Had vasectomy - so where does it leave me

[Martin987]

I had a vasectomy last year after our third child was born. We’d used NFP previously & found it completely unsatisfactory. It did help to space the children exactly as desired, but it also taught us to ignore and override any physical feelings we had for each other. We wanted to stick at three children, also my wife’s pregnancies were getting worse each time and we had been told that a fourth could easily kill either her, the new baby or both. So we went for a more reliable - and satisfactory - form of family planning.

A few months later, I wondered what the Church’s exact teaching was on this subject, and found this forums website. The question I haven’t had found an answer to is - where does my decision last year leave me? From reading posts on this site, it looks as if I’ve committed a mortal sin, I have no regrets and no intention of reversing it, and I should never have Communion again until I change my mind. Is this really the case?

 

[1ke]

Yes, sterilization is objectively a gravely immoral act and if done with full knowledge and free will it is a mortal sin. Whether it was for you, specifically, we cannot say. It doesn’t sound like you entirely knew the Church’s teaching on the matter at the time. Although, you certainly *should *have, or at least done more to find out *before *sterilization.

So, where this leaves you is with the need to seek spiritual direction from a good and holy priest who will tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear.

You say you have no regret. Without contrition, one cannot receive absolution. So, I suggest you go to www.omsoul.com and get some of their literature to help you understand just how gravely you have offended God.

The Church does not require you to seek reversal, but if you have the means to do so it would be a virtuous thing to do.

Again, seek counsel from a good and holy priest who can help you understand why what you did was wrong.

 

[KostyaJMJ]

I had a vasectomy last year after our third child was born. We’d used NFP previously & found it completely unsatisfactory. It did help to space the children exactly as desired, but it also taught us to ignore and override any physical feelings we had for each other. We wanted to stick at three children, also my wife’s pregnancies were getting worse each time and we had been told that a fourth could easily kill either her, the new baby or both. So we went for a more reliable - and satisfactory - form of family planning.

A few months later, I wondered what the Church’s exact teaching was on this subject, and found this forums website. The question I haven’t had found an answer to is - where does my decision last year leave me? From reading posts on this site, it looks as if I’ve committed a mortal sin, I have no regrets and no intention of reversing it, and I should never have Communion again until I change my mind. Is this really the case?

I don’t see how you didn’t know the Church’s teaching on sterilization but assuming you were ignorant you didn’t commit a mortal sin. You have to know something is a grave matter before you can commit a mortal sin.

You’re simply required to confess your sins and there is no requirement to reverse the vasectomy. Repentance isn’t necessarily a feeling of regret so you shouldn’t let how you feel about the vasectomy keep you from confessing.

From the catechism

1450 "Penance requires . . . the sinner to endure all things willingly, be contrite of heart, confess with the lips, and practice complete humility and fruitful satisfaction."49

Contrition

1451 Among the penitent’s acts contrition occupies first place. Contrition is "sorrow of the soul and detestation for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to sin again."50

1452 When it arises from a love by which God is loved above all else, contrition is called “perfect” (contrition of charity). Such contrition remits venial sins; it also obtains forgiveness of mortal sins if it includes the firm resolution to have recourse to sacramental confession as soon as possible.51

1453 The contrition called “imperfect” (or “attrition”) is also a gift of God, a prompting of the Holy Spirit. It is born of the consideration of sin’s ugliness or the fear of eternal damnation and the other penalties threatening the sinner (contrition of fear). Such a stirring of conscience can initiate an interior process which, under the prompting of grace, will be brought to completion by sacramental absolution. By itself however, imperfect contrition cannot obtain the forgiveness of grave sins, but it disposes one to obtain forgiveness in the sacrament of Penance.52

1454 The reception of this sacrament ought to be prepared for by an examination of conscience made in the light of the Word of God. The passages best suited to this can be found in the Ten Commandments, the moral catechesis of the Gospels and the apostolic Letters, such as the Sermon on the Mount and the apostolic teachings.53

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c2a4.htm

 

[Rence]

I don’t see how you didn’t know the Church’s teaching on sterilization but assuming you were ignorant you didn’t commit a mortal sin. You have to know something is a grave matter before you can commit a mortal sin.

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c2a4.htm

Ok, let’s be fair. I didn’t know many things were against the Church’s teachings until I happened up on this forum. A lot of reason why (in my case) is because some issues aren’t things I think about and/or aren’t discussed in Catholic circles a lot.

