In another thread I wrote…
Each one of us experiences darkness of the soul in one way or another. If you have read my testimony here, I guess everyone would see that I did not only experience darkness in my soul, but I was also chained by sinfulness.
And the journey from ‘sinfulness’ to ‘grace’ is a very dark, confusing, troublesome and a very rough road. There are so many obstacles and distractions. But, the grace of God and help of the Blessed Mother Mary is very much sufficient. With these experiences, I would like to share everyone what happened to me along the way…
Six (6) months ago, when I started to commit myself to pray everyday the 15 Mysteries of the Blessed Mother, I experienced the following:
- I could not feel any significant effect of the Rosary.
- Many times, my mind is so distracted and so confused.
- At times, I doubt if God even bothers to hear my prayers.
- Many times, i doubt the good effect of the Rosary in my soul
- At times, the arguments of other religions about Mary, and Catholic’s doctrine seems very logcial;
- One time I felt a complete blackness and deafness (without any inspiration) from above, that I cried to the Holy Mother - My Queen why is it so dark?
- Most of the time, whenever I pray, things about jobs or projects starts to pop-up just to distract me from reflecting the mysteries.
- At times, I am sleepy.
- I could hardly schedule praying.
- And many more distractions and temptations - with only 1 objective - to make me stop praying the Rosary.
So, I told myself : If all these things are happening just to make me lose my patience and to stop praying the Holy Rosary. Then what I will do is to promise myself to pray the Holy Rosary everyday - no matter what.
‘No matter what’ means, to pray the Rosary :
- Even if I like to pray or not.
- Even if I doubt its effect or I feel its effect.
- Even if I am distracted or at peace.
- Even if I fall into sin or in grace.
- Even if I think God does not hear my prayers at all.
- Even if I am sleepy.
- Even if it feels so dark, and
- Even if my mind tells me that the most logical thing in the world is- NOT TO PRAY THE ROSARY.
I continued to struggle (even against myself), but grace and help from God is always around. After several months, the Holy Rosary has manifested its marvels. I have seen its effect in my soul. It became like a compass that told me were I should go. It became a guiding star that will lighted my dark path and lead me continiously to God. It explained to me well and clearly the doctrines of the Catholic Faith. It has shaken off my evil/lustful desires and evil thoughts.
And I can tell you many things, but I guess experience those things yourself will be your best teacher. With the above testimony about the Holy Rosary, I would not dare say I am now holy, nor would I claim I am now perfect. For I am a mere sinner struggling to live a holier life.
All I can testify is with the Rosary in my life, my heart and soul is now better, the vices and traps of the devil suddenly became obvious, and my dark soul has seen God’s light. The Holy Rosary is a gift of a Mother for Her children who is willing to receive it and its promised graces.
May God and the Blessed Mother give your bountiful graces.