Have you ever attended a "supportive" community oriented CATHOLIC church?

[Allegra]

Even the worst parish I’ve been at wasn’t that bad! My favorite parish had lots of fellowship opportunities. (Carnivals, picnics, Christmas parties, donuts after Mass.) We also had Bible study, CHRP, and Stephen Ministers. There were also groups for seniors, singles, etc.

 

[Bill_7154]

I used to live in a city where there was a Tridentine Mass every week at a parish rather far from where I lived. I would attend that mass periodically and attend the coffee-and-donuts afterwards. Nobody ever introduced themselves to me or even greeted me. I would wander around trying to find a table where I could inject myself into the conversation, but being shy I never succeeded.

I would LOVE to find a Catholic Church that has this. There were times in my past I was like you, too shy to reach out, now I have the strength and ability to have basic converstaions with people. I still come across as shy and am not a good conversationalist, but at least I would have the chance to try and to be among Catholics talking and sharing.

Does anyone know of a list of Churches that have this option? Should I do a google search of all Catholic Churches within driving distance to where I live to try and find one that has this? This would be great for me and is just what I am looking for.

 

[Bataar]

Outside of Mass, I’m more involved at protestant churches than Catholic ones. I’m not a “social” person and talking for the sake of talking is something I’ll probably never do. But my friends’ protestant churches actually have fun activities scheduled that are attended by people my age (and older/younger).

 

[Luvz2travel]

I’d have to say no. Every church I have attended have provided me with the Sacraments
(thank God) and that sustains me. Heck that’s all there is really, but I have never found a church that is in any way friendly. Priests either hide from parishoners, straight off altar no greetings or spent time with the wealthy. Parishoners kept to themselves ( at best) or went out of their way to be rude.

I do note they did have food drives, mission contributions etc. but nothing like fellowship.
My experience is based on attending Novus Ordo and Tridentine- in Midwest and NE.

Is this your experience? I did join organizations, but they were mainly fiefdoms for the egotistical.

I’ve been to many but unfortunately many churches just don’t seem to have a community spirit unless you have children in the school and are married. If you’re single they don’t know when to do with you and therefore you don’t exist.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’ve been to many but unfortunately many churches just don’t seem to have a community spirit unless you have children in the school and are married. If you’re single they don’t know when to do with you and therefore you don’t exist.

The thing is, the events put on for the school familes are put on because of the intiative of and primarily by the work of the school families. The events put on for married couples are, generally speaking, put on via the intitiative and work of married couples. The ladies events are put on by the ladies, who recruit male help as needed, and the men’s events happen because of the men, although they also solicit help from the women in the parish. Of course events for youth still in high school or younger have to be put on at the initiative of older parishioners, but there is no reason that single Catholics cannot take the intiative to have events for single Catholics put on at their parish. After all…*they’re single! *If parents with children find time to volunteer in order to put on events for the kids, what is stopping single people? Personally, I think it is this: When you have kids, you realize they won’t be kids forever, and that doing things for them is your job today. After that, you get in the habit of starting things that you think would be good for the parish. When it is for yourself, it is a bit harder to get going. You think you have time. You aren’t sure anyone else wants to do it, and you don’t want the embarrassment of finding you’re the only one who feels a need. It is easy to wait and see if someone else gets it going.

Our parish has events for divorced and separated Catholics, a group for singles older than high school, including but not confined to the previously married, and a group for retired people. The parish staff helps, but it is the single Catholics who supply the dedication to make the events happen for their parish demographic. I cannot imagine why single Catholics anywhere else would expect anything else.

 

[KarenElissa]

So far in my Catholic life (of almost 5 years) I’ve been really lucky. The first parish I was at was great. It was big with lots of stuff going on for lots of different types of people and interests. My RCIA sponsor was great about introducing me to people and the leaders in the parish were really helpful about finding places for me to jump in and help. The priests were involved and really cared about everyone.

Then I moved temporarily to a small town and that was a wonderful parish as well. I jumped in and joined the choir and made some wonderful friends there. It was a smaller, but still very active parish that was super welcoming. And even though I knew I was only going to be there a short time, they were very open and loving.

