G
Gamera
Guest
Good for you! You’re a lot closer now. And asking someone to lunch is a great move — it’s less “serious” than asking them to dinner, but with the same result.
Keep us posted!
- Status
Keep us posted!
F
Firefox
Guest
Just talk. There are guys out there, like me, who couldn’t start a conversation for their lives. Such guys are quite content to listen. Just be ready, in case he likes to talk as well.
K
kevinsgirl
Guest
[SIGN]Talk sports!!![/SIGN]
Hey, I found that to be the greatest lifesaver in engineering–whether it was talking with classmates, my professors, my bosses, or my co-workers. And lo and behold I married a sports fan…
Hey, I found that to be the greatest lifesaver in engineering–whether it was talking with classmates, my professors, my bosses, or my co-workers. And lo and behold I married a sports fan…
C
Clonereject1138
Guest
So only “cute” guys intrest you?
G
Gamera
Guest
What on earth is wrong with that? I wouldn’t want a woman to date me if she didn’t think I was cute.
C
Clonereject1138
Guest
Just seems rather shallow. Did she say date? I understood this to be “talk to” not date. Rather different, I hope.
G
Gamera
Guest
She didn’t say she would date him solely because he’s cute, if that’s what you mean. But she has trouble interacting with guys she’s attracted to, and naturally, the only guys she should date are guys she finds attractive. That’s sort of a given, isn’t it?
C
Clonereject1138
Guest
In my experience, beautiful people are dead on the inside. Like me! Oddly we don’t get along
Still…I don’t know. I’ve never been is a position to choose a mate.
And I suppose its odd for me to think of any guy as cute. Guys aren’t cute. Babies are cute. Puppies are cute. Guys are gruff, coarse, burly, Masculine. Calloused and scarred, men have no time for frivolities such as appearences. To buisy occpied by things of importance, such as toil and war!
Female! The male is as confused as you! And you must be VERY confused to come here, and adress guys, about talking to other guys.
I know! Grow some chest/facial hair, get a beach body, join the football team, and…No, but it must be easier to speak to guys when you are one…
Get angry with them. Imagine the evils the object of your affection has commited, soil them with imagined sin, tarnish their image in your mind, see the filth that resides within! That way, you’ll be so disgusted with the person they are, you’ll will no longer long to be with them! It works! It feels bad, but it works.
Hmm…try honesty, perhaps? Always as a last resort mind you
Tell him
“Hey, you know, you make my spinal fluid gushy and my stomache flighty and my diaphragm gramps when I see you. Not to mention a vast amount of blood rushing to my face. Stop it! It’s uncomfortable!”
Then perhaps he will stop using sorcery to torment you.
B
beckers
Guest
Lucky girl. Does he have any brothers or friends? People don’t think that women like sports. I love them. Watching and talking about them but some guys don’t like a women who has an opinion about it.[sign]Talk sports!!![/sign]
Hey, I found that to be the greatest lifesaver in engineering–whether it was talking with classmates, my professors, my bosses, or my co-workers. And lo and behold I married a sports fan…
I actaully was at a bar watching a baseball game with a girlfriend of mine. These two guys came over and seat across from us. We started talking and they said what are you girls doing. I said “watching the baseball game”. He said “Girls don’t know baseball”. He then proceeded to buy drinks for us. I declined his drink and made him drink it. Shortly they left. how can guys think that insulting a women is going to work as a pick-up line?
C
chevalier
Guest
Nah, not always. Some of the best people have been the most beautiful as well. I personally know beautiful ladies who are very good people.In my experience, beautiful people are dead on the inside. Like me! Oddly we don’t get along
In fact, I always spend some time matching the colours of the parts of my outfit, as well as making sure everything is well, the belt lies well, the shirt nicely fits in and so on.
Guys are as confusing to women as the other way round. You could say women are objectively confusing and therefore confused by men’s not being confusing, but the effect is that, subjectively, men are confusing to women anyway.
I’m happy with not being particularly hairy, I don’t care for beach body or football and I’m perfectly fine with my masculinity, thank you.
Oh my, how evil of you to joke like that!
The sad thing is sometimes people really act like that. Some people are really ready to embrace falsehood in order to feel better. Even if it means attributing false faults to others.
C
chevalier
Guest
Because, Beckers, it does work sometimes - perhaps not as overtly as an insulting pick-up line getting you a girl, but some girls are reassured of a guy’s masculinity by his harsh and coarse treatment of her. I would risk submitting that too good a treatment numbs a woman to you in a normal situation, as if you were her brother or first cousin or something like that. Coarse treatment will show you as a masculine male with all the assets to swing the club and bring game home.
Additionally, sadly, some people have poor resistance to pressure like that and they will comply. Kind of intimidation.
By the way, I don’t know what the tone of his voice was, but it’s possible he was in a way challenging you, urging you to prove how you were different from the majority of girls, who didn’t know baseball. Cf. “men can’t cook/sew” etc.
C
Chyna
Guest
Thank you for this thread,
i had NO idea that men are just as nervous as women…i get so sick, and i have brothers. i still am not comfortable.
You seem so comfortable…confident…
Especially gentlemen such as Other Eric, they speak beautifully and confident…
i had NO idea that men are just as nervous as women…i get so sick, and i have brothers. i still am not comfortable.
