Had a slightly uncomfortable confession

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So we have this new priest at our parish who is just newly ordained- like two months ago,

I had the last priest for about two years so I had gotten used to him. He was easy to talk to- gave good advice. He really seemed to have a good sense of human behavior and sin. He was foreign- ordained later in life and was in his 50’s.

So this new priest is the new traditional type which I actually like. He was wearing the full cassock and such. I like a reverent mass and I do go to an EF now and then so it isn’t that I am against liturgical conservatism.

But how can I say it? He was “grim”. I had to bring my 14 mo. old DD. in with me and cracked a joke. “Don’t worry, we don’t have to worry about her breaking the seal of the Confessional!” He barely grinned. He also kept his head down and his hands folded in front of his face the WHOLE time- moving them slightly when talking. He never looked at me.

Next his advice was merely legalistic. The same kind of stuff I already know and the same stuff I read here. Conditions for mortal sin, occasions of sin- just catechism stuff. I know that stuff- that’s not what I need in confession- I need real advice or scripture or. . . something. . . . Something a real person would tell another person.

He just seemed like he was not comfortable- just “grim.” Does this make sense? I chalked it up to age and experience. Also I am a psycho-therapist so human interaction is really important to me.

What do you guys think?

Are the new priests taught to be so “tight”? Being conservative doesn’t mean you have to be grim right?
 
well, as you said he was new
perhaps he still needs some more work with his people skills
 
Confession is about confession and absolution. I think your young priest was just that, young and still getting his bearings when it comes to confession. Remember, you can indeed preach in seminary, and as a deacon, but confession is a matter that is more or less dropped on a man upon ordination to the priesthood.

I know the feeling, but I fear we are too interested in a good relationship than the sacraments. You will do a great deed by continuing to go to this young priest for confession. More than anything, we need to instill confidence in our priests by showing them our confidence in them.

I wish we had regular confession. I’m Episcopalian and we have general confession and absolution, which I take very seriously, but I wish we did it the “Catholic” way.
Feanor2 said:
So we have this new priest at our parish who is just newly ordained- like two months ago,

I had the last priest for about two years so I had gotten used to him. He was easy to talk to- gave good advice. He really seemed to have a good sense of human behavior and sin. He was foreign- ordained later in life and was in his 50’s.

So this new priest is the new traditional type which I actually like. He was wearing the full cassock and such. I like a reverent mass and I do go to an EF now and then so it isn’t that I am against liturgical conservatism.

But how can I say it? He was “grim”. I had to bring my 14 mo. old DD. in with me and cracked a joke. “Don’t worry, we don’t have to worry about her breaking the seal of the Confessional!” He barely grinned. He also kept his head down and his hands folded in front of his face the WHOLE time- moving them slightly when talking. He never looked at me.

Next his advice was merely legalistic. The same kind of stuff I already know and the same stuff I read here. Conditions for mortal sin, occasions of sin- just catechism stuff. I know that stuff- that’s not what I need in confession- I need real advice or scripture or. . . something. . . . Something a real person would tell another person.

He just seemed like he was not comfortable- just “grim.” Does this make sense? I chalked it up to age and experience. Also I am a psycho-therapist so human interaction is really important to me.

What do you guys think?

Are the new priest taught to be so “tight”? Being conservative doesn’t mean you have to be grim right?
Click to expand...
 
Thing is he’s only 2 years younger than me!

My career is entirely composed of interaction so that is certainly different. I know that some folks, even a bishop, believe there is no room for humor in a homily so maybe for some priests this expends to Confession.

Maybe this priest and the new ones are being taught to provide a less personal presence in the Confessional focussing more on being a passive vessel- which I guess is a valid way of looking at it.

For me though, when talking about sin, which is very hard I like to connect with someone- knowing that the power of God in His Church is paramount of course. I still think that employing the personality can aid in a sense that the priest cares or empathizes as Christ would.

In social work- we call this “the professional use of self.” Apples and oranges I know but perhaps there is some overlap. . . I can only think of this from my own point of reference.
 
Feanor2 said:
So we have this new priest at our parish who is just newly ordained- like two months ago,

I had the last priest for about two years so I had gotten used to him. He was easy to talk to- gave good advice. He really seemed to have a good sense of human behavior and sin. He was foreign- ordained later in life and was in his 50’s.

So this new priest is the new traditional type which I actually like. He was wearing the full cassock and such. I like a reverent mass and I do go to an EF now and then so it isn’t that I am against liturgical conservatism.

But how can I say it? He was “grim”. I had to bring my 14 mo. old DD. in with me and cracked a joke. “Don’t worry, we don’t have to worry about her breaking the seal of the Confessional!” He barely grinned. He also kept his head down and his hands folded in front of his face the WHOLE time- moving them slightly when talking. He never looked at me.

Next his advice was merely legalistic. The same kind of stuff I already know and the same stuff I read here. Conditions for mortal sin, occasions of sin- just catechism stuff. I know that stuff- that’s not what I need in confession- I need real advice or scripture or. . . something. . . . Something a real person would tell another person.

