Have gotten no help at my parish feel like leaving the church....

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Oh, boy…I am so sad for you, and the place you are in right now. I understand all too well…and I do hope you get the help you need.

If your church cannot help, would you consider going to a secular marriage counselor? Is that an option for you?

You know, sometimes if you go to a center that does this, they will charge on a sliding scale (if your insurance does not pay) and as I recall it, they will try to hook you up with someone of your faith, if that’s at all possible…

As to the comments about leaving the church…um…I will be honest. I was fuming…and about to say a few things that probably would get me banned.

Why? personal experience…somewhat on the scale you experienced-I DID leave. I stopped going to Catholic mass. I suppose it wasn’t a great loss for the church or for me, as I was not catholic, but…anyhow.
I will leave it at that.

Anyhow. I do hope you find the help you need. You think another church would have more resources (I mean another Catholic church…I’m not telling you to leave your faith)?

-and like the brother (? hope I am right) said, Catholic Charities does wonderful work here in Philadelphia and the surrounding area, far as I know…so, I’d gather to say they could help you…I’d def. check them out.

If another church faith could help…now, that in itself wouldn’t be wrong, would it? I mean, according to Catholic rules? If you were upfront and told them you needed assistance, but you had no intention of leaving your faith?
DK, dk how that would go over. But. You never know.

Anyhow…I do hope everything works out for you. I was there, with my second husband. I didn’t deal with the mess, though. I took a few things of mine and my son’s, and left the second husband. Sorry. It was becoming dangerous…so we left.

Yeah. I’m still married/separated, but I am sane. And alive. There’s that.
 
It seems many others know what I am speaking about here…that is such a good thing.

I KNOW I am a strong Catholic, always have been, always will be, but frankly I don;t feel very close to God right now in my life, but I want to be. WHY has he allowed me so much suffering over the past 2 years? WHY? I do not understand it. I have reached out to all my priests/pastors in the whole neighborhood, and every single priest I contacted was too busy to meet with me personally, except one…who was wonderful and brought me into his home even and called right then and there his counselor friend on the phone to talk to me, which we did for 30 minutes on the speaker phone! This was utterly amazing. I wrote him yesterday thanking him and offering to take him to lunch this week! I hope he’s not too busy! Or old. He’s about 85! Then one nice non-denominational pastor met with me a couple times, which was wonderful, but I did get the sense he is trying to tell me how wrong the Catholic Church is, which I didn’t appreciate. We got into a little bit of apologetics, but it was unfruitful.

So as far as regarding what one poster here says, yes, there are many pastors I get the feeling who ARE trying to lure Catholics out of the church, by their emotional entertainment services it almost seems, and feel-good stuff. It seems to work as so many Catholics are leaving our churches by the droves…It is sad.

I didn’t mean to dis the sacraments not at all. I believe in every one of them, and as I said earlier, I believe they are gifts to us from God. For us. Especially the Eucharist! Praise God for it! They don’t save us though, only Jesus does. That is what I meant to say. I do not believe a person is “saved” at baptism. No, I do not think this. A person is saved through the blood of Jesus, He is the way, the truth and the life, as it says in Scripture. What if one got stranded on a deserted island, and there was no Eucharist, no sacraments? Well, if they are a believer in Jesus Christ, our Lord, they are saved. Period. So, there doesn’t have to be The Eucharist there at all. Really. If we believe in Him, He saves us! If we accept Him into our hearts, He is there and will never leave. We don’t have to even take the Eucharist every Sunday. I am becoming very conflicted reading what a lot of you are writing, as if the Sacraments save us. Jesus dying for me on the cross saves me. Amen
 
Recently I was visiting a friend, and attended her non-denomination service with her. She told me I should go forward after the service for laying on of hands and for prayer. Her church is most charismatic, everyone lifts their hands up, and chatters to themselves. It was very different than what I am used to. So I did. The pastor and his wife prayed over me, for wisdom, in the name of Jesus, and prayed my husband would vomit at the thought of going to strip clubs, etc., etc., it was amazing! I really felt the spirit there! Unlike our church which feels so dead sometimes. Why can’t our church become more alive in the Holy Spirit I wonder? But also have the Sacraments of course…just get with it??? This is a weird comment I know. I almost am starting to feel these other churches seem to meet peoples needs much more. Sorry for posing this but I am expressing my feelings. Her church also has prayer groups and women’s and men’s bible studies for all ages, whereas my confirmed teens now have nothing for them except Mass. They need spiritual teen interaction or something…
 
phoenixrrt62 said:
Oh, boy…I am so sad for you, and the place you are in right now. I understand all too well…and I do hope you get the help you need.

