Heartbroken and quit RCIA

  • Thread starter Thread starter BlestOne
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
B

BlestOne

Guest
I was volunteering on our RCIA team but I quit last week. I am so so sad about my parish. There is so much dissension between the RCIA staff and the parish priest it is breaking my heart.

I don’t want to leave my parish because it isn’t about the people, it is about God, but these folks are really making me want to join the parish up the road. The problem is that if I do, it will be seen as disagreeing with the pastor and nothing could be further from the truth.

There is a big split in our parish over our new pastor. Many really really hate him because he is so much more involved than our last pastor and he isn’t afraid to say things about the tough subjects like abortion and divorce like the old pastor was. I love the pastor… he is exactly what I was praying for… but I can’t seem to do anything at my parish without hearing all the complaints about him from the people who are supposed to be in charge of different ministries. We are talking nuns and EMHC’s and lectors and the organist… it is sickening!

I have been upset about all this for a while now, but the icing on the cake was a rude phone call from the nun in charge of RCIA… she called and told dh and me not to bother coming to RCIA because the deacon was sick and the pastor wasn’t covering RCIA for him… well duh… he got back at 4 pm from a trip to the Holy Land… of course he was tired and couldn’t be at RCIA at 7 pm! I don’t even know why she would say that… it isn’t like she really wanted him there anyway… she just wanted an excuse to complain!

So, one of the other volunteers asked me why I wasn’t there… I didn’t go into detail, but I did let her know I quit because I was sick of all the rudeness and quite frankly, I was really disrupting my family life for this… it just wasn’t worth it! She said that the nun was going to call me and talk to me… I told her I wouldn’t hold my breath… good thing too… it’s been over a week…and she didn’t call.

I am so heartbroken over the whole thing. There is nothing more I feel I can do anymore. I feel totally unwelcome at things like RCIA. Sorry for the rant… I guess I just needed to get it out.
 
I would say that we should pray for your parish and the priest that they soon will know and understand each other better.

I pray that your priest always love them for who they are and they in return love him too - once he is loved, he can lead them well. But there are always some people who do not like their own pastor no matter how holy and good he is.

If you appreciate what your pastor does, send him some cards to show your appreciation; I think he will appreciate that.
 
The pastor and I have talked many times and I even gave him a copy of a letter I sent to the bishop when the dissenters advised us to write the bishop… I wrote to say thanks, not quite what they had in mind but honest…
 
If your priest is solid, then going to another parish won’t help things. He needs all the help and support he can get there from like minded people like you.

Hang in there - change is difficult for people. Hopefully they will all come around and realize he is teaching the Truth that they all need to hear and that their hearts and souls need to grow closer to Christ.

Talk to Father, and perhaps offer to write a small column for the parish bulletin that is a sort of Q&A about the Catholic Faith. Like, why do Catholics do certain things like kneel, or genuflect, or pray the rosary, etc. You come up with the questions. One question a week - short and simple. You maybe can work them from his previous week’s homily.

Anyway - hang in there, you are doing a good thing by sticking up for the Faith in such hostile circumstances. There is surely grace in doing so.

~Liza
 
BlestOne said:
I was volunteering on our RCIA team but I quit last week. I am so so sad about my parish. There is so much dissension between the RCIA staff and the parish priest it is breaking my heart.

I don’t want to leave my parish because it isn’t about the people, it is about God, but these folks are really making me want to join the parish up the road. The problem is that if I do, it will be seen as disagreeing with the pastor and nothing could be further from the truth.

There is a big split in our parish over our new pastor. Many really really hate him because he is so much more involved than our last pastor and he isn’t afraid to say things about the tough subjects like abortion and divorce like the old pastor was. I love the pastor… he is exactly what I was praying for… but I can’t seem to do anything at my parish without hearing all the complaints about him from the people who are supposed to be in charge of different ministries. We are talking nuns and EMHC’s and lectors and the organist… it is sickening!

I have been upset about all this for a while now, but the icing on the cake was a rude phone call from the nun in charge of RCIA… she called and told dh and me not to bother coming to RCIA because the deacon was sick and the pastor wasn’t covering RCIA for him… well duh… he got back at 4 pm from a trip to the Holy Land… of course he was tired and couldn’t be at RCIA at 7 pm! I don’t even know why she would say that… it isn’t like she really wanted him there anyway… she just wanted an excuse to complain!

