Help and Prayers Please: Child freaks out at Confession

[Gertabelle]

take all the pressure off
don’t ask leading questions like, are you sure you don’t want to go to confession?
Simply announce you are going Saturday afternoon and invite anyone in the family to come with you.

I totally agree with this, for what my opinion’s worth. You might also add that she can just come and sit in the pew talking things over with Jesus while you go to confession.

If you sense that she is chewing on some sin she feels she has done, or some other moral dilemma, work on a climate of reconciliation and forgiveness in the family. If you happen to want to apologize to your husband or anyone else for some reason, do it publicly. If you are wrestling with a moral decision, even a relatively minor one, talk it out with her and ask her advice as long as it is appropriate for her age. “I wonder if I sounded mean when I answered Mrs. Smith, I am afraid I hurt her feelings–what do you think?” let her see that adults wrestle with these problems as well.

This is just such wise advice. We need to model these behaviors, not only to help our young ones grow, but also to be in the practice of reflection and humility. Thanks for sharing your thoughts

Gertie

 

[Rawb]

In the first place, she doesn’t even have to go once a year. Nobody has to, unless they are in a state of mortal sin, adults or children.

Actually, they are correct. We are required to go to Confession at least once a year. It’s in the precepts:

The Seven Precepts of the Church

I. To attend Mass on Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation, and resting from servile works.
II. To observe the days of abstinence and fasting.
III. To confess our sins to a priest, at least once a year.
IV. To receive Our Lord Jesus Christ in the Holy Eucharist at least once a year during Easter Season.
V. To contribute to the support of the Church.
VI. To obey the laws of the Church concerning Matrimony.
VII. To participate in the Church’s mission of Evangelization of Souls.(Missionary Spirit of the Church

beginningcatholic.com/precepts-of-the-catholic-church.html

 

[Joannm]

Actually, they are correct. We are required to go to Confession at least once a year. It’s in the precepts:

The Seven Precepts of the Church

I. To attend Mass on Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation, and resting from servile works.
II. To observe the days of abstinence and fasting.
III. To confess our sins to a priest, at least once a year.
IV. To receive Our Lord Jesus Christ in the Holy Eucharist at least once a year during Easter Season.
V. To contribute to the support of the Church.
VI. To obey the laws of the Church concerning Matrimony.
VII. To participate in the Church’s mission of Evangelization of Souls.(Missionary Spirit of the Church

beginningcatholic.com/precepts-of-the-catholic-church.html

This is interesteig that the CCC differs from canon law on this point.:

Can. 989 All the faithful who have reached the age of discretion are bound faithfully to confess their grave sins at least once a year. (underline mine)

 

[paperwight]

It’s surprising and bad that there’s this difference between the CC and Canon Law. Surprising because surely there would have been a team of editors to pick up on such errors, and bad because the simplification has resulted in completely changing the meaning.

It’s rather like the notices at the beginnings of escalators, in the UK at least.

‘Dogs must be carried on the escalator’ means something completely different from what it was intended to simplify i.e. ‘If it so happens you have a dog with you and you want to ride on the escalator, you must carry the dog’. It doesn’t mean a non-dog owner has to search around for a dog to carry before they can use the escalator.

 

[Rawb]

This is interesting that the CCC differs from canon law on this point.:

I don’t see the contradiction? They both say we must confess our sins to a priest at least once a year, and it’s common knowledge (or located elsewhere in the catechism if you don’t have that knowledge, 1457 and 1458 talk about this) that we are only bound to confess mortal (or ‘grave’) sins.

Unless you think it is possible to go an entire year without having committed a mortal sin even once?

 

[AHapka]

My goodness me, she’s a little girl. She hasn’t committed any mortal sins, so there’s no need to go to confession anyway.

And you know this because???

We don’t know this for sure. It’s really not a place for us to try to decide on an Internet forum. The state of her soul is between her and God.

What we should do is pray for her, her parents, and her priest that God’s will be done.

She should receive pastoral care, even if it’s talking to her priest (or another priest) outside of confession. If he judges that she should not be going, then we should take his word and not our guess.

This is a subject between her and her parents and her spiritual advisor. It’s only for us to pray for.

 

[datingtrappists]

Can. 989 All the faithful who have reached the age of discretion are bound faithfully to confess their grave sins at least once a year. (underline and italics mine)

emPHAsis on the wrong sylLAble… they mean the same thing, in both the Precepts and Canon Law.

