Hello. I am seeking some advice on marriage issues

[Ailina]

Dear Ailina: thank you so much for your reply. Can i ask you a few questions? what is “gas-lighting”? first of all? you say he doesn’t respect me. How do you mean? well i guess i know, the lying and deceit, etc., this is total disrespect. also you mentioned that i am not putting up proper boundaries? how do you mean? Can i ask you what proper boundaries would be in my situation? Besides telling him to leave? When i told him he must move out when i discovered his on-going affair, this was a Huge boundary, i think. I thought my myself and my children, they know what their father has been doing and that i will not tolerate it, that is why i told him he must move. I am so confused. Any further advice from you will be so helpful. Thanks so much.

My life has been an on-going nightmare from all this now for a long time. I just want it to end. How will i know if my husband is truly over this???and really wants to be home for all the right reasons? and won’t be lying and deceiving me all over again?

Hi Corinne,

Sorry, I hadn’t realized he left the marital home already. Good for you for setting up that boundary.

Gaslighting is a term used when a person manipulates another into questioning their own perceptions of what is really going on. It comes from an old movie of the same name, where a man manipulated his spouse into thinking she was imagining things and going crazy.

Your husband is gaslighting when he tells you that he has not been having sex with the lap dancer. It is sex, taking place where sex is entertainment. If he is continuing to deny it was sex, he isn’t ready to come home. He is still in denial. He isn’t taking your valid concerns and feelings into consideration.

Are you in counselling? I would suggest you do that first, to sort your feelings out. Make sure it is a Catholic faith-based counsellor; many psychologists today have no parameters about morality anymore. Then, if you feel strong enough, try marital counselling, again with a Catholic faith-based counsellor.

Bottom line: your husband has to win back your trust. How many times has he broken it already? If it has been several times, I’m not sure he is trustworthy anymore. Sometimes, there is too much hurt and damage caused that can never be mended. Sometimes, it is better to let go of the past and move forward. If you are feeling heartsick and distressed about this to the point where you cannot function, then maybe it is time to let go of the marriage.

 

[Corinne3]

Thank you again. We are both in Christian counseling individually right now, then I feel if he wants our marriage to be reconciled, he’s gonna have to be the one who suggests we go to marital counsel, not me. I dragged him into it before and it did no good, he just jogged right back into his adultery. What do you think? If a husband really wants their marriage back, you would think they would take the initiative to do something about it, to win their wife back and get her to trust him again. If he does nothing, i guess he really does not care all that much. How do you feel about this? I just don’t feel up to initiating any more counseling sessions together, as i don’t feel yet he’s all that serious about it. Or i cannot quite tell. He supposedly just broke if off last week, his affair. One week ago.? Come on! That is not near enough time. His “consistent behavior over time”, will tell, just like what Tiger Woods’ wife said.

Thank you for your prayers.

 

[Matariel]

Corinne, I’m really sorry to hear about your situation, and your kids.

Were you married in the Church?

And secondly, the counselors your seeing are Catholic Christian, correct?

 

[Corinne3]

Thank you. Yes, the counselors we are both going to are Christians. This is a definite positive. Thank you for asking.

My own Christian mother, whilst speaking with her on the phone today tells me she does not understand how I could even still “love” my husband after everything he has done to me. Maybe it is hard to understand for some. But I do still love him with all my heart. He was the man I promised to God and witnesses I would love till death, and I do. Still. And I always will. He is my husband, my other half, and the father of my children. I adore him. He makes me weak in the knees still. I don’t know how to stop loving him. I can’t. He has my heart and devotion until death.

 

[Matariel]

Thank you. Yes, the counselors we are both going to are Christians. This is a definite positive. Thank you for asking.

My own Christian mother, whilst speaking with her on the phone today tells me she does not understand how I could even still “love” my husband after everything he has done to me. Maybe it is hard to understand for some. But I do still love him with all my heart. He was the man I promised to God and witnesses I would love till death, and I do. Still. And I always will. He is my husband, my other half, and the father of my children. I adore him. He makes me weak in the knees still. I don’t know how to stop loving him. I can’t. He has my heart and devotion until death.

