Have you ever felt someone in your life was trying to "murder" you emotionally/ psychologically?

[distracted]

Yes and thanks for your concern. Have a blessed day!

have you found out yet whether or not you may have been invalidly married??

 

[paxvobiscum]

No, not really sure how I would find that out without the annulment process.

 

[Salonika]

Yeah, that’s why i asked the question… because i was kinda tired of feeling… all alone…

And sometimes that’s exactly how the person trying to “murder” you psychologically wants you to feel. Then it is much easier for them to continue to attack. In the extreme at work it may mean moving you to where you have no interaction with others. It may mean not asking you to join the team for coffee - and then complain you are unsociable and not a team player. They may tell others not to talk to you.

Above all this isolates you from people who would be able to affirm that what is happening to you. It also makes the others less likely to support you for they see how they will treated if they do.

All the above can lead to you thinking maybe it’s all me - that’s why its so important to maintain relationships outside where the “murder” is taking place.

Also if it is in work situation I found it useful to write down what happened, for evidence if needed, to help put it in perspective and to get the opinion of those who I love and/or respect about the situation.

It was only after a friend challenged not my description of my boss’ actions but that I was accepting them as normal that I started to see what was going on.

 

[KingAlfred]

My two closest allies at work have found new employment. Next year will be a rough ride, I’m afraid.

 

[distracted]

And sometimes that’s exactly how the person trying to “murder” you psychologically wants you to feel. Then it is much easier for them to continue to attack.

the person who first did this to me was not a co-worker… I am not sure i should say who because… well, the person may read this for all i know (?)… but anyway… i feel it is true that (I will call the person) S wanted to isolate me… S only abused me when there was no one looking… I have been involved w/ others since S who did this kind of thing… act all “cool” in public but then when i am alone w/ the person… I get it…(weird behavior)…

work… it may mean moving you to where you have no interaction with others. It may mean not asking you to join the team for coffee - and then complain you are unsociable and not a team player. They may tell others not to talk to you.

yeah, this is a familiar tactic of these kinds of people - with them you can’t win for losing, d— if you do and d— if you don’t…

Above all this isolates you from people who would be able to affirm that what is happening to you.

for sure… sounds like you know all about it… .

It also makes the others less likely to support you for they see how they will treated if they do.

This is weird… how everything you say is hitting home… (so nice to be understood )… that is exactly waht S did and does (or would if i gave a chance)… S manipulates others into believing it is ME who is the problem… & i bought into that for SO long… whne i was young & didn’t know bettter… really creepy… this person is supposed to be SO devout… :whacky: sometimes i think some of those “devout” ones are the worst ones of all… There are some people who hide behind religion… because it gives them respectability… so that no one will suspect how awful they really are…

Also if it is in work situation I found it useful to write down what happened,

Even if it is NOT a work situation, it is always a very good thing to write things down… burn it afterwards if you don’t want anyone to ever read it… but writing things down clarifies it in your mind… brings things to the conscious that is lying dorment in the subconscious. Also, i get into the subconscious a lot at the Blessed Sacrament… it is always goodto spend as much time There as possibe… He is absolute Truth…

but that I was accepting them as normal that I started to see what was going on.

yeah, that’s weird how we can accept something abnormal as normal… sometimes we know something “isn’t right” but… for various reasons, we don’t totally accept that it isn’t right… for one thing, others may not believe us or may take the other person’s side…

I worry about these kinds of “murderers”… if they even make it to Purgatory, they are going ot have a long, hard struggle ahead… (i have heard that the average stay in Purgatory is 40 years… maybe they will be there much longer… ??). It is very hard to pray for these kinds of people… but as a Christian, we don’t have much choice…

 

[juliasmith]

I was the murderer. God is changing me now that I am returned to the church, but it is not, nor has been, easy.

I was in a mutually abusive marriage. I prayed everyday for my ex-husband’s death. I attacked him verbally with such vehemence you might not think possible in a human being. Then it began to be all men, then people in general, until I was so bitter that I had few friends or family left. I did not like what I saw in the mirror. (Granted, occult involvement probably made this worse) It was ugly and I even pushed God away.

