Having 3 under 3! Help! (Long)

[Proud_mumma]

Hi everyone, first time posting so be kind!

Just wanted to know if there was anyone out there who has happened to have a few kids very close together and then be able to space their children better.

My husband and I have used The billings method since the start of our marriage (July 2010). Our second month of marriage I got pregnant and looking back I clearly wasn’t sure on how to chart! When our first was 7 1/2 months old I got pregnant again and to be honest we had “taken a chance”… Special occasion. While we were quite stunned with the first pregnancy we had a much more accepting approach as soon as we found out with our second. So we had a newborn and a 16 month old, full and very happy hands! We had “planned” to wait 2 years to have our first so things didn’t work out as we planned but we very much believe in that God ultimately has control and we accept His will.

Needless to say, with two little ones, we wanted at least 3 years till we went again. We had been very careful all during breastfeeding and waiting for fertility to return, even adding on extra days to the billings rules. When our second was 10 months old we got pregnant again. Even my instructor was baffled as to how. The act that did was during a very safe period, no chances this time!

This one honestly hit me hard… I’m trying to be an example to those around me, getting some young couples to actually try billings /nfp in their marriages but our getting pregnant so quickly and constantly is a big turn off for them! I won’t even get into the ridicule I get from others that makes this choice so hard. My husband and I are so dedicated to the billings and really did all we were supposed to so why doesn’t it work for us? We cannot continue at this rate. We do want a big family, 6 doesn’t scare us but the thought of 10 or more… Yes!!

I’m very scared for when after this baby is born. BC isn’t a choice for us, I especially have very strong feelings about them but I’m very scared that I’ll get pregnant again quickly we are clearly quite fertile!
Is there anyone who has been able to master the NFP and make it work for them? I need some encouragement that even with 3 close pregnancies we can be successful in trying to space the rest of our children. We are only 28 so there will be more!

As of now, for after this pregnancy, we have decided to ignore the pre peak rules of one day on and one day off and go with nothing 5 days before fertility (I have always been pretty regular with with fertility starts), during fertility and 5 days after. Is this safer or still “taking chances”.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel so blessed to be able to have these children, especially when I know it’s so hard for others, but constantly gettin pregnant is a problem as well. Also, even though this pregnancy has “hit me hard” I have been praying for this new little angel since I found out.

Any advice, experiences are welcomed!!

 

[Xantippe]

Proud mumma said:

“Even my instructor was baffled as to how. The act that did was during a very safe period, no chances this time!”

I would suggest you investigate further. Figure out what new rule or adjusted rule you need to add and maybe switch methods. Sticking to Phase 3 with a couple added days may be the way to go for these times when you especially need spacing.

Was this during lactational amenorrhea or after?

“We do want a big family, 6 doesn’t scare us but the thought of 10 or more… Yes!!”

I don’t think anybody winds up with 10 or more kids while seriously attempting NFP. 5 or 6, yes, 10, no.

“We are only 28 so there will be more!”

I wouldn’t count on that. Medical stuff can be very unexpected. You may look back and be very happy things didn’t go according to your plans.

“As of now, for after this pregnancy, we have decided to ignore the pre peak rules of one day on and one day off and go with nothing 5 days before fertility (I have always been pretty regular with with fertility starts), during fertility and 5 days after. Is this safer or still “taking chances”.”

That sounds a little loose and a little too Rhythm-y, although I’m not familiar with Billings. I also would plan for postpartum irregularity in re-establishing cycles. I vaguely recall that the initial postpartum cycles may be unusually short. (Am I right?) I would suggest going for Phase 3 only NFP, with a day or two extra, if desired.

I also would wait to talk up NFP until you’ve had more of a track record with it. I’ve been married 15 years, have three kids, and I wouldn’t go around blabbing about it in real life. Not much of a profile in courage, but it saves embarrassment. You will never catch me stating any family planning plans outside my OBs office.

Good luck! Best wishes with your growing family!

 

[nodito]

Welcome to CAF and may God bless you for your work raising future saints!

