a whole new situation.
Thank you.
Thank you.
W
WetCatechumen
Guest
Wow.
Reading this thread makes me never want to get married. Priesthood looks so appealing.
Reading this thread makes me never want to get married. Priesthood looks so appealing.
F
faithandhope
Guest
My prayers are with you and your family. In July it will be 3 years that it was confessed to me. You are at the beginning and in total shock, wait until the anger sets in. It will not be easy and you and your wife have a long journey ahead of you. I don’t know if you have children, but please protect them from all of this. She will have to put up with your ups and downs. Good luck and God bless you and your family…Hello,
I am new to this forum, stumbled on it trying to answer some of my own questions.
I am 72 hours into finding out about my wife’s infidelity. I knew something was up for about a month and oddly enough was denied the truth two times before when I pressed her on the issue.
Now I know. I know it all, the details of how it started, what they did. It hurts, a lot. We have been married for 17+ years, she has been Catholic her entire life, I came into God’s kingdom 5 years ago. This experience is new, raw and painful. However, I am glad that I know and it is out in the open. the quote a few posts about what happens in the darkness will soon have the light shined on it was perfect. Once I found out and the light of God’s love was shone on their “affair” it disappeared. She confessed it all to me Monday night, called our priest Tuesday and last night she went through confession and received communion(something she had refused for 2 months, the best indication I had that something was awry).
I am not glad that it happened, and I think I will always remember this pain. However, with God’s grace and her willingness to quickly turn to God, expose her sins and ask for forgiveness, I am optimistic that we still have a future together. I still love my wife with all my heart. Obviously, it goes without saying that I wish it did not happen. Since it did, I feel compelled to work harder through God, prayer and counseling to save our marriage. If I did not know that this was going on, or had it gone further, then I think the damage would have been worse or possibly ir-repairable. Far too many people, particularly men, would see this as an easy out, a way to free themselves of their responsibilities, looking at the relationship as disposable.
I am going to fight for my marriage. I am certain that had happened before I was welcomed into the church and understood God’s grace. mercy and power, then the outcome would be very different.
The hardest part of this experience to date is that my wife’s partner in crime is a co-worker and his wife is also my co-worker. She does not know anything about this and that is proving to be the saddest part to date.
I know that none of you know who I am, but I would appreciate any and all prayers you could share for the healing of my marriage.
God Bless.
A
awestruckfaith
Guest
Unhalum90-
My prayers are with you. Please note that your post has special meaning to me as I only found this site/thread due to a google search on the subject. Then, as it seemed quite dated, I was certain there wouldn’t be any current posts. Skipping to the end, I see you posted yours over 6 months from the last. God is always helping in some way it seems!
Like you, the most worrisome sign was that she’d been avoiding Mass when normally she’s the one to gather all the schedules and pick the one time that we can all go together. She gave me a half-hearted answer about being to busy, but it was more obvious that she was afraid of facing the Eucharist.
It’s been building for the better part of a year, but it just came to me in a panic a month or more back that this was going on. I confronted her and it wasn’t pretty. She hasn’t told me that it’s happened, but didn’t really say it hasn’t either. Now, I’m in the throws of trying to pull my spouse back to me. We’re continueing to talk regarding all issues we’ve had, so I’m hoping for the best.
I don’t know how far she has taken the path, but I fear the worst. She’s not talking much yet, but all signs are that she’s gone too far and is now afraid, assumed I didn’t care, and likley thought she’d be able to “get away with it”.
Now that I’m reaching for her, she’s uncertain of what to say or not to say. And, I’m fearful of the point at which she admits the real truth. How am I going to react? I’m praying that it hasn’t happened, but for those of us who’ve found it neccessary to confront a spouse, human intuition is a much better truth meter than we’d like. At least it has been for me. I’d rather it wasn’t.
I’m certain that whatever has transpired will be confessed at Reconcilliation this week at the start of Lent, but I doubt she’ll ever really talk to me about it. Then, somehow I have to deal with how to trust (or believe) someone that isn’t truly truthful. On top of that, my fears and intuition may be incorrect. Then what? How to I rid myself of this chaos?
This is where I address some of the issues with some of the posts on this thread.
Unless someone actually catches someone in the act, the betrayer can “deny, deny, and if that fails, deny”. That puts the other party, the one with the fear, chaos, doubt, and “just coincidence” type signs into full out right panic. I know most of what transpired, but it can still be debated. I really need the truth and God’s grace to know when the truth is being offered. My personal hell will be if I’m not offered the truth or if I can’t tell what is really happened.
In this case, my spouse knows that I have strong suspicions about her behavior. On the other end of the spectrum, the betrayers think that their spouse doesn’t know anything. Nuts to that. I’ve never met a person that has been cheated on that didn’t have a feeling that something wasn’t quite right. In fact, I’m certain that my wife never saw it coming that I’d figured it out. So, for you our there that think you’ve pulled one over or are thinking your are keeping your new found love and respect of your spouse safe from harm, not a chance. Somebody knows. Someday, they will know the truth.
