Heartbroken by divorce

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I totally agree with Eliza10 and Marietta. I don’t want my three children to go to sleepovers to my husband and his girlfriend, because I know that the values they have differ from mine and from the ones I’m trying to teach my children completely!!!
I’ve also found a little hard to know that my husband for whom i would have given my life, has never been my friend, and was never compromised with our wedding vows. It hurts a lot, but it has put me closer to God and for that I have to thank God. These shocks in ones’ life help you see clearer what really is important in life: if God is not first in your life you are not OK. Once He is first, you start feeling peace, knowing that you are not to blame, you did your best!!! Put your life and your son’s in God’s hands!!! God and time will help you heal. Use this time to grow closer to God, there is no rush, enjoy your baby NOW because they grow too fast!! Fill up your life with good memories because nobody nor nothing will take them away. I Know it’s very hard because it wasn’t our choise and it will affect all our lives!!! But God and you know that, so have faith and try to be very happy ALWAYS for your boy!! Things will get better, just be patient, cry all you want but try to do it away from your baby. You are your baby’s safety guard and example to follow. Pray for your husband because he is so lost that he doesn’t even know it.
And pray to God asking Him to increase your faith, and to help you go through this, and do offer your pain for wathever need you have. Pain will probably always exist but you can change a little the way it makes you suffer and be SURE that with God besides you it will be less.
 
NorCal73 said:
Thank you to everyone who replied. You can’t imagine how much it means to me that you would keep me and my son in your prayers. That is all we have now. Although my husband does not want to save our marriage at all, I will continue to pray to God to open his heart and eyes and realize what he is doing. And I pray that God will fill my heart with happiness again someday.
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NorCal, I am sorry you have to deal with this. I can understand on many levels. My father left my mother because other women treated him better. I’ve despised men that left their wives and children. Now I understand that we are all weak. I am weak. Some are weaker than others. Some may say that satin is punishing you for your strong faith. Or is trying to shake your faith. I don’t know. I just understand your pain on some level.

I pray that you find His Peace. That you can find a way to deal with what is happening. It takes two to go to Retrouvaille. It does not sound like he wants that right now. Hopefully, he’ll give up his pride and join you there someday. It really is necessary for your child that you and he to come to terms with what really happened. That only comes with communications. Retrouvaille will help you with that. I think you should keep track of your options there make him commit to such actions before you can move forward. Court can make it manditory as part of divorce, so keep that option open. Commitment comes with maturity. Some mature slower than others. Hopefully you will be able to enjoy it from your husband again someday.

For more prayers for your husband, you might try the Saint Monica’s thread. I understand your love for your husband. I know how that feels. I hope it and the Love God gives you remain as your guide in life. Everyone
 
NorCal73 said:
Thank you to everyone who replied. You can’t imagine how much it means to me that you would keep me and my son in your prayers. That is all we have now. Although my husband does not want to save our marriage at all, I will continue to pray to God to open his heart and eyes and realize what he is doing. And I pray that God will fill my heart with happiness again someday.
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NorCal, I am sorry you have to deal with this. I can understand on many levels. My father left my mother because other women treated him better. I’ve despised men that left their wives and children. Now I understand that we are all weak. I am weak. Some are weaker than others. Some may say that satin is punishing you for your strong faith. Or is trying to shake your faith. I don’t know. I just understand your pain on some level.

I pray that you find His Peace. That you can find a way to deal with what is happening. It takes two to go to Retrouvaille. It does not sound like he wants that right now. Hopefully, he’ll give up his pride and join you there someday. It really is necessary for your child that you and he to come to terms with what really happened. That only comes with communications. Retrouvaille will help you with that. I think you should keep track of your options there make him commit to such actions before you can move forward. Court can make it manditory as part of divorce, so keep that option open. Commitment comes with maturity. Some mature slower than others. Hopefully you will be able to enjoy it from your husband again someday.

For more prayers for your husband, you might try the Saint Monica’s thread. I understand your love for your husband. I know how that feels. I hope it and the Love God gives you remain as your guide in life. Everyone has the right to be treated with dignity. You deserve to be treated with dignity from your husband and you should make it clear you will accept nothing less. May you have the strength you need to get you through this. :crossrc:

Finally some advice about lawyers… You need a good one. Don’t worry about cost. It comes out of the settlement or can be paid over time. Ask about a what a restraining order can do for you to keep finances in order. This is kinda the time we have to talk about “tough love” in that he has chosen unwisely and it needs to be made apparent to him that he is not as in contol of things as he wishes.
 
marietta said:
hasikelee:

WHOA!! TWO GIANT STEPS BACK AND A BIG MEA CULPA!!