If your church cannot help, would you consider going to a secular marriage counselor? Is that an option for you?

You know, sometimes if you go to a center that does this, they will charge on a sliding scale (if your insurance does not pay) and as I recall it, they will try to hook you up with someone of your faith, if that’s at all possible…

As to the comments about leaving the church…um…I will be honest. I was fuming…and about to say a few things that probably would get me banned.

Why? personal experience…somewhat on the scale you experienced-I DID leave. I stopped going to Catholic mass. I suppose it wasn’t a great loss for the church or for me, as I was not catholic, but…anyhow.
I will leave it at that.

Anyhow. I do hope you find the help you need. You think another church would have more resources (I mean another Catholic church…I’m not telling you to leave your faith)?

-and like the brother (? hope I am right) said, Catholic Charities does wonderful work here in Philadelphia and the surrounding area, far as I know…so, I’d gather to say they could help you…I’d def. check them out.

If another church faith could help…now, that in itself wouldn’t be wrong, would it? I mean, according to Catholic rules? If you were upfront and told them you needed assistance, but you had no intention of leaving your faith?
DK, dk how that would go over. But. You never know.

Anyhow…I do hope everything works out for you. I was there, with my second husband. I didn’t deal with the mess, though. I took a few things of mine and my son’s, and left the second husband. Sorry. It was becoming dangerous…so we left.

Yeah. I’m still married/separated, but I am sane. And alive. There’s that.
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Dear Phoenix:

Are you really an agnostic? How honestly could you be? Thank you for your suggestions. Why are you on a Catholic forum if you are an agnostic? You must be searching. Well, I would never be anything else but a devout Catholic myself, as we have the whole truth I think. Yes, we have gone to every counselor imaginable, you name it. I’m done with it. Done. There is nothing left to do except suffer and offer it up at the foot of the Cross, pray my Rosary which I need to do more, and go to Church. And as they say Let Go and Let God. Tell me, how is your marriage? You hinted at something wrong. I’d like to know if you don’t mind. And BTW what were you fuming about which you were feeling/thinking? I’m sure you can say here.
 
I noticed in your profile that you have two teenage sons whom you “adore.” I’ve found that couples who place their children ahead of their spouse often times have problems. Husband wife come first, then children. That is my first cent.
My second cent is this; you don’t leave Peter because of Judas. Why give up seven sacraments for two? The Church has everything you need to heal your marriage, simply ask for it. Ask for the intercession of our Blessed Mother and her mother, St. Anne. Pray the Rosary. The Rosary is a powerful tool that is not utilized.
I too have been a victim of infidelity, the worst kind of infidelity imaginable. It nearly split our family apart. Through Christ we were able to be healed. I know for a fact that we would have failed had we been outside the Catholic Church.
Your in my prayers.
 
Corinne3 said:
Recently I was visiting a friend, and attended her non-denomination service with her. She told me I should go forward after the service for laying on of hands and for prayer. Her church is most charismatic, everyone lifts their hands up, and chatters to themselves. It was very different than what I am used to. So I did. The pastor and his wife prayed over me, for wisdom, in the name of Jesus, and prayed my husband would vomit at the thought of going to strip clubs, etc., etc., it was amazing! I really felt the spirit there! Unlike our church which feels so dead sometimes. Why can’t our church become more alive in the Holy Spirit I wonder? But also have the Sacraments of course…just get with it??? This is a weird comment I know. I almost am starting to feel these other churches seem to meet peoples needs much more. Sorry for posing this but I am expressing my feelings. Her church also has prayer groups and women’s and men’s bible studies for all ages, whereas my confirmed teens now have nothing for them except Mass. They need spiritual teen interaction or something…
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Bible studies at a fundatmentalist Church are dangerous. It is one person’s interpretation of Scripture and not what the Church teaches.
The Catholic Mass is as close to heaven as we will get on this earth. At the Mass Christ is truly present in body, soul and divinity.
I was once fundamentalist and can tell you that it will likely do you little good. Learn the Catholic faith and the treasures within.
 