Why did you chooses Billings? It’s a great method; I’m just curious. Have you considered learning a different method? I personally like sympto-thermal because I like my charts to have graphs. But it can be tricky if you’re waking up a lot at night with little ones. You might appreciate something like Marquette which uses a fertility monitor and might be able to give you a clearer picture of your fertile and infertile periods. If your charting is sometimes ambiguous it might be helpful to have a double-check. Just a suggestion.

Good luck with your pregnancy and may your new little one truly be a blessing to your family!

 

[Allegra]

Creighton method has been really effective for us. I don’t know if you are interested in changing methods, but if my instructor couldn’t explain what why the method failed, then I would at least want to look into another method. Some work better than others for different couples.

 

[Evania]

Sypto-Thermal method is another one you can look into.

 

[capablanca911]

Hi everyone, first time posting so be kind!

Just wanted to know if there was anyone out there who has happened to have a few kids very close together and then be able to space their children better.

My husband and I have used The billings method since the start of our marriage (July 2010). Our second month of marriage I got pregnant and looking back I clearly wasn’t sure on how to chart! When our first was 7 1/2 months old I got pregnant again and to be honest we had “taken a chance”… Special occasion. While we were quite stunned with the first pregnancy we had a much more accepting approach as soon as we found out with our second. So we had a newborn and a 16 month old, full and very happy hands! We had “planned” to wait 2 years to have our first so things didn’t work out as we planned but we very much believe in that God ultimately has control and we accept His will.

Needless to say, with two little ones, we wanted at least 3 years till we went again. We had been very careful all during breastfeeding and waiting for fertility to return, even adding on extra days to the billings rules. When our second was 10 months old we got pregnant again. Even my instructor was baffled as to how. The act that did was during a very safe period, no chances this time!

This one honestly hit me hard… I’m trying to be an example to those around me, getting some young couples to actually try billings /nfp in their marriages but our getting pregnant so quickly and constantly is a big turn off for them! I won’t even get into the ridicule I get from others that makes this choice so hard. My husband and I are so dedicated to the billings and really did all we were supposed to so why doesn’t it work for us? We cannot continue at this rate. We do want a big family, 6 doesn’t scare us but the thought of 10 or more… Yes!!

I’m very scared for when after this baby is born. BC isn’t a choice for us, I especially have very strong feelings about them but I’m very scared that I’ll get pregnant again quickly we are clearly quite fertile!
Is there anyone who has been able to master the NFP and make it work for them? I need some encouragement that even with 3 close pregnancies we can be successful in trying to space the rest of our children. We are only 28 so there will be more!

As of now, for after this pregnancy, we have decided to ignore the pre peak rules of one day on and one day off and go with nothing 5 days before fertility (I have always been pretty regular with with fertility starts), during fertility and 5 days after. Is this safer or still “taking chances”.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel so blessed to be able to have these children, especially when I know it’s so hard for others, but constantly gettin pregnant is a problem as well. Also, even though this pregnancy has “hit me hard” I have been praying for this new little angel since I found out.

Any advice, experiences are welcomed!!

I have 3 under 3 (one turns 4 this month). My advice is night time prayer with the kids. And two diaper genies.

 

[Emese]

Hi, I had a doctor friend, she used to monitor her saliva under the microscope. She had 3 children, all of them “planned” this way. I believe you can even buy these saliva ovulation tests.

 

[Tablefor9]

God bless you for being truly open to life and faithful to the heart of Christ and the Church.

Having 3 under 5 is really tough, and my practical advice is put systems in place so that your home practically autopilots. Do fly-lady or some type of cleaning system with reminders for when your brain frys. Have a system for meals–crock pots save lives, make a double of dinner and freeze it for next week, do this every night and soon the freezer is full. System for–you name it, but get these things in place now and it will bring more peace to you.

We have 7, ages 4-14, spaced using MULTIPLE methods so I would encourage the use of more than one method, chart in 3 different colors. I would also search out the verses about God opening and closing the womb and post those behind or around your charts. The rate of secondary infertility in America is growing. Just because we have had babies doesn’t mean we will continue to have babies.

Perhaps your encouragement to those around you can center more on the beauty of family life and the heart of Christ toward the family, sharing the intrinsic evil of the contraceptive mentality (we contracept first in our heart and mind) rather than your personal success with method x in preventing pregnancy. Sometimes even Catholics don’t understand the truth of that, and certainly other Christians usually don’t.