Maybe it would help if you addressed your post to a particular person. I was just going chronologically.

However, my posts have been directly relevant to the topic at hand. Have I worked privately on this issue? Most certainly. Yes, I divorced 19 years ago. Does that mean my processes and my experience have no validity here? I reserve the right to feel the way I genuinely feel about the demise of my “marriage” and the hateful pettiness which my ex-husband interjected into every aspect of the events. Do you think this stuff just goes away?

Anger is permissible on a public online forum. Without contrast, what can anyone learn? If everyone’s experience is the same, then just shut the whole thing down tonight - it is useless.

marietta
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Of course, marietta. I hope you will pardon my bite. I didn’t read through the thread, but just the original post itself.

The thing is, I don’t believe I would have recommended reading a self-help book in your particular situation. Dr. Harley’s book is a practical guide to developing skills in negotiation, honest communication and putting love to work as an action verb. Obviously, if one spouse is abusive, it’s not going to be much help.

There’s a difference between honing your ability to agree on which BBQ to attend and actual abuse in a relationship!
 
To the OP:
You and your little one will be in my prayers. A big (((hug))) to you from someone who knows what it’s like. 😦
If a divorce is in your future, my experience may be of some use for you to read:

My husband (whom I thought was wonderful, best friend, loved the Lord, etc) began an adulterous relationship with a married woman when I was pregnant with our 4th child (our oldest was 5 years old). I fought like a son-of-a-gun to save the marriage. That was almost a year ago. Now he has been living elsewhere for a few months, the divorce papers were recently served to him, and I will probably lose everything due to financial circumstances: our very modest house, stay-at-home-mom life, homeschooling, being able to consistently raise the kids catholic, even the breastfeeding relationship doesn’t hold up in these Courts…the baby will be included in the group with the other 3 children and no one will blink an eye when I protest to the baby and the other children (who have almost never been away from me) having to stay with daddy and his girlfriend for a week straight. I live with the knowledge that the “other woman” is loving playing mommy to my 4 very young and impressionable children every single time they are in my soon-to-be-ex-husband’s custody. There isn’t a darn thing I can legally do about it. He is trying to muddy my name and reputation. He is playing very dirty and it is utterly exhausting.

After all that, I would like to tell you that YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS!!! This time stinks royally, no doubt about it. There will be a time when you may want to (for yourself!) look back and honestly address any faults you had as a wife…but EVERY wife has faults and so does every husband. He is responsible for his actions. He is a sinner who needs God, and so is each and every one of us. (“There but for the grace of God…”)
There are times to feel like it’s the end of the line and you don’t think you can live through the next 5 minutes of this pain…and then there are times when you may feel like you are going to have an awesomely wonderful life, no matter what garbage floats around out there. You can only control you (repeat 5000 times ;)). That’s the truth. You can’t control what influence the father (and girlfriend/new wife/etc) have over your child. You can only do the best you can. There will be times to shut yourself alone in your bedroom and sob hysterically until your body is as exhausted as your heart, and there will be times to crank up your car stereo and sing at the top of your lungs with the wind blowing through your hair.

It’s okay to feel weak, it’s also okay to feel like a warrior (and everything inbetween).

As a new mommy, remember to entrust your child in God’s Hands daily. Remember his guardian angel, especially when the baby is away from you. God loves your little one even more than you do! He will provide opportunities for your child to turn into a saint…the ultimate calling of each of us. Trust in Him, don’t forget to check in with Him every day, and just do the best you can. God works wonderful things through seemingly hopeless situations.

LOVE and peace to you, my friend. Go give your child an extra hug. You will be okay.
 
SarahR, what scares me the most is the custody situation of my son, as you described with your children. My husband just handed me a copy of the divorce papers where he states he wants my son every weekend, all weekend long. That would leave me 2 1/2 hours on weeknights to spend with my son after work. That just can’t be right! Especially after my husband admitted that because of our son, he felt neglected and was fullfilled elsewhere. How does he even consider he has that right?