That said, I’ve moved here and I’m for the first time understanding what people are talking about when they talk about not feeling welcomed. I called to register at a parish and they sent me the form and such along with a nice brochure about various ministries. I e-mailed a number of them and heard back from one. I finally got a hold of one person and volunteered to help with the parish BBQ and that was ok, but didn’t really lead to much. I e-mailed that person back looking ton get involved, and haven’t heard anything. I know part of the issue is that the area I’m in has a very different makeup from what I’m used to, and I do get that. But they hit on some of my biggest pet peeves, a not up to date website and people who don’t respond to e-mails.

All that to say, yes, there are some wonderful parishes out there with a great sense of community, but there are also some that could use some work.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I’ve been fortunate enough to have attended ‘friendly’ churches. One of them was a huge parish and it was difficult to get to know the priests, they were extremely busy. There were many activities and opportunities to get involved but they were not exactly well promoted and one had to put an effort into finding out what was going on and into getting involved. But once I joined one thing I found it easier to get involved with other initiatives and meet people.

The most friendly parish was an EF one and my years there were wonderful.

 

[Ms_Manners]

Until a year ago, all I knew were very cold Catholic parishes.

I always saw some people who did seem somewhat close to the priests, but it was a very closed circle.

The worst was the parish where I grew up.
The priests were scary, the church was always cold and looked very threatening, all the activities were reserved for certain groups. Once I wanted to sing in the church choir, and the priest actually stood by while the other kids laughed at me for wanting to join.
I stopped going there and much later moved away. I thought maybe those were just my exaggerated childhood memories.
Then my grandfather died and the Mass was at that church. It was even worse. The priest came on time, but then said the entire Mass in less than 15 minutes (and here I am not exaggerating, when he was done we were all checking our watches in disbelief) and turned and left. He said it so fast that we couldn’t even understand him and he barely even looked at us!
Unfortunately, my father’s friend died at that time too, so they went to another Mass at that church the day after my grandfather’s funeral - the same thing! In and out in 15 minutes, talking too fast!

There was another in the neigbourhood where I used to go, somewhat better, but still very harsh and judgemental, and very partial to a certain minority, to which I don’t belong.

In the meantime I moved and started going to two different parishes, both very close and where I now live.

The first one is where I technically belong now.
It’s better, but still a little too old and “old-age-oriented”. The priest means well, but can’t seem to get his schedule organized. I wanted to talk to him and he never seemed to find the time, kept promising to call me, only called to reschedule and finally stopped calling. After Mass he is always busy and disappears. He’s not bad, but seems too young and too afraid, lacks organization (I’ve actually decided to offer to help if I can, instead of just complaining, but I can’t even get to him to ask what I could do).
This summer he kept changing the times of Mass, but there was no info on it. Once at least 30 people missed Mass because he changed the times at the last minute (but probably many more, 30 is just the number we met, people probably came before and after we were there). We went to the other parish a few times before that, so I could have missed the announcement, but many of those people go regularly, and they didn’t know about the change either.
The people who go there are… Ugh. When my DF was baptized this Easter we asked the priest to reserve two rows, one for the candidates, the other for their parents (there weren’t that many, 10 chairs would have been enough). He didn’t have the guts to tell the old ladies to move back so they almost ended up sitting in the candidates’ chairs! When the candidates asked them to have a little understanding and maybe move a little, they went to the priest and he folded like a picnic chair, so parents had to sit away from their children (because these old ladies were there an hour before Mass to get a good spot).

The other parish is the one next to it, where we now go because they have an afternoon Mass on Sunday.
They have old people and young, but the whole place seems much more welcoming.
There are many activities, Bible studies for all age groups but also language courses, sports (they compete in some as a parish), even a library you can use, and there is always someone there you can talk to. Parishioners are in charge of many of these activities and it works really well.

The worst thing is that after we are married we may be moving back to the neighbourhood where I grew up. Honestly, that parish alone is enough to make me regret it, I don’t want my children to think that is Catholicism. I would prefer to move to this fourth parish, there I see children around the church all the time, I would love it if my children could grow up in that environment, bringing them up to truly believe and live their faith would be so much easier with such a lovely example!

