A
ack
Guest
So you’re saying that she’s more likely to meet a good guy at a restaurant than her church? Explain?
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O
opticks
Guest
Well it’s quite simple, really. Please do this experiment. Next time you go to church, count the number of 18-25 year-old, non-married men in attendance. Unless you live adjacent to a college, chances are you may only need one hand to count them all.So you’re saying that she’s more likely to meet a good guy at a restaurant than her church? Explain?
Now go to any chain restaurant on a Friday or Saturday night. Count the number of single guys. I guarantee you will need more than two hands to do this—and that will only be for the Catholic guys sitting in the bar!
Sadly, the 18-25 year-old group is largely missing from most Catholic churches. I’ve been involved with six different parishes in the last nine years and they span the entire United States. This is a universal problem in just about any religion and most priests were shocked when I took the EM and lector classes as a twenty-something. I was always the youngest one.
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TheApologist
Guest
Most likely the GOOD CATHOLIC man will be at church during Mass and not at the bar at the local restaurant. The reason most good Catholic men who are 18-25 aren’t at your local parish is probably because it isn’t near a college. Most good Catholic men know they need to be educated in their future work, whether it be apologizing, being a priest, or being a good Catholic husband who can teach his kids. If you go to a restaurant during Mass and count the number of GOOD CATHOLIC single men in it, chances are they will be lower than the number that is at Mass or that will go to Mass that weekend.Now go to any chain restaurant on a Friday or Saturday night. Count the number of single guys. I guarantee you will need more than two hands to do this—and that will only be for the Catholic guys sitting in the bar!
I think the absolute best way to go about finding someone who is a good Catholic and who has an education and would probably be able to support a family is…
to go to church on a Jesuit(100% Roman Catholic Jesuit…it’s sad I have to make the distinction) University/College Campus. No doubt this Jesuit school will have many single good Catholic men looking for a future, praying to God to lead them to their vocation…Chances are some of them will be married!
That is a bit drastic, though! That way you could probably:
- learn more about your faith
- learn for sure if your vocation lies in marriage, in sisterhood, or in service
- meet tons of good Catholic single men
- be in a relatively good environment for the growing of your faith and the bettering of you as a person
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opticks
Guest
I’ve got a few Catholic pals who went to Notre Dame that might disagree with you!
Also, there is nothing wrong with having a few drinks with your friends. You don’t need to check your morals with your coat. Do you do this when you go out with your friends? I notice there are a lot of uptight people on this board who sound like they are one step away from donning the burka and banning music.
Unless this girl wants to convert a seminarian, she needs to socialize with kids her own age and that means going to college.
Exactly my point. Her local church is likely full of young married couples with kids or old people–hardly the place to find a husband. I think her profile says she’s from Oregon. Not a whole lot going on there with the exception of Portland.
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chevalier
Guest
You mean the Jesuits?
A
ack
Guest
Okay…to continue this “experiment”, how many of these men in the restaurant go to Mass on Sunday?
Well it’s quite simple, really. Please do this experiment. Next time you go to church, count the number of 18-25 year-old, non-married men in attendance. Unless you live adjacent to a college, chances are you may only need one hand to count them all.
Now go to any chain restaurant on a Friday or Saturday night. Count the number of single guys. I guarantee you will need more than two hands to do this—and that will only be for the Catholic guys sitting in the bar!
Sadly, the 18-25 year-old group is largely missing from most Catholic churches. I’ve been involved with six different parishes in the last nine years and they span the entire United States. This is a universal problem in just about any religion and most priests were shocked when I took the EM and lector classes as a twenty-something. I was always the youngest one.
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TheApologist
Guest
Of course there’s nothing wrong with having a few drinks with friends(when you’re of age). I’m saying good Catholic men wouldn’t be at the bar when they should be at Mass(granted there are probably 3-4 Mass at college churches…I’m just trying to make a point)
That’s exactly what I just said…
Who are you to judge what’s going on in Portland?
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Ray_Scheel
Guest
If someone ran up credit card debt in college, it might be advisable to get that rolling towards payoff before starting a family, but without debt (or minimal) a married couple’s cash flow could very easily be sufficient to start having kids while still in one’s early 20’s, possibly while in college, certainly by the time both had held a post-college job for just a year. I understand the sentiment, but the caution is in the wrong time frame - avoiding getting into a financial mess when in the 18-21 range and picking a realistic career would have a couple financially ready for kids almost as soon as the primary wage earner had graduated from college.
