Another Catholic married to a non-Catholic here. We’re going on 10 years for the record.
First off, I commend you for discussing this before the marriage and for looking for advice.
Recently, my boyfriend and I have been discussing the possibility of getting married. I am Catholic; he is non-denominational Christian. He has been supportive of me in my faith and has gone to church with me several times, and I have gone with him as well, however he makes it obvious that there are things about the Catholic Church that he is uncomfortable with. He dislikes all of the “rules” and the formality of the mass and does not understand why you must be Catholic to receive the Eucharist. At his church, people dance and sing and are much more enthusiastic about their praise than he sees at mass.
Anyway, I told him I always wanted to get married in my home church, because that is where my parents were married and where I grew up, etc. He was fine with all of that, until I told him that by being married in the Catholic Church, we would have to promise to raise our children Catholic as well.
Deal breaker here!!! As a Catholic you are obligated to raise the children up in the Faith. What happens when you have that discussion with your priest during Pre-Cana and he ask your boyfriend if he has a problem with you raising the children Catholic? I remember our priest asking dh and I this question. Do you honestly think the priest will tell you to go ahead and get married when your boyfriend says he does not want his children raised in the Faith?
This is the biggest issue here. I know we could get a dispensation and get married in a different church if he really insisted upon it, however the issue of how to raise the children in their faith still remains.
Do not automatically assume that it will be this easy to get a dispensation to marry outside the Church. What happens if you apply and are denied?
I know some of you may be thinking that if he truly loved me and truly wanted to be with me, he would be willing to do that for me, yet I cannot ask him to go against his faith either. This is a serious issue that has come up. I cant imagine life without him or finding another partner simply because we cannot agree on which religion to raise our children. I would be willing to compromise and take our children to both churches and allow them to choose which religion they would like to be a part of when they are older, however I would still like them to receive the sacraments.
I don’t believe that you have to be Catholic to go to heaven. I believe that if you find in your heart **the faith that best suits you **and that you feel is the best way for you to demonstrate your love of God and to do His will accordingly, then that is the religion you should be. For me, however, I feel that Catholicism is my answer.
:dts: Having faith is not like buying a pair of shoes. You faith should not conform to you. YOU should conform to your faith. In other words you should be willing to conform yourself to the will of God, not vice versa. We are called to become more like Christ. Christ does not become more like us.
Basically, I don’t know what to do. I feel that this issue is standing in the way of me getting my happily ever after…and yes, it is a big issue. However, I cannot choose who I fall in love with. He is a good man (despite his disinclination towards the Church). He has a good family and would make a wonderfully loving father someday. I’m just at a loss for how to handle this without giving up my faith completely.
Thank you all and sorry that this is so long!
That is exactly what women in abusive situations say and it is how they end up trapped. This is not true! Love is an action, it is a choice, a decision that you make. It is not something that just blindly happens. You have the choice to either stay with this man or to let him go.
The key to a successful Catholic, non-Catholic marriage is the willingness and openness to learning about the respective Faiths. If he is not willing and open to learning about your Faith then I would say don’t marry him. Despite the fact that he has not converted my dh has an openness and willingness to learn.
Forgive me, but I don’t agree with your mother’s advice, God bless her soul. There are many Christians out there that truly love God but they do not have any respect and are decidely AGAINST the Catholic Church. Do you think your dearly departed mother would want you to marry an anti-Catholic who had no respect and had an actual hatred for your Faith even though they loved God and where a Christian?
There are a number of non-Christians out there that have far more respect for the Catholic Church than many Christians do. For myself personally, I would far rather my daughter be with a non-Christian who respects her Faith and was open to learning about it, than for her to be with a Christian who had no respect for her Faith even though he has an enormous love for God.
According to your last post and I see that your boyfriend is willing to listen to the Catholic perspective aka though Scott Hahn. This is a plus!
But if he still does not want the children raised Catholic after learning about some of the Church’s teaching then I don’t think you should marry him. How the children will be raised really is important.