Now, as far as advise goes… besides ditto to the other posters (especially puzzleannie)… maybe even mention about how great, and why, confession is… “I’m so glad that Jesus instituted confession. It’s nice to be able to know that I’m forgiven of my sins, etc…” This also helps with recalcitrant adults. Of course don’t divulge any details that she doesn’t need (substance of confession), but mentioning it on a semi-regular basis in a positive light may help be a form of “exposure therapy” for your daughter.

 

[paperwight]

Can. 989 All the faithful who have reached the age of discretion are bound faithfully to confess their grave sins at least once a year. (underline and italics mine)

emPHAsis on the wrong sylLAble… they mean the same thing, in both the Precepts and Canon Law.

.

No, they don’t.

‘All people with red hair must line up over there’ is not the same as ‘All people must line up over there’. ‘Put all your torn books in the recycle bin’ is not the same as ‘Put all your books in the recycle bin’.

Confess all your sins is not the same as confess all your grave sins.

And an 8 year old can commit mortal sins because a child cannot have full knowledge of what a mortal sin means, and therefore give full consent, let alone having the opportunity, as it were.

 

[AHapka]

And an 8 year old can commit mortal sins because a child cannot have full knowledge of what a mortal sin means, and therefore give full consent, let alone having the opportunity, as it were.

I’m going to presume that you meant “cannot.” And I’m sorry, but I still think you are incorrect.

The church teaches that the age of reason is around 7. Therfore I choose to believe what the church teaches, which is that a person of that age can committ a mortal sin. Common, probably not. Possible, yes (according to church teaching).

Code of Canon Law, 97 section 2:

“§2. A minor before the completion of the seventh year is called an infant and is considered not responsible for oneself (non sui compos). With the completion of the seventh year, however, a minor is presumed to have the use of reason.”

 

[puzzleannie]

yes it is possible, although not probable that a child who has attained the use of reason, commonly accepted to be around age 7, can commit a mortal sin. Even if almost all children of first communion age seldom, if ever, commit a mortal sin, they must be given the chance to confess before first communion. How much better to form the child in understanding, appreciating and wanting this sacrament of confession while their sins are still little ones, than to wait until they approach, as adults, in a state of trepidation with their accumulation of big sins.

 

[paperwight]

Sorry, yes, you are quite right, I did mean ‘cannot’.

I don’t see how the Canon Law you quoted means that attaining the age of reason means being able to discern what is mortal sin, though.

Is this stated somewhere?

 

[Bluegoat]

I don’t see how the Canon Law you quoted means that attaining the age of reason means being able to discern what is mortal sin, though.

Is this stated somewhere?

Yes, I think it is unclear too. One can be at a level where right and wrong can broadly understood, without being able to understand the whole implications of ones actions. Most 7 year olds have only a very incomplete understanding of the soul, or eternity. As well, besides understanding the abstract concepts, there is the ability to control ones own actions, factual information and experience, and the ability to anticipate natural consequences. Some of these things are not at an adult level until the end of the teen years. To me, it would make it incredibly unlikely - I won’t say impossible - for a child that age to commit a mortal sin.

I also think that the CC admits in practice if not theory that 7 is an good but not perfect number - child development is not regular across all children, and even within an individual child, it happens not in a moment, or a year, but over time. I have known parents who were advised to wait a year before having their child do first confession.

If I thought they were actually claiming that each child is fully rational at age 7, I would simply have to shake my head in disbelief.

 

[paperwight]

I absolutely agree.

I have asked ‘Ask an Apologist’ at what age a child can be held guilty of mortal sin, so we’ll see what their answer is.

It seems to me that if an adult masturbating can be held only partly responsible for sin if there is a chance of minimised culpability due to habit, then a child must be allowed some leeway on the grounds of immaturity.

I’m reminded of Graham Greene’s autobiography, when he remembers at the age of 8 or thereabouts misunderstanding an ‘Examination of Conscience’ and so confessing ‘sleeping with his grandmother’ and hearing the priest stifle laughter on the other side of the grille.

 

[Bluegoat]

I absolutely agree.

I have asked ‘Ask an Apologist’ at what age a child can be held guilty of mortal sin, so we’ll see what their answer is.

It seems to me that if an adult masturbating can be held only partly responsible for sin if there is a chance of minimised culpability due to habit, then a child must be allowed some leeway on the grounds of immaturity.