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sacredcello
Guest
Save yourself the heartache and count this guy as a friend, but not a possible husband.
I agree with everyone else who posted…an education is more valuable to you, your husband and your future children than you can seem to imagine at this young age.
God bless you and keep you UNTIL we meet again.
S
snowman10
Guest
21/M…going to school to become a physician
need I say more…
in all seriousness, relationships are one of those things you wish you could avoid but are drug into. Kind of like a really bad car crash (you just can’t look away). But God puts people in our life for a reason, but remember you are the one with free will so use it wisely. I learned that one the hard way.
dxu
need I say more…
in all seriousness, relationships are one of those things you wish you could avoid but are drug into. Kind of like a really bad car crash (you just can’t look away). But God puts people in our life for a reason, but remember you are the one with free will so use it wisely. I learned that one the hard way.
dxu
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Altesse
Guest
I strongly suggest you go to college. For you! Not to find a husband.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but men these days just don’t want a stay at home wife.
Any guy you meet will run at top speed in the opposite direction if you mention wanting to be a stay at home wife or mom.
Men want an equal partner in their marriage. This includes equal financial support and equal family duties.
The days of Ozzie and Harriet are long gone.
In my experience in the world; you are lowering your standards by not being the best you can be.
College is a very valuable experience. You see the big picture of the world. You learn how to think differently. You meet people you never will otherwise. It expands your horizons and will prepare you for the future.
Kids today need parents who know what is going on in the world, in order to help guide them through it.
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Ray_Scheel
Guest
That’s a rather large generalizations, and getting less true among those young adults who are still interested in going to church. I wanted a stay at home wife, would welcome someone who wanted to be that if I ever marry again. It does no’ take a paycheck to be an equal partner, and IMO it demeans the value of a stay at home mom to the family to suggest that an income is required to pull an equal role. That may be the way our screwed up society views marriage, but that is not the goal by any means…
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anamchara
Guest
Thank you
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TheApologist
Guest
I think a really good Catholic man would want what’s best for the family…sometimes that’s a full-time mom, sometimes that’s another paycheck. Personally, if and when I get married I would love a stay at home wife. In my mind they have so much more worth…they have so much more time for loving children and such.
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mamacita
Guest
Bravo!!! Glad someone said it!!
First off, I must say that College is not for everyone. So IMHO she should not waste her or her parents money for that matter, it’s not “required” that all High School grads attend college. Look at the amount of grads out of college that don’t even land jobs for a few years, then take a look and see how hard it is to support yourself and pay off college debt off of waiting tables. I know so many individuals personally that went to college, obtained a degree and aren’t even working in their field. Most are working blue collar jobs. Not that there’s anything wrong with blue collar jobs but they couldn’t get anything else because jobs are hard to find when so many go to college nowadays.
If her parents don’t have a problem with her plan of action then we shouldn’t either. If she finds a guy now, hopefully they will wait to marry eachother anyway.
Also, I agree with the fact that she came on here looking for advice on where to go to find a nice, Catholic man and is getting pressured on the importance of college. Leave the poor girl alone! She never asked what everyone’s opinion on an advanced education was!!!
KASI, Go to Ave Maria. I myself was on there years ago. Met lots of nice, Catholic men…not to mention I met my Hubby on there. He was Catholic at the time, but now has became even closer to our Catholic faith since we met. It is pricey to join, but very well worth it. Good Luck and keep us posted!!!
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mamacita
Guest
Oh, and one more thing. Ave Maria’s website is very safe. They also ask very in depth questions about the Catholic faith so that people on there are not on there for a joke. It is totally legit. I recommend it, I felt very safe going to meet guys at public places that I had met on there. Would never give out your address to anyone on there though just to be safe. That is why I would meet people on there for a cup of coffee or something. Just a suggestion.
