Having 3 under 3! Help! (Long)

[Rau]

what’s wrong with 10? My advice is to take your fears to God and place them at the foot of his cross. His Grace is amazing when you open yourself to receiving it…

I agree with your advice here.

But to respond to your question “what’s wrong with 10?”, the answer is “nothing intrinsically”. However, a couple may choose to, or feel they need to, exercise responsible parenthood through active decision-making, and I think that’s a perfectly fine approach. The OP has arrived at a view (for now at least) that “10” is not the optimal for her family, and so I can understand her anxiety about being able to space and or delay pregnancies.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

There are NFP methods that have classes specifically for the postpartum period. Breastfeeding doesn’t mean infertility for every woman. Many women do still get pregnant while breastfeeding. Every woman is a little different, but the good thing is that there are several good NFP options out there!

 

[Anglewannabe]

I’m trying to be an example to those around me, getting some young couples to actually try billings /nfp in their marriages but our getting pregnant so quickly and constantly is a big turn off for them! I won’t even get into the ridicule I get from others that makes this choice so hard.

You sound like an amazing woman! And sadly, when we share our personal business, the majority of people will use it to hurt us. I am not trying to be negative, but it is a reality. I am not saying not to talk about it, I am simply saying if you choose to talk about it, be prepared for the rude comments and learn to brush them off.

And please I hope I say the following the right way. As for trying to be an example… What kind of example are you trying to be? You don’t have to be the marketer or advertiser for the billings method unless you are being paid a commission for every person you get to use the method. You (hopefully) will be (and I think you already are) an amazing example of a young woman who decided to trust God ! NFP is NOT about stopping pregnancy, it is about doing God’s will !

Sadly, I think NFP has in some cases become in the minds of practicing Catholics a way to prevent pregnancy will not sinning. It is taking away from the original intent that it is to follow God’s will and yes, perhaps reduce the number of pregnancies or space kids out. But it has NEVER been intended to divert Catholics from God’s will.

Angie

 

[hope21]

Congratulations.

We had 3 under 3 and it was a whirlwind to begin with and there were lots of questions such as ‘do you not have a TV in your house’!

But it got much easier after the first few months and they are now 7,5 and 4. It’s great that they are so close in age as they want to go to the same places and do similar things (makes for easy holidays).

Would love another baby, but even though it seemed getting pregnant was easy, it hasn’t turned out that way.

Enjoy every moment with your little ones, as they grow up so fast.

 

[Rau]

NFP is NOT about stopping pregnancy, it is about doing God’s will !

Sadly, I think NFP has in some cases become in the minds of practicing Catholics a way to prevent pregnancy will not sinning. It is taking away from the original intent that it is to follow God’s will and yes, perhaps reduce the number of pregnancies or space kids out. But it has NEVER been intended to divert Catholics from God’s will.

Angie

Could you explain you thoughts further? What is the “original intent” of NFP to which you refer? To what aspect of God’s will do you refer, and how does NFP relate to this?

 

[Anglewannabe]

Could you explain you thoughts further? What is the “original intent” of NFP to which you refer? To what aspect of God’s will do you refer, and how does NFP relate to this?

That nothing artificial is being done to stop pregnancy and that the couple is open to life

 

[AnnieHill]

Oh geez, I have a 17 month old and 2 year old, so I feel your “pain” but really, congratulations.

Buy a fertility monitor-- you can track your cycles and it will indicate your fertile days. Yes, expensive, but generally speaking, pretty reliable. Also, have you read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility-- it really instructs a woman on how to VERY closely monitor and understand her cycles. It’s a great resource. Most of this stuff is for GETTING pregnant but it would have to work both ways right?

I wanted more children but my husband said no.

He is not Catholic and when our daughter was 4 months multiple tragedies struck in my side of the family that frightened everyone he scheduled an appt. to get clipped and I didn’t stop him from going. It’s something I often talk about with God. I think the consequences and “punishment” have already started in the knowing that I’ll never have any more babies.

 

[Rau]

That nothing artificial is being done to stop pregnancy and that the couple is open to life

No problem with that, but your earlier remarks still leave me perplexed. As I see it, NFP has 2 potential purposes: optimize chance of pregnancy, or minimize it in order to regulate number and timing of births. Do you see it differently?

 

[MomaMary8]

I agree with your advice here.