So, one of the other volunteers asked me why I wasn’t there… I didn’t go into detail, but I did let her know I quit because I was sick of all the rudeness and quite frankly, I was really disrupting my family life for this… it just wasn’t worth it! She said that the nun was going to call me and talk to me… I told her I wouldn’t hold my breath… good thing too… it’s been over a week…and she didn’t call.

I am so heartbroken over the whole thing. There is nothing more I feel I can do anymore. I feel totally unwelcome at things like RCIA. Sorry for the rant… I guess I just needed to get it out.
Click to expand...
I suggest that you make a personal appointment with the pastor and explain all this to him, just so he understands your not quiting over him or his actions.
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
I suggest that you make a personal appointment with the pastor and explain all this to him, just so he understands your not quiting over him or his actions.
Click to expand...
I know you are right… truth is… he thinks this has all blown over, and as you can see, it hasn’t. I really don’t want to be the one to hurt his feelings anymore. It is pretty sad when you feel the need to tell your priest to watch his back because the people he should trust most are acting like this… do you see why this is so heartbreaking? Thankfully, there are several of us that feel this way, but we aren’t the squeeky wheels… kwim?
 
BlestOne said:
I know you are right… truth is… he thinks this has all blown over, and as you can see, it hasn’t. I really don’t want to be the one to hurt his feelings anymore. It is pretty sad when you feel the need to tell your priest to watch his back because the people he should trust most are acting like this… do you see why this is so heartbreaking? Thankfully, there are several of us that feel this way, but we aren’t the squeeky wheels… kwim?
Click to expand...
Sure, but also remember that what you are seeing is the human element in the Church.
 
You need to stay with RCIA. THe Catechimens need someone like you.
 
I know it’s tough, but as someone in RCIA I can say first hand I know they need faithful and knowledgeable people like you.
I would say that if someone starts talking about the priest when you are at church you should say something like,
“you know what, it sounds like you really need to get this off your chest, lets go to the pastor right now and you can tell him how you feel yourself. You know we don’t want to have gossip going around, how loving is that?”
Or you could just say, let’s pray right now. I know Christ love for us all is bigger than any of our differences.

Hang in there!
 
I think you need to quit being a weak, sensitive female and toughen up and get the job done. Run interference for him. Don’t let them criticize him in front of you. Use your head. Play dumb and make them explain their words. That’ll embarrass them and get them to thinking. There must be some goodness in them to do these jobs in the first place, find a way to reach it.

So if they say RCIA is cancelled because father won’t take the deacon’s place, don’t silently steam, laugh and say “Yes, some people probably think he’s superman but we know he can’t possilbly do it all.” Be clever. If they insult him, ask them what they meant. Especially if it’s a veiled insult. And remember to tell them about the things you think he did well.
 
Vanessa… Ouch… if you knew me at all you would know I am not a quitter or a “weak female” But, I will take it as encouragement.

I found out last night that our seminarian is home… I ran into his mom and I told her I needed to talk to him.

Last night dh and I talked about it too… he said the same thing… we both need to go talk to Father and maybe Jake too (our seminarian) and they would be able to give us good advice.

I was really looking forward to working with RCIA this year and so was DH… it just is so sad to both of us. Even DH said last night that he goes nuts when the deacon and the nuns give misinformation… and how he was glad that the new candidates were getting a better education than when he went through because Father does teach often.
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
Sure, but also remember that what you are seeing is the human element in the Church.
Click to expand...
Thank you… yes… and thankfully I can distinguish.

It would be so much easier if I didn’t like our pastor or if I agreed with the lay people in this whole messy dispute… but then you’d have to call me Cafeteria BlestOne… (bad attempt at humor)
 
gr8full said:
I would say that if someone starts talking about the priest when you are at church you should say something like,
“you know what, it sounds like you really need to get this off your chest, lets go to the pastor right now and you can tell him how you feel yourself. You know we don’t want to have gossip going around, how loving is that?”
Or you could just say, let’s pray right now. I know Christ love for us all is bigger than any of our differences.