For example, I was interested in IVF, but it was at the same time that I joined this forum. So I found out this late in life, that it was against the Church’s teachings. I’m not afraid to admit that it makes no sense to me at all, but still, I now know it’s against Church teachings.

Another example is sterilzation. I’ve heard about it here and there when people say things like, “I’m going to have a vasectomy after this one”, or “I’m going to have my tubes tied after this one”. But it just didn’t occur to me that it would be a sin.It wasn’t covered in any of my classes. It’s not like it’s a subject of discussion at the homily, and even if it was, I missed it. But I did learn about it later.

So, please be a bit kind (not that you weren’t, I’m talking in general). There’s a lot people don’t know about the Church’s teachings and even more, they don’t know WHY.

How about this: most of us should know that taking birth control pills to control pregnancy is not allowed in the Church. But many people don’t know that they ARE allowed in the case of treating medical problems. So it works both ways sometimes.

Or how about this: many people think NFP is ‘the rythm method’. You know what my pediatrician told my mom about NFP? He said, “what do you call those who practice the rhythm method?” mom said, “what?” He said, “parents”. And that was the end of the discussion. Why don’t more people know about NFP? Not knowing what’s allowed and not allowed works in both directions unfortunately.

Oh yeah, here’s another good one My ex-step brother is a urologist who performs vasectomies. He’s Catholic. No one ever said anything to me about it. The closest thing somoeone said was, I don’t think the church likes that.

 

[KostyaJMJ]

Ok, let’s be fair. I didn’t know many things were against the Church’s teachings until I happened up on this forum. A lot of reason why (in my case) is because some issues aren’t things I think about and/or aren’t discussed in Catholic circles a lot.

For example, I was interested in IVF, but it was at the same time that I joined this forum. So I found out this late in life, that it was against the Church’s teachings. I’m not afraid to admit that it makes no sense to me at all, but still, I now know it’s against Church teachings.

Another example is sterilzation. I’ve heard about it here and there when people say things like, “I’m going to have a vasectomy after this one”, or “I’m going to have my tubes tied after this one”. But it just didn’t occur to me that it would be a sin.It wasn’t covered in any of my classes. It’s not like it’s a subject of discussion at the homily, and even if it was, I missed it. But I did learn about it later.

So, please be a bit kind (not that you weren’t, I’m talking in general). There’s a lot people don’t know about the Church’s teachings and even more, they don’t know WHY.

How about this: most of us should know that taking birth control pills to control pregnancy is not allowed in the Church. But many people don’t know that they ARE allowed in the case of treating medical problems. So it works both ways sometimes.

Or how about this: many people think NFP is ‘the rythm method’. You know what my pediatrician told my mom about NFP? He said, “what do you call those who practice the rhythm method?” mom said, “what?” He said, “parents”. And that was the end of the discussion. Why don’t more people know about NFP? Not knowing what’s allowed and not allowed works in both directions unfortunately.

Oh yeah, here’s another good one My ex-step brother is a urologist who performs vasectomies. He’s Catholic. No one ever said anything to me about it. The closest thing somoeone said was, I don’t think the church likes that.

I know there are a whole lot of Catholics who are blissfully unaware of the church’s teaching on contraception but what got me is that he said he used NFP. People usually don’t use NFP for their health (even though they should); there is almost always going to be a religious reason for using.

My aunt was a daily mass attendee for 20 years and never had any clue about the Church’s teaching on contraception. The only way she found out was she happened to catch a Fr. Corapi sermon one day flipping the channels. She was simply shocked that nobody had ever told her anything earlier. It is just something that really isn’t discussed very often.

 

[colmywaykurtz]

Ok, let’s be fair. I didn’t know many things were against the Church’s teachings until I happened up on this forum. A lot of reason why (in my case) is because some issues aren’t things I think about and/or aren’t discussed in Catholic circles a lot.

For example, I was interested in IVF, but it was at the same time that I joined this forum. So I found out this late in life, that it was against the Church’s teachings. I’m not afraid to admit that it makes no sense to me at all, but still, I now know it’s against Church teachings.

Another example is sterilzation. I’ve heard about it here and there when people say things like, “I’m going to have a vasectomy after this one”, or “I’m going to have my tubes tied after this one”. But it just didn’t occur to me that it would be a sin.It wasn’t covered in any of my classes. It’s not like it’s a subject of discussion at the homily, and even if it was, I missed it. But I did learn about it later.

So, please be a bit kind (not that you weren’t, I’m talking in general). There’s a lot people don’t know about the Church’s teachings and even more, they don’t know WHY.

