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angelic06
Guest
You must be referring to Catholic Match. I set my search parameters to women who are 7/7.
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DaveBj
Guest
If I had been single when I swam the Tiber, that event probably would have shrunk my dating pool. Decades of observation of other people’s marriages have demonstrated the inadvisability of joining two people whose belief systems are not the same, so I would have to have a “7/7 match” (whatever that is).
However, it was getting married (in 1970) that really shrank my dating pool
However, it was getting married (in 1970) that really shrank my dating pool
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hwriggles4
Guest
I like Ave Maria Singles (that’s the only online dating site I have utilized), but I do find that from experience, online dating is sometimes a numbers game. There are people that are not open to long distance relationships, which does shrink the dating/courtship pool. Others get discouraged using online dating and de-activate their profile, although some re-activate later. There are also others who leave a profile active, and forget to log in for months.
There are also others who are not as flexible on external appearances (l am sure this is also an issue on secular dating sites such as match.com, and I have several friends as well as an old girlfriend who had bad experiences on e-harmony), and making a first impression is part of online dating, both secular and non-secular.
Others aren’t as flexible on age ranges. I completely understand this for people between 22 and 35. A 32 year old woman may not mind a 37 or 38 year old man (it depends on the person, and I completely understand that most 32 year olds would not be interested in a 45 year old man), but I have noticed that some women who are even 40 or 41 set their block at 45. One of my best friends married for the first time at 45 to a nice 37 year old, and after 7 years of marriage and two kids, they are one of the happiest couples I know. Age is a little more flexible after 40, but it is understandable that a 42 year old woman wouldn’t be interested in a 60 year old man, and 45 year old men should not be writing to 27 and 28 year old women (and that is one complaint I have heard from women on some of the online dating sites).
Others have their blocks set on who they will accept contacts from. For example, I set my contacts on Ave Maria Singles that if someone has not yet received an annulment, they are blocked. I don’t know if the other two sites have this feature. I didn’t set this to be conceited, I set this because one is not available for a sacramental marriage until if and when a decree of nullity is granted. I wish more priests and more tribunal administrators would advise those going through the annulment process to not be in a serious courtship, because it is unknown whether or not a decree of nullity will be granted. In addition, friends I know that have received a decree of nullity say they learned quite a bit, and the process helped them with healing and how to move on with their lives.
And of course, there are also others looking for “Mr. or Mrs. Perfect”, and think that no one who writes to them is good enough, that they don’t give them a chance (this may also be a factor on a site like e-harmony). I knew one nice individual who was often passed over on a Catholic online dating site just because she lacked a 4-year college degree - many good men missed out on meeting a neat lady.
LaughingBoy1503, I agree with you. I meet some nice people at church, and I’m not afraid to say hello to people after Mass (usually outside the sanctuary), but it can be awkward and if overdone, I agree a guy could get a reputation. I have noticed that some women wear a ring on their wedding finger (sometimes just a band to symbolize commitment), and some do not. I try to make a familiar acquaintance first, and I am careful about what I bring up first. When I do approach someone to say hello, I usually like to notice that the woman has a prayer life, and I am more open to approach someone who is dressed appropriately for Mass.Catholic women are out there, just good ones are so hard to find sometimes. Or they are already taken. Its very hard to try to approach a woman after Mass for me because I am very much afraid of asking a woman to go out with me only to hear her say “I’m Married” because not all married women wear wedding rings and I don’t want to become know in my parish as the guy who hits on married women
Part of the problem meeting Catholics at Mass is several Catholics come in late and leave early. Others arrive on time, but rush out to the parking lot immediately after the closing song. (I think more of our Protestant bretheren who attend regularly stay a little longer for fellowship). Outside of the Mass, I think it is easier to meet members of the opposite sex through some of the volunteer organizations at the parish (or around the diocese), and through friends that I have met volunteering. Many devout Catholic women are involved in pro-life activities, and quite a few are single.
LaughingBoy1503, You have a good attitude. I’m sure you have had Protestant friends, family members, and co-workers ask, “Aren’t there any girls at your church? Why aren’t you meeting anyone? Can’t you just approach someone at Mass?” I think most devout single Catholics (both men and women) have heard these phrases uttered at one time or another.
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kittyplant
Guest
i dont get the obsession with marriage. being a christian is the most exciting thing you can be. why be in such a big rush to get married? go about spreading Christ’s love and serving God’s people and if you happen some day to meet someone great but if not still great because you get to serve God full time.
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Akkaydia
Guest
I would say that converting has shrunk my dating pool quite a bit.