Unfortunately, suffering is something that comes to most, if not all of us, at one point or another in our lives, in varying ways. This can’t be changed, and is, unfortunately, part of life, as people make it for each other, or nature does. Think of illness and disease, these bring suffering too. It doesn’t mean it’s nice, or easy, or even fair when it happens. However, God and the Church are there to offer comfort, support and strength for those suffering to get through it and out on the other side of it, sometimes even stronger than they were before. That’s how I’ve always seen it at least. I hope you can find that comfort and support and that it helps you with the situation.
 
Hey thanks. I know this.!!!

Well I do adore my kids, and have adored my husband just as much. No need to worry about this. My husband was put on a pedastal by me, and sure fell off it a couple years ago. He even said to me recently, “why did you think so highly of me, I’m not God” and “why can’t you just accept me for who I am”?

I don’t understand this really, as if I should merely accept him frequenting strip clubs like it’s his weakness, now I should just get over it? Hummmph~:rolleyes:

BTW: I never mentioned I was ever giving up our 7 sacraments for two. Did I? Never.
 
MichaelR said:
Unfortunately, suffering is something that comes to most, if not all of us, at one point or another in our lives, in varying ways. This can’t be changed, and is, unfortunately, part of life, as people make it for each other, or nature does. Think of illness and disease, these bring suffering too. It doesn’t mean it’s nice, or easy, or even fair when it happens. However, God and the Church are there to offer comfort, support and strength for those suffering to get through it and out on the other side of it, sometimes even stronger than they were before. That’s how I’ve always seen it at least. I hope you can find that comfort and support and that it helps you with the situation.
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Thanks Michael R!!! Just talking with all the nice people here is such a comfort indeed.
I never imagined though I’d have to endure such a heartbreak in my life and marriage. I never imagined. It’s more painful than having a disease IMO. I have found friends, and reading devotional books really help even more than speaking with any counselor. All they say is “what are you going to do about you”? This gets really old…

You live in England? COOOOL Whereabouts? I’ve been there many times…Love it! Wish I could live there! LOL
 
Cable said:
Oh they’ll help you alright.

…a target for a “helpful” religious community, who would capitalize on this by simultaneously counseling you and attempting to lure you away from your Catholic faith.

.
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I will repeat what I and another poster say: Please stop with the generalizations and uncharitable (and false) characterizations of Protestant pastors.

There are also protestants who run around and speak of all priests as molesters of children because “the scandals all over in the news, so it must be true for all of them.” No, I tell them, it’s not true. And likewise, not all Protestant pastors are waiting to lure Catholics away.
 
I live in London 🙂 And it’s far too hot here at the moment! LOL

I think the reason you feel such pain is because you truly loved and trusted him. And none of us realise just how much such betrayal and disrespect can hurt when someone you love and trust that deeply does it, until it’s actually happened, and by then you’re having to live through it and it’s horrible.

Please don’t believe the line he was spinning you, where he was saying why can’t you just accept him for what he is. This is classic transference…by saying that, he’s trying to shift the blame to you instead of having the courage to realise that actually he has been responsible for his own horrible actions. Don’t believe it for a second.

Have you thought about maybe speaking to a counsellor? I know that some Catholics aren’t keen on it because they feel that the Church and the Priest should be their guide, but if you don’t find it objectionable, a counsellor who specialises in relationships or even grief (the feelings we experience at the breaking of a relationship in many ways has similarities as grief, because you are essentially having to deal with losing something that was the centre of your life) may be of use to help you work through these emotions, and then when you’ve got more control over them, you may find the whole situation easier to get a grip on. Just a suggestion, I know it’s not for everyone.
 
I agree with Gretahope. There are many Protestant ministers who are very good and holy men and women. They are not head hunters. The Protestant communities are defective, because they are no longer Churches. They have lost their succession. But the persons are not defective. They are good people.

Look at some of the Protestant Ministers who work for the Catholic Church. Let’s begin with Dr. Alveda King at Priests for Life. She’s Protestant and she’s a Pastoral Associate on a canonically erected Catholic Association. There are several very good Protestant Ministers teaching at our papal universities in Rome. They are very good theologians and not head hunters. They train our priests and brothers in solid theology and are not trying to recruit them.

