HELP. Cannot stick to anything

[la_petit_fleur]

I am absolutely terrible at following through with stuff. I cannot establish a habit at all.

I grew up with alcoholic parents, so this is stuff I just never learned. I’m not blaming them (I love them!). I’m an adult and therefore it’s my responsibility, but I’m just saying that’s probably the reason. I never had any routine or structure as a kid.

I can keep up at work, with housework/dinner, or my kid’s stuff, etc., because that’s for somebody else, but when it comes to me, I just don’t do it. Diet, prayer (esp. novenas), practicing a hobby, even basic stuff like washing my face etc., etc. I don’t follow through.

I’m over 21 by a decade, so it’s not immaturity. I don’t think I have depression or low self-esteem or anything like that. I have downloaded apps to help, made schedules and charts, set alarms on my phone, tried to frame it as if I’m doing it for someone else, and many other strategies. None if it works. Usually I get a few days in and either forget, or put it off, or prioritize something else instead. It’s really discouraging and depressing.

I don’t even know if anyone can help me, but maybe there’s an underlying character issue or virtue that I can work on, penance I could do, saint I could pray to, concecration to Mary or Joseph? I’m willing to try whatever.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Learn to accept yourself for who you are, not what you expect a person is suppose to be like.

Self knowledge and a prayer life go hand in hand in that the closer you come to God, the closer He brings you to your true self. To be the human being God had in mind when he created you, is about detaching yourself from the false images you have of what you should be like.

Salvation isn’t about who has the most will power, but it’s mystical. It begins when you open yourself to Christ and allow yourself to be you.

 

[Vico]

I am absolutely terrible at following through with stuff. I cannot establish a habit at all.
…

Imagination is necessary, that is, to imagine the superior results that will follow on discipline. Another thing to use is to make goals well defined and realistic, breaking larger goal down into steps that can then be prioritized and scheduled. Self monitoring is helpful for scheduling to know how long a particular activity takes.

 

[rosejmj]

I think it’s normal to struggle with keeping goals and schedules for yourself. I certainly struggle with that when it’s my own time.at be get other people to push you as well? I can rarely motivate myself to do things and motivation isn’t enough anyway since it comes and goes.

 

[Daisy]

I’m horrible at it too. I found that if I make a list in the morning, and reward myself only after certain tasks on that list are completed, it helps. Rewards can be anything–a nap, a coffee, a TV show.

Just keep trying. Life comes at us, but we can try, try again. Keep to the same basic goals and schedules. Just know that about yourself and be patient with yourself. Build some accountability partners into your schedule, too, like for workouts or prayer groups. Schedule a slot for adoration or meet a friend weekly for weight goals.

 

[Daisy]

Learn to accept yourself for who you are, not what you expect a person is suppose to be like.

Self knowledge and a prayer life go hand in hand in that the closer you come to God, the closer He brings you to your true self. To be the human being God had in mind when he created you, is about detaching yourself from the false images you have of what you should be like.

Salvation isn’t about who has the most will power, but it’s mystical. It begins when you open yourself to Christ and allow yourself to be you.

That wasvlovely, I definitely needed to hear this today!

 

[Lou2U]

Learn to accept yourself for who you are, not what you expect a person is suppose to be like.

I agree with this - maybe one reason you’re struggling with sticking to a schedule so much is because you’re trying to do it for an idealised version of you and not who you actually are. So ask yourself -

• Are you a morning person or a night owl?
• What time of day do you feel most productive?
• Are you scheduling too much or too little time for a hobby/prayer - do you get more done in short spurts or do you need to sit down and have a couple of hours to really achieve something?
• Are you giving yourself time during the day, or breaks between activities to just do what you want and not what you ‘should’ be doing?

I also would really advise you not to over-schedule yourself. If you struggle with a routine, don’t make one that’s too hard to follow. Maybe prioritise a few things that you need to do every day - e.g, wash, pray, and whatever else can be ‘essential’. And make yourself stick to them - don’t put them off, don’t prioritise something else, because they are your priorities to get done. If you do, that’s where you need to have the willpower to stop yourself.

