S
santaro75
Guest
great idea! i mean why not, Mass is one place where you WILL meet other Catholics right?
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O
OriginalJS
Guest
Each of the points I made in my “smell the coffee post” is diametrically opposed to single minded thinking about selfish desires, plans and wants. The thread was started by a 17 year old who appears to be contemplating marriage through rose-colored glasses. My intention is to alert her to some realities of life here and now.
After the Fall the Garden of Eden was closed and we were condemned to earn our living by the sweat of our brow under adverse conditions. That hasn’t changed and isn’t likely to in the future. God will give us what we need, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to work hard for it.
There are Catholics open to having lots of kids. There always will be. But in doing so, good Catholic parents I know make tremendous personal sacrifices to rear children properly. I have found most of those parents to be very modest, if not self-effacing, about those sacrifices. A teen-ager contemplating marriage should understand the realities going in.
K
Kasi
Guest
Ah… Where do I start!! lol I gave up the computer for one weekend and look what it got me, people planning my future! lol
Ok let’s see!! For one thing, a degree doesn’t measure a man {or woman’s} intellect! A person could have a master’s degree in oh I don’t know teaching or something and his head could be full of rocks!! The opposite is possible as well.
Take my dad for example. With only a HS education he taught himself complex computer engineering and how to build a computer out of scratch! He is very smart not just with his work but about the world, he has commonsense!
I do not think knowledge can be measured by a piece of paper. I mean isn’t that why people go to college? Is to get some sort of recognition? I understand if you want to get a better education but I truly believe college is over rated! I plan on being a life time learner by reading studying things out for myself!
I don’t mean to offend anyone! College is not for everyone!
On another note, I will be able to support myself if my husband has anything happen to him! As I said I am doing a business! But just because I choose not to go to college doesn’t mean that I am not as smart as someone who did! If a young man isn’t interested in me because I don’t have a 4 years degree in Nursing or teaching than he isn’t worth my time!!!
I am sorry but I feel like I need to defend myself with all these attacks!
I know God will bring me a man when the time is right.
When I was young I had dreams of being a historian or a doctor or I really wanted to go into the Air force! But I am sacrificing my selfish desires to fulfill my calling to be a wife and mother. This is the most fulfilling job in the world! Sure I won’t get vacations and it’s not an 8-5 job but I get the highest salary in the world, I will get the love of a children! The only way we as humans are to be truly happy are to do what God has asked us to do! He will not let me down!
Also, I am NOT a gold digger! I will have who ever said that know that I am waiting for God not for some rich doctor to marry me! I grew up in a home that was very unstable financially! Living paycheck to paycheck! Moving 22 times before your 17! I have been there done that! I would never marry a man just because he has money! I know money doesn’t buy happiness! I am not completely apposed to marrying a young man while he is in college. That would not bother me. I am just picky as I said about maturity. It does depend upon each person!
I don’t have the energy to cover anything else! I hope I didn’t offend too many people. Thank you all for the responses I know you are all just trying to help!
God bless,
Kas
P.s. I am trying not to be too picky! I really am, if he went to college wonderful but it’s not for me! The real advice I could use is how does one set the standards without driving him away? I mean I will be flexible about some things but how do you relate what you want without sounding demanding or bossy. I know God won’t let me ruin my future completely but I am sure I could cause it damage
Ok let’s see!! For one thing, a degree doesn’t measure a man {or woman’s} intellect! A person could have a master’s degree in oh I don’t know teaching or something and his head could be full of rocks!! The opposite is possible as well.
Take my dad for example. With only a HS education he taught himself complex computer engineering and how to build a computer out of scratch! He is very smart not just with his work but about the world, he has commonsense!
I do not think knowledge can be measured by a piece of paper. I mean isn’t that why people go to college? Is to get some sort of recognition? I understand if you want to get a better education but I truly believe college is over rated! I plan on being a life time learner by reading studying things out for myself!
I don’t mean to offend anyone! College is not for everyone!
On another note, I will be able to support myself if my husband has anything happen to him! As I said I am doing a business! But just because I choose not to go to college doesn’t mean that I am not as smart as someone who did! If a young man isn’t interested in me because I don’t have a 4 years degree in Nursing or teaching than he isn’t worth my time!!!
I am sorry but I feel like I need to defend myself with all these attacks!
