Hard to embrace NFP

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Mary19

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Hi,

I was baptised last year in December. I’m having a really hard time to accept, understand and literally I just can’t think of anything else but suffering if I do nfp. I have 2 children and my husband is working part time with little English and no Australian education which makes it hard and tricky for him to get a better job to support his family, if I ended up falling pregnant every year. Thinking of having a third already scared me to death for living is so expensive here and we just can’t afford it. I do not believe that by strictly following NFP and every pregnancy is God’s will. The children that God allows to be born from my intimacy with my husband is also our responsibility. I can’t imagine allowing myself to be pregnant anytime without having the knowledge that I can make sure they’re going to be well looked after. Am I mentally capable having them? Juggling everything without family support here? Honestly we have to be on Centrelink relying on tax payers money. Taking money from people that plan their children and knowing their capacity. I feel like I will irresponsibly following my belief and put the burden on others. I know God will provide but are we not supposed to be wise as well? I’m in disappointment with myself for I have come so far to be in a state of mortal sin and going to hell. Life is just terribly expensive I’m scared. I want to be able to work and study and I ain’t see that happening if I cannot plan my life. Surrendering yes but the way I see it I will be a stay at home mum, hoping my children will grow up and fall pregnant again in my 50’s and it will never ends. I need help. People don’t really share how they manage to have many kids and still surviving financially and mentally. Please help.
 
Yes I do know. A sinner like me cannot imagine living sexless marriage. I love my husband but I also wants to be responsible to my children that are already exist. Remember I am sinner and new to this teaching.
 
Have you talked with an NFP instructor yet? Many dioceses require consultations with one as part of marriage prep so your priest should already have some people he can recommend.
 
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How so? That doesn’t make sense. Plenty of couples abstain while dating to get married. How is it any different to abstain after marriage?
 
before marriage we didn’t live under the same roof. Our priorities and focus isn’t as intense after we found how good sex is. Does that make sense? I get it being abstinence but it’s not a life long solution. NFP is great but the possibility of conceiving another child and facing reality with our financial situation just don’t play along.
 
No I haven’t but I’m thinking to take a course and ask my parish. I joined the nfp group and I’m scared after reading their surprise pregnancies with following nfp.
 
Trust in God.
Mary19 said:
I want to be able to work and study and I ain’t see that happening if I cannot plan my life.
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Are your children small? If so, and if God does have more children planned for you, there is nothing wrong with putting your career ideas on hold to be at home with your husband and kids.
 
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Thank you. I have already joined. My husband is not a Catholic. He has been really supportive but he doesn’t agree with the teaching nor it makes any sense to him.
 
Tell your husband that most birth control is abortifacients. Which means there is a chance that a conceived child, with a body and soul, can be killed. Every sexual act must be procreative(open to life)and unitive, otherwise the act is a sin, it is the way God designed it and follows natural law.
 
With proper use of NFP, you aren’t likely to continuously have children that you don’t expect. Consider that very few people are going to go on those forums and say “everything is going exactly as planned”. So you are getting a skewed view of the effectiveness.

I’d focus on finding an instructor and committing yourselves to learning a method thoroughly (remembering that just because one method doesn’t work for you, doesn’t mean that other methods won’t).
 
The first step in dispelling fear is knowledge. Most people who “don’t trust” NFP have never even taken a class or learned a menthol.

Abstain for now, learn NFP, and communicate with your husband. That’s the path.
 
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In real life, I know many people who use different methods of NFP, on a first name basis, more than 100 wives.

Of those, I know of exactly 2 surprise pregnancies. The other were “what the heck” throw caution to the wind unplanned pregnancies.

Really, know this website is not a sampling, most people who are using a method and consider it a sacrifice worth making don’t take the time to write posts on forums about it. Get to know those people IRL.
 
I would suggest this is something to discuss with a priest/spiritual director, especially if your husband is not a Catholic.
 
NFP actually has a much lower chance of conception (between 0 and 1%) than most contraceptive methods, especially since most contraceptive methods are not followed perfectly, increasing it from a 1+% failure rate to upwards of 25%, and many chemical contraceptives have failure rates around 40-60%, making up for it by aborting the child before the mother would even know she was pregnant (plus, if she does get and keep a pregnancy it tends to be even more harmful to her and the child).
 
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