My husband also tried to justify his actions, and said that a lot of people get divorced, and that it’s not that big of a deal. That’s not rational thinking coming from someone who I always thought was a good Catholic. That’s what I’m afraid he will be teaching my son with his girlfriend. I’m so scared of the environment he’ll be in, and he’s only 13 months old. I want so much to be able to raise my son with good morals and values; to grow up to be a responsible, caring, and compassionate person. Someone who loves God above all else. And someone who keeps his moral obligations to his family. So, it scares me to death to think what other’s will be putting into his mind if he’s away from me for just one day.

My husband wants nothing to do with me at all, even after I was willing to forgive his infidelity; asking him to go to counseling or talk to a priest with me. So, I know there will be no reconciliation for us. Now I just pray to God that He will soften my husband’s heart and let me have sole custody of my son. I don’t know if that’s possible or what will end up happening, but my son is all I live for. I never wanted any of this for him.
 
duskyjewel said:
I said what I said in the hope that honest personal assessment would lead to greater understanding of why her marriage broke down and what her part in it was. The only reason I took the “neglecting her man” tack was because that was what her man told her! Why is it so impossible to take him at his word? His reaction to the situation, whatever it was, was WRONG. But it may be EXPLAINABLE. That was my point.
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Do you realize that most cheater/adulterers always blame the spouse for their actions? Do you realize that it is much easier to do that than to take responsibility for their OWN actions? Most of what comes out of the mouths of those leaving spouses is a result of justification and rationalization of their choice to break their vows.

The enemy is very limited in his lies to entrap people, and those lies are repeated across the nation on a daily basis with no fault forced unilateral (and probably unconstitutional, since there is no due process for the ‘respondent’). I have not yet heard a new one. The last “new one” I heard was when a woman I know personally was told after ten years and two children that he was, and always had been, gay. That was nearly fifteen years ago.

It was also the only time I have ever heard a cheating spouse own his own guilt, though it was a bit late. He is the only one that I had not heard blame the other spouse.

Yes, we who are left need to examine our own consciences, and make reparation if needed. But we are not to blame for the actions of our spouse when he/she chooses to cheat.

Do you know how many of my friends (male AND female) had sex with their spouses right up to the night before they were told "I don’t love you anymore… I found someone else’… ?? Do you know how many of those same friends have children the same ages as their spouse’s fellow adulterer?

I don’t care WHAT a spouse does or does not do. Adultery is not acceptable in any circumstance. Ever. The faithful spouse (Male or Female) is NOT guilty of anything that excuses the adultery of the other.

Not getting needs met? Then go to a counselor and learn how to effectively learn how to communicate those needs. Spouse won’t go? Then go alone. Let the counselor help to try to draw in that spouse, but you can still learn how to better communicate!

Adultery is a choice. It is made by one person. It is not the fault of the other half of a marriage. I know too many people who have become disabled after their wedding who remained faithful for YEARS until the death of their mate to buy that.
 
I really feel for you! You are in a very scary place right now. Ask and allow God to give you little breaks from this gripping fear. Don’t feel guilty if sometimes you feel like you’ll be okay…or even better than okay. And some times when you wish God would blast them with a lightening bolt. I think I am like the Jews who were anticipating a warrior-Savior who would destroy the enemies…God sent a much more powerful Savior, but completely different than what they were expecting. Sometimes I catch myself wishing that God would “allow” a car crash to happen (isn’t that horrible?!), or give the girlfriend a real wake-up-call so she’ll dump my husband, or even just convert my husband’s heart…but maybe those things will never happen.

During Mass, my church says the prayer for vocations, and I always think I would be honored if God called one of my little ones to be a priest/religious/deacon…but then I think, how could that happen when they are going to be co-parented by an adulterous couple? But that is just me and my peanut-brain trying to figure things out. God is sooo much bigger than our husbands, their girlfriends, their sins.

Maybe our children will be influenced by the immorality of their dads’ actions…maybe not. Maybe they will go wayward and have adult conversions and live out the rest of their lives for Christ…maybe not. But you can’t control that. You can only control YOUR influence. Try to be strong for your little boy. Easier said sometimes…

I hear ya about asking God to soften his heart and give you sole custody, that is my prayer too, but honestly I do not see that happening in my case. My husband (and his gf) want 50/50 custody too. So, I ask God to help me be tough when I need to be tough. And to give me breaks so I can just be Mom for a little while, and ENJOY my children in the meantime.