Trying to protect a spouses feelings once they know something is up is nothing more than an abusive lie; a form of manipulation. You must assume they know something. If not now, they will.
A member of a friends family recently found out that his father had sexually abused his younger sister when she was a child. As a result, she never married or had children. He’d aways assumed that perhaps she was gay. She lived in a different part of the country and they didn’t have much contact. This guy had idolized his father. Now, his father dead, sister past the point of being able to have a family, she’s finally through therapy enough to tell her family what has happened. Even if her father went to confession about it, told his adult daughter how sorry he was and the two of them resolved their issues, his son and elderly widow now have to deal with this without being able to confront him. How is that fair to them? Was the wife/mother really protected in this case?
There are always points to the lie that you can’t understand. There are always storylines that only God knows. God wants us to be truthful, not false. He can mend the broken heart, but sometimes he needs time to do it. Don’t shorten that time by delaying the knowledge of truth. Someones salvation may depend on it. Your only hiding your own jeolosy, shame, embarrasment and guilt by hiding in a folds of protecting your spouse. They deserve better. They deserve to know.
I deserve to know – but I’ve no idea how I’ll survive it. It terrifies me out of my mind.
John 8:32 – And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.
My prayers are with you. Please note that your post has special meaning to me as I only found this site/thread due to a google search on the subject. Then, as it seemed quite dated, I was certain there wouldn’t be any current posts. Skipping to the end, I see you posted yours over 6 months from the last. God is always helping in some way it seems!
Like you, the most worrisome sign was that she’d been avoiding Mass when normally she’s the one to gather all the schedules and pick the one time that we can all go together. She gave me a half-hearted answer about being to busy, but it was more obvious that she was afraid of facing the Eucharist.
It’s been building for the better part of a year, but it just came to me in a panic a month or more back that this was going on. I confronted her and it wasn’t pretty. She hasn’t told me that it’s happened, but didn’t really say it hasn’t either. Now, I’m in the throws of trying to pull my spouse back to me. We’re continueing to talk regarding all issues we’ve had, so I’m hoping for the best.
I don’t know how far she has taken the path, but I fear the worst. She’s not talking much yet, but all signs are that she’s gone too far and is now afraid, assumed I didn’t care, and likley thought she’d be able to “get away with it”.
Now that I’m reaching for her, she’s uncertain of what to say or not to say. And, I’m fearful of the point at which she admits the real truth. How am I going to react? I’m praying that it hasn’t happened, but for those of us who’ve found it neccessary to confront a spouse, human intuition is a much better truth meter than we’d like. At least it has been for me. I’d rather it wasn’t.
I’m certain that whatever has transpired will be confessed at Reconcilliation this week at the start of Lent, but I doubt she’ll ever really talk to me about it. Then, somehow I have to deal with how to trust (or believe) someone that isn’t truly truthful. On top of that, my fears and intuition may be incorrect. Then what? How to I rid myself of this chaos?
This is where I address some of the issues with some of the posts on this thread.
Unless someone actually catches someone in the act, the betrayer can “deny, deny, and if that fails, deny”. That puts the other party, the one with the fear, chaos, doubt, and “just coincidence” type signs into full out right panic. I know most of what transpired, but it can still be debated. I really need the truth and God’s grace to know when the truth is being offered. My personal hell will be if I’m not offered the truth or if I can’t tell what is really happened.
In this case, my spouse knows that I have strong suspicions about her behavior. On the other end of the spectrum, the betrayers think that their spouse doesn’t know anything. Nuts to that. I’ve never met a person that has been cheated on that didn’t have a feeling that something wasn’t quite right. In fact, I’m certain that my wife never saw it coming that I’d figured it out. So, for you our there that think you’ve pulled one over or are thinking your are keeping your new found love and respect of your spouse safe from harm, not a chance. Somebody knows. Someday, they will know the truth.
Trying to protect a spouses feelings once they know something is up is nothing more than an abusive lie; a form of manipulation. You must assume they know something. If not now, they will.
A member of a friends family recently found out that his father had sexually abused his younger sister when she was a child. As a result, she never married or had children. He’d aways assumed that perhaps she was gay. She lived in a different part of the country and they didn’t have much contact. This guy had idolized his father. Now, his father dead, sister past the point of being able to have a family, she’s finally through therapy enough to tell her family what has happened. Even if her father went to confession about it, told his adult daughter how sorry he was and the two of them resolved their issues, his son and elderly widow now have to deal with this without being able to confront him. How is that fair to them? Was the wife/mother really protected in this case?
There are always points to the lie that you can’t understand. There are always storylines that only God knows. God wants us to be truthful, not false. He can mend the broken heart, but sometimes he needs time to do it. Don’t shorten that time by delaying the knowledge of truth. Someones salvation may depend on it. Your only hiding your own jeolosy, shame, embarrasment and guilt by hiding in a folds of protecting your spouse. They deserve better. They deserve to know.
I deserve to know – but I’ve no idea how I’ll survive it. It terrifies me out of my mind.
John 8:32 – And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.
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