And that kind of “faith” is what I do not have. Presumably God did not endow me with it. I see no difference between that kind of faith you mention and simple wishful thinking. See Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
I realize we are getting away from the OP, but because this is so important, I’m glad for it. As a former agnostic-atheist, I relate personally to your conclusions and rejections of faith - I once concluded and rejected it all too.
The passage from Hebrews that you quote is exactly right, of course - it is true, in the deepest sense of the word. I think your interpretation is not really to the heart of it, but the verse is very important. The Greek word you’ve translated “confidence” here - “faith is
confidence in what we hope for…”, the Greek word
hypostasis, literally means “substance,” “being” (as translated in Hebrews 1:3), or “reality” (as translated in Hebrews 3:14):
In Heb 1:3, Jesus is the very “nature” (
hypostasis - the substance, the being) of God!
In Heb 3:14, “We have become partners of Christ if only we hold the beginning of the
reality (hypostasis) firm until the end,” (NAB)
Faith, in other words, is
substantial. It is a supernatural “substance” - it has “reality”. Faith is far more and other than mere “thinking”, wishful or not. A thought is like a breeze of the wind; it is felt for a moment and is gone. Faith is a substantial, supernatural
reality that gives us “confidence”, true: strong confidence. Confidence so strong that a man would live by it! So strong he would die to remain true to it.
The rest of the 11:1 verse that you quote, faith is “the
assurance about what we do not see.” The Greek word translated “assurance” here,
elenchos, is usually translated “evidence” or “proof” - that which
confirms what we believe to be true. Faith is the interior supernatural reality in the soul that confirms - proves - what is unseen and unseeable by the natural eyes, that we believe to be true about God.
Faith, then, is something of substance, and with it comes a way of seeing beyond physical vision - of another order than the natural, material and temporal. And it is most probably true that God has
not yet “endowed” you with this gift. It is a gift! It is not a mere conclusion or deduction. It is an insight into the core and essence of things (a
seeing in a sense, of God) that confirms - that “proves” - the real hope in us for light, for life, for truth.
I hope you will never lose the hope in you for
truth! It is good to disdain mere “wishing” - but hope is far different and deeper than wishing. God placed in us hope, to move us toward Himself - toward the God who made us, and who ever calls us into blessed communion with Him in Jesus Christ.