I don’t blame you at all or think it’s wrong that you still love him, that’s a very noble thing. About 1,800 years ago, St. Monica did not abandon trying to pray for and reform St. Augustine, whom before his conversion was a notorious womanizer. And he eventually became one of the best and widely known Catholic theologians of all time, and very virtuous— a saint of the Church, all because his mother Monica did not give up hope.

I think the Christian counselling is a good thing. Now, you said your husband is a non-believer. Is he a Christian outside the Church (a Protestant)? Or is he a complete unbeliever (an atheist/agnostic)? Or is he of another belief, like Islam, Judaism, or Hinduism?

 

[Ailina]

Thank you again. We are both in Christian counseling individually right now, then I feel if he wants our marriage to be reconciled, he’s gonna have to be the one who suggests we go to marital counsel, not me. I dragged him into it before and it did no good, he just jogged right back into his adultery. What do you think? If a husband really wants their marriage back, you would think they would take the initiative to do something about it, to win their wife back and get her to trust him again. If he does nothing, i guess he really does not care all that much. How do you feel about this? I just don’t feel up to initiating any more counseling sessions together, as i don’t feel yet he’s all that serious about it. Or i cannot quite tell. He supposedly just broke if off last week, his affair. One week ago.? Come on! That is not near enough time. His “consistent behavior over time”, will tell, just like what Tiger Woods’ wife said.

Thank you for your prayers.

One week ago is not nearly enough time to reform himself. There is nothing wrong with living separately until he really has self-control and is willing to work out why he does the things he does. Don’t feel guilty because of the things HE has done to you and your family. He is the one who has broken his vows and continues to break them, not you.

I guess you have to decide how long you can function in this kind of marriage, and whether you can ever rebuild trust. Maybe give yourself a time line and stick to it. That is what I did when I found out my ex was unfaithful.

 

[tbcrawford]

Corrinne I am praying for you and im so sorry for your pain.Just want you to know you are cared about by many here.God bless youxx

 

[Onedayatatime]

Corrine, I cannot imagine your devotion to your family, husband and to God. It is beautiful to hear. I will pray for you. I pray that your husband changes his ways, and the Lord reveals to him the truly beautiful gifts he has in his life with you and his family.

 

[ContegoFides]

Corrine,

I feel so bad for your situation. I think I posted this earlier in response to you (?) I’ll copy it again here. Before I do, though, know this: What your husband has done is adultery in no uncertain terms. Christ says that any man who even looks at a woman with lust in his heart has already committed adultery with her. Matthew 5:28. Whether or not he has some kind of physical genital or bodily contact is irrelevant.

You face an extremely difficult situation. Before I write down my suggestions, I commend the Catechism to you:

Quote:
2382 The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble.173 He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law.174

Between the baptized, "a ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or for any reason other than death."175

2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.176

If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.

2384 Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery:

If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another’s husband to herself.177

2385 Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.

Thus, divorce is an extremely grave undertaking. Even in situations like yours where he is committing grievous sins against you and causing enormous harm to your family and to his own soul, that might not be enough to justify divorce. Remember, this is not just about what you and he want, but following the Truth of God, for which we will all be held accountable when we die. Sometimes we are called to suffer with Jesus on the Cross, and that suffering can be really, really bad.

I strongly urge you to see an orthodox priest and discuss your problems with him. It may very well be that to protect yourself and your family separation and even divorce may be justified; then again, it may not. There will be no easy answers and no easy way out.

I’m not just preaching here, I’ve been there. Before my reversion, I suffered the infidelity of my ex wife to a homosexual relationship. We divorced and later received an annulment.

The divorce was horrible, even though we both at first promised to make it amicable. It solved none of my problems. Instead, I went down a path of deep darkness. Yeah, I went to Church on Sundays, but I was dead inside. Frankly, I didn’t have the spiritual strength to endure the trauma of divorce, and it wasn’t until I was facing it again in my second (current) marriage that I reverted. I now live with an anti-Catholic, unbaptized wife who has severe anger issues and who wants to cut my family off from me and my children. I am strongly tempted to divorce her at times, but I will not. Instead, I try to daily shoulder my cross and pray for her on the hope that she will convert and find the love of God. I take inspiration from Elisabeth Lesuer, whom others have commended to you. It might be that my sacrifice will mitigate a smidgen of my time in purgatory, and hopefully win her soul for Christ.

