Hating Sexuality

[Mark86]

In general, I’m still alternating between hating my sexuality and being totally possessed by it. I want out of the whole “breeding” thing in general. It’s not worth my time and attention to be attracted to others. All it does it make me suffer and waste my time. I’d rather not be sexual at all.

I want to comply with God’s commandment against lust, I really do… but I just don’t want to have to bother with being sexual anymore, period, at all. I don’t want another “concession” of “oh it’s a good thing.” I don’t want another speech about how to “manage” it, I just want it gone completely. I don’t want to be attracted to anyone. I don’t want to just be done with lust, I want to be done with attraction in general. I would be happy if I never found another person attractive for the rest of my life. I don’t want it. I hate it. I hate lust and I hate sexuality and I hate physical attraction in general. If I can’t lust, then I want nothing to do with my sexuality.

Unfortunately God doesn’t work like that though, and so I’m stuck, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be sexual at all anymore? Why? Because there’s no non-sinful way for me to express it anyways, so why bother having it?

That’s how I feel. I don’t know how to stop feeling that way. I’ve said all kinds of prayers and such and it doesn’t do anything. At the end of the day I just want off the ride. I spend every day of my life hating this sexual impulse. I hate finding other people attractive. I hate it and I want it to stop so I can be free to live my life and get things accomplished. I don’t know what to do about it.

 

[Latinitas]

In general, I’m still alternating between hating my sexuality and being totally possessed by it. I want out of the whole “breeding” thing in general. It’s not worth my time and attention to be attracted to others. All it does it make me suffer and waste my time. I’d rather not be sexual at all.

I want to comply with God’s commandment against lust, I really do… but I just don’t want to have to bother with being sexual anymore, period, at all. I don’t want another “concession” of “oh it’s a good thing.” I don’t want another speech about how to “manage” it, I just want it gone completely. I don’t want to be attracted to anyone. I don’t want to just be done with lust, I want to be done with attraction in general. I would be happy if I never found another person attractive for the rest of my life. I don’t want it. I hate it. I hate lust and I hate sexuality and I hate physical attraction in general. If I can’t lust, then I want nothing to do with my sexuality.

Unfortunately God doesn’t work like that though, and so I’m stuck, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be sexual at all anymore? Why? Because there’s no non-sinful way for me to express it anyways, so why bother having it?

That’s how I feel. I don’t know how to stop feeling that way. I’ve said all kinds of prayers and such and it doesn’t do anything. At the end of the day I just want off the ride. I spend every day of my life hating this sexual impulse. I hate finding other people attractive. I hate it and I want it to stop so I can be free to live my life and get things accomplished. I don’t know what to do about it.

Hey I know how you feel. Let me just start by commending you that as Pius XII noted, having such strong sexual impulses is not a sign of impurity, but rather a sign of the practice of chastity. So don’t give up or be discouraged.

As far as wanting to get rid of all that attraction, that certaintly isn’t a bad thing - leaving the world behind is a great thing, and strongly commended in the Gospels and elsewhere. Conquering the flesh is a good thing as well. Perhaps a religious order of penance is what you’re seeking. I don’t know. You should find a spiritual director.

As for praying and nothing happening, I would again say: God is pleased with you that you’re making such strides for purity and chastity: He looks for it, and it is rarely found. However, God leaves in these temptations, for our humiliation, that we may seek Him and pray constantly, which it seems you do, for our instruction, that we may see their depravity, and learn to detach ourselves from creatures, and for glorification, that we may merit highly in Heaven, for resisting such depraved impulses.

As for hating your attraction to other people, you may wish to seek out a counsellor, if you feel embarrassed or ashamed at it.

