Have you ever felt someone in your life was trying to "murder" you emotionally/ psychologically?

[BarbaraTherese]

The “thanks” go to God, who gave me a “murderer of emotions” to deal with fairly early in the game… My cross in life…

By the way, i tend to think that all (most?) crosses begin at the beginning of one’s life… for one thing, no parent is perfect… so we all have that kind of cross… imperfect parents… siblings…

If there is anyone out there that this does NOT apply to, please respond… nice to hear stories of good (adequate) parents… Mine were OK but… well… there was this “fly in the ointment” type of thing… No time to talk about it right now…

God bless…

Hi again Distracted…saddened to read that you childhood was a very difficult one!

I have told my sons and tell others too that the best anyone can hope for is to strive to correct the “sins” of one’s parents and so on through all the generations hopefully.

I dont think there is any such thing as the perfect family life or childhood…all families in some way or other are dysfunctional as we call it in our day. What after all is “perfection” and this is just not some saying adopted by me…it is a real question that we just cannot answer…for we would need to understand and grasp The Perfect and The Ultimately Perfect One - who is Ultimate Mystery - in whom all creation including humanity will be fulfilled…and St. Paul has told us that that fulfillment will astound us and bowl us over!!! This is our Faith.

…We live in an imperfect world and with imperfect humanity - rather most often we tend to travel through life expecting our own definition of perfection to be applied and adopted, and fulfilled, which is quite delusional and illusory…but we do have a God given right to expect that others respect our person physically, emotionally and spiritually - and St. Paul had quite a bit to say of how delicately we should deal with each other and with each other’s consciences for one…

Blessings, Distracted…regards…Barb

 

[paxvobiscum]

Yes…my husband. so glad to hear the story of the marriage that made it through. My marriage ended after the emotional/psychological abuse lead me to the psych ward on suicide watch several times. Although he did not succeed in “murdering” me I have been struggling with my desire and longing for the Church I believe in but feel I can never rejoin because I am divorced. This is a very intense topic, thanks for raising it.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Yes…my husband. so glad to hear the story of the marriage that made it through. My marriage ended after the emotional/psychological abuse lead me to the psych ward on suicide watch several times. Although he did not succeed in “murdering” me I have been struggling with my desire and longing for the Church I believe in but feel I can never rejoin because I am divorced. This is a very intense topic, thanks for raising it.

Hi PaxVobiscum!..I was moved deeply by Ljahns story too and rejoiced that the marriage survived!

You are still very much Catholic and may well be a full Church member though divorced, PV! As long as you have not remarried without an annulment and are the innocent victim of divorce, you can still receive all the Sacraments too, including Holy Communion. It can be a complex matter (“can be” only) and it would be best to talk with a priest as it can come down to Canon Law which can take an expert to understand.
Also, for those Catholics who have divorced and have remarried without having their original marriage annuled and hence cannot receive the Sacraments, Rome now is looking at these circumstances with great compassion and trying to insight and put into practise what can be done for such people to hopefully reconcile them with The Church, and in a theological sense. For any divorced and remarried (without annulment) Catholics who may be grieving at being outside The Church, I do urge you to have a talk with a Catholic priest.

Catholic Catechism

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#2386

[2383](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/2383.htm’) The *separation *of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.177 If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.
[2386](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/2386.htm’) It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.179

I dont want to drag this thread off its subject…perhaps a new thread could be started, if necessary, on the subject of divorced Catholics who may still being full valid members of The Church able to receive all the Sacraments including Holy Communion, providing they have not married without having the previous marriage annuled and are the innocent victims of divorce.

 

[Just_wondering]

wow… really weird story…

I just don’t understand this kind of person… & i have had plenty of them in my life… I don’t know what kind of religion she supposedly adheres to… but, well, Jesus said you will know them by their fruits…

When someone attacks the Catholic Church… that is a sure sign - to me - that something is very wrong… (their fruits are “fermenting” on the vine )… No - that’s not it because i heard fermented fruit is good for you… Well, anyway, you get the point…

Did you pray hard to get the new job?? Or did it just land in your lap?? Either wya, i feel it was great gift from God… the Bible says not to be unequally yoked with un-believers… & i think this applies to both work and home… (although sometimes one can’t just switch jobs )…
God bless

Yeah, distracted, I know what you mean. This woman doesn’t subscribe to any religion. She hates all religious people with a passion. If she does meet a religious person that she likes, she justifies it by claiming that they’re not practicing. She has done as much to make me Catholic by her militant atheism as my Catholic friends have done by their kindness and charity.