I’m reminded of Graham Greene’s autobiography, when he remembers at the age of 8 or thereabouts misunderstanding an ‘Examination of Conscience’ and so confessing ‘sleeping with his grandmother’ and hearing the priest stifle laughter on the other side of the grille.

That is really hilarious. The poor boy must have been so embarrassed though.

Children will believe all kinds of strange things are sins if an authority figure tells them so (or sometimes cruel older siblings), which seem to suggest to me they are not really understanding something fundamental about the nature of sin.

 

[Joannm]

I don’t see the contradiction? They both say we must confess our sins to a priest at least once a year, and it’s common knowledge (or located elsewhere in the catechism if you don’t have that knowledge, 1457 and 1458 talk about this) that we are only bound to confess mortal (or ‘grave’) sins.

Unless you think it is possible to go an entire year without having committed a mortal sin even once?

Given the conditions required for a mortal sin I would say that, yes, a person can go an entire year without committing one. One can commit a grave act but not be aware they are sinning or they could have committed a grave act without thinking about it. To commit a mortal sin the act has to be grave, you have to have sufficient knowledge that the act in fact is a sin, and decide to commit it anyway knowing it is mortal.

 

[paperwight]

I agree.

 

[paperwight]

A little story that our parish priest told the congregation after returning from escorting a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. One day they were relaxing by the Sea of Galilee. They were watching a group of children having fun, running up to the waves and running back. All of a sudden, there was an extra-large wave, and the littlest child ran back up the beach to his father, terrified, shrieking ‘Abba! Abba!’ The priest said that this brought the Gospel to life for him more than any other experience on the pilgrimage.

Jesus told us that our God is a loving Daddy. ‘Abba’ - the child’s name for Daddy. He gave examples from real life - ‘What father, if his son asked for bread, would give him a stone? Or for a fish would give him a serpent?’ - to show that we can deduce from parental love on earth what that means.

What parent, if a child broke a vase through playing with it even if against orders, would renounce and punish that child for ever? If we can make allowances for people’s failings, corrupt though we are in comparison with God, how much more can Almighty God, who is Love and compassion?

Why do people limit God’s mercy and power? He is not a tyrant, forever looking down to see if He can say ‘Gotcha!’. He is our Abba, our loving Daddy, and we are quarrelsome and foolish children.

 

[puzzleannie]

AJesus told us that our God is a loving Daddy. ‘Abba’ - the child’s name for Daddy. He gave examples from real life - ‘What father, if his son asked for bread, would give him a stone? Or for a fish would give him a serpent?’ - to show that we can deduce from parental love on earth what that means.

What parent, if a child broke a vase through playing with it even if against orders, would renounce and punish that child for ever? If we can make allowances for people’s failings, corrupt though we are in comparison with God, how much more can Almighty God, who is Love and compassion?

Why do people limit God’s mercy and power? He is not a tyrant, forever looking down to see if He can say ‘Gotcha!’. He is our Abba, our loving Daddy, and we are quarrelsome and foolish children.

this is the way to initiate teaching children about morality and confession.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I don’t see the contradiction? They both say we must confess our sins to a priest at least once a year, and it’s common knowledge (or located elsewhere in the catechism if you don’t have that knowledge, 1457 and 1458 talk about this) that we are only bound to confess mortal (or ‘grave’) sins.

Unless you think it is possible to go an entire year without having committed a mortal sin even once?

For many people, yes I believe it is possible. Not because they are so holy, but because they have arranged their lives to “avoid the near occasion of sin”.

For an 8 year old child, I believe it is even more possible for them to go a year or even a few without commiting a mortal sin. Since the child in question doesn’t seem to have a problem with going to confession with her class, and will be going in just a few months, I believe the mother is safe in not pushing it before then.

I am sure that given the discussions in most CCD classes, the child will be alerted to any possible sins she has committed–mortal or venial.

 

[kage_ar]

The Catechism will link you to the full documents:

scborromeo.org/ccc/para/1457.htm

**1457 **According to the Church’s command, “after having attained the age of discretion, each of the faithful is bound by an obligation faithfully to confess serious sins at least once a year.” Anyone who is aware of having committed a mortal sin must not receive Holy Communion, even if he experiences deep contrition, without having first received sacramental absolution, unless he has a grave reason for receiving Communion and there is no possibility of going to confession. Children must go to the sacrament of Penance before receiving Holy Communion for the first time.