How about this: most of us should know that taking birth control pills to control pregnancy is not allowed in the Church. But many people don’t know that they ARE allowed in the case of treating medical problems. So it works both ways sometimes.

Or how about this: many people think NFP is ‘the rythm method’. You know what my pediatrician told my mom about NFP? He said, “what do you call those who practice the rhythm method?” mom said, “what?” He said, “parents”. And that was the end of the discussion. Why don’t more people know about NFP? Not knowing what’s allowed and not allowed works in both directions unfortunately.

Oh yeah, here’s another good one My ex-step brother is a urologist who performs vasectomies. He’s Catholic. No one ever said anything to me about it. The closest thing somoeone said was, I don’t think the church likes that.

Not too long ago, I returned to the Catholic faith after a long period of adherence to another faith. It’s been during these last few years that I myself found out that the Church’s proscriptions against birth control include vasectomies. I myself had one, previous to both periods.

I have my own conflicted feelings on this topic. At the time, just after my son’s birth, I wasn’t Catholic, and I certainly didn’t know this was something proscribed by the Church.

My own parents were pushing us to take this step–probably because, at the time, we were tightly strapped, economically. We’ve never been rolling in affluence. But I had my own, separate, reasons for agreeing at the time.

Namely, my wife had a difficult, scary time bringing my son into this world. Her blood pressure soared. An epidural they gave her went somewhat bad. They ended up doing a caesarean when dilation was insufficient and the baby was showing signs of fatigue in the delivery process.

Just passing through the delivery room and hearing her crying out in agony (before they opted to do caesarean) and being unable to do anything to help–that decided me.

I made up my mind I would never ever risk putting her through anything remotely like that again. I didn’t. She’s still around. We adopted a daughter who’ll be finishing high school in a couple of years. My son works, and tinkers with cars and computers for people.

To this day, I can’t see that I did anything wrong. The Church says that, objectively, it was. I don’t want to turn my back on that teaching and conclude it’s wrong. How could it be? But it’s like there’s a severe dichotomy of perception and knowledge here.

I’m way conflicted about this, which is where I came in at. I never seriously thought about writing about it till I saw this thread.

 

[kage_ar]

Growing up - BEFORE the information glut called the internet - not knowing a single Catholic - and being homeschooled - by the time I was old enough to know what sterilization was (around age 8) I knew that Catholics were not permitted to do it, same for birth control.

Cannot fathom how someone growing up today could miss this bit of common knowledge.

 

[newbetx]

I had a vasectomy last year after our third child was born. We’d used NFP previously & found it completely unsatisfactory. It did help to space the children exactly as desired, but it also taught us to ignore and override any physical feelings we had for each other. We wanted to stick at three children, also my wife’s pregnancies were getting worse each time and we had been told that a fourth could easily kill either her, the new baby or both. So we went for a more reliable - and satisfactory - form of family planning.

A few months later, I wondered what the Church’s exact teaching was on this subject, and found this forums website. The question I haven’t had found an answer to is - where does my decision last year leave me? From reading posts on this site, it looks as if I’ve committed a mortal sin, I have no regrets and no intention of reversing it, and I should never have Communion again until I change my mind. Is this really the case?

Well, yes. WHEN you are sorry, you may give a good confession. It may not be now, but later you may understand and become remorseful. Or your wife may. But, I would talk to your priest anyway. Many do not understand the magnitude of this sin prior to doing it. Or they wouldn’t have. He will give you spiritual guidance and maybe help you examine your conscience. Peace to you.

 

[newbetx]

Growing up - BEFORE the information glut called the internet - not knowing a single Catholic - and being homeschooled - by the time I was old enough to know what sterilization was (around age 8) I knew that Catholics were not permitted to do it, same for birth control.

Cannot fathom how someone growing up today could miss this bit of common knowledge.

Great for you, your parents and your friends. Being able to avoid or resist temptation is a very honorable achievement. Others are not so blessed.
Some of us are easily confused, misinformed or a sucker for the current cultural message. And as you read here more often than we care to see, so are some priests, Catholic doctors, family members and best friends. I ask only that each of us recognize that evil thrives on ignorance, and each of us are quite capable of it.

 

[newbetx]

Not too long ago, I returned to the Catholic faith after a long period of adherence to another faith. It’s been during these last few years that I myself found out that the Church’s proscriptions against birth control include vasectomies. I myself had one, previous to both periods.

I have my own conflicted feelings on this topic. At the time, just after my son’s birth, I wasn’t Catholic, and I certainly didn’t know this was something proscribed by the Church.