He just seemed like he was not comfortable- just “grim.” Does this make sense? I chalked it up to age and experience. Also I am a psycho-therapist so human interaction is really important to me.

What do you guys think?

Are the new priests taught to be so “tight”? Being conservative doesn’t mean you have to be grim right?
Click to expand...
I do not think this is common with the new priests. I regularly go to confession with a priest who was just ordained last year. He is a very caring priest and does a very good job with confessions.
 
Feanor2 said:
So we have this new priest at our parish who is just newly ordained- like two months ago,

I had the last priest for about two years so I had gotten used to him. He was easy to talk to- gave good advice. He really seemed to have a good sense of human behavior and sin. He was foreign- ordained later in life and was in his 50’s.

So this new priest is the new traditional type which I actually like. He was wearing the full cassock and such. I like a reverent mass and I do go to an EF now and then so it isn’t that I am against liturgical conservatism.

But how can I say it? He was “grim”. I had to bring my 14 mo. old DD. in with me and cracked a joke. “Don’t worry, we don’t have to worry about her breaking the seal of the Confessional!” He barely grinned. He also kept his head down and his hands folded in front of his face the WHOLE time- moving them slightly when talking. He never looked at me.

Next his advice was merely legalistic. The same kind of stuff I already know and the same stuff I read here. Conditions for mortal sin, occasions of sin- just catechism stuff. I know that stuff- that’s not what I need in confession- I need real advice or scripture or. . . something. . . . Something a real person would tell another person.

He just seemed like he was not comfortable- just “grim.” Does this make sense? I chalked it up to age and experience. Also I am a psycho-therapist so human interaction is really important to me.

What do you guys think?

Are the new priests taught to be so “tight”? Being conservative doesn’t mean you have to be grim right?
Click to expand...
Well, he is new. And it’s possible that there was some behind the scenes stuff too.

He might have a brother or sister with a child your DD’s age, and the last time he visited have thought, “I’ll never have my own child’.”

He might have erred on the ‘chattier’ side at his last confession time and his superior might have told him he needed a little ‘balance’ and like a lot of people, he went ‘too far’ the other way, seeking balance.

He might have some other purely personal worries. . . ill parent, perhaps one of his old classmates had just had something bad happen. . .he might even have been coming down with anything from a cold to ptomaine tummy and just be trying to grit his teeth and get through it WITHOUT projecting to you that he was in pain, lest it seem that YOU were the cause. . .

Could be many reasons. Even the ‘best’ has an off day now and then. (Like me, LOL)
 
He was probably sad at your seeming lack of contrition.

The priest is not a therapist he is there to absolve you of your sins and give you your penance. If his actions bother you that is what the screen is for.

Confession is meant to be unpleasant, it is meant to be penitential. Happiness comes after you are absolved not before.
 
It could be that he is, indeed, still getting his bearings as a new priest…or he could simply be a dour sort! Some folks just aren’t personable.

I’ve encountered many priests, here and elsewhere; some try to put you at ease with a little humor, some are stern by nature and humorless. It takes all kinds, in any profession. (At our parish communal reconciliation services, you can bet it’s the kind, personable priests with the longest lines!)
 
Advocatus_Fidei said:
He was probably sad at your seeming lack of contrition.

The priest is not a therapist he is there to absolve you of your sins and give you your penance. If his actions bother you that is what the screen is for.
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And exactly where do you get the idea that the OP lacked contrition??? :confused:
 
dixieagle said:
And exactly where do you get the idea that the OP lacked contrition??? :confused:
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I said seemed, and he would have seemed that way by the fact that he was cracking jokes, I’m not judging whether actually was or not just pointing out how he may have come across to the priest.
 
Advocatus_Fidei said:
He was probably sad at your seeming lack of contrition.

The priest is not a therapist he is there to absolve you of your sins and give you your penance. If his actions bother you that is what the screen is for.

Confession is meant to be unpleasant, it is meant to be penitential. Happiness comes after you are absolved not before.
Click to expand...
Um . . . OK. . . Thanks for the feedback.

Actually, I said that to the priest because I wanted him to know that my DD doesn’t yet talk. I guess I did do it in a humorous way though. . .
 
Two months old as a priest. I wouldn’t worry about him. He is probably still making sure he says all the right words in all the right places, so he doesn’t accidentally fail to absolve you or something because he was distracted in chatting. Also, consider that you are two years apart in age…perhaps he was avoiding interacting too much because he is not used to being in a closed box with a friendly female? It could be anything, really. These are just some thoughts to consider.
 
This is just a guess, but it might have been that he was concerned that both you and he would be distracted by the presence of your child; thus he made overt attempts (as much as for himself as for you) to maintain his concentration by being solemn (“grim”) and burying his face in his hands, and avoiding eye contact. He was probably trying to limit the “conversational” nature of the interaction, since you had initiated that aspect of it with the humorous remark. I think it was just an attempt to stay within the rubrics, even if it might have looked a little “over the top,” or resulted in your discomfort. Personally, I would not have been comfortable bringing either one of my own daugthers into the confessional, including a sleeping infant. It’s because I would feel distracted. (I think that’s why I can understand why certainly a priest could be distracted, and might feel a need to filter out those distractions as best he was able, however that might have limited his best counsel.)
JMO!
 