 

[Jen7]

Why stick to a schedule like this? I don’t. It annoys me, but it’s not wrong. The plus side is I can be really resilient, spontaneous, and come up with new ideas. Case in point, we’re in a cabin in the woods right now. I forgot the baby’s high chair. So I cut leg holes in a cardboard box, cut the box lid off and created a tray. It just sits on the floor because it’s cardboard, but it WORKS! My type A super organized & structured husband did not think that up. It takes someone who can just throw stuff together and make it work. Someone a little random and a little nutty. Someone who forgets to wash her face and sometimes wears mismatched socks. :woman_shrugging:t2: Admittedly my husband never would have forgotten the high chair in the first place … but whatever. Find things to appreciate in yourself!! The book “It’s Just My Nature” by Carol Tuttle is GREAT for helping in this area! She divides folks into four energy types (I’m a Type One and it sounds like you are too) & she tells you everything that’s amazing about each type of person.

 

[Lara]

Firstly, I would make sure you really want the things you are trying to schedule. I don’t think I would schedule my hobbies or prayer. Your diet could be regulated with a plan to eat the same thing at breakfast, lunch and snacks, and only vary your dinner. You could wash your face when you brush your teeth.

Secondly, it helps to exercise your “discipline muscle” in small ways before you attempt big ways. For instance, plan to wake up at the same time each morning for a week.

 

[Annie]

A lot of people tend to have themselces as a low priority so they have troubles just like yours.

There is some good stuff on YouTube by the authors of some good books on habit-formation which I found to be helpful for me.

And some of the advice is the same as what I have read from saints



Big helps for me: start incredibly small, and only work on one habit at a time.

And by small, they mean to keep your Rosary in one place, and each day go at about the same time to that place and pick it up. Then go back to what you were doing before. (!)

 

[la_petit_fleur]

To be the human being God had in mind when he created you, is about detaching yourself from the false images you have of what you should be like.

Salvation isn’t about who has the most will power, but it’s mystical. It begins when you open yourself to Christ and allow yourself to be you.

Thank you so very much for this. It really touched me.

Another thing to use is to make goals

Yes, one of the issues-- I’m not goal oriented at all.

Maybe prioritise a few things that you need to do every day - e.g, wash, pray, and whatever else can be ‘essential’. And make yourself stick to them - don’t put them off, don’t prioritise something else, because they are your priorities to get done. If you do, that’s where you need to have the willpower to stop yourself.

When I have had short-lived success, this is essentially what I’ve done.

So I cut leg holes in a cardboard box, cut the box lid off and created a tray. It just sits on the floor because it’s cardboard, but it WORKS!

Lol, this is exactly something I would do. I will look up that book. Thanks!

 

[Fati]

think it’s normal to struggle with keeping goals and schedules for yourself

I call it attation defective . ads. sysdome.
I start projects and lose interest.
But I’m over 70 now. Going down hill . does it matter. No …
It’s easier to take the dog for a walk.
And get something to eat.

Or listen to talk radio. They tell you what you should believe .and what is true and what is a lie. Hmmm

 

[johnz123]

Maybe you should see a therapist or an adhd coach.

 

[NevermoreLenore]

I have finally begun accepting that perhaps my chaotic and creative ways have a place in the world. I grew up with an abusive mother and walking on eggshells and keeping the peace was essential to avoiding being hit or, worse–very very long silent treatments. I had to be ‘perfect’. My ADHD makes my mind bounce around like a pinball, but the flip side is that I can hyper focus and act wisely during crises or when something needs to be done. In my evangelical days, I was great at starting ministries and then handing them off to more reliable and gifted people. I’ve been able to relearn how to be who I really am. This has been incredibly freeing because I grew up with such rigidity that I really struggled to know myself at all.

Discipline is important. It is an area with which I struggle, but I’m also seeing how my different way of viewing the world and seeing things others miss. I strike a perfect balance to my very reliable and disciplined husband (I so admire him). Like the cardboard box high chair solution @Jen7 improvised, you see different solutions.

attation defective . ads. sysdome.
I start projects and lose interest.

You are not defective. I’m notorious for initiating and then losing interest. Guess what? Creators are necessary! So are reliable implementors who can take the ball of your creation and run with it.

Or listen to talk radio. They tell you what you should believe .and what is true and what is a lie.

Lol, I don’t believe a disembodied voice should be your source of truth. Read the catechism and the Bible. God gives us discernment and it is not good to passively go with whatever your favourite radio voices say is truth or lie. We are to ‘work out our salvation’ and ‘be ready to give an answer to anyone who asks you about the hope you have in Christ’.

Because some measures of discipline are necessary, I do regularly work on it and have a few books that have helped me; available on Amazon.
Christian Self-Mastery

Confraternity Library

Cultivating Virtue

 

[Greenfields]

I sometimes try doing chores in small blocks of three ,three small accomplishments …it seems to help ,and I can look back with some satisfaction.Write my to-do list in reverse ,write down what I’ve just done .