My own parents were pushing us to take this step–probably because, at the time, we were tightly strapped, economically. We’ve never been rolling in affluence. But I had my own, separate, reasons for agreeing at the time.

Namely, my wife had a difficult, scary time bringing my son into this world. Her blood pressure soared. An epidural they gave her went somewhat bad. They ended up doing a caesarean when dilation was insufficient and the baby was showing signs of fatigue in the delivery process.

Just passing through the delivery room and hearing her crying out in agony (before they opted to do caesarean) and being unable to do anything to help–that decided me.

I made up my mind I would never ever risk putting her through anything remotely like that again. I didn’t. She’s still around. We adopted a daughter who’ll be finishing high school in a couple of years. My son works, and tinkers with cars and computers for people.

To this day, I can’t see that I did anything wrong. The Church says that, objectively, it was. I don’t want to turn my back on that teaching and conclude it’s wrong. How could it be? But it’s like there’s a severe dichotomy of perception and knowledge here.

I’m way conflicted about this, which is where I came in at. I never seriously thought about writing about it till I saw this thread.

Love is not without risk. There are other ways to prudently manage your family. They just might not be as convenient. The message that our culture spews is that we have a right to avoid suffering. It’s a lie.

Please read Theology of the Body for Beginners. It can explain this better than any post on CAF can. Peace to you.

 

[Martin987]

Thanks to all of you for so many quick replies in the few hours since I posted this (particular thanks to Kostya).

Firstly to answer a query that was raised repeatedly: Yes, I did know that it was against Catholic teaching, which was one of the reasons for originally using NFP (it was partly reluctant obedience & partly medical – allergies to latex & long term medication). Still can’t understand why other forms aren’t allowed by the Church, even after reading several discussion threads on this site.

I didn’t realise that it was a mortal sin. I must admit that I’m still a bit unsure about the difference, I know that mortal sin is the more serious type but had assumed that it only covered murder/theft/breaking the basic 10 Commandments rather than covering matters such as family planning.

Colmywaykurtz: To this day, I can’t see that I did anything wrong. The Church says that, objectively, it was. I don’t want to turn my back on that teaching and conclude it’s wrong. How could it be? But it’s like there’s a severe dichotomy of perception and knowledge here. I’m way conflicted about this
Couldn’t agree more!

Back to the question which prompted me to write this post – if I tell my parish priest what I’ve put on this site, does he have to refuse to give me communion as I’ve committed a mortal sin without regret? Having read the posts, I’ll probably go for a chat with him in the next week or two anyway…

 

[flyingfish]

You can confess it without being obligated to reverse it.

 

[musicality]

Growing up - BEFORE the information glut called the internet - not knowing a single Catholic - and being homeschooled - by the time I was old enough to know what sterilization was (around age 8) I knew that Catholics were not permitted to do it, same for birth control.

Cannot fathom how someone growing up today could miss this bit of common knowledge.

To be completely honest, it’s because Catholics are no longer taught the teachings of the Church.
I’m a college student who has been Catholic his whole life, and even attended a Catholic high school. There was never any mention of contraception or NFP (outside of a talk Jason Evert gave at my school) in our religious ed. classes.

My generation lacks much of the fundamental knowledge you grew up with.

 

[wanner47]

I had a vasectomy last year after our third child was born. We’d used NFP previously & found it completely unsatisfactory. It did help to space the children exactly as desired, but** it also taught us to ignore and override any physical feelings we had for each other.**

Then it doesn’t seem that you really knew how to use NFP properly. You’re not supposed to “ignore and override” the feelings of love and affection you have for each other. You just have to find a way to express them that doesn’t involve sexual activity.

I encourage you to read “Contraception: Why Not?” by Dr. Janet Smith for a thorough overview of why the Church prohibits artificial contraception.

 

[Seatuck]

Thanks to all of you for so many quick replies in the few hours since I posted this (particular thanks to Kostya).

Firstly to answer a query that was raised repeatedly: Yes, I did know that it was against Catholic teaching, which was one of the reasons for originally using NFP (it was partly reluctant obedience & partly medical – allergies to latex & long term medication). Still can’t understand why other forms aren’t allowed by the Church, even after reading several discussion threads on this site.

I didn’t realise that it was a mortal sin. I must admit that I’m still a bit unsure about the difference, I know that mortal sin is the more serious type but had assumed that it only covered murder/theft/breaking the basic 10 Commandments rather than covering matters such as family planning.