I didn’t really pray hard to get the new job, but I asked for prayers here on CAF about six months ago when my coworker was really being vicious and driving me nuts. At that time, I was moved out of our shared office. I found the new job on my own, but it was definitely exactly what I wanted. God has answered a lot of prayers that I hadn’t realized I’d asked, if you know what I mean. God has blessed me a lot over the past few months, even as I’ve felt lost and alone in the dark.

 

[DavidW]

I have a couple people in my life (mostly past life) who fit this description… and if it weren’t for Jesus…

I am SO thankful i found Him… No, that He found (and rescued) ME. If not for that, I wouldn’t be doing too well… :hypno: uch: For many years, i was NOT doing well… got lost in all kinds of false beliefs about God (if only subconsciously… but that’s where it counts…). One relationship was from childhood, so hard to overcome such long-term effects…

I just wanted to hear some testimonies about how others have dealt with this problem…

Yes, I have something similar. Worse actually, than you describe. How to deal with it? You put them out of your life.

Depending on the depth of the damage done you may find it hard to pray for them but I guess that’s the Christian thing to do.

My problem is it has gone on for decades and continues to this very day, and it is my parents. Or more accurately my mother and my father enables the behavior.

Continues to this day? Yes, they’re currently engaged is trying to destroy my 17 year old daughter. And no, I don’t mean they’re doing innocuous things I don’t approve of and therefore I’m calling it ‘destroying’ her. I’m talking about real evil here.

I guess I won’t bother to describe it in detail because nobody would believe it - it is unnatural behavior and people have difficulty believing a woman would try to destroy her own children and grandchildren. It is unbelievable on its face.

The problem I have is the Fourth Commandment.

 

[distracted]

Hi again Distracted…saddened to read that you childhood was a very difficult one!

 

[distracted]

Yes…my husband. so glad to hear the story of the marriage that made it through. My marriage ended after the emotional/psychological abuse lead me to the psych ward on suicide watch several times. Although he did not succeed in “murdering” me I have been struggling with my desire and longing for the Church I believe in but feel I can never rejoin because I am divorced. This is a very intense topic, thanks for raising it.

i have felt like responding in this wya to various things i have been through… just what the devil wants… He is SO hateful… blows me away sometimes…

Anyway… who told you that you can’t be in the Church because you are divorced? The Church teaches that you just can’t re-marry after divorce (if the marriage was valid in the 1st place… Are you sure it was??). You can go to Communion as long as you are not unlawfully married…

Anyway… whenever i suffer, i do this thing that i am just now learning to do… I immediately think of Christ’s sufferings on the way to the Cross and on the Cross… do you ever do that? Also, we can join our sufferings with His and use it to convert people… I’ll bet the devil hates that!!

 

[distracted]

How to deal with it? You put them out of your life.

A huge Amen to that…

I guess I won’t bother to describe it in detail because nobody would believe it - it is unnatural behavior and people have difficulty believing a woman would try to destroy her own children and grandchildren. It is unbelievable on its face.

The problem I have is the Fourth Commandment.

i felt very sad when i read your Post… because I know all too well how awful some people can be… people you don’t expect to be evil… or you don’t expet them to be evil to people they are supposed to love… I really know something of what you feel and i don’t doubt you at all about how “unbelievable” it is… That is the same reason i don’t share certain things with just anyone… becaues i know they are not going to believe it… they are going to say things like (or THINK things like) “There’s more to it than that…” or “she must have done something to get the person angry… (etc).”
It is sometimes hard to believe that a particular person is really just evil (selfish, manipulative). so a lot of the time, people just blame the victim… i guess its easier that way… easier to make sense of things… (?)

Anyway, i am praying for you… and you are so right, the best thing is to just get away from it… hard to do when its family but not when you thihk of how evil the person is…

God bless…

 

[distracted]

She has done as much to make me Catholic by her militant atheism as my Catholic friends have done by their kindness and charity.

funny how that works… how anti-Catholics do more to drive you into the Church (or further into it if you are already there) than just about anything else… … reminds me of something St. Faustina says in her diary. She tells of how Jesus came to visit and told her that… all people do His will, wehther they think they are or whether they intend to or not… I doubt people who do evil “for Jesus” will get any reward, though… because they don’t do it with that INTENt… but anyway…

God has answered a lot of prayers that I hadn’t realized I’d asked, if you know what I mean.

