Help! Getting mixed messages about NFP

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Thanks to all! We are really excited about our class on Thursday, we were talking about it last night. We actually feel it is important for the husband to be a part of it to truly make sure for one everyone is on the same page and second so it doesn’t place the burden on just one person. We are so happy that we will be doing things God’s way in our marriage.
 
surf(name removed by moderator)ure said:
My husband and I have used NFP successfully ever since our son’s birth 2 1/2 years ago, following our conversion to the Catholic faith.

As an already married couple who had been contraception, we had difficulty getting used to the periodic abstinence in the beginning. Had we started off with NFP, this would have seemd much more natural. However, over time, we have come to love the method. My husband told me recently that he has fallen in love with me all over again. This came as a complete surprise to me, especially since I’ve been so grouchy with my two “terrible two” toddlers lately! But the times of abstinence really do bring you back to those days of courtship.

Another unexpected bonus of NFP was the effect charting had on my outlook as a wife. No matter what kind of day I’m having, or how I happen to feel toward my husband at the time, each day I have to chart very personal information about myself, in anticipation of our next union. There is nothing I’ve found that reinforces commitment to one’s spouse like this act of sacrifice. It is an openness, an honesty, a vulnerability that is never found in the contracepted marriage.

I would not trade NFP for any other method on earth. 😉
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Beautifully put and inspiring. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
 
Rach620 said:
I’m a woman engaged to be married in August, and we are learning the Creighton method of NFP. It’s been great so far! I really think that most women should learn how to use it, married or not, because it is just such an excellent way to understand your health in a very simple way.

While I certainly can’t speak to using it in day to day married life, I can say that learning it together has gotten us to talk about some things we otherwise would not have, and created just a greater openness with one another. He has attended the sessions with me, looked through the method instruction book, and we have talked about my chart. BUT I do not now, nor do I ever, plan on having him do the observations for me (or to chart them…that seems silly). I don’t think that it’s necessary for spouses to share in that aspect of any NFP program (for example, I read about how *The Art of NFP *book suggests that the husband help his wife in assessing cervical position?). That seems oddly unnecessary to me. Maybe help remind her with a phone call or text to take her temp, or hand her the thermometer in the morning…but other than that, when it comes to NFP, the man is there as a supporter and someone to talk to.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
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I think you are mistaken… Its not my fertility- its OUR fertility- actually our NFP teacher encouraged us to have the husband chart. Its sort of mathematical and guys are good with that stuff… and its a way for him for be involved… then he doesn’t ask you if its an okay night for sex- he knows himself… Obviously the woman does the observations… but I just would encrouage you to have your husband chart… its really simple- at the end of the day my husband says- what do I put on the chart… I tell him and he charts it… We don’t have to have discusions about NFP because we both know whats going on on a day to day basis. I have never ever charted and we have been doing NFP for almost 3 years.
 
BlessedbyGodx2 said:
I think you are mistaken… Its not my fertility- its OUR fertility- actually our NFP teacher encouraged us to have the husband chart. Its sort of mathematical and guys are good with that stuff… and its a way for him for be involved… then he doesn’t ask you if its an okay night for sex- he knows himself… Obviously the woman does the observations… but I just would encrouage you to have your husband chart… its really simple- at the end of the day my husband says- what do I put on the chart… I tell him and he charts it… We don’t have to have discusions about NFP because we both know whats going on on a day to day basis. I have never ever charted and we have been doing NFP for almost 3 years.
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A husband charting is an option, but this is not something that works for every couple and that is ok. 🙂
 
Lady_D_I said:
A husband charting is an option, but this is not something that works for every couple and that is ok. 🙂
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Agreed… 🙂
It really depends on the individual couple!

I do all the charting/observations… but DH is fully aware of where I am in my cycle because we talk about it!..
I like doing my own charts, though…
 
Em_in_FL said:
Agreed… 🙂
It really depends on the individual couple!

I do all the charting/observations… but DH is fully aware of where I am in my cycle because we talk about it!..
I like doing my own charts, though…
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I am yet another wife who prefers to do the observations and charting myself. My husband has never had any problem with letting me do it! But I keep the chart handy for him to reference anytime he’s curious about “how much longer.” 😉 This has worked well for us.

When I used to take temperatures, though, I did find it helpful to have him wake me, hand me the thermometer, and then record the temp. It was nice not to have to get out of bed or even wake up completely! I could just roll over and go back to sleep after a few seconds. This was an act of self-giving I would gladly allow him in the future, once our marathon-nursing toddler is finally out of my bed and I’m getting some SLEEP in the early morning hours! :crying:
 
Wow! It is amazing to hear from so many people, and the general consensus is positive. Thank you all, I never expected so many people to respond. I can’t wait to learn more on Thursday, and we will give you guys an update after the class.
 
Lady_D_I said:
A husband charting is an option, but this is not something that works for every couple and that is ok. 🙂
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I agree, Lady. Especially since we’re not married yet, and therefore aren’t living together, it doesn’t make sense for him to chart for me. I don’t mind recognizing the differences between husband and wife when it comes to NFP–it’s just honest to say that it’s my fertility that I’m charting now, and it will be my fertility we’ll be working with in the future. Men are fertile all the time; women aren’t…God made us to be complementary in that way. Besides, I like charting–I’m learning a lot and it’s not a burden at all.