I know God will bring me a man when the time is right.
When I was young I had dreams of being a historian or a doctor or I really wanted to go into the Air force! But I am sacrificing my selfish desires to fulfill my calling to be a wife and mother. This is the most fulfilling job in the world! Sure I won’t get vacations and it’s not an 8-5 job but I get the highest salary in the world, I will get the love of a children! The only way we as humans are to be truly happy are to do what God has asked us to do! He will not let me down!
Also, I am NOT a gold digger! I will have who ever said that know that I am waiting for God not for some rich doctor to marry me! I grew up in a home that was very unstable financially! Living paycheck to paycheck! Moving 22 times before your 17! I have been there done that! I would never marry a man just because he has money! I know money doesn’t buy happiness! I am not completely apposed to marrying a young man while he is in college. That would not bother me. I am just picky as I said about maturity. It does depend upon each person!
I don’t have the energy to cover anything else! I hope I didn’t offend too many people. Thank you all for the responses I know you are all just trying to help!
God bless,
Kas
P.s. I am trying not to be too picky! I really am, if he went to college wonderful but it’s not for me! The real advice I could use is how does one set the standards without driving him away? I mean I will be flexible about some things but how do you relate what you want without sounding demanding or bossy. I know God won’t let me ruin my future completely but I am sure I could cause it damage
K
Kasi
Guest
Wow! What an assumption. I am wearing crystal clear glasses thank you very much. I know all the hard work that is involved. I was raised in a very strict home where a lot was expected. My parents know me and they even think I am ready for marriage. Plus I know I still have some maturing to do.
Also I am not getting married in 6 months. I haven’t even met anyone. When I do I am sure it will be at least a couple of years. So I thank you for your concern but I am well aware about what marriage includes.
God Bless,
Kassandra
C
chicago
Guest
Kasi,
Will you marry me!
Seriously, as I said before, it sounds like you have a better sense of yourself than a lot of people your age. Maybe more so, even, than most of the posters here had at 17. Stick to your guns, follow God’s Will in your life wherever it leads, do what you enjoy and feel called to, and know (as you surely already do) that though it may not be all that easy, it will be worthwhile.
Everyone else,
Now that she has aquitted herself so well, can we PLEASE move on to answering her REAL questions and concerns?
N
nicKryzdy
Guest
Oh my gosh. Kasi, I feel your pain.
You people should be ashamed of yourselves. She is right, where on earth did you get that she was looking for a man with money? You all got that off of her saying that she doesn’t wasnt to go to college, I am sure.
First off, do any of you know her? Have you been in contact with her and see that she is not ready for marriage? Does she behave immaturely? And you are all quite positive that she doesn’t read motherhood books, and have experience with changing diapers, and how do you know that God isn’t telling her here is doing the right thing?
And you are sitting here bashing her for what may be the Will of God.
Secondly, Why does she have to meet somebody at college? Since she is looking for a good Catholic man, wouldn’t a good place to start be, uh I don’t know, CHURCH?!?! Maybe I am way off my rocker, but a holy man is likely to be at church!
We as Catholics have a great responsibility. After we are married (if that is our calling) we are to have children, educate them in the Faith, and make sure that they grow up to honor God. Yes, in an educated manner as well. Look at the world today, are the kids educated? Are parents involved? is the standards of education the same as they once were, or are they a variable, ever changing with the world?
You people should be ashamed of yourselves. She is right, where on earth did you get that she was looking for a man with money? You all got that off of her saying that she doesn’t wasnt to go to college, I am sure.
First off, do any of you know her? Have you been in contact with her and see that she is not ready for marriage? Does she behave immaturely? And you are all quite positive that she doesn’t read motherhood books, and have experience with changing diapers, and how do you know that God isn’t telling her here is doing the right thing?
And you are sitting here bashing her for what may be the Will of God.
Secondly, Why does she have to meet somebody at college? Since she is looking for a good Catholic man, wouldn’t a good place to start be, uh I don’t know, CHURCH?!?! Maybe I am way off my rocker, but a holy man is likely to be at church!
I think, quite obviously, that she does understand, and for you to say that she doesn’t is ridiculous and immature on your part.
