HELP! Ethical concern with teen drinking

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I should have added that in my state, it is legal to serve your own children alcohol, even in a restaurant. The parent can order a glass of wine etc and give it to the underage offspring.The catch is this…

If you do that, it is wise to not allow excessive consumption because at that point you could be exposing yourself to potential charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor or child endangering should they become intoxicated. Additionally the age of the child could be an issue. I would not recommend doing this if the child is under 15.

The situation that most commonly applies would be a wedding reception where champaign is served or a toast is given.
Someone did point out to me that there are states where this is legal. To be honest, I am rather astounded, but the law is the law.

Seems to me that it’s much better not to take the chance, given the pitfalls that you mention.

(I do remember my then10-year old brother sneaking around and finishing off the champagne in the glasses at my wedding reception 35 years ago in New England…)
 
Someone did point out to me that there are states where this is legal. To be honest, I am rather astounded, but the law is the law.

Seems to me that it’s much better not to take the chance, given the pitfalls that you mention.

(I do remember my then10-year old brother sneaking around and finishing off the champagne in the glasses at my wedding reception 35 years ago in New England…)
Correct. One of the common misconceptions of the drinking laws is that people believe the federal government pressured the states to raise the drinking age to 21. This is not true. They only raised the public possession and purchase age to 21 years old. (Since a person must posses a drink in order to consume it) However, many states took it upon themselves to raise the consumption age to 21 as well. In addition to that ** those states **that did raise the consumption age to 21 have many exceptions. They often include locations and the presence of family members. Those states that do not explicitly prohibit underage consumption of alcohol basically leave the decision to the adult in charge of the minor. Think that’s crazy? Well it gets even more insane. Some states, while they may or may not prohibit underage consumption, and may or may have exceptions to prohibiting of underage consumption may or may not prohibit internal possession. In other words, whilst it might be illegal for a minor to consume alcohol, it might not be illegal to have any amount of alcohol present in his or her system. States that pass internal possession laws can fine and arrest underage drinker by testing for any BAC. However to my knowledge all 50 states prohibit a person under 21 who has a noticable BAC from operating a moter vehicle. One thing you must understand about the U.S. is that our laws are not very explicit when it comes to every aspect of underage drinking. I will say that what the OP’s son did was not only illegal, but extremely careless, and that none of my post attempts to justify it.

If you’re curious about your current state’s laws concerning underage drinking consult the APIS state profiles. Note that laws constantly change and that the APIS is updated yearly usually.

alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/stateprofiles/
 
My nieces attend a private Catholic school and a student had a beer party complete with keg stands and table dancing. The morons then posted the event in their face book account. Anyone pictured with a beer was suspended from school for two weeks; anyone that attended (and could not be proven to be drinking) was suspended from all extra circular activity - including sports, prom and any scholastic competitions. Almost half the senior class was disciplined in some manner. Several parents tried the “but it wasn’t a school function” excuse but were shown the section of the school handbook that applied and were invited to remove their child if they thought the punishment was too harsh.
Wow! Wish the Catholic school where I live was that strict with their policy.We had an incident happen at a school dance and no one got expelled…
 
*I find it pleasantly surprising that the school would get that involved, also. I know that the public schools my kids go to are pretty strict…and they had some kids suspended for ‘‘dirty dancing’’ at homecoming last year…but, I don’t think they’d react at something happening off campus. I think that’s great…because if kids are not going to listen to parents, say (not all kids who go to Catholic schools are well behaved) they will pay consequences at school, steeper ones.

Auntmama…any updates? I’m praying that things work out for you, all around. :gopray: *
 
Wow! Wish the Catholic school where I live was that strict with their policy.We had an incident happen at a school dance and no one got expelled…
Our Catholic high school here - after multiple incidents of drunk students showing up at proms and dances - started using a breathalyzer at the entrance. (They also do random drug testing at school, which is another kettle of fish entirely…)

A van-ful of kids got into an accident some years back, and open containers were found in the vehicle. They were all suspended, and one of them - the student body president - lost his position, though he had not been drinking, and was widely known not to drink. They don’t mess around.
 
I think it is probably worthwhile to point out that the majority of kids drink. I know there is quite a range of results, but it is a pretty safe bet that at least 50% do, but everything I have read says it is much higher. I have never seen results under 50%, so I think that is a very conservative number.

Also, the chances that this particular party was the first drink for anyone there are quite low. Many (most?) parents think there kids are the ones that don’t drink. Most are wrong.

Statistically, most people on this board are in the same boat. Ill raise my hand. First time I actually had alcohol, enough to get, well, drunk, was 8th grade. What is that, 13 or 14 years old? I may have been a bit early, but I am not the minority.