 

[trials]

I am a member of a very “cliquey” parish - unfortunately. There is an elite group of people in it who organise choir, are Ministers of the Word and Eucharist, co-ordinate school First Communions, etc. When I had to run something in the parish, as in, I was doing a theology course and one of the modules meant I *had *to lead some kind of parish group, I realised how difficult it was to infiltrate this elite hierarchy - this same group would also be very liberal in their ideas - they would scoff at Church teachings on contraception, homosexuality, celibate priests, etc. I’m not just speculating, I spoke to them and they were all of this new breed of liberal Catholics. Not saying I’m perfect, far from it, but my support for Church teachings was incredible to them.

Even though I had to run a prayer group for so many weeks, it nearly didn’t happen at all because the powers that be were so against anything that hadn’t originated with them - and especially because it was a prayer-oriented event. It’s like they’ll do their cake sales, they’ll be happy to chair meetings, organise the local sports events, but anything that resembles an attempt to progress in holiness together - forget it. Another orthodox Catholic who dared speak up in our parish was ridiculed for her “old-fashioned” ways. Sad. It’s as if they view the parish solely as a community - and the Church is just the convenient location for meeting up and showing everyone else what a great leader you are in the community. Minus the religious bit. I feel your angst OP. Yes, some parishes have got it, that spark that bonds *everyone *together regardless of social status, ethnic origin, background, etc., and parishes that really endeavour to keep our eternal goal in mind. Ours unfortunately doesn’t.

 

[Cerne]

I am a member of a very “cliquey” parish - unfortunately. There is an elite group of people in it who organise choir, are Ministers of the Word and Eucharist, co-ordinate school First Communions, etc. When I had to run something in the parish, as in, I was doing a theology course and one of the modules meant I *had *to lead some kind of parish group, I realised how difficult it was to infiltrate this elite hierarchy - this same group would also be very liberal in their ideas - they would scoff at Church teachings on contraception, homosexuality, celibate priests, etc. I’m not just speculating, I spoke to them and they were all of this new breed of liberal Catholics. Not saying I’m perfect, far from it, but my support for Church teachings was incredible to them.

Sad. It’s as if they view the parish solely as a community - and the Church is just the convenient location for meeting up and showing everyone else what a great leader you are in the community. Minus the religious bit.

This really struck a chord with me trials as I used to live in a parish that was exactly like this.

The parish was just a community and the church was just a convenient meeting place. This lead to massive hypocrisy, ie, many people going to church to meet up but doing and saying the opposite of what the church teaches.

Catholicism had just become an umbrella under which a community could be created but as you say, minus the religious bit.

Some of the hypocrisy I found to be absolutely breathtaking, not to say nausaeting.

To see so many people regarding themselves as catholic and attending church regularly whilst doing and saying the opposite of what the church teaches was quite an experience.

 

[EasterJoy]

I am a member of a very “cliquey” parish - unfortunately. There is an elite group of people in it who organise choir, are Ministers of the Word and Eucharist, co-ordinate school First Communions, etc. When I had to run something in the parish, as in, I was doing a theology course and one of the modules meant I *had *to lead some kind of parish group, I realised how difficult it was to infiltrate this elite hierarchy - this same group would also be very liberal in their ideas - they would scoff at Church teachings on contraception, homosexuality, celibate priests, etc. I’m not just speculating, I spoke to them and they were all of this new breed of liberal Catholics. Not saying I’m perfect, far from it, but my support for Church teachings was incredible to them.

Even though I had to run a prayer group for so many weeks, it nearly didn’t happen at all because the powers that be were so against anything that hadn’t originated with them - and especially because it was a prayer-oriented event. It’s like they’ll do their cake sales, they’ll be happy to chair meetings, organise the local sports events, but anything that resembles an attempt to progress in holiness together - forget it. Another orthodox Catholic who dared speak up in our parish was ridiculed for her “old-fashioned” ways. Sad. It’s as if they view the parish solely as a community - and the Church is just the convenient location for meeting up and showing everyone else what a great leader you are in the community. Minus the religious bit. I feel your angst OP. Yes, some parishes have got it, that spark that bonds *everyone *together regardless of social status, ethnic origin, background, etc., and parishes that really endeavour to keep our eternal goal in mind. Ours unfortunately doesn’t.