Your friends are pretty shallow, then. For them to sink to the worlds standards, and then to not even glance at other possibilities…! Wow. They might be missing out on Gods plan for them, because of their own selfishness.
secondary goals incase of what? God fails?! My parents were in the very same boat that Kasi’s said hers were. My parents are just fine and through it all they are still in love and still happily married. They got in it together, and are gonna finish it together.
We as Catholics have a great responsibility. After we are married (if that is our calling) we are to have children, educate them in the Faith, and make sure that they grow up to honor God. Yes, in an educated manner as well. Look at the world today, are the kids educated? Are parents involved? is the standards of education the same as they once were, or are they a variable, ever changing with the world?
N
nicKryzdy
Guest
Kids are in jail, and killing other people; they are unintelligent, and very sexually active; girls are having kids at very young ages.
If they can do “married people” things and end up pregnant, I think that they are encountering much of what a married person encounter. Financial issues, children, lack of education, and yet they also face riddicule, yet they are not ready for marriage.
Education standards are changing even as we speak. I myself was homeschooled, but didn’t feel like I was learning anything, so I quite, and got a job at safeway, then I went on to work at two different farms, and Burger King. Now I am a Care Giver at a retirement center, and guess what!? I still have the same ammoung of education that I did at Safeway. I attend Coummunity college and I believe that inexperienced people are teaching subject that they “specialize” in. My Psychology teacher only have experience in dementia, and only a few different kinds. I ask questions and don’t get the greatest of answers. With the recources such as the internet, I am paying a lot of money for a halfway education. and what good does it do me? i get a degree. I get credits. whoopie.
Last term, I took English Litterature, a subject that I love, and truly enjoy. My teacher failed me because I am outspoken, and because I didn’t ‘suck up’ to her like the rest of my class did.
I did a Passion Play as my in class project, and was told that the passion play could have been a satire. so durring MY PRESENTATION she was saying it wasn’t seriouse, like I thought, but that it was all satire. and I failed the class. Don’t you just love the education system?
Now to address the catholic man thing. I met my boyfriend at church, I am 19 he is 23 almost 24. He was considering the priest hood, and I was waiting for Mr. Right. I I met him when I was 17 years old. he was about 20 years old. I waited for him, and God showed him his Plan. He was to marry me, and so he stopped pursuing the religous life. He is attending a 4 year college, and I am now waiting for that. It is tearing us appart to be away from eachother. Many of his cousins are young, married and still in school, several have divorced, and we do not have the approval of his mother to get married. She doesn’t like me. But you know what? Yes that is depressing, but we know we are doing what God wants, and we know that God will help us get through it. What we have, that makes us different than most other couples, is our faith. We have God first in our relationship. We are young, in love, and we know where we are going in life.
For you all to give advice is wonderfull. But for you to criticize her and to put her down and tell her she is being unrealistic is very unchritianlike, and you don’t have any right to do so. I believe most of you owe her an appology for this induced stress.
She came for help, and you fed her to the wolves.
You all really showed how education can have an influence over people.
Kryzdy
P.S. The post is long, I know, but it is intentional. If you have issues with me, you may e-mail me and I will gladly address them.
If they can do “married people” things and end up pregnant, I think that they are encountering much of what a married person encounter. Financial issues, children, lack of education, and yet they also face riddicule, yet they are not ready for marriage.
Education standards are changing even as we speak. I myself was homeschooled, but didn’t feel like I was learning anything, so I quite, and got a job at safeway, then I went on to work at two different farms, and Burger King. Now I am a Care Giver at a retirement center, and guess what!? I still have the same ammoung of education that I did at Safeway. I attend Coummunity college and I believe that inexperienced people are teaching subject that they “specialize” in. My Psychology teacher only have experience in dementia, and only a few different kinds. I ask questions and don’t get the greatest of answers. With the recources such as the internet, I am paying a lot of money for a halfway education. and what good does it do me? i get a degree. I get credits. whoopie.
Last term, I took English Litterature, a subject that I love, and truly enjoy. My teacher failed me because I am outspoken, and because I didn’t ‘suck up’ to her like the rest of my class did.
I did a Passion Play as my in class project, and was told that the passion play could have been a satire. so durring MY PRESENTATION she was saying it wasn’t seriouse, like I thought, but that it was all satire. and I failed the class. Don’t you just love the education system?