I have been quite frustrated about this lately. Since I have converted to Catholicisms, I’ve limited myself to Catholic men. The problem is that I have only met a handful of single Catholic guys. I’ve been Catholic for about 1.5 years and I have only met 2 single guys. All the men in my RCIA class were married. All the men but 1 at Young Adults is married. However, I have met a ton of single women. I’m basically competing with young, beautiful, perky, thin cradle Catholic virgin girls.
Second of all, I’m not a virgin. This limits my dating pool even more. I used to be an Atheist before I converted. I’ve noticed that Catholic men really value virginity. Although I haven’t had anyone treat me poorly yet because I’m not a virgin, I am highly distrustful of getting into a relationship with a Catholic man. Many Catholic men just can’t seem to handle the idea of a girl haven been with someone else. I’ve spent time reading Catholic dating books in the parish library and the books for men recomend avoiding non-virgin girls like the plague. I can understand it. With a virgin, you don’t have to worry about STI, secrete adoptions,abortions, cheating, divorce, and additional insecurities about performance. With a non-virgin you do.
Third of all, I’m now a chaste non-virgin. This idea seems to upset some men, because I’m one of those annoying “born again virgins” (I try to avoid that term). The idea that guy has to work harder than the previous guy to get the same thing, seems upsetting to many guys. The pay off for waiting for a non-virgin isn’t as high as waiting for a virgin.
Fourth, I come from a long line of “divorced” parents. My grandmother on my father’s side divorced twice. My maternal grandmother is emotionally and physically divorced (but not legally) from her husband. My parents also went through a long a bitter divorce. For Catholics who are really into discernment, this is a big red flag.
Fifth, I really struggle with idea with the way that Catholics date. Since I’m rather passionate person, so I won’t be able to kiss or cuddle the guy I’m dating. I’m still confused about how the whole courting thing works in practice against just going steady. Since I’m marriage crazy, I’m not sure how I’m going to contain my desire and not scare off a guy. The whole discernment processes seems similar to cohabitation without the sex. I feel nervous about the idea of always being judged and tested by my actions and not knowing the answer until 3 years later when they guy actually proposes or not.
I have done online dating in the past, but I had a horrible stalker who trolled me pretty badly. My Catholic friends really discourage me from online dating and got upset when I was trading my phone number with people at a convention. They encourage me to just do lots of Catholic activities. I’m fine with that, but I get sad when I see that there are no guys that are in my age range.
When I was converting, one of the reasons I converted was so I could have a better relationship. Instead, my boyfriend of 3.5 years refused to marry me so I broke up with him a few months ago (although he was supportive of me when we stopped having sex when I converted). Now I look around, and I feel hopeless that I will find a guy. I’ve actually been crying about it frequently. I’m scared of the high standards that Catholics seem to have. I know they don’t expect me to be perfect, but it still seem out of reach. I sort of want to guy very very badly and I don’t want a guy very very badly. I’m not sure if God wants me to get married, or to remain single and do lots of works for the Church. I still feel numb. Luckily, it isn’t my only reason for converting.
Why am I marriage obsessed? I’m not sure. I used to be anti-relationships when I was in high school. After my first crush I became obsessed with it. I think its because I didn’t feel secure in my past relationships. Many of my mom’s friends divorced and had a hard time dating when they were middle aged. I’ve also seen girls fall madly in love, get pregnant and have the guy refuse to marry them or help out. Many of the guys seemed interested in girls that were under 30, so I feel in a rush to get married before I’m 30. So marriage to me provides some security. I’m also not very independent and I’m pretty needy. So I guess once I become more healthy and independent (but dependent on God), then I won’t want a relationship or marriage. Then I’ll be happy.
I have been quite frustrated about this lately. Since I have converted to Catholicisms, I’ve limited myself to Catholic men. The problem is that I have only met a handful of single Catholic guys. I’ve been Catholic for about 1.5 years and I have only met 2 single guys. All the men in my RCIA class were married. All the men but 1 at Young Adults is married. However, I have met a ton of single women. I’m basically competing with young, beautiful, perky, thin cradle Catholic virgin girls.
Second of all, I’m not a virgin. This limits my dating pool even more. I used to be an Atheist before I converted. I’ve noticed that Catholic men really value virginity. Although I haven’t had anyone treat me poorly yet because I’m not a virgin, I am highly distrustful of getting into a relationship with a Catholic man. Many Catholic men just can’t seem to handle the idea of a girl haven been with someone else. I’ve spent time reading Catholic dating books in the parish library and the books for men recomend avoiding non-virgin girls like the plague. I can understand it. With a virgin, you don’t have to worry about STI, secrete adoptions,abortions, cheating, divorce, and additional insecurities about performance. With a non-virgin you do.