Have you ever seen the movie “Passion of the Christ”? I think there’s a part in the beginning when Christ quotes scripture, “Shelter me, O Lord”. I think of that scene often, mostly when I feel like the edge of despair for the immorality these innocent children are going to be exposed to.

Will keep you in my prayers!!!
 
I am true feel your pain. I know what you mean about being 1/2 of yourself. But you have to Praise God for all the good things in your life…daily! Embrase this situation and learn from it. Keep God close and pray. I will be praying for you too.

“Lord please heal her heart, and her bring love.”
 
NorCal73 said:
SarahR, what scares me the most is the custody situation of my son, as you described with your children. My husband just handed me a copy of the divorce papers where he states he wants my son every weekend, all weekend long. That would leave me 2 1/2 hours on weeknights to spend with my son after work. That just can’t be right! Especially after my husband admitted that because of our son, he felt neglected and was fullfilled elsewhere. How does he even consider he has that right?
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NorCal…if you have not already, get a good lawyer. There’s a BIG difference between what your husband wants and what he is going to get. If you ask for the moon in a divorce proceeding, you have room to negotiate down to what you really want.

Please, see a lawyer.
 
Do you have an attorney? I just want to let you know, that while that is what your husband is asking for, it is very unlikely that is what he is to get. There really is no way that a court is going to give one parent all of the fun time and the other parent all of the work. My ex actually asked for that as well. In all likelihood the most that he will get is every other weekend and one overnighter mid week, possibly even less due to the age of your son.

I do agree, it is outrageous that he is seeking so much custody after leaving the marriage due to being resentful of the attention that your son received. People can ask for outrageous things, but it doesn’t mean that a court will give it to him.

Don’t let this get you down. Take care of yourself and be the best mom that you can be to your son. Don’t get wrapped up emotionaly in all that your husband is throwing at you. It’s a tall order I know, but it can be done.

I know that you are a new Catholic. I am too. I don’t know if you are familiar with the Memorare. It is a very powerful and very comforting prayer.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.

Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
 
OP:

A good attorney is essential. Please be aware of a couple of mistakes that I made, the worst of which was failing to negotiate a college education for our daughter. That absolutely must be included in your negotiations, as well as medical coverage for your child.

Another consideration: have two car seats for the baby. My ex- used to drop our little one off at our home after visitation and drive away with the car seat still in his car. I couldn’t go get it because I had no car seat to put her in as I went to retrieve it! She and I were totally stuck at the house. He would not answer his phone or respond in any way.

The games they play - if they would apply themselves to the marriage with as much creativity and glee, who among us would be divorced today?

marietta
 
marietta said:
OP:

A good attorney is essential. Please be aware of a couple of mistakes that I made, the worst of which was failing to negotiate a college education for our daughter. That absolutely must be included in your negotiations, as well as medical coverage for your child.

Another consideration: have two car seats for the baby. My ex- used to drop our little one off at our home after visitation and drive away with the car seat still in his car. I couldn’t go get it because I had no car seat to put her in as I went to retrieve it! She and I were totally stuck at the house. He would not answer his phone or respond in any way.

The games they play - if they would apply themselves to the marriage with as much creativity and glee, who among us would be divorced today?

marietta
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I aggree with all of this. Get a good lawyer. I know it’s hard. But you will be glad you did. If your husband is giving you papers, it’s a clear indication that you don’t have one, yet. You must prepare to defend your son! Are you having trouble figuring out how to find one? Let us know how we can help!
 
To the OP I feel for you and what you are going through. I willkeep you in my prayers Lots of good suggestions and advice for a good attorney has been given and make sure that happens. Also, continue to care for yourself, baby and get good counseling for yourself as already suggested/adviced. I understand your fears about wanting to raise your son with good morals and values but; as you already know you have no control of the world and your husband’s action, so it will have to come from you. He will more than likely have visitation rights, so you need to prepare yourself for this. It will be hard but only prayers can help you get through this. Prayers for your child, soon to be ex-husband, girlfriend or whoever is going to be around influencing your son. I found myself obsessed with those thoughts when my children was with their father. The ex put up a front about wanting to have his children in his life and how he would follow through with the visitation and holidays and such. It was a scare tactic. When I received the peace to the answer to my prayers then I was able to live it in God’s hands and was able to survive the times when the children was with their dad. As soon as he found out that I was going on with life and had “a life” of my own then the visitation windled if not ceased. Not sure how it will turn out with your situation since everyone is different. I just know that once you get “a life” of your own then suddenly that grass that he left seems greener and would probably want to come back. I only dealt with him strictly about the children. Also, I tried as much as possible to deal with him only in writing or through the attorney. I bought an answering machine to screen the calls. He did not like this because he did not have control over me and my emotions. He tried to play with my emotions and am thinking your soon to be ex would do the same. Don’t allow him to do so. Get a good attorney, good counseling, and be in contol of what you can do. God bless in God speed.
 