So, my bottom line is this: Your suffering, while real and horrible, might not be solved by divorce; divorce might make it worse. However, divorce may be necessary for the protection of yourself or your family. Prayer and discernment with a priest will answer that question.

I commend you to a deeper prayer life, daily mass, daily rosaries, daily adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. If you ask Jesus to send you His Holy Spirit to aid and counsel you in this difficult time, He will.

 

[Corinne3]

Dear “Contego Fides”

Thank you so very much for your reply. It was truly a blessing to me. And thank you for providing what the Catechism says. I am searching for my Catechism book just now, and cannot seem to find it in the mess of my bedroom.LOL.

I just am a wreck. I will plan on going to daily Mass, and praying the Rosary daily,like i should have been doing for the past two years but could not find the strength to do so. I have been as i said a complete wreck for the past 2 years.

This sat, i am going to a catholic conference job fair. Pray for me maybe i can get back into the work force soon. Then i will be stronger, and better able to see my life and discern and have options. i don’t think a husband who is choosing infidelity is all too cool.

It makes me sick actually. No wonder Jesus said do not be unequally yoked…

 

[Corinne3]

Hi Corinne,

Sorry, I hadn’t realized he left the marital home already. Good for you for setting up that boundary.
If he is continuing to deny it was sex, he isn’t ready to come home. He is still in denial. He isn’t taking your valid concerns and feelings into consideration.
Are you in counselling? I would suggest you do that first, to sort your feelings out. Make sure it is a Catholic faith-based counsellor; many psychologists today have no parameters about morality anymore. Then, if you feel strong enough, try marital counselling, again with a Catholic faith-based counsellor.
Bottom line: your husband has to win back your trust. How many times has he broken it already? If it has been several times, I’m not sure he is trustworthy anymore. Sometimes, there is too much hurt and damage caused that can never be mended. Sometimes, it is better to let go of the past and move forward. If you are feeling heartsick and distressed about this to the point where you cannot function, then maybe it is time to let go of the marriage.

Hi Alilina:

I really appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut as one who has been in my shoes. Thank you.
May i ask you though, you said at first it’s good i set up that boundary by asking my h to leave when i discovered further on-going contact with the OW. I guess i am looking for some validation that i did the right thing by this. I guess i really did what i had to, i could not even endure him around the home knowing he was secretly still in contact with another woman. It was simply too upsetting, and i couldn’t stand to look at him. Please tell me HOW is this a boundary? i really need to know.
Yes, i have gotten some spiritual counsel from Priests. They all say i have good reason to divorce if i choose this route, but it’s my decision. I think divorce would make things worse. Also i know Scripturally it says if a man wants to live with his wife you should let him, if HE chooses to leave, then you are not bound any further. My h is saying he loves us, and wants to return home. That it was a mistake being involved in those “activities”. I don’t know how or when to tell if i should let him return. My heart’s wound is still open and oozing at the moment. Any advice? A friend mentioned we need to embark on further marital counsel, and let the counselor determine when we are ready to live together again. Thank you for your advice. I’m so torn, and do not know how to really proceed.

Thank you.
Corinne

 

[Corinne3]

I don’t blame you at all or think it’s wrong that you still love him, that’s a very noble thing. About 1,800 years ago, St. Monica did not abandon trying to pray for and reform St. Augustine, whom before his conversion was a notorious womanizer. And he eventually became one of the best and widely known Catholic theologians of all time, and very virtuous— a saint of the Church, all because his mother Monica did not give up hope.

I think the Christian counselling is a good thing. Now, you said your husband is a non-believer. Is he a Christian outside the Church (a Protestant)? Or is he a complete unbeliever (an atheist/agnostic)? Or is he of another belief, like Islam, Judaism, or Hinduism?

Hi. Yes. We were married in the Church. My husband I assumed was a believer as he was raised in a non-denominational “Christian” home, yet was not taught anything of a spiritual nature by his parents whatsoever. All his siblings are just living in the “world”, as he likes to as well. Thank you for asking~and for your kind concern. It means so much.