 

[SunSeeker]

I’m going to establish better habits like those you listed in the New Year as well, though I admit, it’s not the first time I’ve said that, and I struggle with the same thing as you.

I know you need time to yourself. It sounds like you may be too tired after doing things for others to want to keep these goals. Are you expecting too much of yourself in the other areas of your life? While some housework must be done to a certain frequency, no one is likely to die if the kitchen floor is only swept, and not mopped one time, etc. My mother is always so hard on herself with housework, even now that I’m an adult, so I know some people hold themselves to unreasonable goals. You need to make sure you schedule down time. That’s DOWN time. Not “I should find a productive hobby” time. Not “Extra time to deal with the days issues” time. Not even “time to get in extra rosaries” time. Down time. It is written into your schedule as “Down Time”, and you ask yourself each day what would best help you relax on that day. If you feel like praying, go for it. Feel like knitting? Go for it. Napping? Sure, but not even you obligate activities for yourself during that time. This will give you energy for the rest of your day. Sometimes, I just need a day off. I do nothing watch tv, facebook, etc) until I get so bored of nothing, I want to do chores. If a day off makes you want it more the other six days, then that’s what it takes.

Goals should drive you to success, when they start driving you into the ground, they are no longer helpful. What does help is having someone to hold you accountable. Could you find a close friend to text only when you’ve done a goal, and they get to bug you until you do?

For hobbies, find something you really enjoy, even if it’s unproductive. If you really have fun, you’ll want to do it enough. sometimes we like the idea of a hobby like knitting, and not the actual activity itself, and we don’t always see the difference.

For diet, I agree with some of the above advice about simplicity in daily diet. You can eat the same snacks and lunches and breakfasts all week and vary suppers. Have a few weekly plans to rotate through Variety in food is sometimes overrated. You need more than five things to eat, but you don’t need hundreds. Don’t restrict yourself too much. Just making food instead of ordering takeout will do wonders for you. Only buy what you plan to eat. Do careful meal planning. If you’re worried the kids will be extra hungry one day, buy extra stuff that they like, but you wouldn’t touch even if you were starving. That way, they eat plenty, but you get only what you want.

 

[SunSeeker]

Wanted to add that the pandemic actually helped me with my diet. I told myself I’d make one weekly trip to the store, to avoid covid. I have no car, and my money is tight.

When you have to plan a full week of food, in a budget, that you can carry home in bags (twenty minutes walking in winter), you learn to plan carefully. Necessity is a good teacher for any goal.

 

[po18guy]

I share many of your traits. I am waiting for a call to begin the diagnostic procedure. I strongly suspect that I have Asperger’s, and if so, this will help me come to grips with my very being. There is no “cure” and thus it is part of the cross which I was assigned. In that case, I embrace it.

You could have ADD, OCD or both or neither. Honesty demands that we know ourselves and knowing the why behind the what helps us come to grips with how we cope with this pilgrim’s life.

 

[Greenfields]

Aye,it’s one of the givens I think I have some adhd happening ,and more so at this time of life … I’m learning to be less self critical, not use it as an excuse but to realise it may be there for my better good .

 

[la_petit_fleur]

Because some measures of discipline are necessary, I do regularly work on it and have a few books that have helped me; available on Amazon.

Thank you, I will check these out.

I sometimes try doing chores in small blocks of three ,three small accomplishments …it seems to help ,and I can look back with some satisfaction.

Yes, I set the timer for 15 minutes, if I’m procrastinating. It’s helpful.

Could you find a close friend to text only when you’ve done a goal, and they get to bug you until you do?

I recently started doing this. Checking in 2x a week with someone and it is helping a little, because I’m more likely to keep a promise to someone else than I am to myself.

I share many of your traits. I am waiting for a call to begin the diagnostic procedure. I strongly suspect that I have Asperger’s, and if so, this will help me come to grips with my very being. There is no “cure” and thus it is part of the cross which I was assigned. In that case, I embrace it.

I might consult my doctor. But I just wanted to say, even though I haven’t really had any back and forth with you on these forums, I have always really appreciated your (name removed by moderator)ut and opinions on other ppls posts thoughout my time here at CAF. I feel somewhat better knowing that you @po18guy, @NevermoreLenore, and @Jen7 share these issues, because I admire all of you and feel like there is hope for me. I’m really going to miss this place and many of the people here. God bless.