I just went today…nothing really changed
Don’t give up!
Sometimes in the spiritual life it takes an act of faith. But it goes a little deeper each time. I don’t know if this applies to you, and I’m sorry if it doesn’t, but it feels right so I’ll just put it out there just in case.
At first when you act on faith there is a lot of spiritual consolation. The “acting on faith” was the step towards deeper faith. It encourages us to keep acting on faith, trusting in the Lord. But then we begin to rely on the consolation.
As we progress in faith, that consolation is at times not palpable—and for our experience it seems as if it is withheld. This is so that we are still acting on faith, not acting on a sort of reward system. If we stay faithful in spite of the ”dryness,” then our faithfulness is based on our love for God and our trust in Him, not on the rewards we get for doing so.
But He is never outdone in generosity, and the more difficult the act of faith is, the greater the consolation will be when it comes!
First comes tribulation, then comes grace!
It is a lot like any friendship. If I do things for you because you do things for me, but stop doing things for you the first time you didn’t do it for me, what is the friendship based on?
I am not saying that is what you are doing! It is just how I experienced the abandonment you appear to be experiencing.
I had to keep going to prayer, saying I didn’t know what I was doing or why, but I believed His promises so I know He is really there. And I’ll wait for Him.
My spiritual director taught me a prayer for those times.
Breathe in, “Fiat.”
Breathe out, “Magnificat.”
Breathe in, “Let it be done to me according to your word.”
Breathe out, “The almighty has done Great things for me, and Holy is His name.”
Basically when it got hard, when the dryness was too bleak, it became:
Breathe in, “Help me, please!”
Breathe out, “Holy is his name, no matter what!”
St. Teresa of Avila said, “First comes tribulation, then comes grace.”
Don’t give up. He will never give up on you.