I’m praying for you,
Don’t give in!
Benedicat Deus,
Latinitas

 

[Shin]

‘The human ideal of continence, I mean that which is set forth by Greek philosophers, teaches that one should fight desire and not be subservient to it so as to bring it to practical effect. But our ideal is not to experience desire at all. Our aim is not that while a man feels desire he should get the better of it, but that he should be continent even respecting desire itself. This chastity cannot be attained in any other way except by God’s grace. That was why he said “Ask and it shall be given you.” This grace was received even by Moses, though clothed in his needy body, so that for forty days he felt neither thirst nor hunger. Just as it is better to be in good health than for a sick man to talk about health, so to be light is better than to discuss light, and true chastity is better than that taught by the philosophers. Where there is light there is no darkness. But where there is inward desire, even if it goes no further than desire and is quiescent so far as bodily action is concerned, union takes place in thought with the object of desire, although that object is not present.’

St. Clement of Alexandria

‘In order to preserve holy purity it is necessary to love it much, to distrust one’s self, to be cautious with all-in a word, it is necessary to fear and to fly.’

St. Paul of the Cross

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

Well it would be handy if we could go to a store or something and just hand sexuality back to someone,and we wouldn’t even want our money back, and just not have our mind occupied by any form of sexuality whatsoever, sadly, not the case,
I could be wrong,usually am, but you could go to a doctor and ask is there some method in removing sexual urge by medication or by some other means, could be interesting,

 

[robertmidwest]

In general, I’m still alternating between hating my sexuality and being totally possessed by it. I want out of the whole “breeding” thing in general. It’s not worth my time and attention to be attracted to others. All it does it make me suffer and waste my time. I’d rather not be sexual at all.

I want to comply with God’s commandment against lust, I really do… but I just don’t want to have to bother with being sexual anymore, period, at all. I don’t want another “concession” of “oh it’s a good thing.” I don’t want another speech about how to “manage” it, I just want it gone completely. I don’t want to be attracted to anyone. I don’t want to just be done with lust, I want to be done with attraction in general. I would be happy if I never found another person attractive for the rest of my life. I don’t want it. I hate it. I hate lust and I hate sexuality and I hate physical attraction in general. If I can’t lust, then I want nothing to do with my sexuality.

Unfortunately God doesn’t work like that though, and so I’m stuck, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be sexual at all anymore? Why? Because there’s no non-sinful way for me to express it anyways, so why bother having it?

That’s how I feel. I don’t know how to stop feeling that way. I’ve said all kinds of prayers and such and it doesn’t do anything. At the end of the day I just want off the ride. I spend every day of my life hating this sexual impulse. I hate finding other people attractive. I hate it and I want it to stop so I can be free to live my life and get things accomplished. I don’t know what to do about it.

Please review your post and take a look at how many times the “I want” are used. The problem may not be sexual as much as a conflict between your will and God’s will.

 

[Mark86]

Please review your post and take a look at how many times the “I want” are used. The problem may not be sexual as much as a conflict between your will and God’s will.

I agree with you. In fact I spent all day yesterday thinking about this. The problem is that God’s will doesn’t make any sense to me at this point in my life. It’s like a father deciding the dangle a toy over a small child, refusing to give it them but forcing them to want it. God is saying “you can’t ignore your sexuality” but then turning around and saying “you can’t use your sexuality.” It’s a hopeless situation for me. That’s essentially what it all boils down to. God is MAKING me “yearn” for something that He then says I can’t have. Why? I don’t know. I don’t know why any father would put a desire in their child for something on a routine basis and then tell them they can’t have it. What point is there in causing a creature to sit and have unfulfilled desires? I don’t get it.

The reason I hate it is because it does nothing for me but tempt me to sin. That’s all it does. It doesn’t do anything good for me. It doesn’t put good thoughts in my head. It doesn’t give me the ambition or motivation to make strides in life. It doesn’t even get me to seek out others. Instead, it’s like a cancer for the soul. Why should I “accept” that I have this “lump” in my body who’s very presence is trying to kill me every second of every day? All it does for me is try to kill me spiritually. It doesn’t help me. Can you give me one example of how sexuality helps me? Can you give me one example of how this burning desire helps me? If you can’t, and all you can do is attribute it to original sin, then human sexuality is indeed NOT “good.”

