Having a Roomate of opposite sex

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elohimrules

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Hi Everyone,

Just wondering what your thoughts are on this? Is there a church teaching on this topic? I have a best friend of 15 years who has invited me to stay as roomates with him for as long as I want. I can’t afford to live alone and as he is my best friend this seems like a good option to me. There would be nothing sexual in the relationship. We love eachother as friends, family, and we love each others company. I know he would never try anything on me, etc. He is an agnostic but very respectful of my Catholic faith.
 
No. This isn’t a good idea at all. Even if you manage to room together chastely, the majority of people are going to think you are sleeping with this man. Find a friend of the same sex to room with or find a cheaper apartment.
 
Hi, in my opinion even though its common in our culture, it is not proper. It could be an occasion of sin or give scandal to others. Also it is immodest in a way. I would advise against it… I have lived with other girls as roommates for a few years now and I found good Catholic girls to live with. I would recommend that instead 🙂 God bless!
 
elohimrules said:
Hi Everyone,

Just wondering what your thoughts are on this? Is there a church teaching on this topic? I have a best friend of 15 years who has invited me to stay as roomates with him for as long as I want. I can’t afford to live alone and as he is my best friend this seems like a good option to me. There would be nothing sexual in the relationship. We love eachother as friends, family, and we love each others company. I know he would never try anything on me, etc. He is an agnostic but very respectful of my Catholic faith.
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It not a good idea. One reason, it sets a bad example to younger children you may or may not know.

For example: Let’s assume it’s ok for you to live in the same apartment with him, sharing a bathroom, kitchen, etc… Then, what would be wrong with sharing a bedroom with separate beds? If a persona can rationalize sharing an apartment with separate bedrooms, then other are able to rationalize sharing the same room with separate beds.

Furthermore, living in that kind of proximity could lead to feelings for one another; which would then make the situation very complicated.

I would strongly advise you against it. And if you were forced to do it, consider it very temporary. Find another living situation as quick as possible.

God Bless!

BTW - living with us men can be very frustrating for our wives… let alone someone you are not committed to for the rest of your life 😃
 
If there was a genuine emergency situation and only for a short, defined period of time, I think it would be OK. But as an open-ended, sure, let’s just be roomies because we’re friends type situation? I would not go for that with a person of the opposite sex.
 
elohimrules said:
Hi Everyone,

Just wondering what your thoughts are on this? Is there a church teaching on this topic? I have a best friend of 15 years who has invited me to stay as roomates with him for as long as I want. I can’t afford to live alone and as he is my best friend this seems like a good option to me. There would be nothing sexual in the relationship. We love eachother as friends, family, and we love each others company. I know he would never try anything on me, etc. He is an agnostic but very respectful of my Catholic faith.
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As long as it’s non-sexual, I believe it would be OK, and I do not think there is a Church teaching on this. Christ certainly had no trouble interacting with the opposite sex, and so it seems just a matter of degree. I also have to wonder where Christ slept when He visited Mary and Martha.
 
Robert_Sock said:
As long as it’s non-sexual, I believe it would be OK, and I do not think there is a Church teaching on this. Christ certainly had no trouble interacting with the opposite sex, and so it seems just a matter of degree. I also have to wonder where Christ slept when He visited Mary and Martha.
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It was different then, as He would not have been sleeping “with” either of them.

He did not travel alone, and it’s hard to “give scandal” with 12 other pairs of eyes on oneself.

In the culture we have now, male and female living together who are non-family automatically trigger the scandal alarm.

We are to avoid that.

ICXC NIKA.
 
It’s problematic, and not the best idea.

I had a co-ed apartment when I was in Europe and there were no issues. However, if you find this guy even the slightest bit physically attractive or vice versa, then I"d advise against it. Only do so in an emergency probably.

I personally would probably prefer having a female housemate but I could see problems with it, too.

The above post was telling…
Furthermore, living in that kind of proximity could lead to feelings for one another; which would then make the situation very complicated.
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Try your best to find some gals to share a place with.
 
GEddie said:
It was different then, as He would not have been sleeping “with” either of them.

He did not travel alone, and it’s hard to “give scandal” with 12 other pairs of eyes on oneself.

In the culture we have now, male and female living together who are non-family automatically trigger the scandal alarm.

We are to avoid that.

ICXC NIKA.
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Would them living together be sinful? If so, why? It’s a common occurrence in college.
 
GEddie said:
It was different then, as He would not have been sleeping “with” either of them.

He did not travel alone, and it’s hard to “give scandal” with 12 other pairs of eyes on oneself.

In the culture we have now, male and female living together who are non-family automatically trigger the scandal alarm.

We are to avoid that.