Colmywaykurtz: To this day, I can’t see that I did anything wrong. The Church says that, objectively, it was. I don’t want to turn my back on that teaching and conclude it’s wrong. How could it be? But it’s like there’s a severe dichotomy of perception and knowledge here. I’m way conflicted about this
Couldn’t agree more!

Back to the question which prompted me to write this post – if I tell my parish priest what I’ve put on this site, does he have to refuse to give me communion as I’ve committed a mortal sin without regret? Having read the posts, I’ll probably go for a chat with him in the next week or two anyway…

 

[MtnDwellar]

We wanted to stick at three children, also my wife’s pregnancies were getting worse each time and we had been told that a fourth could easily kill either her, the new baby or both. So we went for a more reliable - and satisfactory - form of family planning.

A few months later, I wondered what the Church’s exact teaching was on this subject, and found this forums website. The question I haven’t had found an answer to is - where does my decision last year leave me? From reading posts on this site, it looks as if I’ve committed a mortal sin, I have no regrets and no intention of reversing it, and I should never have Communion again until I change my mind. Is this really the case?

I think that I may understand where you are coming from. I grew up in an Italian Catholic neighborhood. After 4, 5, or 6, children, I think that all of the women on the block were on the pill! They still attended mass and received communion. At that time, although I knew it was against the church’s teachings, I thought that it was not too serious.

In order for a sin to be mortal, it must meet three conditions:

* Mortal sin is a sin of grave matter
* Mortal sin is committed with full knowledge of the sinner
* Mortal sin is committed with deliberate consent of the sinner

You were not aware that it was a grave matter -“had assumed that it only covered murder/theft/breaking the basic 10 Commandments rather than covering matters such as family planning.” So, you did not have full knowledge. In my thinking, you did not commit a mortal sin and are still eligible to receive communion.

There is the matter of confessing. You cannot confess unless you are sorry for the sin. I suspect that you still feel righteous in your action for the reasons that you mentioned. A sin is always wrong, no matter what good may come it. In other words one cannot justify by an evil act by an eventual greater good. You are on the right track. Continue to grow in your knowledge of the church’s teachings and your love of God.

 

[PaulinVA]

Let’s see, you unknowingly committed a mortal sin. You knew it was a sin, but didn’t know it was a* mortal *sin. You didn’t know it was a mortal sin because you didn’t take the time to find out until after the surgery was completed. At to top it off, you don’t regret doing it.

Hmmm. You need to lay this all out to your parish priest. I don’t think you can be granted absolution for a sin you don’t regret committing, can you?

 

[newbetx]

Let’s see, you unknowingly committed a mortal sin. You knew it was a sin, but didn’t know it was a* mortal *sin. You didn’t know it was a mortal sin because you didn’t take the time to find out until after the surgery was completed. At to top it off, you don’t regret doing it.

Hmmm. You need to lay this all out to your parish priest. I don’t think you can be granted absolution for a sin you don’t regret committing, can you?

I think God works through the priest for that. I found the “you don’t have to be sorry to confess” thing a bit curious. It may be true, but I know I would never consider confessing something I wasn’t sorry for. Maybe I am missing something.

The issue, as I would understand it is that if you INTEND to do the sin again, confessing won’t absolve you. Like confessing being on the pill or something and you plan to continue. Now a vas is another issue. It’s not like you would get another one. One is not obligated to get it reversed, either. And you aren’t expected to become celibate either. Best to discuss with a priest. I’m sure he’s heard it before, BTW.

 

[cheese_sdc]

I had a vasectomy last year after our third child was born. We’d used NFP previously & found it completely unsatisfactory. It did help to space the children exactly as desired, but it also taught us to ignore and override any physical feelings we had for each other. We wanted to stick at three children, also my wife’s pregnancies were getting worse each time and we had been told that a fourth could easily kill either her, the new baby or both. So we went for a more reliable - and satisfactory - form of family planning.

A few months later, I wondered what the Church’s exact teaching was on this subject, and found this forums website. The question I haven’t had found an answer to is - where does my decision last year leave me? From reading posts on this site, it looks as if I’ve committed a mortal sin, I have no regrets and no intention of reversing it, and I should never have Communion again until I change my mind. Is this really the case?

You did what is the best interests of both your emotional and physical relationship with your wife, as well as considering the needs of your existing children. You protected the life of your wife. NFP is not 100% effective and if another pregnancy would endanger her life, then that is something to be avoided.

You made a good decision.

 

[PaulinVA]

According the WEbMD, vasectomies are 99.85% effective.

Good luck with that .15% !