But to respond to your question “what’s wrong with 10?”, the answer is “nothing intrinsically”. However, a couple may choose to, or feel they need to, exercise responsible parenthood through active decision-making, and I think that’s a perfectly fine approach. The OP has arrived at a view (for now at least) that “10” is not the optimal for her family, and so I can understand her anxiety about being able to space and or delay pregnancies.

My response was to the OP who is “scared” at the thought of 10 but fine with the idea of 6. She needs to realize that fear does not come from God. Hope and faith come from God. God will give her the strength to manage the size family He blesses her with as long as she follows His will in her life (this means more than just fertility, but all aspects of living her life. ie: work, prayer, education, jobs, spending, etc) Babies usually come one at a time. Sometimes lucky people have multiples. Few have 10+ even if they try and only miniscule amount hit the level of a reality TV show.

Please let’s not derail this thread into a NFP debate and discussion of “responsible” parenthood. Let us help this woman in need understand that following God’s will is the best thing she can do in life…She must discern that through prayer and spiritual guidance, not internet guidance.

To the OP Congratulation on #3. I also had a 3 under 3 at one time. It was a blast, and the three are all in high school now. The 3rd of that “bunching” has just been put in the gifted and talented program. I’m so glad God blessed me with him! His will is amazing when you following it to the end! I am simply excited to see what he will do with all his talents!

God bless.

 

[Rau]

My response was to the OP who is “scared” at the thought of 10 but fine with the idea of 6. She needs to realize that fear does not come from God. Hope and faith come from God. God will give her the strength to manage the size family He blesses her with as long as she follows His will in her life (this means more than just fertility, but all aspects of living her life. ie: work, prayer, education, jobs, spending, etc) Babies usually come one at a time. Sometimes lucky people have multiples. Few have 10+ even if they try and only miniscule amount hit the level of a reality TV show.

Please let’s not derail this thread into a NFP debate and discussion of “responsible” parenthood. Let us help this woman in need understand that following God’s will is the best thing she can do in life…She must discern that through prayer and spiritual guidance, not internet guidance.

To the OP Congratulation on #3. I also had a 3 under 3 at one time. It was a blast, and the three are all in high school now. The 3rd of that “bunching” has just been put in the gifted and talented program. I’m so glad God blessed me with him! His will is amazing when you following it to the end! I am simply excited to see what he will do with all his talents!

God bless.

I don’t disagree with what you say and that advice is relevant. But it is not the only relevant advice.

The OP asks about NFP and the success of others in using it, and clearly seeks a little more confidence that she and her husband will be able to exercise some control over the spacing and number of their children. That objective need not be discarded in the course of adopting trust in God or in following his Will.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

That nothing artificial is being done to stop pregnancy and that the couple is open to life

With NFP *nothing artificial is being done *that prevents pregnancy, and the couple is thus open to life. Even if they are not desiring as many babies as the woman can possibly have.
Women are increasingly being guilt tripped with this ‘contraceptive mentality’ nonsense. The church does not teach that.

 

[gardenswithkids]

We have had three under three but did it the other way. We spaced our children farther apart, and then had several closer together.

Three under three is difficult–especially at young ages, but frankly, parenting an only child or children spaced far apart is also a challenge. With children closer together, it gets easier as they get older. For instance, they can participate on the same sports teams and share activities. With lots of siblings as peers, there can be a sort of positive “peer pressure”. Potty training was much easier. One of mine learned to read simply by observing the work I did with the next oldest. It’s harder to move a group, but once that group is moving in the way you want, it has momentum to keep going.

I tell you that because you sound afraid of having more children. Looking back now, I remember how crazy it was with three under three. But it was good–very good.

You say you want to be an example to people. There are lots of people who successfully space their pregnancies, but there aren’t nearly as many caring for large amounts of small children well. If you can handle your small children well, then you will be a terrific example.

If you want suggestions on managing several small children, there are moms here who have been there, done that. Just ask if you need some support. We know it’s tough, but it gets easier.

 

[Proud_mumma]

Thank you everyone!
Sorry for the late response but my son and I have been sick
I see nothing wrong if a family chooses to have 10 children, or if they didn’t choose it but that happened and they are happy with it. Personally, at this point, I can say my husband and I don’t want that… of course, God’s will be done. Even though I get lots of comments from people, what they think doesn’t bother me. It can get frustrating but that’s all. In terms of parenting 3 under 3 I don’t have any worries. There will be good days and bad but with God’s help we will get through it!