Also, I think the husband’s involvement really varies based on the method. Creighton is just a mucus observation–no thermometers involved, so there’s nothing ‘simple’ like that he could help with. I do need reminders TO chart at night when I go to bed, but other than that there’s really not a huge role for him to play in it. He can look at my chart whenever he wants, now or in the future, and especially when we are talking about timing intercourse to avoid or achieve, that will be more important. “Involving” the husband in NFP is something which varies couple-to-couple; there’s no one right or wrong way to do it.
 
I hope you don’t have to use NFP and are in a situation where you can accept babies as they come using ecological bf. 🙂
 
Xander said:
Wow! It is amazing to hear from so many people, and the general consensus is positive. Thank you all, I never expected so many people to respond. I can’t wait to learn more on Thursday, and we will give you guys an update after the class.
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Sorry if this is a repeat but have your fiance read The Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West. “your results may vary” is quite true, but he (and you if you read it) will see things very differently than you did before. Share this, too.

I enjoyed being the one to chart. I might say that I had the biggest interest in understanding DW’s cycles. 😉

We used to “avoid” each other during those fertile times. What a mistake that was! It made my wife feel used. One needs to learn how to love, caress, kiss and hug without having to “go all the way.” That needs practice in a marriage, too, IMO. 👍 Love is a mental thing. Yes, you can fall in love all over again…and again, and again if you want to. 🙂
 
We haven’t read it just yet, I need to go get a copy of it. Could I find it at Barnes & Noble? I have heard great things about this book.
 
Well I answered my own question haha. I went to Barnes & Noble.com and ordered the book. I have heard good things about it.
 
Xander said:
We haven’t read it just yet, I need to go get a copy of it. Could I find it at Barnes & Noble? I have heard great things about this book.
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His website is www.christopherwest.com. If purchasing it new, why not purchase it direct from him to give his organization the benefit.

Or, you can purchase it on a bidding site to get a used copy at a cheaper price.

Also, see if he is in your town. His seminars are truly inspiring and a nice, romantic evening out as well. He offers financial assistance if you can’t afford it and even gives his materials out free of charge.

P.s. I’m fairly sure I have a copy of his “Created and Redeemed” seminar and his “Introduction to Theology of the Body” seminar that I could mail to you free of charge. We each got a copy and don’t need both.
 
Xander said:
We haven’t read it just yet, I need to go get a copy of it. Could I find it at Barnes & Noble? I have heard great things about this book.
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I ordered mine from Amazon… but you can get it and some free things from www.christopherwest.com

I’m not afraid to say that it saved my marriage. And I will say others have posted they did not find it “helpful” at all. “your results will vary” The posts here highly favor the book, though. Some people, I guess, don’t like good news?🤷
 
If you guys want to listen to the book together you can get it on CD. That’s what I did and I listened to it while I was going to and from work. I also got a series that he did at a seminar. And if you ask me, it was better than the book because it was much more open and candid.
 
Well last night Hilary and I talked about our class tomorrow. She is looking forward to it, but is a little nervous about it. We also talked about the book by Christopher West that I ordered, I am so happy, just talking about going to the classes and being open about having children has really started to open avenues of communication that I had no clue existed between us.
 
Well I was 100% gungho about going to our class tomorrow, until I read this thread For the Guys (Mostly): “Side Effects of NFP”. It makes me very nervous because my fiance has already admitted to me that she has a very low drive and that she is rarely in the mood, even when we kiss or I do something nice for her. I apologize for the TMI, we are chaste right now but haven’t been in the past. I am very worried about what NFP might do to our sex lives once we get married in April. I made a list of things to discuss with her this evening. Any further help would be great.

Xander
 
There is a lot of griping on that thread, and I think the biggest griper about NFP on this forum is someone who is using NFP as a scapegoat for other more serious problems in his. If your fiance has a low drive, ABC is not the answer to a fulfilling sex life. If you are concerned about her drive, I would have a serious talk about what each of your needs are. If you are pretty far apart in that regard, you are probably going to need to communicate now about what you would do to help balance things out.
 
I am going to have a good sit down talk with her tonight. We don’t ever plan to use ABC again, we want our marriage to be what God wants. I love her with all my heart and have told her on many occasions, that i will do what ever it takes to make sure we have the best marriage possible. I want to work things through and make her happy, but not at my own expense. But I have vowed to work through anything with her, even though our wedding is a month and a half away I am taking the vows I will be taking very seriously, WE will work through anything. This is a partnership, along with God, to make it though. We are going to our class tomorrow, but I will be having a sit down talk with her tonight.
 
Xander – if your wife has a low sex drive, it could be a physical or hormonal problem. She should talk to her OB-GYN and ask for testing to see if the problem might be a physical one.

One book that may be helpful as well in your NFP journey is Marilyn Shannon’s “Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition.”

Also, one of the side effects of the Pill is a diminished sex drive, so it’s not like using contraception would improve the problem. 🤷 I think you’ll find that NFP might actually HELP in that area – we (in general) tend to want things more when we’re told we can’t have them, if you get my drift. 🙂

Good luck to you and your fiancee! My husband and I have used NFP since our conversion to Catholicism in 2003, and we’ve never been happier.
 
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