As for ridicule, count it all joy. Jesus himself tells us not to be weary in doing well, or surprised when others say evil things about us because of the good we do (T’s paraphrase). As a mom of what this world considers too many, you may face it every day–even with “just” 3. Forget it. You are raising saints of God.

 

[Xantippe]

Emese said:

“Hi, I had a doctor friend, she used to monitor her saliva under the microscope. She had 3 children, all of them “planned” this way. I believe you can even buy these saliva ovulation tests.”

I was very excited about that method, but couldn’t get any results–I was really looking forward to seeing the “ferning” pattern, but it never appeared. (I was also doing symptothermal at the time.) I wouldn’t recommend that one on its own.

 

[Proud_mumma]

First off, thanks for all the advice and encouraging comments!

To answer some questions/comments…
We got pregnant on my fifth cycle after breastfeeding ended. The first two were short but when my fertile period started was consistent for all cycles. So I was able to judge giving an extra couple days of a safety net before fertility started. This even wasn’t enough

We chose billings as this is what we have been exposed to, by family and at our engagement encounter. We do not live in the states. I was told about the “5” day way by my kids pediatrician and just feel we need the extra days of precaution, when normal fertility returns. A friend who lives away has introduced me to creigton and this has made me more confident in my charting. Will also do temperature as another marker.

I can be a little too open at times but when you get pregnant right after gettin married people are bold and ask how. I’m honest about not using artificial BC. The people I talk to about our choice are those that come to me interested. They are interested in doing " the right thing" but are unsure. They love the idea of being open to life and totally to ones partner but have a hard time letting go of the control they have over their lives with BC. What amazes me is how so many women are not aware of how BC actually works, what it does to your body and the ( small) possibility of ending a pregnancy on it. But that’s a whole other thread!

We have help two days a week (thank God!) so household etc isn’t as daunting to me as some of you other super mummies. While my home isn’t as clean as I would like it it’s good enough for right now with little ones, who are top priority so housework isn’t as in depth all
The time. In time we will get more done. I have recently become a SAHM and am so grateful for that.

I pray more couples can be brave and dedicated like all of you and choose openness to life, despite how challenging it can be at times.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

As of now, for after this pregnancy, we have decided to ignore the pre peak rules of one day on and one day off and go with nothing 5 days before fertility (I have always been pretty regular with with fertility starts), during fertility and 5 days after. Is this safer or still “taking chances”.

I also use Billings and this is what we do: no intercourse 5-6 days before ovulation, and 4 days after instead of 3. So far so good - no pregnancy.

Although, I have done a bit of research and decided that Billings is not enough for me when TTA. (Go on any pregnancy forum or yahoo answers and see that women swear they got pregnant when there was no trace of mucous.) I have started charting my BBT in order to get more data on my cycle. This is my 2nd cycle temping and I feel more confident. I’m still learning, and it takes a few cycles to get a hang of it, but I think that adding something to the mucous method in order to double check is wise. (The Sympto-Thermal method also looks at the position of the cervix in addition to mucous and BBT, but I haven’t figured this out yet. It’s kind of confusing down there … )

 

[shainski]

I have absolutely no advice for you on methods to space your children.

However, I just want to say we had 3 under 3 - and then two miscarriages, and another 23 months later. (We’re a lot older than you, so we didn’t have to worry about a dozen)

But right now, we have kids in 3rd grade, 2nd grade, 1st grade and K4. There are so many blessings to having kids so close together.

We’re taking a long family driving vacation next week - and it is so wonderful that they are all on the same page with things we can do. Their friends are compatible - and their toys and clothes are interchangeable. They are built in play dates . They learn about sharing every day. While they do get on each others’ nerves from time to time - the worst punishment we can give them is to separate them. (“Fine, if you can’t get along - you go play upstairs, and you play downstairs” - that sentiment will bring tears to their eyes and demand that they have to be together).

If we choose to go to a museum or see a movie, we can entertain all of them at the same time.

Right now, I have to say - I don’t think we could have planned it better.