 

[Corinne3]

Corrinne I am praying for you and im so sorry for your pain.Just want you to know you are cared about by many here.God bless youxx

Oh thank you so much. This means the world to me. It really does. God is a God of miracles.

 

[anode]

Hello all. I am a “newbie” here and was told this is a very good forum, and I need some help just now. In the marriage dept. if you please.

My name is Corinne, and I am in deep and forever returning grief for what my husband has done to me and our family. He has taken up going to strip joints and taken up with one particular stripper from there and my heart is shattered. He says he did not have “sex” with her only nude lap dances, wheww, well for the past 3 years. This is enough for my heart and trust to be shattered and I really need advice. If you can offer it. My h says since he did not have “sex” with her that he did not commit adultery, but I feel he most certainly did, just by what he was engaging in. We have been separated now for the 4th time in 2 years, when I found out about further activities, on his end. I don’t know what to do or how to proceed. I would really like to gather some advice and opinions and spiritual guidance. Thank you in advance.

Corinne, don’t do anything rash. You are in a poor position to divorce–being out of the work force for so long. Your husband may be going through a midlife crisis and to do anything now may be something that both of you will regret later. You both need marital counseling as soon as you can get it. Many men do what he is doing, flirting with real danger, mainly to their marriages–many men HAVE had affairs after 20 years of marriage, and their marriages have survived. If you were childless and married only 1-2 years, I would counsel differently, but both of you and your children have a lot invested in your marriage and both of you need to invest a lot into it to keep it going.

Forget branding him as an !!adulterer!!–he probably has not actually had sex in the usual meaning of the word. Just get marital counseling for you both ASAP.

 

[Corinne3]

Corinne, don’t do anything rash. You are in a poor position to divorce–being out of the work force for so long. Your husband may be going through a midlife crisis and to do anything now may be something that both of you will regret later. You both need marital counseling as soon as you can get it. Many men do what he is doing, flirting with real danger, mainly to their marriages–many men HAVE had affairs after 20 years of marriage, and their marriages have survived. If you were childless and married only 1-2 years, I would counsel differently, but both of you and your children have a lot invested in your marriage and both of you need to invest a lot into it to keep it going.

Forget branding him as an !!adulterer!!–he probably has not actually had sex in the usual meaning of the word. Just get marital counseling for you both ASAP.

Oh thank you so much Anode. i appreciate hearing from you tremendously. i do not want to do anything rash, i love my husband to pieces. and we have a beautiful family. I do feel he is going thru a mid-life crisis for sure, and has for 3 years now. UGH. I do feel the same as you. I have invested 22 years, and am not going to abandon ship now. No way. Yes, there has been so much heartache, but considering eternity, and 22 years together, i guess what’s 2 years of turmoil? God knows. Once again, thank you for your encouraging advice. Please keep us in your prayers if you will. I am confident he has not had intercourse with the other woman, only “nude lap dances”…ycch which is bad enough. Still…and makes me throw up, and he’s become emotionally “attached” to her. This hurts the most. Still, I am confident God, our great God can heal.

Bless U

 

[PeterMuz]

Thank you. Yes, the counselors we are both going to are Christians. This is a definite positive. Thank you for asking.

My own Christian mother, whilst speaking with her on the phone today tells me she does not understand how I could even still “love” my husband after everything he has done to me. Maybe it is hard to understand for some. But I do still love him with all my heart. He was the man I promised to God and witnesses I would love till death, and I do. Still. And I always will. He is my husband, my other half, and the father of my children. I adore him. He makes me weak in the knees still. I don’t know how to stop loving him. I can’t. He has my heart and devotion until death.

Corinne,
I understand you made a promise to love him til death, but he made the same promise and has clearly shown that he does not mean it. If he decided to go to counseling on his own after this had happened once and it never happened again, then I would say maybe you can trust him. People are human and they make mistakes. Big mistakes. But when those mistakes are repeated, and he says its not love that drove him to the stripper, but lust that shows he clearly does not understand the promises that he made to you. That is like a killer saying that didn’t shot his victim, he poisoned the victim. (Of course I am not calling your husband a killer, but his mindset on whether what he is doing is morally acceptable is way off. I would say that he has shown an incredible lack of respect for you and your kids. You really need to make sure that you children are protected.
He may sound repentant but if he has shown this is a pattern, there is nothing to say he will not do it again. We are called to forgive, but in no no circumstance are we called to put ourselves or our children back into a terrible situation. It is more likely that you have a moral responsibility to shield them from that situation. I’m sure your would be incredibly sad years down the road if you have a son who picks up his fathers actions.