Education, especially university, is very expensive where we live. Already we will have 3 in University at the same time. Not a worry now and thankfully my husband is the calming force and assures me it will be fine.

To the poster whose mother took years to recover after an unplanned pregnancy… I can honestly say if I were to get pregnant quickly again after this one I don’t know how I would react. I did cry for a week after finding out about this baby. Not crying cause I didn’t want our child, but more overwhelmed and being upset about if NFP just wouldn’t work for us and how are we going to handle the remaining fertile part of our married life. Personally I know that, mentally, I will not be able to handle another quick pregnancy after this one… and I think that’s ok to say. We each know what we can handle and it shouldn’t be held against us.

We don’t believe being open to life means getting pregnant as often as possible. We are living our married life in a way that if God chooses to send us another angel we are open to it, even when He sends them a little faster than we would have chosen for ourselves. But we know that He knows better and accept that with love.

I have gone to a new doctor who, thankfully, is supportive of NFP. My previous doctor, when I went for my first visit with this baby, said “You need to get on BC or you will have another 9 children”. I hold nothing against him, I understand his concerns and reasoning. The new doctor just said “We need to look over your understanding of NFP, maybe make some adjustments to what you are doing to make this work for you”. Explaining how I got pregnant with this one though she even commented “This one was just meant to be”. Being so accustomed to everyone drilling BC at me this was a breath of fresh air and gave me hope! God works in mysterious ways
That one visit made me feel confident again that we can make this work because even though we are open to life we have plenty years again to be open to it! For our sanity, right now, a little break is necessary. Along with these pregnancies there have been a lot of ups and downs within my extended family. A little stability will be nice for a while.

Also, we have never had the chance of “Hey, lets have a baby!”. Personally I would like to (just once!) reach a point where we decide it’s time for another one. I don’t know if anyone can understand that… I know it’s a bit weird. We are very blessed that we haven’t had to try for the angels we have. One day though I’d like to have that conversation with my husband and then, with God’s will, have another. Please no negative comments against that!

Thanks again to everyone for sharing your stories and encouragement!

 

[momtomanykiddos]

We had our first three kids in three years. The first two were about 27 months apart…then babies two and three were 14 months apart. That was hard. Especially because I deliver my kids by cesarean.

We have six kids now, and the last three children were all about three years apart. I do not ovulate while I’m nursing. I am unusual, I know that, but I did not nurse my first two children, but did with the third and had a trained NFP teacher review my charts every month until I ovulated. I found that the longer my babies sleep and nurse less at night, the bigger chance of fertility returning.

Lots of little ones is indeed hard. I remember those days (or don’t really…lol),those “little” ones are now almost 13, 10, and 9 (then 6, 3, and 6 months…we lost a baby too). Those older ones are very close. They fight a lot too…LOL. But they love each other and are each others best friends.

I would have a trained NFP teacher review your charts weekly and monthly. And abstain if there is any question about fertility. We would offer up that time for our children’s chastity for when they were teenagers/young adults.

 

[Proud_mumma]

I would have a trained NFP teacher review your charts weekly and monthly. And abstain if there is any question about fertility. We would offer up that time for our children’s chastity for when they were teenagers/young adults.

Very good idea! The last bit. I do have someone that helps me and I called on her a lot during my “fertility returning” stage. My kids sleep through early, by 3 months and my milk starts to deplete I have had to stop breastfeeding by 6 months as there isn’t much there. So between her and my new doc I’ll have lots of help! Plus the fact my husband and I already know we will be doing extra “waiting” for a while.

Thank you for sharing.

 

[Kindness]

Hello a Proud Mumma I just wanted to tell you about a very popular blogger called Jennifer Fulwiler. When they got married she was a lifelong Atheist and her husband Joe, a non practicing extremely lukewarm Christian. They both had an intense conversion and entered the Catholic Church in 2005. They became open to life and now have six children 9 years old and under.

Her blog is ConversionDiary.com and is very faithful but also very hilarious and real. She does not gloss over the chaos and exhaustion of having lots of young children but she also reveals the joy and fullness of life when surrounded by literally lots of little lives. She also blogs for National Catholic Register.

Are you in the UK?

 

[Proud_mumma]

Thanks! Will check out the blog
No, not in the UK, I live in the Caribbean.