Have you ever attended a "supportive" community oriented CATHOLIC church?

[stanncie]

Supportive parishes do exist! My parish is awesome and has a great community of believers. There are activities for any age and more are created all of the time. You sometimes do have to step out of your comfort some and inquire about things though. I have found out about different volunteer opportunities and ministries after I joined other things first. For example the only reason I found out about pro life ministry was through the young adult group since the leader was a member. The group is very small and just starting out.

I think it’s important to be willing to do anything at first and not be picky about what type of volunteer activity you are able to do. It is true that sometimes a small group of people dominate a lot of the ministries and are weary of strangers and that’s wrong. However I have seen why that is the case.

Often a person will be all gungho in the beginning and assume responsibilities but soon tire of it and leave all of the sudden leaving everyone hanging. So I understand why the old timers want to ‘test’ new people in the beginning.

You have to be open to learning and do things their way even if you think you know of a better way of doing it. Eventually you will earn people’s trust and can implement your ideas.

You also have to be willing to join groups even if you don’t think you belong. Often i hear of singles feeling left out and I’m sure that happens but I feel sometimes people exclude themselves. I belong to a woman’s group that is probably 95% married women with children who are working class mostly. I am a single in my thirties with a professional career but I do not feel left out.

I recently had a very serious fracture in my wrist and was forced to be out of work for around 6 weeks. I’m still only part time so you can imagine I’m beyond broke at this point with the hospital bills. These wonderful women showed a lot of care for me during this time and even payed for an upcoming retreat since I said i wouldn’t go due to money issues. So I do feel very supported at my parish,

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

No, I haven’t.

My parish has always had excellent Priests.

But I find the “community” culture, so to speak, quite cold and uncaring.

 

[benjammin]

To be honest, i feel for the OP here (also, from the info you gave, I think we live fairly close, so maybe its a cultural thing). My parish is kind of the same, except it is very rural with maybe only about 75 famiies, most of whom are over 60 married couples. To be honest it’s very cliquey and people don’t like outsiders. To be honest most parishes in my area are like this, but I don’t think its because they aren’t friendly. I think rural parishes are like small towns. They are afraid of outsiders or people who are different and may not warm up to new people very much. It doesn’t mean they hate people, but I think its just a small town rural thing. I also think it doesn’t help in my area that Catholicism is the dominant religion (I would say at least 75 % of my county considers themselves catholic, and at least half of them go to mass, so I think some of it is that Catholicism is pretty cultural around here and most people stay in church simply because of their family. It also doesn’t help that at my parish, my priest is from the same ilk of small town people, and thus has the same habits and tendencies.

I found things a lot different in the church I attended in college. The school I went to was too small to have its own chapel, so we did a lot with the parish. Anyway I found it to be a lot more open and supportive. I think a lot of it also had to with that the town was overwhemingly lutheran and had 2 large evangelical churches, as well as being younger. I think sometimes when you have a vibrant and youthful population with a good number of members under 50, parish life seems more welcoming . I’m sure there are welcoming parishes where you live though, and as you said, sometimes the sacraments is all we need at a church.

 

[nickybr38]

When I was little, my mom told me you get out of something what you put into it.

This is another excellent point. If you go in and you’re a shy person you probably are less likely to be approached and welcomed. The problem is that shy people tend to put up ‘shields’, non-verbal cues they don’t even know they’re putting out, that make people back up.

I am a very outgoing person. When I step into a new situation I assert myself and meet lovely and warm people. But I’ve known people who would step into the same situation and come out saying everyone was cold or rude.

It’s really a give and take. Sometimes you have to GIVE before you can take and sometimes you can take before ever giving. Depends on the situation and the parish.

Those of you who are struggling with having a ‘cold’ parish, have you thought of speaking to the priest about starting a coffee sharing time after Mass? Or other parish community events?

 

[bonvivantHermit]

It’s easy to say" what you put in." As if we control every situation in life- we don’t, not even close.

I am actually not shy, and have led groups in various settings- so I don’t think it’s an inability to get involved. I try. I just have come to the point of realizing sometimes (most of the time based on my exp.) in a church setting it is not worth it- personally. I say personally b/c of course it is good to say volunteer at a soup kitchen through a church group etc. You get grace (most important) but there’s no guarantee of “fellowship”.

The idea we can manufacture fellowship reminds me of the hardship singles exp. when they
are told to go do things you like and you’ll meet the one. Very often that does not happen.

I would never, ever turn to another church (protestant etc.) for fellowship b/c that may lead to
temptation and a false belief their doctrine is correct b/c they’re warm and welcoming.

I have often suspected such “warmth” is a mask for what they don’t have “truth”. And it’s not done to con, but all they got…

 

[nickybr38]

It’s easy to say" what you put in." As if we control every situation in life- we don’t, not even close.

I am actually not shy, and have led groups in various settings- so I don’t think it’s an inability to get involved. I try. I just have come to the point of realizing sometimes (most of the time based on my exp.) in a church setting it is not worth it- personally. I say personally b/c of course it is good to say volunteer at a soup kitchen through a church group etc. You get grace (most important) but there’s no guarantee of “fellowship”.

The idea we can manufacture fellowship reminds me of the hardship singles exp. when they
are told to go do things you like and you’ll meet the one. Very often that does not happen.

I would never, ever turn to another church (protestant etc.) for fellowship b/c that may lead to
temptation and a false belief their doctrine is correct b/c they’re warm and welcoming.

I have often suspected such “warmth” is a mask for what they don’t have “truth”. And it’s not done to con, but all they got…

I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying?

So those of us who have experienced fellowship within the Catholic Church are enjoying a manufactured fake sense of community that everyone is just putting on for the sake of fitting in? Is that what you’re trying to say?