Help! Did son's therapist give bad advice?

[Xantippe]

I mentioned sports teams and that’s generally safe, as long as one is focusing on the game itself and not the off-the-field antics of players. There’s even space to get really, really absorbed in stats and playbooks and drafting (football talk is huge in my area, my husband is a total nerd about it, but that’s an advantage socially. I don’t follow it extensively, but I still know the names of the major players and the rules of the game, and can have casual conversations in the check out line etc.)

Depending on the size of his school, there are probably other people the OP’s son can find to share interests with. IIRC, he’s in public school, so faith and religion may be difficult, but there’s still Lord of the Rings kids, kids who like old movies, and a lot of the kinds of things that Xantippe mentioned. I went to public school not THAT long ago and I ran with a pretty innocent, nerdy crowd of “good kids.” Encouraging him to broaden his horizons in wholesome ways, and connect with other kids with other interests, should be very good for him!

I skipped that one. Big Girl plays a couple of LOTR theme pieces (the shire theme and the Rohan theme) and she has a chum who allegedly speaks elvish.

Have a look at the after school/during school clubs and activities.

 

[po18guy]

Well, south Park has certain value in certain cases. But, it is consistently profane and characters take the Lord’s name in vain routinely. To ‘fit in’, your DS will also have to drink, smoke weed and have sex. Did the therapist mention that?

 

[Allegra]

Yes. Watching South Park in order to fit in is horrible advice. Frankly, I firmly believe that watching or listening to anything you don’t care for in order to fit in with a crowd is horrible advice. What’s a better idea is to seek a better crowd, or facets of multiple crowds that you can share interests with.

Secondly, I would be extremely concerned about the judgement of an adult that, under the guise of professionalism, would recommend to someone else’s 13yo child, a television show that is rated for adults over 18.

My only hope is that the conversation went along these lines,
“What are your friends interested in?”
“Ummm. South Park?”
“Well, why don’t you try watching that, so you’ll have something to talk about?” Without being fully aware of the content he or she was recommending. I would be asking some questions though.

Lastly, It has been my experience that the typical 13yo boy likes to talk a big game and often exaggerates his experience with the “naughty” when around other boys in order to seem “advanced” beyond his years. Your son might be surprised to find that many a “cool guy” talks a South Park game at the lunch table, but is actually rushing home after school to watch Pokémon. Many if not most of them would be on the receiving end of a rather embarrassing dressing down from their parents if they found out they were watching something like that behind their back.

PS- Take this with a grain of salt though. Raising children that DON’T fit in with their peers is actually one of my life goals.

 

[Jestersage]

If he’s constantly dismissed as strange or awkward or out of touch, what chance will he have at evangelizing? (If he is called to priesthood, especially in a parish, this will be something he has to contend with too.)

I had met sisters, and fathers, and while the words are the same, it’s the way they speak, the message they speak – not how they “connect” or water down.

And in terms of evangelizing, the person may not be confined to the known secular “mainstream”. What if he serve a parish that have a different secular culture, such as one where Chinese dominates?

 

[jcrichton]

I don’t necessarily disagree with any of this. But one has to keep in mind whether one is suited towards this kind of conversation when this comes up, and if their efforts are likely to be fruitful. Based on what the OP has said about her son, I doubt that he can navigate this kind of complexity successfully, especially considering his peers are adolescents.

I think a kind of hyperfocusing on the “what” (South Park) could be detrimental for the OP and her son. The point isn’t indulging in immoral media, it’s finding something in common with peers so he can more successfully interact with them. That’s definitely meritorious. If he’s constantly dismissed as strange or awkward or out of touch, what chance will he have at evangelizing? (If he is called to priesthood, especially in a parish, this will be something he has to contend with too.)

Hi!

…did you noticed that I did not recommend a single program… I merely chimed in on what the culture (entertainment) is about; while you may think that South Park is a material recourse for engaging other young people, consider (I tried to watch a few times) the homosexuality that is presented as just right, the racism with “token” the exposure of a child who goes to an adult who has him suck sperm from a ‘hose’ so that he can make an experiment… and then there’s the decapitation of that fellow in the green thing… could there be a less destructive show?

My advise is that parents should watch the show/program/video before taking the “professional’s advise” as a sound source.

…just because I know people who do drugs don’t mean that I should experience them so that I could have something to speak to them about… I could speak to them about the baseball/football/soccer/basketball… games or better yet, personal interest in activities… hollowood has it wrong, it does not take evil to do good!

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[pensmama87]

I had met sisters, and fathers, and while the words are the same,** it’s the way they speak, the message they speak – not how they “connect” or water down.**

And in terms of evangelizing, the person may not be confined to the known secular “mainstream”. What if he serve a parish that have a different secular culture, such as one where Chinese dominates?

How one connects is precisely this: having a sense of how to speak to others. I’m not advocating AT ALL to water down. But you do have to know how to speak to your audience, and if you seem like an alien from another planet, you’re going to have a very difficult time. That’s how communication works - you have to be able to understand the rules so you know how you’re coming across to others, and to understand what others are trying to say to you.