Third of all, I’m now a chaste non-virgin. This idea seems to upset some men, because I’m one of those annoying “born again virgins” (I try to avoid that term). The idea that guy has to work harder than the previous guy to get the same thing, seems upsetting to many guys. The pay off for waiting for a non-virgin isn’t as high as waiting for a virgin.
Fourth, I come from a long line of “divorced” parents. My grandmother on my father’s side divorced twice. My maternal grandmother is emotionally and physically divorced (but not legally) from her husband. My parents also went through a long a bitter divorce. For Catholics who are really into discernment, this is a big red flag.
Fifth, I really struggle with idea with the way that Catholics date. Since I’m rather passionate person, so I won’t be able to kiss or cuddle the guy I’m dating. I’m still confused about how the whole courting thing works in practice against just going steady. Since I’m marriage crazy, I’m not sure how I’m going to contain my desire and not scare off a guy. The whole discernment processes seems similar to cohabitation without the sex. I feel nervous about the idea of always being judged and tested by my actions and not knowing the answer until 3 years later when they guy actually proposes or not.
I have done online dating in the past, but I had a horrible stalker who trolled me pretty badly. My Catholic friends really discourage me from online dating and got upset when I was trading my phone number with people at a convention. They encourage me to just do lots of Catholic activities. I’m fine with that, but I get sad when I see that there are no guys that are in my age range.
When I was converting, one of the reasons I converted was so I could have a better relationship. Instead, my boyfriend of 3.5 years refused to marry me so I broke up with him a few months ago (although he was supportive of me when we stopped having sex when I converted). Now I look around, and I feel hopeless that I will find a guy. I’ve actually been crying about it frequently. I’m scared of the high standards that Catholics seem to have. I know they don’t expect me to be perfect, but it still seem out of reach. I sort of want to guy very very badly and I don’t want a guy very very badly. I’m not sure if God wants me to get married, or to remain single and do lots of works for the Church. I still feel numb. Luckily, it isn’t my only reason for converting.
Why am I marriage obsessed? I’m not sure. I used to be anti-relationships when I was in high school. After my first crush I became obsessed with it. I think its because I didn’t feel secure in my past relationships. Many of my mom’s friends divorced and had a hard time dating when they were middle aged. I’ve also seen girls fall madly in love, get pregnant and have the guy refuse to marry them or help out. Many of the guys seemed interested in girls that were under 30, so I feel in a rush to get married before I’m 30. So marriage to me provides some security. I’m also not very independent and I’m pretty needy. So I guess once I become more healthy and independent (but dependent on God), then I won’t want a relationship or marriage. Then I’ll be happy.
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kittyplant
Guest
im starting to think that being a real catholic is about being alone. in the new testament you read about all these great christian communities, everyone put Christ first and really helped each other. youre writing about how catholic men arent interested in you - i feel like a complete island. i have gone to so many things trying to get connected just as a human being to people and am ignored by people my age. because i didnt go to university? or have a fancy job? i dont get it. i feel like its not really fully about Christ for people it’s a cultural thing theyre into and they just want to play out cookie cutter life with a catholic flavor.
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Akkaydia
Guest
Well if my life wasn’t centered around Christ, then I would have given up being Catholic long ago. I’m here because its true. I’m feel upset that you are questioning my commitment. To be honest, the Catholic lifestyle is making me miserable, so I didn’t convert for the lifestyle. I converted because its true. I’m willing to suffer through the lifestyle for Christ. I’m willing to give up ever having a boyfriend for Christ. I’m also willing to give up all my friends and family. However, I don’t want to suffer needlessly. The only reasons why I’m here is because I’m asking for advice. However, I can definitely see why so many people are leaving the Catholic Church in droves.
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kittyplant
Guest
i wasnt questioning your commitment. you posting about how hard it is for you to find a catholic guy and the reasons you gave for why you think that is just reminded me of how hard i feel it is just to make catholic friends. i was relating to how sad/ frustrated you came across. i was just saying it makes me feel like im supposed to be alone. i never meet anyone who is as excited as i am (except for some nuns) about being catholic. i always feel left out of whatever groups i find and theyre nothing like the communities in the new testament.
LaughingBoy1503
Well-known member
I hear this once in awhile but not very often. My usual reply is “I am normally the youngest person at Mass and I am 30!” LOL. At my parish, people my age do not even seem to go to Mass. Though, I know I could be trying harder to get involved with my parish. You know, I have never tried Ave Maria singles. I have tried Catholicmatch. It is the biggest Catholic dating site. I have met 4 women from that site but none turned into a relationship. I also tried Catholicsingles but I do not recommend it. It was a dead zone. Then I tried Catholic soulmates. I recommend that one even less. It feels like a complete scam. It may not be, but it feels like it. Also, it looks like non catholics join that site too for some reason. I don’t think that site is Catholic owned. I think some company just decided to make a dating site for Catholics. Ironically, I met my last girlfriend (who was Catholic) on Match.com.