SarahR said:
I really feel for you! You are in a very scary place right now. Ask and allow God to give you little breaks from this gripping fear. Don’t feel guilty if sometimes you feel like you’ll be okay…or even better than okay…

During Mass, my church says the prayer for vocations, and I always think I would be honored if God called one of my little ones to be a priest/religious/deacon…but then I think, how could that happen when they are going to be co-parented by an adulterous couple? But that is just me and my peanut-brain trying to figure things out. God is sooo much bigger than our husbands, their girlfriends, their sins.

Maybe our children will be influenced by the immorality of their dads’ actions…maybe not. Maybe they will go wayward and have adult conversions and live out the rest of their lives for Christ…maybe not. But you can’t control that. You can only control YOUR influence. Try to be strong for your little boy. Easier said sometimes…

I hear ya about asking God to soften his heart and give you sole custody, that is my prayer too, but honestly I do not see that happening in my case. My husband (and his gf) want 50/50 custody too. So, I ask God to help me be tough when I need to be tough. And to give me breaks so I can just be Mom for a little while, and ENJOY my children in the meantime.

… movie “Passion of the Christ”? …I when Christ quotes scripture, “Shelter me, O Lord”. I think of that scene often, mostly when I feel like the edge of despair for the immorality these innocent children are going to be exposed to.
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Sarah, you have given such good adivce, and yet you are in a terrible situation as well. Once thing you did not mention, which must be how you are able to get through this, is your time in Adoration. I see from your signature that its important to you and it is evident that God is pouring out His graces for you at this time.

My ex-husband wanted 50-50 too. Actually he wanted 100%, and told lies to support his accusation that I was crazy and this was neccesary. This is even though i was with him 24-7, never used babysitters, and when he was not at work he was hunting or workingin his shop, and I did all of the care, allof the feeding (bf 3 years too) and all of the diapers, etc.

The court made us all go through time-consuming psychological testing because of his strident and confident accusations that i was crazy. (Imagine beign questioned bout your sanity duringthe most shocking insanely crazy times of yuour life - and he’s all calm and composed because thats how liars and controllers are.). I was homeschooling so myhusband also tried to make a case that my son wasn’t learnign anything. I had never adminstered testing (just small tests for the work at hand) and my son was put through grueling long tests, which he still talks about as a horrible experience 4 years later!

But when he could not prove me crazy, the he demanded 50%. I had a very good lawyer. It cost me a lot. I lost my beautiful home, my stay-at-home mothers life, my homeschooling. But the sharp lawyer, though immorally expensive, was neccesary becauseor the immoral premises and ways of our court system which there is no way of getting around. To work with the system which we are thrown into against our will, we need to get the best lawyer the system has to offer.

I have worried the same things you have worried - how can my son become truly Catholic? What will he do without a good father/family example?

All of these worries have to go to the Lord! He will give you peace about it and take away your anxiety if it is not somethng you must worry about now. He will just give you your peace and the ability to think clearly in the storm.

Well I have to run. My break at work is over. It turned out that ther was no 50-50 which I protested. Too much change for my son who was used to me all the time. It is every other weekend, and was supposed to be some weekdays too but he moved out of state to live in girlfriends house after she got her husband out of it. So now its basically just every other weekend, plus some vacation time. It looked bad at first, but when he moved it was better.

Eliza10
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What is are going through now is not a easy thing. It is a process and things do get better (Hated hearing that):mad:

Why do people say that things are going to get better they are not feeling what I am feeling. Their husband has not left them for a much younger women. Here am I a 31 year old women that has done everything for her husband. That has given him 2 beautiful children. That has loved him even when he beat me to a pulp. Loved him when he said he was put underpressure to marry me (That was a lie). That abused me emotionally, Then told me 3months after my mother died that he wanted a divorce. Because he has met a much younger women. That prayed to God to make things right and he left that younger women and went to Retrouvaille and councelling but left because he did not like what the councellor was saying. That did not want me to have friends or family. That wanted to own me and control me. And still I loved him that in the marriage I had 4 breakdowns and was seing a Psychiatrist for 10 years. Been on medication for 10 years. Lying to people saying I walked into a wall or fell down or some such story. Still I loved my husband and still I stayed in the marriage. That after been together for 14 years and married for 8 years. Two years ago he met a 19 year old and left his family for this drug addict young thing. And he told me that we were not getting along that the marriage was not working out. That I was not giving him enough attention that I was doing 12345. Forgetting how this women has always been there through the abusive physically and emotionally and the cheating and lying and deceiving.