Now to address the catholic man thing. I met my boyfriend at church, I am 19 he is 23 almost 24. He was considering the priest hood, and I was waiting for Mr. Right. I I met him when I was 17 years old. he was about 20 years old. I waited for him, and God showed him his Plan. He was to marry me, and so he stopped pursuing the religous life. He is attending a 4 year college, and I am now waiting for that. It is tearing us appart to be away from eachother. Many of his cousins are young, married and still in school, several have divorced, and we do not have the approval of his mother to get married. She doesn’t like me. But you know what? Yes that is depressing, but we know we are doing what God wants, and we know that God will help us get through it. What we have, that makes us different than most other couples, is our faith. We have God first in our relationship. We are young, in love, and we know where we are going in life.
For you all to give advice is wonderfull. But for you to criticize her and to put her down and tell her she is being unrealistic is very unchritianlike, and you don’t have any right to do so. I believe most of you owe her an appology for this induced stress.
She came for help, and you fed her to the wolves.
You all really showed how education can have an influence over people.
Kryzdy
P.S. The post is long, I know, but it is intentional. If you have issues with me, you may e-mail me and I will gladly address them.
G
Gamera
Guest
You got that right. I’m an attorney, and plenty of my fellow attorneys have rocks in their heads. One of the smarter women I know never went past high school and she could easily out-think quite a few of the lawyers I know.
I do agree with you that college isn’t for everyone.
I also agree that as a general rule, people tend to form stronger bonds with people whose intellects are similar to theirs, so just be aware that you might possibly tend to meet more intelligent guys in college — MAYBE.
G
Gamera
Guest
Yup. Kasi has a much better outlook than I had at 17. She’s going to make some young Catholic man very happy!
You know, my wife and I didn’t meet until we were like 35 and we married when we were 38 and 39. We’re very glad we both waited for each other instead of “settling” for other people earlier in life. But also, we wish we had met when we were Kasi’s age! I often think how wonderful it would be to find one’s mate in early adulthood. Yeah, some people who marry young make big mistakes, but you know what? The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. It’s not like Kasi wants to rush into marrying just anybody. On the contrary, she’s looking for a man who meets her standards. Good for you, Kasi! Keep looking, and don’t settle! And I was serious about meeting guys at Mass!
W
wjp984
Guest
In regards to your standards and scareing people off here is my opinion. Don’t lower them since you shouldn’t have to. While from what I remember you writing your standards are more strict than what is required of a practicing Catholic and a practicing Catholic might not like them, it doesn’t mean he won’t accept them. He might try to argue his legitimate point about what is allowed for practicing Catholics but you can just remain firm while at the same time not judging him for his point of view. If this person truly is a chaste practing Catholic that loves you for who you are, your strict standards are not going to turn him away. If they did, then that person probably would have been turned away from even a practicing Catholic with normal chaste standards. The point is, a practicing Catholic who wants to be chaste may not like your stanadards but will accept them. He might even think that you are an even better person for wanting to save everything for him if he were your future spouse for marriage and he should therefore do the same.
Oh, and I personally think there are far more people that are willing to be or want to be practicing chaste Catholics than the world will have you believe.
Oh, and I personally think there are far more people that are willing to be or want to be practicing chaste Catholics than the world will have you believe.
K
Kasi
Guest
Maybe if you ask me twice and beg pretty please! lolKasi,
Will you marry me!
Chicago you are a kick.
See the biggest problem I am having is that I live in a retirement community so I have the wonderful choice of older gentleman or the kiddies {16 and under}. I know I just need to be patient. Believe me it’s a virtue I am working on. So I was thinking there are tons of catholic groups I can get involved with. But I don’t know what they are. See I am a convert I think I said that already. So I don’t know of many organizations I could get involved with. I probably won’t meet someone here so I was thinking what a better way to get to know good catholic men and women than some sort of organization.
I am looking for something spiritual. I am not asking for mission work, but something similar? I know in Regnum Christi they have a co-worker program and I know they really only want people who might have a potential call to the consecrated life so I was wondering if there is anything like that out there any ideas would be great!
God Bless!
T
tkdnick
Guest
If he doesn’t ask twice and say pretty please I will. With a cherry on top even…Maybe if you ask me twice and beg pretty please! lol
Chicago you are a kick.