I do know what you mean… i sometimes think those quiet little prayers that we hardly even utter are the ones God answers the best…

 

[BeeSweet]

Very very often when you feel a person in your life is working to bring you down, it’s because they’re already so low themselves, even if their outward appearance doesn’t give you a clue. Many times it’s the most fragile of egos which cause the most trouble for others, and those with the least control over their own lives want the most control over yours. Two pieces of advice from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ can help us in dealing with these people. The first is “turn the other cheek” which means not to let them get you down. The second is to love your enemies as yourself. The least lovable people are really those who need love the most. Personally I’ve not been what I would call successful in heeding these ideologies with the poisonous people in my own life. I’ve chosen to hide from them and completely disassociate myself with them as much as possible. Given that they’re family, It would be better if I were able to keep them from affecting me negatively without having to completely avoid them. The funny thing with these people in my life is that it’s not even personal to me, they treat everyone this way.

 

[distracted]

Very very often when you feel a person in your life is working to bring you down, it’s because they’re already so low themselves, even if their outward appearance doesn’t give you a clue. Many times it’s the most fragile of egos which cause the most trouble for others, and those with the least control over their own lives want the most control over yours. Two pieces of advice from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ can help us in dealing with these people. The first is “turn the other cheek” which means not to let them get you down. The second is to love your enemies as yourself. The least lovable people are really those who need love the most. Personally I’ve not been what I would call successful in heeding these ideologies with the poisonous people in my own life. I’ve chosen to hide from them and completely disassociate myself with them as much as possible. Given that they’re family, It would be better if I were able to keep them from affecting me negatively without having to completely avoid them. The funny thing with these people in my life is that it’s not even personal to me, they treat everyone this way.

The sad thing is that i know all this stuff - in my head, but i guess God made us more than a brain… and sometimes we are one person in the mind and another in the heart… as it were…
In my case (and possibly yours and others here) it is best to just stay away… In fact, it seems, in my case, to be the ONLY thing to do… I have tried other things… I feel that God wants me to bow out for good… Whatever one does to the least of His brethren, one does to Him… Whatever i do to myself or allow to happen to myself, i am allowing to happen to Him… that is what i have to tell myself… I wish i had told myself that a long time ago and saved myself a lot of grief… and misery…
Anyway, thank you so much for this reminder… I really needed it… because even my head forgets such important truths… so easy to do when a person’s behavior is so “off”… hard to think or see beyond the behavior…

 

[paxvobiscum]

i have felt like responding in this wya to various things i have been through… just what the devil wants… He is SO hateful… blows me away sometimes…

Anyway… who told you that you can’t be in the Church because you are divorced? The Church teaches that you just can’t re-marry after divorce (if the marriage was valid in the 1st place… Are you sure it was??). You can go to Communion as long as you are not unlawfully married…

Anyway… whenever i suffer, i do this thing that i am just now learning to do… I immediately think of Christ’s sufferings on the way to the Cross and on the Cross… do you ever do that? Also, we can join our sufferings with His and use it to convert people… I’ll bet the devil hates that!!

thanks for your reply. I’m just so down about the whole thing. I’m only in my mid thirties and I want to be in a loving relationship, but I feel I can never be. As far as validity of the marriage - I doubt it was valid from his side because I don’t think he ever understood what marriage TRULY means. I meant to marry the man in the fullest sense of union before God and man so I guess that does it for me. He will never admit to the way he treated me or the reality of our relationship. He claims it was all me and that I’m crazy anyway. Any annulment will hear his “side” and he always wins. Since he is not Catholic he thinks it’s a crock that the Church has any say in the matter, but laughs in my face because he knows he can “keep” me for the rest of my life. I’m the one who left and filed for the divorce because I WAS going crazy and I had to get away from the oppression. It just hurts me so because I’ve never wanted to go to another church, and what’s the point if you don’t have the Eucharist.

 

[KingAlfred]

It sounds like maybe she is or was (?) interested in yoU?? or am i reading too much into this…

Those people who “want” you can be the worst ones… been there too…

I’ve been a lot of weird places… :banghead: :doh2: uch:

She’s a controller. When I first arrived, she tried to pull me under her wing. When I decided not to go there, our relationship steadily deteriorated. She ‘lands’ on all new people, for the same reason – to enlist them in her click.

 

[Pacbox]

My mother spent most of my life trying to “murder” me emotionally and psychologically. It’s not as bad today but for the longest time I wasn’t aware of what was going on since her behavior and treatment of me has started long before I can remember.