(But I do admit, that it was just this year that I started feeling like it is really getting easier when our youngest shed the diapers and started school).

 

[moon1234]

Hi everyone, first time posting so be kind!

Just wanted to know if there was anyone out there who has happened to have a few kids very close together and then be able to space their children better.

My husband and I have used The billings method since the start of our marriage (July 2010). Our second month of marriage I got pregnant and looking back I clearly wasn’t sure on how to chart! When our first was 7 1/2 months old I got pregnant again and to be honest we had “taken a chance”… Special occasion. While we were quite stunned with the first pregnancy we had a much more accepting approach as soon as we found out with our second. So we had a newborn and a 16 month old, full and very happy hands! We had “planned” to wait 2 years to have our first so things didn’t work out as we planned but we very much believe in that God ultimately has control and we accept His will.

Needless to say, with two little ones, we wanted at least 3 years till we went again. We had been very careful all during breastfeeding and waiting for fertility to return, even adding on extra days to the billings rules. When our second was 10 months old we got pregnant again. Even my instructor was baffled as to how. The act that did was during a very safe period, no chances this time!

This one honestly hit me hard… I’m trying to be an example to those around me, getting some young couples to actually try billings /nfp in their marriages but our getting pregnant so quickly and constantly is a big turn off for them! I won’t even get into the ridicule I get from others that makes this choice so hard. My husband and I are so dedicated to the billings and really did all we were supposed to so why doesn’t it work for us? We cannot continue at this rate. We do want a big family, 6 doesn’t scare us but the thought of 10 or more… Yes!!

I’m very scared for when after this baby is born. BC isn’t a choice for us, I especially have very strong feelings about them but I’m very scared that I’ll get pregnant again quickly we are clearly quite fertile!
Is there anyone who has been able to master the NFP and make it work for them? I need some encouragement that even with 3 close pregnancies we can be successful in trying to space the rest of our children. We are only 28 so there will be more!

As of now, for after this pregnancy, we have decided to ignore the pre peak rules of one day on and one day off and go with nothing 5 days before fertility (I have always been pretty regular with with fertility starts), during fertility and 5 days after. Is this safer or still “taking chances”.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel so blessed to be able to have these children, especially when I know it’s so hard for others, but constantly gettin pregnant is a problem as well. Also, even though this pregnancy has “hit me hard” I have been praying for this new little angel since I found out.

Any advice, experiences are welcomed!!

There is no 100% sure method. Keep in mind that sperm can live for up to a week inside the woman. It is not the norm, but it depends on the man. I am very happy for you. Congratulations on your family.

My wife and I have been married for 14 years and we have eight children. We have never used any BC (including NFP). We had a five year gap between number 3 and number 4. We did nothing to plan this. My wife had a few mis-carraiges in this time span. Whenever life seems stressful, just remember that some have heartaches because they cannot have children. Count your children as some of your best blessings.

 

[LilyRose_8891]

I can be a little too open at times but when you get pregnant right after gettin married people are bold and ask how. I’m honest about not using artificial BC. The people I talk to about our choice are those that come to me interested. They are interested in doing " the right thing" but are unsure. They love the idea of being open to life and totally to ones partner but have a hard time letting go of the control they have over their lives with BC. What amazes me is how so many women are not aware of how BC actually works, what it does to your body and the ( small) possibility of ending a pregnancy on it. But that’s a whole other thread!

We got pregnant one month after our wedding. When we announced our pregnancy, we faced a lot of “Wow, that was quick!” comments. I don’t think there was one person that did not say something about how we “must have been going at it like rabbits,” would we be able to handle getting used to living together and having a child all at once, that we were “good Catholics” who would have a dozen kids who would drive us insane… Not to mention relatives of ours who had a “honeymoon baby” who is now eleven years old, and other relatives are STILL telling stories about how she was born nine months after their wedding (snicker, snicker, snicker). Not sure why having babies is a joking matter. Children are the greatest blessing.

Congratulations to you and your family. Bless you for sticking to your principles and being open to life.