You want to stay away from anyone, Catholic or other, who demonizes another person.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
MichaelR said:
I live in London 🙂 And it’s far too hot here at the moment! LOL

I think the reason you feel such pain is because you truly loved and trusted him. And none of us realise just how much such betrayal and disrespect can hurt when someone you love and trust that deeply does it, until it’s actually happened, and by then you’re having to live through it and it’s horrible.

Please don’t believe the line he was spinning you, where he was saying why can’t you just accept him for what he is. This is classic transference…by saying that, he’s trying to shift the blame to you instead of having the courage to realise that actually he has been responsible for his own horrible actions. Don’t believe it for a second.

Have you thought about maybe speaking to a counsellor? I know that some Catholics aren’t keen on it because they feel that the Church and the Priest should be their guide, but if you don’t find it objectionable, a counsellor who specialises in relationships or even grief (the feelings we experience at the breaking of a relationship in many ways has similarities as grief, because you are essentially having to deal with losing something that was the centre of your life) may be of use to help you work through these emotions, and then when you’ve got more control over them, you may find the whole situation easier to get a grip on. Just a suggestion, I know it’s not for everyone.
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Please notice what I said above. I’ve been to more counselors than I can keep track of. And yes, thanks for the advice. I do realise my husband tries to make me out to be the problem, because he takes no responsibility for his actions and choices. And yes, I loved him way to much perhaps. I feel and love so deeply. A stumbling block for me perhaps.

I wish he would leave. I am considering having him thrown out by the sherrif, on the basis of emotional and verbal abuse. What do you think Michael?
 
gamewell45 said:
That’s not true and extremely mean-spirited and uncharitable on your part.

I’ve never heard of any Priest in my church or any church for that matter “boasting” about luring anyone, not just a Catholic out of their church or house of worship. And its not about money or numbers either.
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It’s unfair relative to those who wouldn’t even think to lure someone who may be spiritually & emotionally vulnerable. However, it’s true that unfortunately others would not only think about it, but make an attempt. Whether they do so innocently or out of malice isn’t my concern. My point is it’s something to be aware of.
 
Corine3: I am terribly sorry for what you are going through.

I can tell you that I know somewhat what you’re going through but not quite: I was the one seeking to cheat on my wife. It was by the grace of God that I never did but it came close to that.

I was blaming all of our problems on her when in reality it was me. I was not willing to make the choice of her even though I had married her. After some serious soul-searching I made the decision that I was going to love her and forsake all others: simply that I was going to fulfill the oath that I originally swore to her before God. Not saying that this was easy or that it happened overnight; in fact I spent a voluntary 3 years in the doghouse doing whatever I could to rebuild her trust in me. Bottom line is that our marriage has been repaired and we are happy.

He has to be willing to see whatever it was that He saw in you in the beginning and He has to be willing to make the choice to love you. I would beg you to remian faithful to your marriage and do not give up on him. Do not even give an inch. Be angry at what he does but love him anyway and live in the hope that by your example and love that he will see how he has failed to love you as you have loved him. You will be in my prayers.

Secondly. I find disturbing your misunderstandings of the sacraments.

First and foremost you must understand about the sacraments is that they are always gifts of God through Christ to us in the Spirit.

Baptism saves us as Peter says(1 Peter 3:21) because it is Christ who baptizes us through the instrument of the priest.

The Eucharist is Jesus Himself as it says in John 6. We receive His saving blood from Him through the instrument of His priest.

1 John 5:[6] This is he who came by water and blood, Jesus Christ, not with the water only but with the water and the blood.
[7] And the Spirit is the witness, because the Spirit is the truth.
[8] There are three witnesses, the Spirit, the water, and the blood; and these three agree.

Our NAB has “these three are of one accord.” The Spirit, the blood of Christ, the waters of baptism; they are all instruments of Christ’s forgiveness and grace. This is how Christ saves us, restores us, and renews us.

I beg you to meditate and pray on the sacraments and their meaning in Christ and I will also pray that the Holy Spirit will help you understand and comfort you in this trial.

Yours in Christ
 
How have the Old Catholic parishes lost their succession? What about Anglicans? Most Anglicans have had apostolic lines reinfused into their episcopacy long ago, about 100 years ago in the Dutch Touch co-consecrations with the Old Catholics? Some Lutherans have had the same type of thing with the TEC etc. It’s simply not true that all protestants lack succession. I agree with you that they’re good people.