I would urge you to continue to pray for these ‘murderers’. Someone kept praying for me and God’s Holy Spirit pulled me back.

But I most certainly would take steps to remove yourself from exposure to them if possible in the mean time. Just keep praying. It will not be in vain.

 

[Salonika]

so nice to be understood

Thank you, distracted. Yes, it is good to be understood. I suspect that only those who have been through such abuse can really understand what it is like and the flashbacks that can occur when it appears that the situation is beginning again or we hear a voice like that of a person who abused us.

There are some people who hide behind religion… because it gives them respectability… so that no one will suspect how awful they really are…

Think the hardest situation is if they are able to keep this facade in place over a long period as then the person being abused can face accusations of being the one who is ill. At least in my situation the truth came out when other’s started getting treated badly too.

It is very hard to pray for these kinds of people… but as a Christian, we don’t have much choice…

What I pray to happen to these kind of people is a blinding revelation of what they have done and the damage they have caused followed by getting help to stop doing it. However, when I was going through it I was much less charitable.

 

[Salonika]

I was the murderer. God is changing me now that I am returned to the church, but it is not, nor has been, easy.

I would urge you to continue to pray for these ‘murderers’. Someone kept praying for me and God’s Holy Spirit pulled me back.

Thank you for your courageous post and hopeful post, julia.

Change is never easy and I think we need to be kind with ourselves as we try to change and acknowledge improvements.

Sometimes we need to recognise that someone who is doing the abusing is also on the receiving end of abuse and their actions won’t change significantly until they are abuse free.

 

[juliasmith]

Thank you for your courageous post and hopeful post, julia.

Change is never easy and I think we need to be kind with ourselves as we try to change and acknowledge improvements.

Sometimes we need to recognise that someone who is doing the abusing is also on the receiving end of abuse and their actions won’t change significantly until they are abuse free.

It HAS been difficult. The changing point for me was when I noticed the alienation. There was no God, no family, no friends, I even almost lost my husband. The loneliness was what got my attention. It was horrible.

I am making new friends, still struggling with anger. I just went to confession for the first time and I think regular confession may actually help in ridding myself of the anger and bitterness.

But prayer for people who are like this is essential if they are ever going to change
A group of nurses I worked with (the ones who got the brunt and worst of my anger) continued to pray for me. If they had not, I might never have changed.

 

[distracted]

I was the murderer. God is changing me now that I am returned to the church, but it is not, nor has been, easy.

.

wow… so refreshing… the honesty… and humility…

(I guess i know a lot of people who try to pretend they have never done much that was very wrong… or at least their wrong isn’t as wrong as other peoples’ :hypno: )

So glad you repented…

and
thanks for the reminder that we should all pray for those people we hate to pray for… they need our prayers the most…

 

[distracted]

what it is like and the flashbacks that can occur when it appears that the situation is beginning again or we hear a voice like that of a person who abused us.

again, you have hit the nail on the head… i go throgh this all the time… I have to stop and take myself by the shoulders sometimes… and scream at myself: “This is a differnet situation!! Give the person a chance… put yourself in his/her shoes…” (so i don’t think he/she is the abuser… not as easy as it may sound…:banghead: )

Think the hardest situation is if they are able to keep this facade in place over a long period as then the person being abused can face accusations of being the one who is ill.

This is the way S is… all these years, i have been the one seen as “having problems”… but now someone else has come out with the same kinds of stories of mistreatment… The weird thing is, even though this othe person gets a little sympathy here & there from certain people close to the situation… S is still seen as “respectable” and people seem to be “covering” for S… Go figure… i think people are afraid of S…

What I pray to happen to these kind of people is a blinding revelation of what they have done and the damage they have caused followed by getting help to stop doing it. However, when I was going through it I was much less charitable.

