I agree… but i then later “chose” to have relations with “boyfriends”… I was so messed up because of what had happened (added to other things… Long story… )… that i thought i was dirt… stayed away from God because He was “too holy” for the likes of me… The things i went thorugh made me feel like i was lower than dirt, although i felt this mostly subconsciously… If i told you the whole story of my life, you would probably think i was making it up… and probably wouldn’t believe a lot of it… that things could be as bad as all that… but… well, there are places in this world that are worse, Satan-wise than others… and i was in the middle of the worst of the worst areas… I am just glad that i kept searching… and that Jesus … How do i say it?? He found me… searching for Him when half the time i didn’t even realize it was He i was searching for… I was one lost human being for many years… I am SO thankful for what the Catholic Church has done for me…
I went through that whole "away from God thing, too. My biggest problem was and still is realizing the importance of depending on God for most if not all of your needs, at least spiritually. I was always a “do it myself” sort of person, and it really didn’t get me very far.
but it WAS my fault what happened after that… though, as i said, i was so messed up, i couldn’t really be held (100%) accountable… I mean, if you figure you are worhtless to God Himself… what difference does it make what you do? Yikes… thanks for reminding me of all that stuff…

uch:

Yes, i know this - now… Back then, i used to think/feel that people just got away with whatever evil they did… wow… This is another way in which i am reminded of how far i’ve come, mentally/spriitually… I used to think all kinds of things that are NOT true… and again, i have the CAtholic Church to thank…

She is SO beautiful…
Okay, I didn’t know that you had “boyfriends” after that. Yeah I agree on the accountability for those encounters. But I still understand why you did it. People who have suffered trauma in my opinion have a heavier cross to bear than those whose lives have been relatively trauma-free.
He didn’t get anything form the police on that crime… but since he got away with that (i didn’t even want to think about what happened, much less report it to the police and have to re-live it again… and likely to no avail)… but when a person gets away with something once, he is likely to do it again and maybe he got caught when he tried to do it again… but in any case, God is perfectly just and i have nothing to worry about… as far as justice… I just pray the guy repents and gets to Heaven…
You’re a nicer person than I am. You share in St. Maria Goretti’s sentiments. If I were ever to feel this way, esp. about rape, it would be a while and after lots of therapy, I think. ’
thanks… I am not sure i know what you mean… about “have no reason to be pure”?? You mean some people think that if a woman is not a virgin, she might as well just sleep around because she is already damaged goods??
This comment was made before I knew about your “boyfriends.” Your reaction to the assault is probably what most psychologists and social workers would classify as “normal”. I was thinking that you were assaulted and never had any other relations at all which in my mind would have been amazing, perhaps saintly. That’s not to say that just because you’ve done these things you are excluded from consideration for sainthood, particularly with a small “s”, but I don’t know, the latter, for a person to do that would be perhaps “capital S saintly behavior.” You see what I’m trying to say? I couldn’t have done it. I would have done the “normal” acting out as you did.
Yeah, i sensed that attitude in some people… My mother always taught me that kind of garbage… that double standard…
But you know… i don’t want a man after he has been with someone (much less many someones) either… so women (at least me anyway) see things the same way… when i get married, if that ever happens, i pray he is someone who has lived a chaste life to the best of his ability… I am saving myself for marriage… so my husband to be should do likewise… (which is probably why i will never find anyone… it seems that these days very few people are chaste, sexually

)… (or do i just not get out much…? hmmm
Oh no, premarital sex is pretty much the norm now. I think if a guy was not chaste at one time but realized the error of his ways, that would make a difference for me.
God bless.
God bless you too!
Tracy