E
Eliza10
Guest
My husbands 15 year old granddaughter (Lets call her Elise) expressed that she feels attractions towards girls, so considers herself bisexual. (She also has lots of attractions to boys, and often has a “boyfriend” she is pining for talking to and then they break up and then there is a new attraction.) I feel society encourages this on girls, but, I don’t know where it comes from.
Gosh its complicated but I will try to give relative info. She has difficult things in her life and very good things, too. The most difficult is her mother had drug problems when she was - 4 or 5? - and had to go live with her grandmother. (That is my husbands ex, who left because she had same sex attractions. Grandma is now Evangelical Protestant and living a chaste life in order to live how God wants her to live. She is very dedicated to her small church, homeschools her, and has Elise involved in every church function and probably certainly over-pressures her to do well in all things while also shuttling her to every possible educational opportunity. Her grandmother things she has psychological issues and has has her in counseling and on meds and thinks this is inherited from her addict/convict father and his messed up family, whom Elise never sees, and is an inherited problem from his dysfunctional family. IMO, it could be situational instead. But, that can’t be solved here.
Elise’s mom is 8 years clean and trying hard to do things right. Grandma does not want to give up custody and according to her ex and daughter she uses Elise’s mom’s needs for practical help (money) to control the situation. I do understand not wanting to give up what she has poured her life into (caring for Elise) but she ought to validate her own daughter more than she does. But that’s another problem that can’t be solved here. Right now Grandmas is as she has long been the acting parent, that’s just how it is. She spends pats of the weekends and some weeknights with her Mom, but its hard because Grandma keeps her very busy. Mom wishes she could have her daughter back.
Elise feels she is often a “pawn” between the mom and grandma and there is truth to that. Elise visits us occasionally and loves it here. She has expressed that she wishes she could live here but though the situation is difficult it is not dangerous, and we do not want to usurp anyone’s claims of guardianship. She is loved. I do hope she can come more often for respite from the storms. When she is here we get a chance to talk, and this subject - ssa - came up this week. She (and her Mom, who sees this a natural because society today sees it as natural) have mentioned before that Elise thinks she might be “Bi”.
My effort in this conversation was to say, “You don’t want to go in that direction, that’s not good.” And, “What do you think God wants you to do?” (she said not be gay) and I asked what you think God thinks of your SSA feelings? And she said, “He probably doesn’t like them”, and I said, “He understands your feelings. Its okay to have the feelings. He just doesn’t want you to act on them. Like, if an drunk wants another drink, He fully understands. He knows how hard it is for them to not have a drink. He will help the not have one. Its so hard for a drunk not to have a drink that they need God’s hep to do the right thing. You will need God’s help sometimes to do the right thing.”
That’s the start of the conversation. I just did not want her feeling guilty for her feelings. But also wanted her to focus on God not wanting that for her.
I would like to offer her good Christian counsel on this subject. I especially would like to find a good book she could read. Or a good website. She is not a Catholic Christian and her tradition is wary of Catholicism so the focus on Catholic cannot be* too *strong. Although, I like the Courage organization. I wonder if they have anything for teens to read? I do not think she will like anything too long or with too much theory. So, I am hoping for some direction.
Gosh its complicated but I will try to give relative info. She has difficult things in her life and very good things, too. The most difficult is her mother had drug problems when she was - 4 or 5? - and had to go live with her grandmother. (That is my husbands ex, who left because she had same sex attractions. Grandma is now Evangelical Protestant and living a chaste life in order to live how God wants her to live. She is very dedicated to her small church, homeschools her, and has Elise involved in every church function and probably certainly over-pressures her to do well in all things while also shuttling her to every possible educational opportunity. Her grandmother things she has psychological issues and has has her in counseling and on meds and thinks this is inherited from her addict/convict father and his messed up family, whom Elise never sees, and is an inherited problem from his dysfunctional family. IMO, it could be situational instead. But, that can’t be solved here.
Elise’s mom is 8 years clean and trying hard to do things right. Grandma does not want to give up custody and according to her ex and daughter she uses Elise’s mom’s needs for practical help (money) to control the situation. I do understand not wanting to give up what she has poured her life into (caring for Elise) but she ought to validate her own daughter more than she does. But that’s another problem that can’t be solved here. Right now Grandmas is as she has long been the acting parent, that’s just how it is. She spends pats of the weekends and some weeknights with her Mom, but its hard because Grandma keeps her very busy. Mom wishes she could have her daughter back.
Elise feels she is often a “pawn” between the mom and grandma and there is truth to that. Elise visits us occasionally and loves it here. She has expressed that she wishes she could live here but though the situation is difficult it is not dangerous, and we do not want to usurp anyone’s claims of guardianship. She is loved. I do hope she can come more often for respite from the storms. When she is here we get a chance to talk, and this subject - ssa - came up this week. She (and her Mom, who sees this a natural because society today sees it as natural) have mentioned before that Elise thinks she might be “Bi”.
My effort in this conversation was to say, “You don’t want to go in that direction, that’s not good.” And, “What do you think God wants you to do?” (she said not be gay) and I asked what you think God thinks of your SSA feelings? And she said, “He probably doesn’t like them”, and I said, “He understands your feelings. Its okay to have the feelings. He just doesn’t want you to act on them. Like, if an drunk wants another drink, He fully understands. He knows how hard it is for them to not have a drink. He will help the not have one. Its so hard for a drunk not to have a drink that they need God’s hep to do the right thing. You will need God’s help sometimes to do the right thing.”
That’s the start of the conversation. I just did not want her feeling guilty for her feelings. But also wanted her to focus on God not wanting that for her.
I would like to offer her good Christian counsel on this subject. I especially would like to find a good book she could read. Or a good website. She is not a Catholic Christian and her tradition is wary of Catholicism so the focus on Catholic cannot be* too *strong. Although, I like the Courage organization. I wonder if they have anything for teens to read? I do not think she will like anything too long or with too much theory. So, I am hoping for some direction.