I feel for the OP she could not prevent her husband for doing what he did. The same way I could not prevent mine from leaving me 2 years ago. If he want out then he wants out and there is nothing that you can do to make him stay. Not for the chidren’s sake or for anything else. When these men want out the marriage they want out. You can go talk to whomever you want to that will never change. You cannot make him love you if he does not.

My ex did not bother to support the kids financially or to come and see them. Living with the teenager and taking care of their baby was more important to him than his kids. He has been gone two years now. He only starting paying child support a year ago but pays when he wants to. He only started coming to see the kids now. But there was nothing that I could do to prevent the kids from going there. To prevent the kids from been around the young 21 year old now and their child. The kids love their father and they wanted to go. And even though I feel that it is wrong I could not stop it. He is their father and they want to see him and spend time with them. I hurt and broke me to pieces I could not prevent it.

But you know what it does get better. By God’s grace and will. He has shown me in so many ways that he will never forsaken me. My ex was not the one for me. There is something better out there whether it is to be alone or with someone. I am better off. I could have been dead and buried now. I even tried to kill myself when I found out he had cheated again with a younger girl. But God guided me and showed me the way.

I know it hurts and no words is going to make it better. But know that there is people out there or are going through the same thing and have been through what you have been through. But know this that no matter what God is always on your side. And he is going to get you though this. That he on your side and that you must just let go and let God be your pillar of strength now. That you should surround yourself with people that love you and care about you. That you should not allow yourself to be depressed as you have a little boy who is looking to you for strength and guidance.

And that it is not your fault that this happened. That you should just take baby steps and soon things will be okay. That at the end of the day it takes two people to make a marriage and not 1. That you tried your best. That there is always two sides of the story. But I is obvious that you are suffering right now. And that you Hubby is playing the blaming game. It is easier to blame you so that he can feel justified for what he has done. That because you did 12345 it gave him permission to go and cheat and betray his marriage vows.

God loves you, no matter what.
 
Robaynne,

If you are receiving only sporadic support from your ex-husband, please contact Domestic Relations or its equivalent in your area and make arrangements for him to pay a regular amount every month. You may need to engage an attorney and sue him (which is what I did with my ex-husband), but the result with be more resources with which to enrich your children’s lives, a little more security for you, and a bold statement to your ex- that you will not be pushed around or dismissed. Where I divorced, if support was not paid the payor was subject to arrest and considerable jail time. No, maybe you don’t want him to disappear behind bars, but if you don’t step up and be strong for your kids you will be setting a dangerous precedent. And although the children may be too young to understand what’s going on, they can certainly feel the pinch when money runs low and they have needs (and even wants). Keep a ledger with documentation of monies owed, monies paid, and what the monies were spent on (in case he counters that you’re filling your closet with shoes when the kids new school clothes). Keep all receipts that pertain to your kids.

Single parenthood has its business aspect side to it. Be smart and be your kids’ advocate. That way you’ll have more time to spend with them as their mama.

marietta
 
I wanted to add one more thing. There is a very understandable expectation that for women in our situations, our lives are basically over, we should be overcome with despair, this is the worst thing imaginable, he is making the children suffer, etc…usually said by very well meaning, protective and loving people who have seen you in pain. Sometimes those influences can keep you feeling down.

There’s a time to hear those things…but then you might come to a time when it is more important to surrender those fears to God and let people tell you that YOU WILL BE OKAY, your life is not over, your son’s future is not hanging in the balance, you are not half a person and your son’s future is not doomed.
God can open windows for you. This is a time when your faith is tested, and it’s not going to be easy or fun, pruning never feels good.
Re-read psalm 139, and remember God’s love and knowledge of your son. God knew he would have to grow up in this situation. He can give you everything you need to become the godly mommy your son deserves.

Prayers my sister! :gopray:
 
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