I have heard of some really weird things going on when someone decides to corner the parish for their particular faction, with the idea that letting any other kind of Catholic exist openly would be a stain on The Faith As We Teach It Here. I am not talking about the universal faith that comes out of Rome, but some local brand, some “I belong to Paul” or “I belong to Apollos” nonsense of the kind that has been rearing its ugly head from the very beginning, but which Paul roundly condemned:

I urge you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree in what you say, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and in the same purpose. For it has been reported to me about you, my brothers, by Chloe’s people, that there are rivalries among you. I mean that each of you is saying, “I belong to Paul,” or “I belong to Apollos,” or “I belong to Kephas,” or “I belong to Christ.” Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?..So let no one boast about human beings, for everything belongs to you, Paul or Apollos or Kephas, or the world or life or death, or the present or the future: all belong to you, and you to Christ, and Christ to God." 1 Cor. 1:10-13, 2:21-23

 

[takers]

My parish is not “supportive” in the way I need. By that I mean I’m a young mom with a non-school age child. Our parish tends to have LOTS of activities for the kids that go to school (the attached elementary’/middle school or the high school nearby) as well as for retired folks. There’s one or two things for young adults (early 20s to 30s) but those tend to be for adults without kids. There is literally nothing for moms with young kids. Even the morning bible study doesn’t include childcare (occasionally it will have childcare upon request but that turns out to be shoving all the kids into a random room that’s not set up for childcare but rather storage rooms that aren’t full).

So I’ve gotten move involved with MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) at various protestant churches and also a bible study/fellowship at a local Non-Denominational church. It’s hard because on the one hand I want to raise my kids in the faith I was raised in (DH was not raised any faith but did go to non-denominational and protestant churches for the few times he went to church) but the community just isn’t there. On the other hand this Non-Denominational church has the community I want and would love to get involved in but it’s not the faith I was raised in and I don’t believe everything they subscribe to. It’s become the big question of what’s more important? Raising my kids Catholic with no fellowship or community or take them to this Non-Denominational church so they get the fellowship and community but not the Catholic beliefs.

 

[spellinggirl]

I spent the last eight years of my life growing up with a church that was only a couple of years old. My family and I were lucky enough to watch the church transition from one held in a high school’s cafeteria to a gorgeous, custom-designed sanctuary. We were attracted to the church because of their wonderful priest (who worked with the local Lutheran pastor at the preschool my brothers attended). They did so much for the community and have such a close-knit group there. The church has grown a lot… I think now they have 500 families registered. They refer to themselves as the “St. Mark family” and there couldn’t be a truer statement. I met some of my best and closest friends there.

And this summer my dad got transferred and we moved to California. I’m going to miss our parish so much. So yeah, those kinds of amazing parishes DO exist.

 

[trials]

My parish is not “supportive” in the way I need. By that I mean I’m a young mom with a non-school age child. Our parish tends to have LOTS of activities for the kids that go to school (the attached elementary’/middle school or the high school nearby) as well as for retired folks. There’s one or two things for young adults (early 20s to 30s) but those tend to be for adults without kids. There is literally nothing for moms with young kids. Even the morning bible study doesn’t include childcare (occasionally it will have childcare upon request but that turns out to be shoving all the kids into a random room that’s not set up for childcare but rather storage rooms that aren’t full).

So I’ve gotten move involved with MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) at various protestant churches and also a bible study/fellowship at a local Non-Denominational church. It’s hard because on the one hand I want to raise my kids in the faith I was raised in (DH was not raised any faith but did go to non-denominational and protestant churches for the few times he went to church) but the community just isn’t there. On the other hand this Non-Denominational church has the community I want and would love to get involved in but it’s not the faith I was raised in and I don’t believe everything they subscribe to. It’s become the big question of what’s more important? Raising my kids Catholic with no fellowship or community or take them to this Non-Denominational church so they get the fellowship and community but not the Catholic beliefs.