You seem so comfortable…confident…
Especially gentlemen such as Other Eric, they speak beautifully and confident…
G
Gamera
Guest
It’s more common for younger guys. The older we get, the less nervous we get. At 16 I would tremble when I asked out a girl. By 30 I had no fear — I could, and did, start conversations with women on the sidewalk, in line at the bank, wherever. I had nerves of steel. It was fun, too, although, I’m happier now that I’m married to my Sweet Girl.
One big advantage men have is that it’s more socially acceptable for us to approach someone we like. Social convention expects the woman to wait for the man to approach her, and there’s no guarantee it’ll ever happen. That must be hard. It can be nerve-wracking for a young man to approach a young woman but at least he’s got the choice in the matter. It must be harder to just wait hopefully for the man to approach you.
C
Chyna
Guest
i am so happy for you. Wish it was me, saying that…(not a girl, but a guy…he he).
Yes, it is. i was raised Southern, with our ways, a female NEVER approaches a male. It is very hard to try to leave behind my up bringing. And on other matters of male/female roles, it is harder still. i have to agree with some of it. What impression does forward behavior of a female, give to the male (not insulting, asking)?
C
chevalier
Guest
But of course we are and I would bet even more than women are! We’re risking a punch in the mouth at every step and sometimes we do collect. Do you know how it feels to ask every woman present to dance and get a refusal from each? Guys do. Some at least.
Seeming confident is not the same as being confident (not in any way speaking about Other Eric, though). But I didn’t say this.
C
Chyna
Guest
No, i don’t. i would never have the courage to ask.
Like for instance, some people here has suggested i go on-line dating. Some people at work say the same, yet i am still on the fence about that.
J
Jay2
Guest
Which common definition of platonic are you referring to:
1 : love conceived by Plato as ascending from passion for the individual to contemplation of the universal and ideal
2 : a close relationship between two persons in which sexual desire is nonexistent or has been suppressed or sublimated
Geez - the girl sees a guy she finds “cute”, and seeks advise about how to start a conversation with him… and Greek philosophies come forth… Nerd Alert, Nerd Alert.
About 20 years ago I met the most stunningly attractive woman I’d ever seen. Wanna talk about “butterflies”?? I had B-52’s on a bombing run in my gut!.. and my buddies were of NO help… They practically DARED me to ask her out - full well knowing that I had ZERO chances with a woman of this “caliber”…
Well, I summoned the nerve and asked her out on a “date”. Yes, a “date”, the textbook definition of 80’s social mixing… with the selfish male intentions of being seen with such a “babe”, and maybe if things worked out… getting a little frisky.
Finding a soul mate and wife were NOT part of the equation.
Well she agreed to meet me… and we did have dinner/drinks together… and about 2 hours later every thought of “getting frisky” flew right out the window and my whole being shifted into “this gal is perfect and you’d be an idiot to let her go”.
Over the next 18 months I “fought off” three other suitors, proved my worthiness and intents, and we were married.
So I’ll say that “dating” is necessary. I’ll also say that having someone that doesn’t hurt to look at is a definite plus.
It seems to be suggested that we regress to “arranged marriages” where we auction off our children to suitable & like-minded prospects… and forget that attraction (and toss a little lust in there) is an essential part of a healthy bond between man & woman.
Having a #2 “Platonic” marital relationship goes against the natural order of things. (Sounds to me like Plato wasn’t “getting any” and he’s PO’d )
The #1 “Platonic” marital relationship happens when you try to conceive a child together… not just NFP sex as man & wife, but really try to conceive. You just KNOW at that instant something has happened beyond our universe, and the “ideal” has occured. Any truly married couple has experienced this… some with the rewards of pregnancy, others with the trials of infertility… regardless the “bond” happens between man & woman.
In 7 days we’ll be celebrating 19 years of marriage together… all started because of a physical attraction… but cured & cemented by belief, compromise, and understanding. (and even at 45 years & two children later my wife’s still a “babe”
)
C
chevalier
Guest
It comes with time. Or with experience. Either or. At any rate, if you stick around for some time, it does come. Admittedly, it’s more of a guy thing, since we’re the ones supposed to make the first move.
You can’t have an online relationship indefinitely and it’s not always prudent at any stage anyway. I would suggest using the Internet as a contact platform rather than an environment. The complications are so severe, I would suggest only pursuing that kind of relationship if you’re in love already, not seeking one.
J
Jay2
Guest
Collect what? The knuckles in the chops, the rejection, or the 2-1/2 minute dance out of hours of trying with a nice gal???
In my case it was usually knuckles or rejection… but I never gave up… and really enjoyed the 1:100 dance that was accepted… 'cause the other 99 hurt too bad!
I dunno… read my signature… pretty much sums it up.
C
chevalier
Guest
Ca depend… I was talking about the punch in the mouth, which is also evident from the structure of that sentence, although sometimes we collect something else, true. Truth be told, in those situations where we garner a horrid rejection, it hasn’t been worth it from the very beginning in the first place, most of the time. You often know a lady by how she deals the people she isn’t particularly interested in. Getting a particularly impolite reaction only proves you have nothing to cry for - which is true no matter the gender of the person whom you approach.
Seriously, if a person - in your case, a woman - treats you badly, you lose nothing in her not being interested in you. In fact, you gain. Neither have you even wasted your time, since in fact you’ve gained some experience. All in all, it just sucks you aren’t talking to someone nice, but that’s life.
- Status