After moving away to go to university and then going back for Christmas and summer, did I start to get a glimpse into the fact that she was acting in this way. Even now, I still have to deal with the consequences of her actions and words. She loved to say a lot of things that have become nearly permanently stuck in my head and are hard to get out.

Some of what she said make it difficult for me to trust or believe in a God that loves. I can understand the concept intellectually but actually believing that God or any could actually love me is isn’t really possible for me. I can’t fathom why anyone would want to love me let alone God. I keep hoping its true but then I also expect for God to “Gotcha! Can’t love you!” and have everything come crashing down. I really expect the whole “God can’t and won’t love you. You’re not lovable.” And then I get told I just need to trust God and that He does love me and because I don’t I’m such a horrible sinner (which I already know, thank you) and people say all these nice things but they don’t understand that I can’t and don’t think the same way they do since I don’t have that same mentality.

I also have several managers at work who don’t care how they treat their employees and will say and act so horribly. It’s a game I hate and have to deal with while I am at work, though I don’t play their stupid game. They get on my nerves and stress me out. There’s one that I swear just made up a policy just so she could find a way to yell at me because she doesn’t do her job and so instead of taking responsibility she takes her childish tempertantrum out on me. I’ve also had to do part of her job because she wasn’t where she was supposed to be and when I told her she got all whiny that she was there when I had several customers plus myself unable to find her. (I work in retail which really seems to draw some questionable people).

 

[allhers]

As to your original question: “Have you ever felt someone in your life was trying to “murder” you emotionally/psychologically”?
Yes, too many times to mention, what I have learned is to pray for them and avoid them. Try to enlist as many people as possible to pray for you and them also. Remember this? When evil men insult and hate you all because of Me, Blessed, blessed are you…Rejoice and be glad, yours is the Kingdom of God." I will keep you all in my prayers, and prayers for those who persecute you.

 

[Pacbox]

In reading the Rule of St. Benedict for over a year now, I’ve actually gotten good advice from the rule and the reflections posted with it. One piece of advice gleaned is to “take into account other people’s weaknesses.” It means that since they may not be at the same spiritual/holy point you are, to allow them some slack and think they are having a bad day and to treat them with charity even if they refuse to treat you with charity. They may not mean to be that way and you can never really know so act with patience and kindness when dealing with them but otherwise leave them be. I do pray for those I work with and for but if they choose to be resistent to God, that is their problem and not mine. I can’t change them but I can change me. If they want to be that way (and they aren’t doing anything illegal), then let them be that way.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

In reading the Rule of St. Benedict for over a year now, I’ve actually gotten good advice from the rule and the reflections posted with it. One piece of advice gleaned is to “take into account other people’s weaknesses.” It means that since they may not be at the same spiritual/holy point you are, to allow them some slack and think they are having a bad day and to treat them with charity even if they refuse to treat you with charity. They may not mean to be that way and you can never really know so act with patience and kindness when dealing with them but otherwise leave them be. I do pray for those I work with and for but if they choose to be resistent to God, that is their problem and not mine. I can’t change them but I can change me. If they want to be that way (and they aren’t doing anything illegal), then let them be that way.

Good post and comments. St. Benedict’s teaching reflectst the words of St. Paul:
drbo.org/cgi-bin/d?b=drb&bk=53&ch=8&l=7&f=s#x
First Epistle to The Corinthians:
*

11

And through thy knowledge shall the weak brother perish, for whom Christ hath died? 12 Now when you sin thus against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13 Wherefore, if meat scandalize my brother, I will never eat flesh, lest I should scandalize my brother.
*

 

[quiet52]

thanks for your reply. I’m just so down about the whole thing. I’m only in my mid thirties and I want to be in a loving relationship, but I feel I can never be. As far as validity of the marriage - I doubt it was valid from his side because I don’t think he ever understood what marriage TRULY means. I meant to marry the man in the fullest sense of union before God and man so I guess that does it for me. He will never admit to the way he treated me or the reality of our relationship. He claims it was all me and that I’m crazy anyway. Any annulment will hear his “side” and he always wins. Since he is not Catholic he thinks it’s a crock that the Church has any say in the matter, but laughs in my face because he knows he can “keep” me for the rest of my life. I’m the one who left and filed for the divorce because I WAS going crazy and I had to get away from the oppression. It just hurts me so because I’ve never wanted to go to another church, and what’s the point if you don’t have the Eucharist.