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iwillrisenow
Guest
Absolutely. I am exactly the same way. I wish I could tell you that I am one of those Catholics who sang the Elsa song and prayed XYZ novena one night and stumbled over their wholly Catholic future husband at the coffee shop the next morning…but I’m not. That’s not God’s will for me, for whatever reason.
But…
…if Truth means a minuscule dating pool and the prospect of lifelong isolation and loneliness, so be it.
…if Truth means even my own family making jokes about my beliefs, the Pope etc…so be it.
…if Truth means awkwardness at work because I don’t support certain lifestyle choices or political causes…so be it.
youtube.com/watch?v=d6wRkzCW5qI
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Akkaydia
Guest
Sorry kittyplant, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I was sorta expecting people to not react well to my post, so I just reacted. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just jumped the gun.
Thanks everyone. I think that I just needed some inspiration and a pep talk. I should watch the Shawshank Redemption tonight.
Thanks everyone. I think that I just needed some inspiration and a pep talk. I should watch the Shawshank Redemption tonight.
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kittyplant
Guest
no problem. let’s pray for eachother
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Brandall
Guest
Before God created the earth, he had decided to make a wife for me and me for her. While my dating pool was large, there really was only one that I could marry. My marriage pool was much smaller than my dating pool.
I’m a convert and my wife is a Baptist. Will she convert? There is a good chance that one day may happen. There are many successful protestant/Catholic marriages and if I was single, I would not automatically rule out non Catholic Christians.
I’m a convert and my wife is a Baptist. Will she convert? There is a good chance that one day may happen. There are many successful protestant/Catholic marriages and if I was single, I would not automatically rule out non Catholic Christians.
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Andre1000
Guest
The old church saw heretics also as unbelievers. And a mixed marriage between Catholic and a Protestant damages the faith of the children too, because it leads to indifference. Heretics and schismatics are as much outside of the church as pagans.
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ShanaA1984
Guest
No because I didn’t limit myself to only dating other Catholic’s.
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bsf
Guest
I am sorry you appear so distressed. I do not know you; can only get a small sense of who you are from these posts. Once again, I am sorry you appear so frustrated. However, may I charitably offer that you appear a bit dramatic, and based on your posts, it appears to me your perspective on single Catholic men; dating/courtship by Catholics; and marriage may be a bit off. I hope very much I am not being critical of you. You just recently ended a 3.5 year relationship. I suspect you have not recovered from this relationship yet. I would like you to be well, and I think now focusing on your personal development and relationship with God would be a very good thing. You mentioned the insecurity, and IMO, you recognizing that is good. I hope, by the grace of God, you will find healing. You are a child of God and redeemed by Christ. Your value results from that. Regardless of what you do in this life or have done to you, your value in God’s eyes is unchanged. His love for you is constant; eternal.
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Akkaydia
Guest
I would agree that my perspective is not right regarding Catholic men and marriage. I don’t know what the correct perspective is. That right there is probably what is causing most of my problems (that and I need to listen and read more inspirational stuff to get out of my negative moods). You are right about not being over him yet. I would not say that you are overly critical. I did post here hoping for advice and perspective. You gave me some. I do over react and get over emotional. I don’t have a horrible life, however, I don’t deal with things well. I am and have been working on self improvement and it is a good thing. I have also found God. Anyways, I appreciate that you are willing to appearing sorry and sympathetic in order to help me out. It was enlightening to know how others perceive me when I’m complaining.
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Giggly_Giraffe
Guest
Isn’t a smaller pool better? We should “Date” to find the one we can give what we don’t even have; our future. I remember being overwhelmed when dating. Once I stopped, focused on God and found peace, my husband came into my life. I would think it would be worse if the dating pool increased, IMO.
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Akkaydia
Guest
That is a good point. I remember watching a documentary on beaver. Beavers mate for life. One of the reason why they stay monogamous is because its so rare for them to run into another beaver of the opposite sex. Low population density = monogamy. Monogamous people usually have higher standards because they invest more. Men who commit for life are more choosy then men who do not. You could say that men who commit are putting all their sperm in one basket.
However, dating multiple people does make men seem more disposable and replaceable. If you are dating multiple guys, someone is going to get rejected and hurt. Now that I think about it, it is sort of a crutch because once you get married, you can’t solve your neediness by dating other guys.
However, dating multiple people does make men seem more disposable and replaceable. If you are dating multiple guys, someone is going to get rejected and hurt. Now that I think about it, it is sort of a crutch because once you get married, you can’t solve your neediness by dating other guys.
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