The point, which I seem to be reiterating for at least the third time, is not the specific “what.” It’s building the skill set which the OP’s son should then be able to translate to other contexts. But for greater success, he should start with something that is likely to resonate with his peers and that he can enjoy, too.

 

[pensmama87]

Hi!

…did you noticed that I did not recommend a single program… I merely chimed in on what the culture (entertainment) is about; while you may think that South Park is a material recourse for engaging other young people, consider (I tried to watch a few times) the homosexuality that is presented as just right, the racism with “token” the exposure of a child who goes to an adult who has him suck sperm from a ‘hose’ so that he can make an experiment… and then there’s the decapitation of that fellow in the green thing… could there be a less destructive show?

My advise is that parents should watch the show/program/video before taking the “professional’s advise” as a sound source.

…just because I know people who do drugs don’t mean that I should experience them so that I could have something to speak to them about… I could speak to them about the baseball/football/soccer/basketball… games or better yet, personal interest in activities… hollowood has it wrong, it does not take evil to do good!

Maran atha!

Angel

:ehh:
…

This is what you got from my posts? Really? No wonder we’re talking past each other. :doh2:

 

[jcrichton]

Yes. The choice of show was inappropriate and not just because it’s not wholesome but even neurotypical kids will imitate the behavior in shows they watch and I think you want something that is not only popular (so it can build a bridge) but also character that we want young people to be inspired by and emulate. Is there anything out there that is wholesome and fun?

Hi!

Exactly!

I know what it means to want to belong… though I had many advantages over my peers, I saw too many kids being ostracized because of their weight, lack of athleticism or “smarts” and because of their insecurity… I was never a jock, but I was liked by everyone; years later I could return to a neighborhood people (peers) would still gather around me… I always saw those in the shadows… coming to a park and being benched because they were not “good enough” to play–never mind that their basketball of other equipment was being used… yes, fitting in is important, especially for teens.

Yet, as you stated, why expose a child to a bad source for learning/emulating? How can a good character be built from defective matter?

Christian parents must put on the Armor of God and work exhaustingly to provide the best path for their children to follow–if we have to rent movies/videos/programs to understand/see what it’s culture is, well, tighten that belt, forget that new pair of shoes/tools/clubs… and supper size that coffee and do some direct research!

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[jcrichton]

Yes. Watching South Park in order to fit in is horrible advice. Frankly, I firmly believe that watching or listening to anything you don’t care for in order to fit in with a crowd is horrible advice. What’s a better idea is to seek a better crowd, or facets of multiple crowds that you can share interests with.

Secondly, I would be extremely concerned about the judgement of an adult that, under the guise of professionalism, would recommend to someone else’s 13yo child, a television show that is rated for adults over 18.

My only hope is that the conversation went along these lines,
“What are your friends interested in?”
“Ummm. South Park?”
“Well, why don’t you try watching that, so you’ll have something to talk about?” Without being fully aware of the content he or she was recommending. I would be asking some questions though.

Lastly, It has been my experience that the typical 13yo boy likes to talk a big game and often exaggerates his experience with the “naughty” when around other boys in order to seem “advanced” beyond his years. Your son might be surprised to find that many a “cool guy” talks a South Park game at the lunch table, but is actually rushing home after school to watch Pokémon. Many if not most of them would be on the receiving end of a rather embarrassing dressing down from their parents if they found out they were watching something like that behind their back.
**
PS- Take this with a grain of salt though. Raising children that DON’T fit in with their peers is actually one of my life goals**.

Hi, Allegra!

…sounds like your imitating Christ!

May the Holy Spirit continue to Guide your Path!

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[PaulfromIowa]

You are correct that South Park is vulgar and not something that should be recommended to a 14 year old child. However, your son will inevitably and certainly be exposed to much worse in high school. That is simply a fact. Our society has gone very coarse, by design.

I hope that you are not talking about a public high school, but the situation will be similar at most Catholic high schools.

 

[Xantippe]

Yes. Watching South Park in order to fit in is horrible advice. **Frankly, I firmly believe that watching or listening to anything you don’t care for in order to fit in with a crowd is horrible advice. What’s a better idea is to seek a better crowd, or facets of multiple crowds that you can share interests with. **

Secondly, I would be extremely concerned about the judgement of an adult that, under the guise of professionalism, would recommend to someone else’s 13yo child, a television show that is rated for adults over 18.

My only hope is that the conversation went along these lines,
“What are your friends interested in?”
“Ummm. South Park?”
“Well, why don’t you try watching that, so you’ll have something to talk about?” Without being fully aware of the content he or she was recommending. I would be asking some questions though.

Lastly, It has been my experience that the typical 13yo boy likes to talk a big game and often exaggerates his experience with the “naughty” when around other boys in order to seem “advanced” beyond his years. **Your son might be surprised to find that many a “cool guy” talks a South Park game at the lunch table, but is actually rushing home after school to watch Pokémon. **Many if not most of them would be on the receiving end of a rather embarrassing dressing down from their parents if they found out they were watching something like that behind their back.

