Hello. I am seeking some advice on marriage issues

  • Thread starter Thread starter Corinne3
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
HI Corrine,

First, you are in my prayers. I have been married 24 years, have two grown children who are wonderful…and am in recovery now for sex addiction. I was a serial philanderer, porn addict and my list of abberational sexual predilictions would make a sailor blush. Basically, I lived out every fantasy my creative mind ever had.

My wife only knew a portion of my habits, but stuck by me and prayed for me. I hit bottom 3 years ago, sought professional help and have been in recovery ever since. It is an incredible painful, but growing journey (you can see my recovery blog at www.mydarkpassengerandme.blogspot.com).

I can’t tell you what to do, but I am thankful my wife stuck around, and we are getting closer everyday. It is not easy by any means. I am blessed by her patience and want desperately to honor her with chaste behavior. I work daily on it and i just wanted to share with you that there can be hope. She never berated me and checked up on me. She left me totally to my own devices, but prayed for me. She never abetted or tolerated my behavior - she just let me follow my dark path and helped me when i finally had had enough pain in my life and feeling really ****** for inflicting my stuff onto her and our marriage.
She is the closest woman i know to our Blessed Mother. I am now more involved in church than she is and continue recovery full steam.

The man you married in in there…somewhere. Trust your heart. It doesn’t have to be one way or the other. You can take care of yourself, not abet or approve of his behavior, and even still be apart, and still stay married. You can stay chaste and pray for his recovery and reconcilation.

Show you hub my blog if you like. Be well and may the peace of our Lord and Savior be with you.
 
Thank you so very much Alina for the “180” from that site. All the DONT’S are the exact things I have BEEN doing now for 2 years! Maybe not as severe, but still doing. I feel if I don’t do them, it would be pretending. I just have to be honest. How can I pretend I am not hurt around my h? That everything is all right. It would be pretending I’d be being strong when I am not. I have been so pathetic!!!, Fortunately, after 4 separations, I have learned a lot!!! And I am not so pathetic these days…thanks be to God.

I guess working on being strong is something though I actually HAVE to do.Alone. For me. I feel like a total co-dependent. I am one. But I don’t want to be. I have to get a life! I cannot find a job, and this sucks.

I do agree with the not checking up on him part, because this only makes you crazy. Been there done that SO many times. It serves NO PURPOSE. Unless he proves he still is at his behavior and I can actually have options, there is no point in trying to digg up stuff or even feel insecure. I can see the 180 is for healing. Becoming stronger. Becoming NOT so dependent. This is a good thing. This is what my counselor was saying I know. Thank you again Alina!
 
Dear WINGITX:

Thank you for responding! That is wonderful you two are still married and you’ve “come around” to your senses!!! Praise the Lord for this!

May I ask you, how did your wife respond when she found out about another indiscretion of yours? What did she do??? Did she kick you out? How did she handle this? Did she ban you from the bedroom? Also what finally made you strive to be faithful to her??? Were you ever separated due to it?

I am most curious about this.

Your blog is very open.That’s a great thing you do, and I’m sure it’s helped many men! I’ve sent so much stuff to my husband to read though, NOTHING has made any difference. There are so many groups out there on the internet that have healing workshops for men, I’ve forwarded many of them to him, to no avail. I’ve stopped doing this! He has to want help…there is nothing I can do, except put up my boundaries, while still loving and praying for him. I especially liked the prayer of a child calling out to Mary, our blessed mother. That was just beautiful! It sounds like your faith called you back. This is what my h needs I know. He is very worldly and weak, and easily falls into lust. He doesn’t seem to have any desire for anything spiritual. I do pray for him. That’s all I can do. Honor my commitment to our marriage. And work on myself, to become a Godly woman, like I want to be. You have a wonderful wife! For sticking by your side. Thank you for sharing with me your struggles.

God Bless~ God is good, HE is the great physician! In Christ we are a new creation! The old has passed away and the new has come! I love this verse in the Bible!
 
Hi Corrine,

It seems that your counselor and others are suggesting the you “detach with love.” Detach with love is a technique developed by ALANON members to stop enabling their acloholic spouses and promote personal growth and mental well being. Your situation is similar to a person who is involved with an addict or alcoholic and I believe that it is good advice.

Davis’ 180 is basically directions for detaching with love. Good directions, except a bit contriving. The steps should be taken only as they relate to your personal growth and well being and not because they may effect a change in your husband. Davis leaves out the spiritual component that the ALANON group includes as essential.

Lust is a capital vice. As such, it has many daughters. Some of the characteristics that describe your husband are daughters of lust. Sometimes a person has more success overcoming lust by first overcoming the daughters. They are all related.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top