I’ve mentioned in the past that I’m single, so I don’t have someone to give my desire to. So it just sits and “desires” and that’s it. It puts feelings in my body that I don’t want, feelings that just nag and bite and refuse to be consoled by anything. It’d be like spending your life running away from something and not running towards anything, just running from something randomly like you’re being chased. The hawk is ever looming above, swooping down on you all the time, making you run for cover no matter what you were trying to do. That’s what it’s like. It’s a predator of your soul. That’s what sexuality is.

I find that when I turn away from masturbation, there’s still no one there to turn TO. The heart wants someONE. If it had someone, someone real and physically present, it probably would never have fallen into masturbation to begin with. For me, masturbation is a symptom of extreme loneliness. Take out the masturbation, and I’m still left with the loneliness… and the desire for intimacy. And I just don’t know what to do with it other than to just “burn with passion.” Taking up a hobby isn’t going to satisfy a desire for intimacy. Going before the Blessed Sacrament isn’t going to do anything when all I can think about while there is “I wish I could do this with someone else.”

This is why I hate my sexuality. I don’t want to find people attractive. I don’t want a beauty. I don’t want to be aroused by anyone. I just need intimacy with another human being, attractive or not, beautiful or not, and sexuality gets in the way of that constantly. I hate my sexuality because it’s so fetishistic, so perverse, so contrary to the purpose of sexuality, so poised against my own interests, that it is literally of no more use to me than a cancerous tumor would be. At that point, why should I love it? Why shouldn’t I hate it? Why shouldn’t I desire to be rid of it?

 

[Fixed_Gauge]

In general, I’m still alternating between hating my sexuality and being totally possessed by it. I want out of the whole “breeding” thing in general. It’s not worth my time and attention to be attracted to others. All it does it make me suffer and waste my time. I’d rather not be sexual at all.

I want to comply with God’s commandment against lust, I really do… but I just don’t want to have to bother with being sexual anymore, period, at all. I don’t want another “concession” of “oh it’s a good thing.” I don’t want another speech about how to “manage” it, I just want it gone completely. I don’t want to be attracted to anyone. I don’t want to just be done with lust, I want to be done with attraction in general. I would be happy if I never found another person attractive for the rest of my life. I don’t want it. I hate it. I hate lust and I hate sexuality and I hate physical attraction in general. If I can’t lust, then I want nothing to do with my sexuality.

Unfortunately God doesn’t work like that though, and so I’m stuck, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be sexual at all anymore? Why? Because there’s no non-sinful way for me to express it anyways, so why bother having it?

That’s how I feel. I don’t know how to stop feeling that way. I’ve said all kinds of prayers and such and it doesn’t do anything. At the end of the day I just want off the ride. I spend every day of my life hating this sexual impulse. I hate finding other people attractive. I hate it and I want it to stop so I can be free to live my life and get things accomplished. I don’t know what to do about it.

I sympathize with your sentiment a great deal. A lot of the times, having to deal with sexual impulses in a non-sinful way can feel excruciatingly difficult, and I’ve also sometimes wished it wasn’t something I had to deal with day after day. But I think it’s good to remember that, for however many ways one can abuse their sexuality, everyone has a deep purpose for their masculinity or femininity, so much so that we must come to terms with ourselves as sexual beings in order to truly understand our own being.

Don’t let the frustration keep you down! I’ll be praying for you friend.

 

[Windmill]

I went through a phase like you are going through, and it wasn’t easy. However, I’ve made it to the other side, so I can tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. A book I found helpful was this one:

Every Man’s Battle

It gives you strategies at the end that I found extremely useful in this battle. However, I’d recommend to you to read the whole thing since the rest of the book goes into the spiritual and psychological elements involved. It’s not written by a Catholic, but I didn’t find much that contradicted our faith.

 

[GEddie]

Well, the OP says “want” numerous times, but that should be no surprise when the “will” is given priority in human life. The function of the will is to “want.”