 

[moon1234]

We got pregnant one month after our wedding. When we announced our pregnancy, we faced a lot of “Wow, that was quick!” comments. I don’t think there was one person that did not say something about how we “must have been going at it like rabbits,” would we be able to handle getting used to living together and having a child all at once, that we were “good Catholics” who would have a dozen kids who would drive us insane… Not to mention relatives of ours who had a “honeymoon baby” who is now eleven years old, and other relatives are STILL telling stories about how she was born nine months after their wedding (snicker, snicker, snicker). Not sure why having babies is a joking matter. Children are the greatest blessing.

Congratulations to you and your family. Bless you for sticking to your principles and being open to life.

Whenever I hear this type of remark, about getting pregnant so quickly or often, from people I always have to wonder what type of guilt they are hiding? I have never felt guilty about the size of my family or how quickly or not we have had them. People sometimes ask us when we are getting a bus. I usually tell them we have a Mercedes Sprinter in our future. The “Mercedes” seems to shut them up. It will probably be an older model when/if we can afford one, but I have found that people that ask such questions are snobs.

If people are looking down on you or snickering, I have a useful retort:

Q: Why did you have so many kids? You must be constantly tired.
A: We are guaranteed that at least one of them will help us when we are old. It beats getting put in a home when your old if you only have one of two children.

OR

Someone will have to pay my social security. I figure with enough kids they will all take care of their parents in some small way. I can’t imagine what the burden would feel like if there were only a few kids.

Usually shuts them right up and makes them think.

The only COMPLIMENTS I have received, outside of the traditional Catholic circle, are from muslims. My wife and I CONSTANTLY get complimented and asked about our large family from the few muslims who work at the local big box stores. The wives usually ask my wife how she handles it? Is it great? She is so lucky. etc. etc.

It really makes us wonder what has happened to most Catholics when it is usually muslims who are complimenting us on our large family. If the current birth rate continues the way it is, Catholics will disappear over time simply by attrition. A population cannot be sustained by 2-3 children and it sure doesn’t grow.

 

[MomaMary8]

We cannot continue at this rate. We do want a big family, 6 doesn’t scare us but the thought of 10 or more… Yes!!

I’m very scared for when after this baby is born. BC isn’t a choice for us, I especially have very strong feelings about them but I’m very scared that I’ll get pregnant again quickly we are clearly quite fertile!

Any advice, experiences are welcomed!!

what’s wrong with 10? My advice is to take your fears to God and place them at the foot of his cross. His Grace is amazing when you open yourself to receiving it…

 

[moon1234]

Hi everyone, first time posting so be kind!

Just wanted to know if there was anyone out there who has happened to have a few kids very close together and then be able to space their children better.

My husband and I have used The billings method since the start of our marriage (July 2010). Our second month of marriage I got pregnant and looking back I clearly wasn’t sure on how to chart! When our first was 7 1/2 months old I got pregnant again and to be honest we had “taken a chance”… Special occasion. While we were quite stunned with the first pregnancy we had a much more accepting approach as soon as we found out with our second. So we had a newborn and a 16 month old, full and very happy hands! We had “planned” to wait 2 years to have our first so things didn’t work out as we planned but we very much believe in that God ultimately has control and we accept His will.

Needless to say, with two little ones, we wanted at least 3 years till we went again. We had been very careful all during breastfeeding and waiting for fertility to return, even adding on extra days to the billings rules. When our second was 10 months old we got pregnant again. Even my instructor was baffled as to how. The act that did was during a very safe period, no chances this time!

This one honestly hit me hard… I’m trying to be an example to those around me, getting some young couples to actually try billings /nfp in their marriages but our getting pregnant so quickly and constantly is a big turn off for them! I won’t even get into the ridicule I get from others that makes this choice so hard. My husband and I are so dedicated to the billings and really did all we were supposed to so why doesn’t it work for us? We cannot continue at this rate. We do want a big family, 6 doesn’t scare us but the thought of 10 or more… Yes!!

I’m very scared for when after this baby is born. BC isn’t a choice for us, I especially have very strong feelings about them but I’m very scared that I’ll get pregnant again quickly we are clearly quite fertile!
Is there anyone who has been able to master the NFP and make it work for them? I need some encouragement that even with 3 close pregnancies we can be successful in trying to space the rest of our children. We are only 28 so there will be more!