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mamacita
Guest
From my life experiences, that is definitely NOT true! (the thing about men not wanting a SAHM/W) The reason I know this is because all the men (and most weren’t Catholic but still felt this way) I dated in my history of dating were perfectly fine with the fact that that is what my ideal job would be, staying home. In fact, I have friends (women) who work and husbands wish that they would stay home but they won’t because they “want that adult contact everyday” and that is exactly what they have said. I feel bad for those men whose wifes refuse to stay home when the men know that that is what would be better for their children. Also, I think that men like being able to support their family themselves, it makes them feel good about themselves to know that they are relied on by their wife and children. One of my friends makes more money than her husband and she told me awhile back that ‘he just seems so depressed and wants to make more money but I can’t help him with that’ Well, he probably was depressed because he felt he wasn 't the breadwinner like men were in the “old” days. Just my opinion. Men like coming home to a clean house, laundry done, dinner on the table, happy kids. So Kasi, don’t let that scare you.
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Convert_in_99
Guest
I honestly don’t know! I looked, and looked, and looked. In the process of searching I did happen to run across an AWESOME, devout, faithful, kind, loving, compassionate, gentleman of a Protestant Christian. We get along pretty darn well…heck…we decided to get married! (Catholic style of course!)
Hope you find him…you are in my prayers!
I looked, and looked, and looked. In the process of searching I did happen to run across an AWESOME, devout, faithful, kind, loving, compassionate, gentleman of a Protestant Christian. We get along pretty darn well…heck…we decided to get married! (Catholic style of course!) Hope you find him…you are in my prayers!
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Rach620
Guest
I think we all need to recognize that something as unique as a woman’s vocation is going to differ in some way–big or small–from one woman to another. Some are called to be SAHMs, in whatever ‘style’ works best for their family (from having dinner on the table, the house spotless and laundry done each day for when daddy gets home to homeschooling or to taking care of the kids and their activities and keeping the house running), and some are called to working motherhood. Following God’s call in each lifestyle is what is important–putting His will above our own.
It’s not fair to say that all men expect one kind of wife, stay-at-home or otherwise, nor is it fair for a man to come into the marriage with expectations that are not flexible either to his wife’s calling to perhaps work outside the home or to the needs of his family.
If a man’s ego is bruised because his wife is bringing home more bread than he is…whose fault is that? It’s a team effort–each should be happy for the successes of the other.
Kasi, I really think that college is a great time for a young person to learn a lot and to discern their vocation. You do this by educating yourself, learning about things and pushing yourself into new experiences which have nothing to do with your future life as a wife and mother, but which develop you as a person and as a woman. It is important for every one of us to know ourselves and to know what God is calling us to as individual women before we rush into married life. I have already learned so much from my college experience, and I know that I would be much different w/o it. And a college degree really doesn’t hurt, especially if your family falls on hard times in the future. There are some jobs, such as teaching, which require a college degree but which are also really mom-friendly. Just a thought
It’s not fair to say that all men expect one kind of wife, stay-at-home or otherwise, nor is it fair for a man to come into the marriage with expectations that are not flexible either to his wife’s calling to perhaps work outside the home or to the needs of his family.
If a man’s ego is bruised because his wife is bringing home more bread than he is…whose fault is that?
It’s a team effort–each should be happy for the successes of the other.Kasi, I really think that college is a great time for a young person to learn a lot and to discern their vocation. You do this by educating yourself, learning about things and pushing yourself into new experiences which have nothing to do with your future life as a wife and mother, but which develop you as a person and as a woman. It is important for every one of us to know ourselves and to know what God is calling us to as individual women before we rush into married life. I have already learned so much from my college experience, and I know that I would be much different w/o it. And a college degree really doesn’t hurt, especially if your family falls on hard times in the future. There are some jobs, such as teaching, which require a college degree but which are also really mom-friendly. Just a thought
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elijahson
Guest
hi!
Please do NOT despair! Stay the course! don’t lower your expectations! there ARE GOOD HOLY CATHOLIC MEN OUT THERE…MY SON IS ONE OF THEM! I AM PROUD OF HIM FOR THE KIND OF MAN HE AS BECOME…HE IS 24, PRAYS THE ROSARY, ATTENDS MASS WEEKLY, ADORATION, READS THE SCRIPTURES AND THE CATECHISM…lives a holy CHASTE life unto his lord…SO THEY ARE OUT THERE…they may be hard to find, but pray and ask god to send one to you…i will pray for you too…as i am praying for a truly CATHOLIC WOMAN to be sent to him…
bless you for your love of our holy Faith
elijahson
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