PS- Take this with a grain of salt though. Raising children that DON’T fit in with their peers is actually one of my life goals.

I think there’s a lot of truth to that.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hello Friends:

My DS has mild Aspergers that presents itself as socially awkward. He starts high school at the end of the month. His therapist has been working on his social skills all summer (he’s really excited for school).

Anyhow, today she suggested that DS watch South Park. I know nothing about this show except DH said it’s like Family Guy on steroids. Her reasoning was to “fit in” because many kids watch it & DS would be able to get in on conversations about said show.

My thought: NO WAY!

I would love feedback! God bless and thank you.

Nope. No way! And I would question my choice of therapist and let them know that.

 

[jcrichton]

:ehh:
…

This is what you got from my posts? Really? No wonder we’re talking past each other. :doh2:

Hi!

You seem to intimate that as long as a child is able to integrate with other children it is ok to get involve with questionable things (South Park); is that not what you are saying?

I do concur that it is good to have things in common in order to integrate with others; yet, why not things other than what is known to be faulty?

That’s my argument.

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[Xantippe]

Is there a school robotics club? Those have gotten very trendy.

Academic teams are good, too.

There might also be a board game or chess club, and if there isn’t one, and if that appeals to him, it might be worthwhile starting one. (We ran a monthly elementary board game club for a while, mostly in order to provide our oldest social experiences.)

If he has an interest, and there’s not a relevant club at school, you can help him create one. (Bonus: this can go on his college applications!)

If he does band, that’s also a very natural social unit. Our oldest did instrumental music last year, and that was probably one of the social highlights of the year.

 

[Xantippe]

Hi!

You seem to intimate that as long as a child is able to integrate with other children it is ok to get involve with questionable things (South Park); is that not what you are saying?

I do concur that it is good to have things in common in order to integrate with others; yet, why not things other than what is known to be faulty?

That’s my argument.

Maran atha!

Angel

I’m pretty sure that was not what pensmama87 was saying.

 

[jcrichton]

You are correct that South Park is vulgar and not something that should be recommended to a 14 year old child. However, your son will inevitably and certainly be exposed to much worse in high school. That is simply a fact. Our society has gone very coarse, by design.

I hope that you are not talking about a public high school, but the situation will be similar at most Catholic high schools.

Hi, Paul!

Yes, it is inevitable that people be exposed to other ideologies since we have a pluralist culture; yet, why support something that you know is wrong? Rather, teach children to be strong in themselves; respect others; respect themselves. Even bullies admire consistency–some would even wish they had the courage to have their own opinion and ideas!

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[jcrichton]

I’m pretty sure that was not what pensmama87 was saying.

Hi!

My apologies to you both.

I may have taken the following wrong:

I think a kind of hyperfocusing on the “what” (South Park) could be detrimental for the OP and her son. The point isn’t indulging in immoral media, it’s finding something in common with peers so he can more successfully interact with them. That’s definitely meritorious. If he’s constantly dismissed as strange or awkward or out of touch

, what chance will he have at evangelizing? (If he is called to priesthood, especially in a parish, this will be something he has to contend with too.)
I thought that what was being conveyed was that the end justifies the means.

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[esieffe]

I work with special needs high school students, including those with aspergers. Watching South Park is a VERY bad idea. I know parents who have learned the hard way about this very thing. Even though their child is responsible and makes good choices, they are very selective about what he watches on TV. Why? One reason of many is that for some reason they meld their personalities with TV or movie characters, if only for a little while.

If he has what we call “class out” in other words he is in classes with regular students, and spits out some South Park vulgarity, his first high school experience will be a suspension or a week in ISS. I know what I am talking about. I would consider getting a new therapist. :twocents:

 

[1990Domer]

To answer a few questions, my son tends to overly talk about airplanes. He wasn’t into military planes but learned about them by studying the various aspects of military and commercial engines, and the physics that goes along with it (this kid really knows his science). So, he used to talk over the heads of his peers. Now, he has found older kids that can keep up with him. He plays trumpet and golf, and he joined the school band and is going out for track & field.

We homeschooled him in 7th and 8th grade, but he has friends from church and altar serving going to HS with him. So, he has a group that accepts him. We’re told he’s a handsome young man. Several girls have or had crushes on him. This is very foreign to him, because he always tells me how he dislikes how guys objectify girls. He is very much like DH, as he has taught DS well about the nastiness of porn.

As for religious life, he’s discerning being a priest or religious brother in a religious order…perhaps a monastic one. He knows the limits of his social skills. Amen that the principal of his HS lives in our church’s rectory and DS serves for him. We are blessed to have the guidance of this good and holy priest.

 

[pensmama87]

Hi!

My apologies to you both.

I may have taken the following wrong:

I thought that what was being conveyed was that the end justifies the means.

Maran atha!

Angel

No, absolutely not. Just that the end is most likely a good one, so find different means. Many examples were proposed by me and other posters.