But when the difficulty resides in our own beings, it ceases to be something we can just “will” our way out of or through.

OP, What you are going through is temporary; hold up your head.

And when you find someone, sexuality will have a whole different meaning.

ICXC NIKA.

 

[Mark86]

I went through a phase like you are going through, and it wasn’t easy. However, I’ve made it to the other side, so I can tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

If you don’t mind me asking, how did you make it to the other side?

And when you find someone, sexuality will have a whole different meaning.

I’m sure. But the question is how do you find someone?

 

[Robert_Sock]

I hate sexual gratification because it’s such a primitive desire, unlike the spiritual gifts of the Holy Spirit.

 

[truetofaith]

In general, I’m still alternating between hating my sexuality and being totally possessed by it. I want out of the whole “breeding” thing in general. It’s not worth my time and attention to be attracted to others. All it does it make me suffer and waste my time. I’d rather not be sexual at all.

I want to comply with God’s commandment against lust, I really do… but I just don’t want to have to bother with being sexual anymore, period, at all. I don’t want another “concession” of “oh it’s a good thing.” I don’t want another speech about how to “manage” it, I just want it gone completely. I don’t want to be attracted to anyone. I don’t want to just be done with lust, I want to be done with attraction in general. I would be happy if I never found another person attractive for the rest of my life. I don’t want it. I hate it. I hate lust and I hate sexuality and I hate physical attraction in general. If I can’t lust, then I want nothing to do with my sexuality.

Unfortunately God doesn’t work like that though, and so I’m stuck, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be sexual at all anymore? Why? Because there’s no non-sinful way for me to express it anyways, so why bother having it?

That’s how I feel. I don’t know how to stop feeling that way. I’ve said all kinds of prayers and such and it doesn’t do anything. At the end of the day I just want off the ride. I spend every day of my life hating this sexual impulse. I hate finding other people attractive. I hate it and I want it to stop so I can be free to live my life and get things accomplished. I don’t know what to do about it.

You may feel differently after marriage & want a child…meanwhile you’re “stuck” like the rest of us who must control, the beast!

 

[Mark86]

You may feel differently after marriage & want a child…meanwhile you’re “stuck” like the rest of us who must control, the beast!

And that is where religion starts to suck. Just being honest.

The fact of “being stuck” rather than living a fulfilling life.

 

[truetofaith]

If you don’t mind me asking, how did you make it to the other side?

I’m sure. But the question is how do you find someone?

My father found my mother while he was ushering in Church…she dropped her glove, (they wore gloves, then ) he picked it up & found the love of his life.

I met my wife in the elevator at work. I teased her about something, then saw her for months in the cafeteria & finally asked her out.

I liked another girl, a friend of the family, so I prayed who should I stay with and God made it very clear that the one at work was for me!

Pray !!! :yup:

 

[Robert_Sock]

And that is where religion starts to suck. Just being honest.

The fact of “being stuck” rather than living a fulfilling life.

This life is only the beginning! The purpose of this life is not to enjoy this life, but to prepare our soul for the Hereafter.

 

[Peter_Plato]

I agree with you. In fact I spent all day yesterday thinking about this. The problem is that God’s will doesn’t make any sense to me at this point in my life. It’s like a father deciding the dangle a toy over a small child, refusing to give it them but forcing them to want it. God is saying “you can’t ignore your sexuality” but then turning around and saying “you can’t use your sexuality.” It’s a hopeless situation for me. That’s essentially what it all boils down to. God is MAKING me “yearn” for something that He then says I can’t have. Why? I don’t know. I don’t know why any father would put a desire in their child for something on a routine basis and then tell them they can’t have it. What point is there in causing a creature to sit and have unfulfilled desires? I don’t get it.

Perhaps this is God’s way of MAKING you responsible for your sexuality. You can’t ignore or run from it, nor can you capitulate to it. Rather, it must be faced and managed in a manly way. By doing so, you grow into the responsible moral agent you were intended by God to become.