Don’t worry about it too much. There are a million different possible explanations.

For all you know the person before you may’ve confessed something horrendous and upsetting (especially to a new priest who hasn’t yet ‘heard it all’ and developed a certain amount of detachment which is necessary in a confessor).

Or perhaps the priest himself had just had something upsetting happen to him that you didn’t know about - ministered to someone who was dying or something - and so couldn’t join in your spirit of good humour.

On the other hand it could’ve been something really minor - Maye he was just really tired or had a migraine? Maybe you had some food stuck between your teeth, or your child was making faces at him when you weren’t looking, or something equally amusing, and he was trying not to crack up? 🤷
 
My priest hangs his head down as I make my confession. Like he’s really listening, he even closes his eyes before he hangs his head down. I don’t find this strange at all.

From your description, seemed like a normal confession.

Do you have the opportunity to go behind a screen at all? If so, maybe you should do that so his mannerisms do not bother you…kwim?
 
Pug said:
Two months old as a priest. I wouldn’t worry about him. He is probably still making sure he says all the right words in all the right places, so he doesn’t accidentally fail to absolve you or something because he was distracted in chatting. Also, consider that you are two years apart in age…perhaps he was avoiding interacting too much because he is not used to being in a closed box with a friendly female? It could be anything, really. These are just some thoughts to consider.
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Oh no. I’m a guy! I appreciate all the advice. I believe I was being a bit self-centered. Not thinking of all that could be going on with this priest. I think I can sometimes do this. Just expect from priest- sort of “use” them if that makes any sense.
 
Feanor2 said:
So we have this new priest at our parish who is just newly ordained- like two months ago,

I had the last priest for about two years so I had gotten used to him. He was easy to talk to- gave good advice. He really seemed to have a good sense of human behavior and sin. He was foreign- ordained later in life and was in his 50’s.

So this new priest is the new traditional type which I actually like. He was wearing the full cassock and such. I like a reverent mass and I do go to an EF now and then so it isn’t that I am against liturgical conservatism.

But how can I say it? He was “grim”. I had to bring my 14 mo. old DD. in with me and cracked a joke. “Don’t worry, we don’t have to worry about her breaking the seal of the Confessional!” He barely grinned. He also kept his head down and his hands folded in front of his face the WHOLE time- moving them slightly when talking. He never looked at me.

Next his advice was merely legalistic. The same kind of stuff I already know and the same stuff I read here. Conditions for mortal sin, occasions of sin- just catechism stuff. I know that stuff- that’s not what I need in confession- I need real advice or scripture or. . . something. . . . Something a real person would tell another person.

He just seemed like he was not comfortable- just “grim.” Does this make sense? I chalked it up to age and experience. Also I am a psycho-therapist so human interaction is really important to me.

What do you guys think?

Are the new priests taught to be so “tight”? Being conservative doesn’t mean you have to be grim right?
Click to expand...
Well isn’t it obvious? He must be an engineer* 😃

I would guess it’s because he’s new. Probably still trying to figure the whole listening to confessions thing out.

*Actually I have to confess that we have a new priest who’s an engineer, and we’re all pretty stunned at how much he just seems to “get it”
 
Feanor2 said:
Oh no. I’m a guy! I appreciate all the advice. I believe I was being a bit self-centered. Not thinking of all that could be going on with this priest. I think I can sometimes do this. Just expect from priest- sort of “use” them if that makes any sense.
Click to expand...
What do you do to prepare for confession if you don’t mind me asking?
 
Advocatus_Fidei said:
He was probably sad at your seeming lack of contrition.

The priest is not a therapist he is there to absolve you of your sins and give you your penance. If his actions bother you that is what the screen is for.

Confession is meant to be unpleasant, it is meant to be penitential. Happiness comes after you are absolved not before.
Click to expand...
I believe your theology is flawed. Though we should be contrite Confession is not “supposed to be uncomfortable.”

Remember the parable of the wayward son- how the father ran out to meet him- put a ring on his finger and killed the fatted calf?

Christ’s mercy is ABUNDANT and he wants to give it to us.

He is happy to have us and the Church rejoices to have us in Confession- not just “afterward” when we are alone. You speak of a lonely and sad faith.

Now this has nothing to do with this situation- just your comment.

I believe, as I have said, it was my self-centeredness, that drove my feelings regarding this Confession.
 
Feanor2 said:
I believe, as I have said, it was my self-centeredness, that drove my feelings regarding this Confession.
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Don’t be so hard on yourself…

I think you were just expecting something different… you might have been a little stressed about having your daughter with you, etc. And most of all, you were probably use to your previous priests.

God bless!
 
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