Maybe what this poster needs right now is healing, help, counselling, prayers, interaction, guidance, and inspiration, not succession?

I know plenty of Catholic priests, unfortunately, who are right now behaving as sacrament vending machines instead of being counsellors, inspirational, pastoral, etc. We must get past the idea that the clergy is only there for sacraments. They are meant by God to be much more. Apparently this poster’s priests are dropping the ball.
JReducation said:
I agree with Gretahope. There are many Protestant ministers who are very good and holy men and women. They are not head hunters. The Protestant communities are defective, because they are no longer Churches. They have lost their succession. But the persons are not defective. They are good people.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
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What an inspiring story! Thanks be to God for the graces He sent you and God bless you for listening. Very inspiring. Thanks!
The_GreyPilgrim said:
Corine3: I am terribly sorry for what you are going through.

I can tell you that I know somewhat what you’re going through but not quite: I was the one seeking to cheat on my wife. It was by the grace of God that I never did but it came close to that.

I was blaming all of our problems on her when in reality it was me. I was not willing to make the choice of her even though I had married her. After some serious soul-searching I made the decision that I was going to love her and forsake all others: simply that I was going to fulfill the oath that I originally swore to her before God. Not saying that this was easy or that it happened overnight; in fact I spent a voluntary 3 years in the doghouse doing whatever I could to rebuild her trust in me. Bottom line is that our marriage has been repaired and we are happy.

He has to be willing to see whatever it was that He saw in you in the beginning and He has to be willing to make the choice to love you. I would beg you to remian faithful to your marriage and do not give up on him. Do not even give an inch. Be angry at what he does but love him anyway and live in the hope that by your example and love that he will see how he has failed to love you as you have loved him. You will be in my prayers.

Secondly. I find disturbing your misunderstandings of the sacraments.

First and foremost you must understand about the sacraments is that they are always gifts of God through Christ to us in the Spirit.

Baptism saves us as Peter says(1 Peter 3:21) because it is Christ who baptizes us through the instrument of the priest.

The Eucharist is Jesus Himself as it says in John 6. We receive His saving blood from Him through the instrument of His priest.

1 John 5:[6] This is he who came by water and blood, Jesus Christ, not with the water only but with the water and the blood.
[7] And the Spirit is the witness, because the Spirit is the truth.
[8] There are three witnesses, the Spirit, the water, and the blood; and these three agree.

Our NAB has “these three are of one accord.” The Spirit, the blood of Christ, the waters of baptism; they are all instruments of Christ’s forgiveness and grace. This is how Christ saves us, restores us, and renews us.

I beg you to meditate and pray on the sacraments and their meaning in Christ and I will also pray that the Holy Spirit will help you understand and comfort you in this trial.

Yours in Christ
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JReducation said:
I agree with Gretahope. There are many Protestant ministers who are very good and holy men and women. They are not head hunters. The Protestant communities are defective, because they are no longer Churches. They have lost their succession. But the persons are not defective. They are good people.

Look at some of the Protestant Ministers who work for the Catholic Church. Let’s begin with Dr. Alveda King at Priests for Life. She’s Protestant and she’s a Pastoral Associate on a canonically erected Catholic Association. There are several very good Protestant Ministers teaching at our papal universities in Rome. They are very good theologians and not head hunters. They train our priests and brothers in solid theology and are not trying to recruit them.

You want to stay away from anyone, Catholic or other, who demonizes another person.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
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are you serious? protestants teachings Catholics priests? i wonder if they are telling the priests to love the CC.
 
wisdomseeker said:
are you serious? protestants teachings Catholics priests? i wonder if they are telling the priests to love the CC.
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One of my university professors, an Anglican, taught in the Vatican, at the Augustinianum. I doubt that he was teaching them to hate the CC - I suspect he taught them about patristics.
 
wisdomseeker said:
i think it is better not bring arguments into this thread. this girl needs our help and not our dispute.

i am not go to get into this with you, but i know exactly what the poster is talking about. i have been there myself.
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You are correct in that this is better not to bring arguments into this thread; as such you and I will have to agree to disagree on the other item you mentioned.
 
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