As of now, for after this pregnancy, we have decided to ignore the pre peak rules of one day on and one day off and go with nothing 5 days before fertility (I have always been pretty regular with with fertility starts), during fertility and 5 days after. Is this safer or still “taking chances”.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel so blessed to be able to have these children, especially when I know it’s so hard for others, but constantly gettin pregnant is a problem as well. Also, even though this pregnancy has “hit me hard” I have been praying for this new little angel since I found out.

Any advice, experiences are welcomed!!

What are you most afraid of? What others will say? Let us know what your main worries are and maybe we can help you by explaining how we dealt with it. Anyone with a large family has dealt with their share of growing pains, but we all made it though one way or another. You don’t have to do it all alone.

If you don’t have any serious problems, other than worry about more kids, then PLEASE do whatever you can to not worry. Loving your husband and your kids without worry will make you a much happier woman. It is so very hard to not try and control every aspect of our lives. This coming from a man who has OCD and control issues.

Go to confession, say a simple prayer “Jesus I trust in you!”. Say it three times each time you feel you are going to be overwhelmed with worry. He will help you and provide for you.

 

[Allegra]

There is no 100% sure method. Keep in mind that sperm can live for up to a week inside the woman. It is not the norm, but it depends on the man.

This is inaccurate. The lifespan of sperm has to do with the presence of appropriate cervical mucus and has little or nothing to do with the man.

 

[Kelfa28]

This is inaccurate. The lifespan of sperm has to do with the presence of appropriate cervical mucus and has little or nothing to do with the man.

Yes, sperm is sperm and it will try to do what it’s designed to do, regardless of the time of the month. Some men produce less sperm then other men but that doesn’t change the fact that sperm is there only to fertilize an egg.

The only reason why a man’s sperm can survive as long as it does is because a woman must be producing the correct and ideal environmental conditions inside of her body so that the sperm have a better chance of succeeding.

It’s more of less up to her for the sperm to work properly. Otherwise, the sperm will die off quickly or have no where to go or no egg to fertilize.

 

[shelby_sun]

Whenever I hear this type of remark, about getting pregnant so quickly or often, from people I always have to wonder what type of guilt they are hiding? I have never felt guilty about the size of my family or how quickly or not we have had them. People sometimes ask us when we are getting a bus. I usually tell them we have a Mercedes Sprinter in our future. The “Mercedes” seems to shut them up. It will probably be an older model when/if we can afford one, but I have found that people that ask such questions are snobs.

If people are looking down on you or snickering, I have a useful retort:

Q: Why did you have so many kids? You must be constantly tired.
A: We are guaranteed that at least one of them will help us when we are old. It beats getting put in a home when your old if you only have one of two children.

OR

Someone will have to pay my social security. I figure with enough kids they will all take care of their parents in some small way. I can’t imagine what the burden would feel like if there were only a few kids.

Usually shuts them right up and makes them think.

The only COMPLIMENTS I have received, outside of the traditional Catholic circle, are from muslims. My wife and I CONSTANTLY get complimented and asked about our large family from the few muslims who work at the local big box stores. The wives usually ask my wife how she handles it? Is it great? She is so lucky. etc. etc.

It really makes us wonder what has happened to most Catholics when it is usually muslims who are complimenting us on our large family. If the current birth rate continues the way it is, Catholics will disappear over time simply by attrition. A population cannot be sustained by 2-3 children and it sure doesn’t grow.

That is wonderful that you have the children you have. I had 3 under 4 years old and we decided to stop there. We are not wealthy, but we wanted to raise our children in Catholic school which is not cheap. We don’t go on vacations, eat out, eat fast food. My husband and I both work and take on extra jobs that come up. Luckily I only work part time at a Catholic high school so both my boys go free; however, my daughters high school costs us $15,000 a year. Not you might say we are not required to send our kids to Catholic school, but we are not required or encouraged By the Church to have large families.

To the OP, I think you and your husband need to take a honest look at what you both can handle and pray about it. If you cannot deal with the stress of having more children at some point, it is best for the one you have to stop. My mom had me by accident 8 years after she was done and it completely broke her. It took her 7 years to recover.