Pax Vobiscum (et cum spiritu tuo) – I think you have some misconceptions about the annulment process. It’s not a trial (“him” vs. “her”) in which the Tribunal declares an innocent or guilty party. Your ex-husband sounds like an abuser, and the Church recognizes that some people MUST obtain a civil divorce, to protect themselves and the distribution of property. You’re still married in the eyes of the Church, yes, but since you haven’t re-married, you are still entitled to receive the Eucharist (assuming you confess all mortal sins first). You may not become involved with another man, of course, unless and until the Church has declared that your marriage was an invalid one in her eyes.

File the petition for nullity, Pax. Your pastor or his designate will help you with it. You will need witnesses who knew you and/or your husband at the time you were married, to attest to the conditions present then, such as his attitudes about marraige or Catholicism, or his treatment of you. Your ex-husband cannot prevent you from filing this petition. You need to provide his mailing address, but you don’t even have to contact him – the Tribunal will. He doesn’t even have to choose to participate in the process for it to proceed.

This may help you to heal from the traumas you’ve experienced with your ex-husband’s abuse.

By the way, if you were married outside of the Catholic Church without first obtaining a dispensation (for marrying a non-Catholic), then your pastor (or delegate) will help you petition for the “short” annulment, for defect of canonical form.

This is off-topic, I know, but Pax has suffered and deserves this information.

See a priest soon, Pax.

 

[KingAlfred]

My mother spent most of my life trying to “murder” me emotionally and psychologically. It’s not as bad today but for the longest time I wasn’t aware of what was going on since her behavior and treatment of me has started long before I can remember.

After moving away to go to university and then going back for Christmas and summer, did I start to get a glimpse into the fact that she was acting in this way. Even now, I still have to deal with the consequences of her actions and words. She loved to say a lot of things that have become nearly permanently stuck in my head and are hard to get out.

Some of what she said make it difficult for me to trust or believe in a God that loves. I can understand the concept intellectually but actually believing that God or any could actually love me is isn’t really possible for me. I can’t fathom why anyone would want to love me let alone God. I keep hoping its true but then I also expect for God to “Gotcha! Can’t love you!” and have everything come crashing down. I really expect the whole “God can’t and won’t love you. You’re not lovable.” And then I get told I just need to trust God and that He does love me and because I don’t I’m such a horrible sinner (which I already know, thank you) and people say all these nice things but they don’t understand that I can’t and don’t think the same way they do since I don’t have that same mentality.

I also have several managers at work who don’t care how they treat their employees and will say and act so horribly. It’s a game I hate and have to deal with while I am at work, though I don’t play their stupid game. They get on my nerves and stress me out. There’s one that I swear just made up a policy just so she could find a way to yell at me because she doesn’t do her job and so instead of taking responsibility she takes her childish tempertantrum out on me. I’ve also had to do part of her job because she wasn’t where she was supposed to be and when I told her she got all whiny that she was there when I had several customers plus myself unable to find her. (I work in retail which really seems to draw some questionable people).

I’m sorry you went through this. Cruel people cause unfathomable harm to others. It’s a sad reality we have to accept. Only in true obedience to Christ can we transcend this hateful world.

 

[Lukelion]

I have a couple people in my life (mostly past life) who fit this description… and if it weren’t for Jesus…

I am SO thankful i found Him… No, that He found (and rescued) ME. If not for that, I wouldn’t be doing too well… :hypno: uch: For many years, i was NOT doing well… got lost in all kinds of false beliefs about God (if only subconsciously… but that’s where it counts…). One relationship was from childhood, so hard to overcome such long-term effects…

I just wanted to hear some testimonies about how others have dealt with this problem…

I hear you! I often come to this forum simply because I am in such pain. I too thank God for Jesus, who helps me bear this pain. Jesus is the only one who stays with me when the going gets rough. I have complete trust in God that His timing is perfect in everything.
My nemesis is my mil, who “prays a rosary for me every day”, but also mocks us, and didn’t let us know about family pictures for their 50th until the day before. There are a thousand little cuts that seem to kill my soul. The decision came to limit them in my life when my eight year old sons appendix ruptured. He fasted in the hospital for 5 days. They drove to the city to go shopping, but wouldn’t go visit him.
That decision brings its own set of problems from angry sils, who think I’m being mean, but I cannot have that poison in my life. Pray, but from a safe distance.
Luke 6 27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Trying to become a saint certainly isn’t easy.