See the biggest problem I am having is that I live in a retirement community so I have the wonderful choice of older gentleman or the kiddies {16 and under}. I know I just need to be patient. Believe me it’s a virtue I am working on. So I was thinking there are tons of catholic groups I can get involved with. But I don’t know what they are. See I am a convert I think I said that already. So I don’t know of many organizations I could get involved with. I probably won’t meet someone here so I was thinking what a better way to get to know good catholic men and women than some sort of organization.
I am looking for something spiritual. I am not asking for mission work, but something similar? I know in Regnum Christi they have a co-worker program and I know they really only want people who might have a potential call to the consecrated life so I was wondering if there is anything like that out there any ideas would be great!
God Bless!
I would suggest getting involved with your local young adults group (once you turn 18). If your parish doesn’t have one then look to your diocese or a neighboring church. You’re bound to find one somewhere. Until that time I would suggest getting involved in your local high school group.
K
Kasi
Guest
A cherry for me?If he doesn’t ask twice and say pretty please I will. With a cherry on top even…
I would suggest getting involved with your local young adults group (once you turn 18). If your parish doesn’t have one then look to your diocese or a neighboring church. You’re bound to find one somewhere. Until that time I would suggest getting involved in your local high school group.
ah… thanks! We will see which one of you will fall madly in love with me! lolWell as I said there are not young Catholics at my church. So there is no young adults group. Although I consider myself an adult so I wouldn’t have to wait till I was 18. So that’s ruled out. I was considering helping out in HS youth which would be good for the kids to have a good role model. But that wouldn’t help me find a spouse. {Which is what I am talking about} lol any other ideas? I know there is Mega Missions down in Cali. during Easter, which I am thinking about doing but that’s just once a year.
Any help would be appreciated! Tell me what you guys do to meet people!
M
Mirdath
Guest
Actually, I got it from this line (and it’s not the only one) of hers in post #13: It’s true older is better for those exact reasons! Men older are more finacial stable compared to a younger man. Given the content, the tone, and the rest of the post, I’d say it’s a quite reasonable conclusion to draw.
Secondary goals to make one’s future life happier, and as a contingency – there’s no guarantee Kasi’s husband will outlive her (especially as she has said she’d prefer an older man for ‘financial stability’), and no guarantee that if he widows her he’ll have amassed enough wealth to keep her solvent for the rest of her years.
K
Kasi
Guest
I thank you for your concern! You misunderstood my tone! I do prefer older meaning older than me. This is not that old. Yes financial stability is nice I didn’t mean that if there was none I wouldn’t be interested though. I am not interested in money I am sure my business will support me and my children. But men who do have stable jobs tend to be more mature. I am not a gold digger though. By mature I mean not wanting a man who wants to party all the time and who isn’t afraid of commitment and is serious about his faith! I don’t need a lot!
God bless!
T
tkdnick
Guest
Look at other neighboring parishes or for a diocesan young adults group. There has to be someone running a young adults group in your area. I think that would be your best bet. However, you will have to wait until you are 18. It has nothing to do with whether or not you consider yourself an adult. It has to do with insurance, liability, laws, etc. (I used to run our parish’s YA group so I know a little about that). You can’t be in the young adults group until you’re 18.A cherry for me?
Well as I said there are not young Catholics at my church. So there is no young adults group. Although I consider myself an adult so I wouldn’t have to wait till I was 18. So that’s ruled out. I was considering helping out in HS youth which would be good for the kids to have a good role model. But that wouldn’t help me find a spouse. {Which is what I am talking about} lol any other ideas? I know there is Mega Missions down in Cali. during Easter, which I am thinking about doing but that’s just once a year.
Any help would be appreciated! Tell me what you guys do to meet people!
K
Kasi
Guest
Not necessarily, before we moved here I was going to join a young adults group and I was allowed too. But as I said we moved so I wasn’t able too. 17 is close enough that if there was one here I would be able to join.
Thanks and God Bless,
C
chicago
Guest
Let’s fight for her honor!If he doesn’t ask twice and say pretty please I will. With a cherry on top even…
(I only wish she was around when I was 18… ok well maybe she was, but she was only like 3 then, I mean at the age she is now.)
J
Julianna
Guest
loved your post. A very smart young woman indeed! Will you be my daughter in law???
Juli
N
Norseman82
Guest
Need someone to help work your corner?
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