I will continue to pray for you, your husband and your children.

 

[Corinne3]

Corinne,
I understand you made a promise to love him til death, but he made the same promise and has clearly shown that he does not mean it. If he decided to go to counseling on his own after this had happened once and it never happened again, then I would say maybe you can trust him. People are human and they make mistakes. Big mistakes. But when those mistakes are repeated, and he says its not love that drove him to the stripper, but lust that shows he clearly does not understand the promises that he made to you. That is like a killer saying that didn’t shot his victim, he poisoned the victim. (Of course I am not calling your husband a killer, but his mindset on whether what he is doing is morally acceptable is way off. I would say that he has shown an incredible lack of respect for you and your kids. You really need to make sure that you children are protected.
He may sound repentant but if he has shown this is a pattern, there is nothing to say he will not do it again. We are called to forgive, but in no no circumstance are we called to put ourselves or our children back into a terrible situation. It is more likely that you have a moral responsibility to shield them from that situation. I’m sure your would be incredibly sad years down the road if you have a son who picks up his fathers actions.

I will continue to pray for you, your husband and your children.

Thank you Peter. Yes, it has been a repeated pattern of 3 years now. Over and over again. This is THE hardest thing. If it was a one-time affair, then he repented, it would be diffrerent. It is not. My h has repeated the same pattern over and over again, retreating to the same woman over and over now for the past 3 years. I just don’t know how to handle it. I thank you for causing my eyes to be opened, to see the reality of my situation, this has helped me so much, and i thank you for it. You are right, everything you say;. I feel i have been so blinded, dumb and stupid i haven’t even been able to see quite straight, which is why i so desperately need help on here. thank you thank you.What they say about not being able to see the forest through the trees i know is a true statement. i cannot see my life, which is why i am asking for help on here. thank you to everyone who responds.

 

[spirit4life]

. . . . if a man wants to live with his wife you should let him, if HE chooses to leave, then you are not bound any further. My h is saying he loves us, and wants to return home. That it was a mistake being involved in those “activities”. I don’t know how or when to tell if i should let him return. . . . . I’m so torn, and do not know how to really proceed. . .

Ok Corrine, I’m going to throw in some advice to supplement what has already been suggested (and not yet mentioned) - please read this carefully -

You need to make at least one ‘plan’ that would involve the circumstances of him ‘returning home’; Why? because him returning home is going to be a ‘process’, not simply just a ‘decision’. If you let it be a ‘decision’, nothing will change, his ‘activities’ will not be different, and he will go back to his old habits. In a good plan, his ‘activities’ of the past will be replaced by ‘steps’ that he and you both work on, together when called for, to move towards a more loving and sanctified marriage and relationship that God intends for us all (which is the goal of the plan). To accomplish the plan, steps need to be taken (this is not an overnight process). You (maybe together) choose the steps; Retrovaille, bible-study, RCIA, Family Consecration, ACTS retreat, and on and on. There is lots of good stuff out there. God always provides a way to heal, repair, and make good. Each step, and every part of each step will be moving you in the right direction.

His ‘promise’ to return to being faithful to you will be easily demonstrated and measured by his active participation and completion of each step as you have outlined. His refusal, likewise, will also demonstrate his true intentions.

So you see, the burden is not on you to decide whether or not to allow him to return home, the burden is on him to accomplish the steps necessary to be part of a loving relationship and marriage that is based on trust and responsiblity, as God has intended for us.

This will also help him ‘replace’ his old nasty ‘activites’ with ones that help strengthen marriage - It will give him time to make the transition (however ‘the club’ is off limits 100%), and it will give him and you both time to develop relationship skills, true spirit-inspired love, and trust (that were perhaps lacking all the time and that let you fall into this pit of despair). It doesn’t have to be that way (despair), but you and him both have to take action (steps) to remedy it.

hope this helps; holler if you have any Q’s.