Interesting. I ended up looking at local Protestant churches too for any faith-based activities for young children near me, and you’re right, some of them are very active and faith-filled. I never actually went though, hesitating for the same reasons you cite. But when I went to a community based mother and toddlers group in our parish, as I said earlier, it was a community thing, encouraged and advertised by the parish, but just minus the religion. Not what I was looking for. I was sitting among Catholics but might as well have been sitting among atheists I’m afraid to say.

 

[Regina_Love]

I grew up in a wonderful parish in central California. I found it very warm & welcoming most of the time. I joined the folk group to sing at Mass, & the young adult group. We held bible studies & did fun activities. We sponsored the Youth Group for High School. After that was up & running the High Schoolers sponsored a youth group for 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. Had a blast! It was the best time in my life! A lot of great marriages came out of our college group. 11 out of 12 of them still married today 25 years later.

Moved to Reno NV. found a near by church & joined. We’ve watched it grow from meeting in a cafeteria to building the new church. It took a few years to feel as connected to our new parish, to make new friends. They offer a kids vacation Bible school every summer, have youth groups, womens groups. It’s very good!

 

[Bill_7154]

If anyone knows of a Catholic Church in or around the north shore of MA, or in Boston or even southern NH that has something like a coffee hour after Mass, or some similar type of way in which people get together socially on a regular basis as part of thier coming together as Catholics please let me know.

Also, if someone knows of a way to search the internet to find a Catholic Church in my area that functions something like this please let me know. I feel that being able to commune with Catholics after Mass would be greatly benefitial to me in helping me grow as a person, a father, a husband, a follower of Jesus, and help me add value to my life in general and feel better about myself.

Also, are any and all bible studies that are reported to be ‘Catholic’ bible studies something to be trusted? If I were to find one is it safe to join one or are there certain rules under the Catholic Religion around bible studies? I’m thinking this might be another alternative if I"m unable to find a Catholic Church that has a coffee hour or similar.

Thanks to you all and Peace be with you all,
Bill

 

[LSK]

I’d have to say no. Every church I have attended have provided me with the Sacraments
(thank God) and that sustains me. Heck that’s all there is really, but I have never found a church that is in any way friendly. Priests either hide from parishoners, straight off altar no greetings or spent time with the wealthy. Parishoners kept to themselves ( at best) or went out of their way to be rude.

I do note they did have food drives, mission contributions etc. but nothing like fellowship.
My experience is based on attending Novus Ordo and Tridentine- in Midwest and NE.

Is this your experience? I did join organizations, but they were mainly fiefdoms for the egotistical.

If you ever move to Modesto, California you will find a incredibly friendly parish - St Joseph’s. I moved from the Bay Area to Modesto 15 years ago and knew NO one in the Catholic community at all. I went to my first Mass and the introduced myself to the pastor, Father O’Hare. He immediately directed me to the Knights of Columbus breakfast that was taking place THAT morning and he himself introduced me and my Mom to several parishonners.

Since that time I have watched our community grow and grow. People are actually interested in each other, in meeting people and in being vibrant and loving.

I am so sorry that has not been your experience.

 

[LSK]

:thumbsup:BTW- Father O’Hare is gone on to his reward now. We had a fabulous pastor for the next 12 years - Father Illo. Today we have Father Mark Wagner.

Yes, there are cliques at our parish. However, because we are a very orthodox parish people don’t get to act stupid for long. I also believe that because the parish has been consecrated to Our Lady and we have 24/7 Eucharistic Adoration, we are in better shape than most.

 

[nickybr38]

Oh wow. I’m very sorry for your experience.

In my experience the parishes I have attended have been VERY warm and welcoming!

My very first time attending the church secretary approached me personally and gave me a ticket to join them for their annual breakfast (for free!).

When I moved parishes I was welcomed just as warmly. People greeted me as soon as they noticed me (because I was new). When I see these people outside of Mass, out and about on the street, they stop me to say hello or to chat.

So… yes. I have attended two very warm, supportive and welcoming parishes and I’m very sorry that hasn’t been your experience.

 

[thomasf]

When I was little, my mom told me you get out of something what you put into it.