ICXC NIKA.
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Scandal just seems like a nice word for nosy neighbors who assume the worst. If people would mind their own business and worry about themselves, we wouldn’t have to worry about this.
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
Scandal just seems like a nice word for nosy neighbors who assume the worst. If people would mind their own business and worry about themselves, we wouldn’t have to worry about this.
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Yeah, and if that chick who talked to snakes had just minded her own business, we’d all be immortal and nekkid.

We have to live life in the world of our reality, not our wishes.

ICXC NIKA
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
Scandal just seems like a nice word for nosy neighbors who assume the worst. If people would mind their own business and worry about themselves, we wouldn’t have to worry about this.
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Scandal really isn’t about the nosy neighbor. It’s really about the impressionable children & young adults who see into our lives. When they see us setting the example for what is acceptable and what isn’t, it has an affect on them.

Scandal happens when our example leads someone to sin.

It’s something that our society doesn’t want to accept anymore, but it’s true that our sinful and/or scandalous actions have an affect on others.

God Bless
 
Robert_Sock said:
Would them living together be sinful? If so, why? It’s a common occurrence in college.
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Commonplace and sinful can very easily go together.

Forgetting about scandal for the moment, a young man and woman living together place each other in a near occasion of sin. This is a sin in itself.

ICXC NIKA
 
It sounds like you are both mature adults who respect each other and have a platonic relationship. There is no reason that I can see not to share accommodations. I don’t really care what others think in general. I live my life as I see fit. I agree with the comment about scandal equating to noisy neighbors or friends.
 
elohimrules said:
Hi Everyone,

Just wondering what your thoughts are on this? Is there a church teaching on this topic? I have a best friend of 15 years who has invited me to stay as roomates with him for as long as I want. I can’t afford to live alone and as he is my best friend this seems like a good option to me. There would be nothing sexual in the relationship. We love eachother as friends, family, and we love each others company. I know he would never try anything on me, etc. He is an agnostic but very respectful of my Catholic faith.
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Do you have separate rooms and/or beds, but share an apartment? I think this would work well, especially if your relationship is and will stay platonic. If you feel the arrangement might lead to the occasion of sin, then it might be better if you didn’t share an apartment.
 
GEddie said:
Commonplace and sinful can very easily go together.

Forgetting about scandal for the moment, a young man and woman living together place each other in a near occasion of sin. This is a sin in itself.

ICXC NIKA
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It would likely not be an occasion of sin for everyone. Heck, just glancing at a woman jogger could easily become an occasion of sin for some, but not others.
 
GEddie said:
Yeah, and if that chick who talked to snakes had just minded her own business, we’d all be immortal and nekkid.

We have to live life in the world of our reality, not our wishes.

ICXC NIKA
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I blame her every time I am doubled over in pain during that time of the month.

In this reality, I mind my own business. It’s really easy to avoid neighbors.
 
It’s a cause of scandal.

Others, especially the young, will assume it’s OK. It’s not.

Ed
 
phil19034 said:
Scandal really isn’t about the nosy neighbor. It’s really about the impressionable children & young adults who see into our lives. When they see us setting the example for what is acceptable and what isn’t, it has an affect on them.

Scandal happens when our example leads someone to sin.

It’s something that our society doesn’t want to accept anymore, but it’s true that our sinful and/or scandalous actions have an affect on others.

God Bless
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Someone can see me at a bar, see that I have a beer and ASSUME that it’s fine for Catholics to get drunk. I didn’t get drunk, but my innocent beer at the bar could possibly lead someone to drink more than what they are supposed to. Not my fault someone is stupid and didn’t learn on their own.

It isn’t like this person would be showing her new house to Suzie and her girl Sally and say, “This is mine and my boyfriend’s room.” She would say, “that’s Jack’s room on the left. Oh and come look at this super new comforter I just bought for my bed!”
If Sally thinks that it’s OK for her to sleep at her boyfriend’s house in his bed because of this, then she’s messed up, not the OP.
 
As a catholic or christian its a mortal sin

Co habitation even if nothing happens is ALWAYS a mortal sin, because its also a sin of scandal
(bad example, rumours, other people gossipping)
People will assume its okay even if you say nothing sinful is happening

Also, the bad spirit can interfere
temptations etc
elohimrules said:
Hi Everyone,

Just wondering what your thoughts are on this? Is there a church teaching on this topic? I have a best friend of 15 years who has invited me to stay as roomates with him for as long as I want. I can’t afford to live alone and as he is my best friend this seems like a good option to me. There would be nothing sexual in the relationship. We love eachother as friends, family, and we love each others company. I know he would never try anything on me, etc. He is an agnostic but very respectful of my Catholic faith.
Click to expand...
 
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