As truetofaith alluded to, sexual desire is like a wild beast that must be trained by responsible and consistent effort. Respect the beast (the lion that it is) because it is capable of devouring you whole, but at the same time respect yourself because you are capable (with grace) to turn the feral beast into an honourable, dignified, glorious (and well-behaved) aspect of your humanity.

At the moment, you feel like a child in a lion’s den, but God is standing by your side - even closer, really. By training the beast, you are training yourself not to be mastered by what is less than you.

 

[Robert_Sock]

Sex should be for procreation only.

 

[truetofaith]

And that is where religion starts to suck. Just being honest.

The fact of “being stuck” rather than living a fulfilling life.

Hey, some guys have the uncontrollable urge to take drugs, addicting & also expensive, and some must rob banks or shoot people in drive- bys. So thank Him for your common problem.

 

[truetofaith]

Thank you (name removed by moderator)

I really feel bad for him & want to help.

 

[Bataar]

I agree with you. In fact I spent all day yesterday thinking about this. The problem is that God’s will doesn’t make any sense to me at this point in my life. It’s like a father deciding the dangle a toy over a small child, refusing to give it them but forcing them to want it. God is saying “you can’t ignore your sexuality” but then turning around and saying “you can’t use your sexuality.” It’s a hopeless situation for me. That’s essentially what it all boils down to. God is MAKING me “yearn” for something that He then says I can’t have. Why? I don’t know. I don’t know why any father would put a desire in their child for something on a routine basis and then tell them they can’t have it. What point is there in causing a creature to sit and have unfulfilled desires? I don’t get it.

The reason I hate it is because it does nothing for me but tempt me to sin. That’s all it does. It doesn’t do anything good for me. It doesn’t put good thoughts in my head. It doesn’t give me the ambition or motivation to make strides in life. It doesn’t even get me to seek out others. Instead, it’s like a cancer for the soul. Why should I “accept” that I have this “lump” in my body who’s very presence is trying to kill me every second of every day? All it does for me is try to kill me spiritually. It doesn’t help me. Can you give me one example of how sexuality helps me? Can you give me one example of how this burning desire helps me? If you can’t, and all you can do is attribute it to original sin, then human sexuality is indeed NOT “good.”

I’ve mentioned in the past that I’m single, so I don’t have someone to give my desire to. So it just sits and “desires” and that’s it. It puts feelings in my body that I don’t want, feelings that just nag and bite and refuse to be consoled by anything. It’d be like spending your life running away from something and not running towards anything, just running from something randomly like you’re being chased. The hawk is ever looming above, swooping down on you all the time, making you run for cover no matter what you were trying to do. That’s what it’s like. It’s a predator of your soul. That’s what sexuality is.

I find that when I turn away from masturbation, there’s still no one there to turn TO. The heart wants someONE. If it had someone, someone real and physically present, it probably would never have fallen into masturbation to begin with. For me, masturbation is a symptom of extreme loneliness. Take out the masturbation, and I’m still left with the loneliness… and the desire for intimacy. And I just don’t know what to do with it other than to just “burn with passion.” Taking up a hobby isn’t going to satisfy a desire for intimacy. Going before the Blessed Sacrament isn’t going to do anything when all I can think about while there is “I wish I could do this with someone else.”

This is why I hate my sexuality. I don’t want to find people attractive. I don’t want a beauty. I don’t want to be aroused by anyone. I just need intimacy with another human being, attractive or not, beautiful or not, and sexuality gets in the way of that constantly. I hate my sexuality because it’s so fetishistic, so perverse, so contrary to the purpose of sexuality, so poised against my own interests, that it is literally of no more use to me than a cancerous tumor would be. At that point, why should I love it? Why shouldn’t I hate it? Why shouldn’t I desire to be rid of it?

I know how you feel and am in the same boat. I’m 36 and don’t ever see myself getting married and I have a high sex drive. I thought it was supposed to die down a little by the time I got this old, but unfortunately, it’s just as strong as it ever was.