-S

 

[whatevergirl]

Ok Corrine, I’m going to throw in some advice to supplement what has already been suggested (and not yet mentioned) - please read this carefully -

You need to make at least one ‘plan’ that would involve the circumstances of him ‘returning home’; Why? because him returning home is going to be a ‘process’, not simply just a ‘decision’. If you let it be a ‘decision’, nothing will change, his ‘activities’ will not be different, and he will go back to his old habits. In a good plan, his ‘activities’ of the past will be replaced by ‘steps’ that he and you both work on, together when called for, to move towards a more loving and sanctified marriage and relationship that God intends for us all (which is the goal of the plan). To accomplish the plan, steps need to be taken (this is not an overnight process). You (maybe together) choose the steps; Retrovaille, bible-study, RCIA, Family Consecration, ACTS retreat, and on and on. There is lots of good stuff out there. Each step, and every part of each step will be moving you in the right direction.

His ‘promise’ to return to being faithful to you will be easily demonstrated and measured by his active participation and completion of each step as you have outlined. His refusal, likewise, will also demonstrate his true intentions.

So you see, the burden is not on you to decide whether or not to allow him to return home, the burden is on him to accomplish the steps necessary to be part of a loving relationship and marriage that is based on trust and responsiblity, as God has intended for us.

hope this helps; holler if you have any Q’s.

-S

Excellent post… Corinne, and to add…you need to be good to yourself, too. Being a good Catholic wife, doesn’t mean we accept and tolerate any and all bad and immoral behavior by our spouses. And like spirit says…it’s not just about a decision on his part, and you waiting. That right there, could be part of the problem, dare I say. Somewhere along the lines, your husband lost respect for marriage and for you. We already know he has no respect for women if he is paying for lap dances on a regular basis. Frankly, he has no respect for himself, if he is hanging out at strip joints, paying for nude dances? That could be where the bigger issue lies, his own lack of respect for himself. That is how you have to start viewing this…he needs help. It isn’t so much about the marriage, as many marriages have ups and downs, most men don’t dart out the door for strippers. Nor do women dart out the door for other men. I don’t care what your husband tells you, it’s not based on morality and reality. He has come up with a way to justify his behavior in his head…but, you need to keep sticking close to Christ, and letting that be your Truth. Now, not saying you both don’t need to work on things, should you both wish to restore the marriage – but don’t take the blame for him resorting to this type of immorality. He has to own it, and then and only then, will he be able to change it. I pray he changes his life, not only for you, but for himself …to restore his relationship with God, most importantly. God bless. :hug1:*

 

[Corinne3]

Dear Spirit and Whatevergirl with the cute kitty pic: (love kitties too)…hehehe

Thank you for your great advice. This is the thing i am seeking. What to do---- What steps to take what boundaries to have…etc. I cannot just say, “OK hun u can move home again, i forgive u”, like i did for the past 2-3 years, then have him break my heart again with his old patterns. I know now i have to have a plan, steps that i see HIM taking, so i can know he is putting in the work to restore our marriage. Thank you for helping me know what to do.

We did go to Marriage Encounter a few years ago. i felt like, as another poster said here i was the only one participating. My h slept through all the meetings, then our assignments we were supposed to do in our room, his were all joking around while mine were serious. UGH. When it came time to renew our vows, i cried through the whole thing looking at him, and i felt his eyes were blank, and not taking it all too serriously (after porn use i guess). Oh my gosh. i guess this stripper thing was the next step after his occasional porn use for the duration of our marriage. i have heard this is common, an escalating issue. i have a few friends at church who have encountered the exact same thing, first was the porn, then came a prostitute if you can believe it…these are ladies in their 60’s too. one is divorced, 2 are still married. It’s so hard. all the same. Thank u for the plan i need to hear , to have a plan before my h comes home. He was here just now picking up his mail, saying, “of course i still want to be married to you”, and we said we missed each other and kissed. OMG. weak knees. He does this to me.

thank u for all recommendations. Yes going to daily Mass, praying the Rosary too daily, with your recommendations, praying for healing and restoration of my heart, that it will stop bleeding, and for my husband’s heart and for his repentence.

i appreciate all your replies, even if i don’t mention you all by name.