I guess my point is that this has been happening a loooong time. When we were younger, the chances of any severe punishment was basically nill. I mean that individual parents would punish as they see fit, but no police involvement, no expulsion, no record, no loss of college, etc. I think we need to keep that in mind. Kids are the same, have been for a long time. Its us that have gone bonkers on kids doing that same things we did decades ago…

M
 
Thanks for all the thoughts. My husband and I were concerned about the sin of detraction, I understand your point there. However we felt the safety of living persons beat out my sons right to privacy.

However, the way we solved this was through the marvels of the priesthood. The school’s formation direction and dean of boys is a priest. We went to him, with a list of the attendees at the party. He suggested (and we agreed) that this conversation we had with him be treated like a confession. He would remove from our shoulders the burden of calling the other parents. Instead HE called them, and what he said was “Your son/ daughter was at a party Saturday night at the home of another student, who shall not be named. The parents were out of town and did not know about it. Alcohol was served. The ball is now in your court as parents.” So, yes parents were notified, but no, we are not in the firing line for legal troubles.

The priest will also gather the students involved for a conversation at school during formation time, one on one. He has also asked my son to come to confession, and that has already occurred.

In addition, the school (under his direction) will neither suspend nor expel them, because (a) my son has never been in trouble before and (b) it did not happen on school grounds or a school outing.

God, I thank you for our priests!👍

And yes, our son is grounded forever and lost his license to us etc etc etc. Picked a terrible time to screw up and get grounded, right before a two week break…

AuntMama
 
Our Catholic high school here - after multiple incidents of drunk students showing up at proms and dances - started using a breathalyzer at the entrance. (They also do random drug testing at school, which is another kettle of fish entirely…)

A van-ful of kids got into an accident some years back, and open containers were found in the vehicle. They were all suspended, and one of them - the student body president - lost his position, though he had not been drinking, and was widely known not to drink. They don’t mess around.
They really CAN’T mess around, legally speaking. Too many schools have been sued for problems over the years. As a friend of mine said, “Catholic schools now have to worship at the altar of safe environment restrictions.”
 
Thanks for all the thoughts. My husband and I were concerned about the sin of detraction, I understand your point there. However we felt the safety of living persons beat out my sons right to privacy.

However, the way we solved this was through the marvels of the priesthood. The school’s formation direction and dean of boys is a priest. We went to him, with a list of the attendees at the party. He suggested (and we agreed) that this conversation we had with him be treated like a confession. He would remove from our shoulders the burden of calling the other parents. Instead HE called them, and what he said was “Your son/ daughter was at a party Saturday night at the home of another student, who shall not be named. The parents were out of town and did not know about it. Alcohol was served. The ball is now in your court as parents.” So, yes parents were notified, but no, we are not in the firing line for legal troubles.

The priest will also gather the students involved for a conversation at school during formation time, one on one. He has also asked my son to come to confession, and that has already occurred.

In addition, the school (under his direction) will neither suspend nor expel them, because (a) my son has never been in trouble before and (b) it did not happen on school grounds or a school outing.

God, I thank you for our priests!👍

And yes, our son is grounded forever and lost his license to us etc etc etc. Picked a terrible time to screw up and get grounded, right before a two week break…

AuntMama
Your priest sounds right on the money
 
And yes, our son is grounded forever and lost his license to us etc etc etc.
Ahhh, how well I remember. In fact, according to my latest calculations, I am STILL grounded from a stunt I pulled back in the 80’s.
 
Ahhh, how well I remember. In fact, according to my latest calculations, I am STILL grounded from a stunt I pulled back in the 80’s.
Christ forgives…Parents never forget…:tsktsk:
 
If I read OP correctly, the son age 18 did not purchase or supply the alcohol, it was brought by another student, which does make a difference. Parents were very wise to go to the priest at school as they did, and the priest sounds like he has been around the block on this one, too. My guess is the son asked a couple of friends over and it mushroomed into a party without his planning it, and quickly got out of control.

Another wise move would be to discuss with your son how to handle such situations, how they happen in the first place (ie what was your first dumb move), and let him brainstorm on ways he could have handled it. DD got in a similar situation, some of the kids were on the wrestling team so she called the coach to come and break it up (we were in town, just downtown at a church function of all places) because she could not reach us. good judgement at that point, but very poor judgement in how she let it happen at all. have we ever let her forget it? no, she will probably be telling the tale to her own kids so she can beat us to it.

Both my parents, may they rest in peace, are only now in heaven catching up with most of what I got up to at that age.
 
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