Hang in there!
Click to expand...
hahahha… I can just picture me saying this to the nun that runs RCIA… that would be awesome! Great suggestion!
 
Vanessa said:
I think you need to quit being a weak, sensitive female and toughen up and get the job done. Run interference for him. Don’t let them criticize him in front of you. Use your head. Play dumb and make them explain their words. That’ll embarrass them and get them to thinking. There must be some goodness in them to do these jobs in the first place, find a way to reach it.

So if they say RCIA is cancelled because father won’t take the deacon’s place, don’t silently steam, laugh and say “Yes, some people probably think he’s superman but we know he can’t possilbly do it all.” Be clever. If they insult him, ask them what they meant. Especially if it’s a veiled insult. And remember to tell them about the things you think he did well.
Click to expand...
Great advice. I am just reading this thread and not a part of what the OP is talking about but I think we could all use this advice in those akward conversations that end up steered toward gossip.
👍
To the OP: I just want to encourage you to stick it out! I can totally relate to the pain and frustration of the challenges when discent is taught within you parish. Just think, if you stick it out and just ONE person comes to Christ who otherwise wouldn’t, you have more than succeeded. Even if you don’t see the fruits of your labors this side of Heaven, you will grow in holiness for your struggles!
 
It’s been said here before, but bears repeating. You need to go back to that RCIA program ! If nothing else, you have a responsibility to ensure that those who are coming into our faith are taught properly, and with the appropriate amount of respect for all clergy.

You are very lucky to have a priest who isn’t afraid to teach on difficult subjects. We need more just like him to help stop the despicable direction our entire culture is headed towards.

I’ve had the opportunity to meet a few priests from your diocese as I’m right next door in the Joliet diocese, and they were very good men. 2 in particular are on my “top 10 priest” list!
 
CV81 said:
It’s been said here before, but bears repeating. You need to go back to that RCIA program ! If nothing else, you have a responsibility to ensure that those who are coming into our faith are taught properly, and with the appropriate amount of respect for all clergy.

You are very lucky to have a priest who isn’t afraid to teach on difficult subjects. We need more just like him to help stop the despicable direction our entire culture is headed towards.

I’ve had the opportunity to meet a few priests from your diocese as I’m right next door in the Joliet diocese, and they were very good men. 2 in particular are on my “top 10 priest” list!
Click to expand...
I am betting one of them may be my pastor since he was up near the Joliet border at his last parish… and the other would possibly be my 2nd favorite priest ever… we should compare notes sometime…😉
 
Let me see if I understand this: people are getting mad at your priest for telling the truth on tough subjects?

Oh, and what does DH stand for?
 
damooster said:
Let me see if I understand this: people are getting mad at your priest for telling the truth on tough subjects?

Oh, and what does DH stand for?
Click to expand...
DH= Dear Husband

There was a big thing about the priest firing a woman and it all blew up… and people in charge of different ministries got mad because he is very hands on and our last pastor let them do as they pleased… basically they are mad because he doesn’t just let them do as they please. Some examples: our Choir Mistress… she used to do the kids liturgy Gloria with the clapping at EVERY mass…UGH! About 2 weeks after he got here, she was no longer doing it. He does the Kyrie instead of in English, and he also uses all of the different Eucharistic Prayers not just the short one. The woman who was fired had refused to give him keys to the office because he shouldn’t need them because the last pastor didn’t. The RCIA leaders didn’t want to bring up topics like NFP, abortion, adultery because they are unpleasant… he insisted on it. He insisted on teaching the hard stuff to the youth group too… chastity, etc… and the funny thing is… it was popular when he did it… but the people running these things are definitely more liberal than the new pastor.
 
Hate to hear your RCIA program is like that. And your new priest sounds great! As others have said, you should go back, jmho, as the candidates and catachumens need those who can teach or show them what is truly Catholic and not something that’s “out there in la-la land”. They deserve a good team, even if it’s just you and your DH. Do discuss it with your priest though.

A few years ago our RCIA team had some friction, and it was really rough for all. I’d hate for anyone to have seen it.

Hope it all works out! 🙂
 
I have decided to go talk to the priest when we drop off his Christmas present… he usually chats with dh and I when we bump into each other. I don’t want to make an appointment and take his time at work…being so close to Christmas and all…
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top