Yes!! You can pray this for S… maybe my prayers aren’t so effective… since i barely even want to think about this person…

I do think that the best one can do is (usually) to get away and stay away… i would have much less a life than i do if i did not adhere to that advice…

 

[distracted]

Sometimes we need to recognise that someone who is doing the abusing is also on the receiving end of abuse and their actions won’t change significantly until they are abuse free.

thanks for making this point. When one is a victim of abuse… sometimes one cannot see these objective truths very well… I have seen them in my own situation but i always forget… get angry again because can only see my own side…

I guess continuing to dislike a person is a way of protecting oneself from further harm…

 

[jennifer67]

Yes, an adult tried to psychologically murder me on a daily basis from childhood. I used to cry in my room, then when tired out lay on my bed and look through the window at the moon and get a strong feeling of the presence of God and that he would lead me away to a new life where I would also be safe. I felt he had a plan for me for my life.

I also used to dream from the 1st grade of going away to college and becoming a lawyer, something I thought rightly or wrongly would be honorable…

God provided opportunity for me to do so and today I am safe and can take care of myself and believe it or not I am taking care of that adult who has cancer…financially and personally…

God also provided the grace for me to forgive

I am the only family member who can cope with this now elderly adult…

 

[paxvobiscum]

These stories are so touchng to me. I tear up a bit each time I read the thread. Thanks to those who remind us to pray for the abusers, and thanks to those who admit that it is very difficult to do.

 

[distracted]

Yes, an adult tried to psychologically murder me on a daily basis from childhood. I used to cry in my room,

i remember this exact thing… in my adolescence…
I just dont’ remember this:

then when tired out lay on my bed and look through the window at the moon and get a strong feeling of the presence of God and that he would lead me away to a new life where I would also be safe. I felt he had a plan for me for my life.

wow… now that i think about it… i think the reason i didn’t turn to God was because i felt He had abanonded me too… I only see that i felt that way NOW… it was then such a subconscious thing…

I also used to dream from the 1st grade of going away to college and becoming a lawyer, something I thought rightly or wrongly would be honorable…

wrongly Just kidding… I’m sure you know all the jokes about lawyers…

God provided opportunity for me to do so and today I am safe and can take care of myself and believe it or not I am taking care of that adult who has cancer…financially and personally…

God also provided the grace for me to forgive

I am the only family member who can cope with this now elderly adult…

I have seen this many times… how an abused child ends up being the one to care for the elderly abusive parent… weird… God intervenes probably more than we think. I think He arrranges these kinds of things… because He knows what we need to do (forgive) in order to get to Heaven…

Nice to hear ofsomeone who did forgive… hard as it must have been… It sounds like you were terribly neglected, as i was… I remembering crying in my room like that, waiting for someone, anyone… to come & ask what was wrong… No one ever did… made me feel very alone… like i was nothing… Neglect is said to be the worst form of child abuse.

this makes me think of how blessed iam now to know Jesus… (found Him in the Catholic Church ).

With Him… esp in the Real Presence… I NEVER feel alone… i may feel many other uncomforable things (the need to be purified, etc… )but i never feel alone…

God bless…

 

[distracted]

It A group of nurses I worked with (the ones who got the brunt and worst of my anger) continued to pray for me. If they had not, I might never have changed.

thanks for the encouragment to keep on praying when one DOES NOT feel like it… and i don’t…

i realize just now that it has been awhile since i really prayed very much for my abuser(s)… specifically…

 

[Janie_Delgado]

I had been struggling lately with something that needed healing in my life, as God is always working in us, I knew that I needed healing with my mother as she was always trying to “murder” me emotinally as a child, and as an adult. I recently thanks to the guidance of the Holy Spirit found the answer, I do believe now that my mother suffers from Narsisstic Personality Disorder and that alot of what she says and does is beyond her control. I found a blog site for women whose mothers also suffer from this, they are filled with such hurt, hate and anger towards their mothers, I am so glad that I have Jesus in my life because although I struggle with different emotions I could never hate my mother or put her out of my life. Instead I love her, and I thank God for her and her mistakes because they have made me the person I am today, I am in charge of the RCIA , I lead a women’s faith sharing group, I am a Eucharistic minister, and I am in the choir, Jesus had healed me the moment I decided to follow him, how great is our God:thumbsup: I am so glad that I am not bitter like those other women, the one thing that stuck out at me was the lack of God in their lives, how blessed I am to know God. He makes all the difference The Lord only gives us crosses we can carry, I sure am strong! All praise and glory to God forever and ever, Amen.